Gintama 363

I seem to have become the English translation version of a slightly more frequent Togashi.



Kyoushirou: Now I do recall asking everyone to help me out...

And bring some customers back here....

(Side text- On the path to becoming the ultimate host?!)

(Side text- The TV anime is broadcasting all over!!)

GINTAMA

Kyoushirou: Why...

Are YOU the ones being brought here by the police?

Hijikata: What the freak were you people doing?

More like, quit getting Kondo-san involved in your bullshit.

Gintoki: See, what had happened is you crap-ass po-po got in the way of us scoring with some delicious babes.

Ain't that right, ISAO?

Kondo: Right on the mark GIN. For god's sake. You po-po are around when no one needs you, but not when there's actual trouble.

Hijikata: YOU'RE THE CHIEF OF THE PO-PO!!

002

Kondo: That's ancient history. I've thrown away my pride and prestige for Otae-san's sake.

And embraced my fate as a lowly hostalker.

(Hanwritten- It's your feeding time.)

(SFX- Mosa mosa chew chew)

Hijikata: Kondo-san, since the Jomon period, things have been looking up you know. You don't have to be lowly.

Let's go. If you like cars so much, how about going for a ride in the patrol car with us. At least you'd be protecting the town.

Kondo: I can protect the town just fine as a host! If I leave here now, the Madam will level this city!!

Hijikata: What the heck are you babbling about?

Kondo: GIN! You have to say something too! When Ace was in trouble, Luffy and White beard came to his rescue!! They didn't just hang back!!

Gintoki: Listen up buddy, you get one banana a day as your feed. If you want more than that, you're going to have to prove your worth. We're not here to play around with you.

Kondo: Am I a gorilla from some village?!

Hijikata: Enough. Let's go.

Kondo: Manageeeeeer!!

Kyoushirou: Um, could you hold on for just a moment?

Kondo: Manager!!

Kyoushirou: No...not you...

(Sfx- Geshiih ddfffh)

003

Kyoushirou: Hmm...yeah...

If we did this....

Maybe things might work out after all.

Tae: Excuse me ladies.

Have you already made plans tonight?

If you have the free time, would you accompany me to the leisure lounge for angels..?

You can rest your weary wings right here at the Takamagahara.

Girl: Oh? So the Takamagahara has been revived?

I had heard that a lot of the hosts had quit one after another...

Tae: Oh, but we have new hosts here for your pleasure.

And we're having a 30 percent revival discount.

Girl: Really? But I'll bet the new hosts are totally puke worthy aren't they?

Tae: Of course not!

We've gathered some of the biggest hunks in Edo.

(Sfx- Giiiii reeeee)

004

Tae: We'll guarantee you...

A night that you'll never forget.

(Sfx- Gogogogogo rmmmmmble)

GINTAMA
SORACHI HIDEAKI
Lesson 363: According to the alphabet's order, all of humanity are hosts.

Okita: Welcome...

(Side text- For you, we gather the best....)

Hijikata: To the new Takamagahara.

(Side text- The TV anime airs each Monday at 6pm on TV Tokyo and other affiliated networks!! The first DVD is in stores!!)

005

Okita: You won't want to return from this night until the wee hours of the morning, kittens~

Hijikata: A hot and cool party is about to start.

HERE WE GOOOOO!!

Gintoki&Hasegawa: OKAYYYYYYYYY!

Hijikata: LETS PAAAAARTAY!

OH HELLL NO!!

(Sfx-Dooooon THOOOM)

Hijikata: Why the hell are we saying stupid crap like 'Let's party?!'

Why the hell am I mounted on Kondo-san like some tricked out Harley Gorillison bike?!

006

Kyoushirou: I knew this would suit you....nothing gets by my eyes.

With you all here, becoming the top host in Kabuki-chou isn't just the fevered babbling of a madman.

So please, lend me your power and hunkiness!

In order to protect myself from the Madam, I need you!!

Hijikata: Forget that crap! As a samurai, I refuse to lower myself to that level!!

Kondo: But protecting our city is our duty is it not? The only way we can protect everyone is tobecome the greatest host known to mankind.

Hijikata: AND HOW DOES WEARING HANDLEBARS ON YOUR HEAD TRANSLATE TO PROTECTING THE TOWN?!

Kondo: These are direct orders from the chief. Tonight, I am all about lets partying.

Hijikata: All year long, there's always a let's party going on in your head dammit!!

Okita: C'mon over and chillax with a shot TOSHI.

Hijikata: WHO THE FREAK IS TOSHI?! AND HOW DID YOU GET CUSTOMERS ALREADY?!

Okita: I don't really get the details and stuff, But bitches love me. Seriously! They just keep buying drinks and giving me money....I could totally get used to this.

Girl: Oh SOUGO, you're such a tease!

Okita: Ah sorry, I didn't mean you ladies....you guys are special after all.

Hijikata: The dumbass is a genius!! He's found his wings! He's like a beacon of darkness!!

007

Kyoushirou: In any case, we're all in this together....we want to keep the Madam from crushing this place, so please back each other up.

Everyone, help the help!

Hijkata: Help the help? What the hell? Is this a Beatles song or something?

Gintoki: Quit friggin kidding me! I'm not gonna help those bastards if my life depended on it! Especially him....if you took the glasses off of Shinpachi, he'd essentially be the same character!

Kagura: It is so. Give Gin-chan black hair. He will look the same as him!!

Hijikata: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO RIP OFF?!

Gintoki: You know, just cuz you went up a spot in the last popularity poll doesn't mean shit. If only I weren't a 2D character...

If I were 3D I’d be a friggin idol!!
Shinpachi: C'mon, this isn't the time to fight!

Gintoki: Shut up three time miracle 8!!

Hijikata: Whazzat? Listen punk. Your ass is only being saved by the author's inability to differentiate between character's facial features. Let's say through some accident you did become three dimensional.

You'd be Ooizumi Yoh! A furball!!

Shinpachi: Hijikata-san!! Please, you have to calm down!!

Hijikata: Shut yer trap, hat trick!

(TN- Sorachi actually kind of made a mistake here. He notes that Hijikata went up TWO places when it was actually one. A vigilant Japanese Gintama fan pointed this out to me, and I'd like to thank her. Meanwhile Ooizumi Yoh is a Japanese celebrity with a hairstyle similar to Gintoki. I guess we know who to get if and when they make a drama version of Gintama.)

Gintoki: What's that?! If you by some accident became three dimensional, you'd be Sakaguchi Daisuke!

(TN- Shinpachi's VA, hense his retort...)

Shinpachi: THAT WOULD BE ME!

Hijikata: Quit screwing around! As if I'd look like a loser who couldn't do better than eighth!

Gintoki: I don't see any OTHER glasses characters who at least made 8th!!

Shinpachi: KNOCK IT OFF, ASSHATS! THE 8th IS FOR SHINPACHI AND HIS GLASSES!!

(Sfx- Gohhh thok)

Tae: That's enough fighting!

008

(Handwritten- Why just me?)

(Sfx- Pusu pusu ssshhhht)

Tae: As hosts, the core of our being is all about team plays. It's not just important, it's essential!

Kyoushirou: Exactly. We've got to get the customers on our sides by acting as a unit and charming them. There's no I in Host.

As long as we work together, we can even charm the Madam!

I'm not too sure what time the Madam will arrive here....

But as hosts our job isn't to worry about such details, but to treat all our customers as princesses.

That is the basis for a host's existence. As long as we act together and call for help when needed we should have absolutely no problems.

Otae-san, The whole shop is reserved for 9pm.

Try to tell the customers politely that they will need to return home then.

We'll need all our forces to woo the Madam...

Tae: Reserved? Even for serving food and drink?

???: Oh? That's a problem...

I'm so sorry...I'm really fired up about being here....

So I called all kinds of people over...

(Sfx- Dofuuuh tmpt)

(Sfx- Zuooooo fwoooosh)

009

(Sfx- Doooooon toooom)

Okama: Oh myyyy~

It's been so long Kyoushirou-sama~~!!

{Sa---}

Saigou: I'd heard so much about how you wanted to meet again..

(Sfx- Meki meki grnnd grnnd)

Okama: Kyahh~ Kyoushirou-sama...!! We're so happy to see you again~!!

{Saigou and the okama battalion!!}

(Sfx- Kyahhhhh~~!!)

Saigou: Hey, Otae, you were serious when you said it was okay to bring everyone over right?

???: Ugh!

Tae: But of course! Please take this auspicious occasion to use the bar as you see fit.

{Why would you call them over Sisteeeeeeeeer?!}

Saigou: All right then, we're going to drink until dawn! We're leaving the party favors to you Kyoushirou-sama!!

{Wait a minute!! Kyoushirou-saaaaaaaaaan!!}

Kyoushirou: He---he...

010

{Heeelllllllllp!!}

Hasegawa: So guys...what do we do when he asks for help, but it's not related to the Madam?

Kagura: I am not sure. It may be a test. We should ignore this until he says 'Help me'.

Shinpachi: THAT'S OBVIOUSLY NOT IT!!

KYOUSHIROU-SAN IS BEING SMOTHERED ALIVE BY THOSE MONSTERS!!

IF THE MADAM COMES NOW, WHAT WILL WE DO?!

Kagura: It will be fine. He is already a number one host. He is prepared. Look there, he is doing his best 'I'll be back.'

Shinpachi: No, he's been waving that hand as a sign of help for a while now! He needs someone to save him!!

Someone's gotta dive into the pit of monsters and save him! Please!!

Those people actually intend to drink here until morning!!

Gintoki: Dammitall. Looks like the help of the help is going to need help. ARE YOU READY TOSHI?!

Hijikata: WHO THE FREAK IS READY?! THERE'S NO WAY TO PARTY WITH THAT PIT FULL OF PIRANAS DAMMIT!!

Shinpachi: But at this rate, he's not going to make it!

Hijikata: Dammit, there's no choice then! We're all going to have to go in to save him!!

Shinpachi: Huh?! Where's GIN-san....?

Gintoki: Forget this! You could give me all the cash in the freakin' world! Jumping into that pit of madness is unjustifiable suicide!!

(Sfx- Dath dash)
???: You bastaaaaaard!!

(Sfx- Doh thok)

011

Tsukuyo: Awww~

(Sfx- Meki meki grnd grind)

Tsukuyo: And we came all tha' way up here ta play with you GIN-sama.

(Sfx- Hikuhh hiccup)

Tsukuyo: THE NIGHT'S STILL YOUNG!!

(Sfx- Dogoooooh thoooom)

Tsukuyo: GET YER ASS IN GEAR AND START SERVIN' SOME BOOZE YA SHITTY HOST!

012

Hyakka: B—Boss, you're drinking too much...

(Sfx- Doku doku glub glub)

Tsukuyo: Shaddup. We gonna party hardy tonight, yeah? So quit callin' me boss, and start callin' me Tsukky.

{The monsters from yoshiwara are here!!}

Tsukuyo: Yo. I brought me a buncha guest like ya said...

Yer not lyin' about today bein an all you can drink event right?

(Sfx- Hikku hiccup)

Tae: I'm sure. Men are going to serve the ladies tonight. Think of it as divine revenge.

Shinpachi: Like I asked before, why are you saying things like that sister?! And did you really invite a drunk Tsukuyo-san?! She's already in war-god mode as is!!

Hyakka: Sorry about this...this is our boss's first time going out to a host club, so she's a bit nervous.

We dragged her along because we wanted to drink, so please cut Tsukky some slack.

Tsukuyo: Hey! Call me up some courtesans!

Ain't there someone here playin the Shamisen?! I wanna hear 'Booze, tears, men and women'!
Shinpachi: HOW IS THIS NERVOUS?! She's come in completely drunk and bossy! The booze turned her into an old man!!

Hijikata: We don't need any more guests in here! Get rid of this woman and lock the door so no one else gets in here!!

Shinpachi: You say that but...

Gintoki: G—got it...I'll go and call up some courtesans then...be right back.

(Sfx- Zuzuzu dssssh)

Shinpachi: Hey!! He's still trying to get away! Someone drag him back here!!

013

Gintoki: ….huh?

A....

Courtesan?

Kyuubee: Gaaaaaaaaah!!!

(Sfx- Dogoooooon thooooom)

(Sfx- Gogogogo rmmmmble)

014

Tae: Oh hey Kyuu-chan! You made it in!

(Sfx- Gohon cough)

Kyuubee: Y—Yes. But only because you asked me to, Tae-chan. Sorry for being late.

{Even Kyuubee-san is heeeeeere?!}

Kyuubee: I thought you said you needed ladies to come and work, but apparently things have changed?

(Sfx- Zuooooon dooom)

{Why would the Yagyuu want to work as a prostitute?!}

Tojou: Oh my~ Isn't it Tsukky?

Going back home to Yoshiawara, I guess I will too.

{And this guy even went as far as dressing as a woman! It was never that serious!!}
???: Heeey! Why are there so many Okama here?!

This isn't a host club, but a gay bar isn't it?! Someone do something!!

Tsukuyo: Hey! I didn't call up no nasty courtesans like this no way! Get me tha manager!!

Toujou: Oh how mean Tsukky! We we both worked in the same soap place together didn't we?

Shinpachi: Um...excuse me..

This isn't er...a place to get courtesans or well...Yoshiwara or anything like that.

If that's what you're here for, you may want to consider another shop..

Tsukuyo: Huh? I heard that this is Yoshiwara for women.

Shinpachi: That's not right.

Tsukuyo: Then what's that?

015

Okita: You've got a few choices...like the B course which includes a wooden horse, the C course that includes candles, and the D and E courses....which do you prefer ma'am?

Sacchan: I'm not too sure....though I can't quite see anything.

I actually prefer that famous host...GIN-sama. Who needs an A or B course with him?

No matter how much you ask, I will always take the G-course!!

(Sfx- Kahshaah click)

Okita: Ma'am, I'm going to stick a thumb tack in your nose, take a picture of your nose bleed and mass text it around town if you don't mind.

Sacchan: You've got quite a nasty soul there...I think I like you. What's your name...?

(Sfx- Gogohhh thoook)

Hiji&Shinpachi: PERVERT!!

Sacchan: I'd know that straight man act anywhere! It's you GIN-san!! I've been so waiting for you.

Hjikata: Someone get a trash bin. We're gonna need to throw this away now.

Sacchan: I'm really beginning to like this shop quite a bit.

Shinpachi: Hijikata-san, she's making a really nasty face. I don't think normal trash is going to solve this problem.

Hijikata: Damn. All right, we'll throw them away with the burnable trash then.

016

Shinpachi: Hijikata-saaaaaaan!! This isn't good! This place is slowly turning into a den of idiocy!!

Tsukuyo: I ain't gonna ask again. Where's my request?

Shinpachi: Just a moment!! I'm getting to it!

???: Hey! What about us!

Hijikata: Crap, this isn't good. They're beginning to clamor up!!

Shinpachi: And the okama are beginning to get riled up!! A fight is gonna happen soon!!

Toujo: And what clinic did you come from?!

Okama: Takasu, dammit.

Toujo: My senpai was a tube handler at Takasu a while back, dammit.

Shinpachi: Crap! A fight is already starting!! We have to stop it or else!!

Hijikata: What the hell are you idiots doing?! Hurry up and help us with the customers!!

Kagura: Shut up! We are doing something now!

Tae: Sorry for making you all wait.

(Sfx- Gotooon thooom)

Tae: Let's serve up a host plate~

017

(Sfx- Guhhh thoooom)

Shinpachi: YOU'VE GONE AND LIT THE FLAME NOWWWW!!

Hijikata: Stoppit!! Someone do something!!

Shinpachi: Something? Like...oh! Kyoushirou-s....

KYOUSHIROU-SAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!

We're in deep crap now!! if the Madam shows up, we're doomed!
Hijikata: What can we do then...?!

???: SHUTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!

(Sfx- Dogoooon thooom)

(Sfx- Dododododo thumpthumpthump)

(Sfx- Bakihaaaah craaaash)

018

Saigou: Didn't your mommas teach you not to cause trouble in a shop?

(Sfx- Hyuuuuuu fwooooooh)

Kyuubee: This is far past the level of just horsing around.

Tsukuyo: Cool yerselves off.

Kyuubee: The party is over.

(Sfx- Zah zah tmp tpm)

Saigou: Sorry for the ruckus.

Shinpachi: A—amazing...

That riot ended in just an instant...

I'd expect no less from monster....

Hijikata: Hmph...in any case now...

019

???: Now that everyone's out, and it's nice and quiet, lets get hammered.

CHEERS~

{YOU GUYS WERE SUPPOSED TO GO HOME TOO!}

(Handwritten- The biggest perverts are the ones still here~)

Gintoki: Game over man.

I'm gonna bail before things get worse.

???: Excuse me...
As promised, I am here for my night visit.

My name is Yagami....pleased to make your acquaintance.

(Side text- There is no escape!!)

GINTAMA LESSON 363............END.