Gintama 371

Thank you Goral for the raw. And as for the rest of the internet. Thank YOU for bitching at me to get this done. See? Whining enough does get your way. Don't listen to your parents and the rest of society who claim life doesn't work that way. ;)

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GINTAMA

(Side text- ITS SHOW TIME!!)

???: You basically useless men...or MADAO for short...

(TN- Although you guys should know this after 371 chapters, MADAO is actually Maru de dame ni ossan.)

???: Don't you want to get a second shot at life?!

To drag your worthless asses out of the crapper?!

(Sfx-Oraaaaah!!)

(Sfx- Oraaaah!!!)

???: Do you have the balls and courage to head straight for victory?!

(Sfx- Oooraaaaah!!)

???: This is the TV program to bring salvation to you basically useless old farts!!

Quiz game show Madaoniare begins!!

002

???: Greetings. I am your game show host, Nomi Monta.

{Nomi Monta.}

Nomi: This game show utilizes your knowledge in an attempt to dredge you basically useless old farts from the failure that is your lives, and hopefully save you.

The madao that actually makes it to the end of this quiz has the chance to win..

ten million!!

(Sfx- Goun tadah)

Nomi: Which one of you madao will walk out of this place tonight with a bounty like this?

Which of the madao in edo has been chosen for a chance to be saved from the depths of hell?

Come on out!!

(Sfx- Viiiin veeeeen)

Nomi: You really lucky to be here guy! Or MADAO for short!
(TN- Oh dear god. He's going to do this all chapter isn't he....*sigh* Okay. This time it's 'Maji DE kouun na Daiichi no otoko, which comes out to MADAO.)

(Side text- The TV anime runs every Monday at 6pm on TV Tokyo and it's affiliates!)

(Side text- The Living room quiz show returns...!!)

(Sfx- KURAAAAHH!!!)

GINTAMA
Lesson 371: Madao dog millionaire.
SORACHI HIDEAKI.

003

Nomi: Our first contestant lives on a bench in Edo's Kabuki cho park...

The unemployed Hasegawa Taizou-san!!

A pleasure to meet you, Hasegawa-san.

Hasegawa: The pleasure is all mine.

{Why is it that I'm here?}

{To be honest, I'd like to know too.}

{When I came to...}

{I was a rag thrown out into a trash heap somewhere.}

{Like a piece of trash that had long since outlived it's usefulness...}

{With nothing to my name other than the crumpled sheet of paper in my hand.}

{And when I opened it up I saw this...}

(Paper: Quiz game show Madaoniare// Where all Madao take the stage of dreams!}

{A single ray of hope shining down on me who had been literally down in the dumps.}

004

{Where had I picked this up? Or had someone given it to me?}

{Since I was unable to remember that, I simply let the light lead me here.}

{Despite the fuzziness of my memories, something was painfully clear.}

{I lusted for that ten million.}

{I have no idea who gave this to me or how I got it...}

{But I ain't letting this chance get away from me.}

{Heaven had granted me a chance to make something of myself...}

{And I would take it to crawl out of the trash heap once and for all.}

Nomi: At one point..

He was a well respected government employee, but he lost his job and his wife....slowly but surely becoming a madao until now where he is nothing but a man...a Madao.

Will he be able to claim this 10 million and begin his life anew?

This quiz will decide his fate! First he'll have to answer this question for one hundred thousand!

(Sfx- Shabaan daaan)

{First question.}

{The 8th shogun; Yoshimune whom wa responsible for the reforms of Kyoho had a nickname....what is it?}

(Sfx- Ban)

{A: Buck wild shogun//B: Winter shogun// C: Dinner Shogun// D: Wealth Shogun.}

005

{Umm....I totally know this!}

{I know I've heard this somewhere!}

{But I can't remember anything...}

{There's got to be something in my memories...!!}

{The shitty life I’ve lived up until now has all lead to this moment!!}

{This chance is what I need to get out of my life once and for all!!}

{I--}

{It had to be that....I think!}

Teacher? Okay...and these are the Kyoho reformations.
(Board: Wages//Rice//Taxes.)

Teacher?: And it was after these became the norm that Sir Yoshimune had a name bestowed upon him.

{Yes! I learned it back when I was in temple school!}

Teacher: Um...Hasegawa.

You answer.

(Sfx- Gata clatter)

Teacher: What kind of Shogun did Yoshimune become?

{You know this!! Answer the question me back then!!}

Lil Hasegawa: Ummm...

(Sfx- Muga mogo chew chew)

{Craaaaaaap!! He was too busy stuffing his face with his lunch to hear the teacher say anything!!}

{Dammitall, at this rate I'll never know...}

Lil Hasegawa: Um...

(Sfx- Ton ton tap tap)

006

(Sfx- Pitsu pitsu point point)

{Eh? Who's this cutie?}

{Did a girl this cute sit beside me?}

(Sfx- Kusu kusu teehee)

Girl: You've got some rice...

stuck there.

Lil Hasegawa: Eh?

Uh..

Teacher: Correct! He became known as the Rice Shogun just like you!

(Sfx- Ahaahahahah)
{Right! It was the Rice Shogun!!}

{But man, I totally don't remember something this cute happening to me...}

{A pretty little thing like her...}

{Was right next to me?}

{Who is she anyway?}

{I can't seem to remember...her name or anything..}

{Who is she?}

{Who are you...?}

007

Kid: Sensei!

That old guy is floundering!

Hasegawa: I'M OVER THEEEEEERE!?

(Sfx- Pikon ding)

Nomi: Correct!

The answer is 'C' the 'Rice Shogun'!!

Hasegawa-san seemed like he didn't know what the answer was, but came through in the end!

First he'll receive one hundred thousand!!

Hm? What's this? Hasegawa-san is making a dark face upon his victory....but why?

Hasegawa: N—No reason.

{Of course I don't remember her name...}

{I was watching the whole scene unfold from a rather damning place after all. Geez, that sure brings me back...in a bad way.}

{The next question will earn you five hundred thousand!}

{The fight's only starting! I have to get my ass in gear...this isn't the time to start getting depressed!!}

(Sfx- Jajannn)

Nomi: A certain general's betrayal lead the way for the eastern forces victory over the western in the battle of Sekigahara. Can you tell me this general's name?

{A: Tokunaga Hideaki//B: Kobayakawa Hideaki// C: Takezawa Hideaki//D: Sorachi Hideaki.}

008

{Dammit...I've heard this one before too!}

{But where? Where did I hear it?! I gotta remember...}

{Wait that's right...}

Teacher: Okay then...

We'll take a vote.

{Okay, this time for sure it had to be something I heard in temple school.}

Teacher: Will you raise Pu-chan yourselves and then eat him..?

Or will you leave the eating to the Lion?

(Board: Life lesson.)

Teacher: Decide on Pu-chan's fate children.

{That's some life lesson teach!!}

Kid: Senseiii!! I can't do it!!

{I totally understand kid!}

Kid: Everyone knows steak tastes better than pork!

{THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?!}

Kid2: What about the poor Lion?! He'd like steak more than pork obviously!!

{What kind of logic is that dammit?!}

(Sfx- Buwaah bloop)

{Oh right, we were in charge of taking care of animals back in the temple school.}

{I probably learnt things that would have been helpful in raising animals....probably since I've forgotten them all.}

Teacher: I'd say the vote is about even.
Hm? Hasegawa?

What do you think?

{Huh? Me? What should I choose?!}

009

Hasegawa: Don't hurt me!

That's my final answer!!

Kid: Hey! How can you just betray us at a time like this Pu?!

Are you Kobayakawa Hideaki or something?!

{It wasn't Pu-chan...}

{But Pu-san wasn't itttttttt?!}

(TN- Pu-chan I would suppose is a cute nick name for a pig, while Hasegawa's kanji for 'pu' is the same as 'unemployed'.)

(Sfx- Pikon beep)

Nomi: Correct! The answer is Kobayakawa Hideaki!

Splendid! Five hundred thousand is yours!

Hasegawa-san is slowly but surely making his way to the big payout!

Yet he looks even more dejected with each passing correct answer!

{I was actually trying to off myself...}

{When a family found me and decided to raise me as some sorta pet.}

(Handwritten- I guess it wasn't a bad deal since I intended to hang myself anyway.}

{But every time I dredge up a memory...}

{A trauma is freed along with it.}

{I keep trying to climb up to the light that shines above me...}

{But the darkness from the past threatens to drag me back down.}

010

{Don't you dare try to get in my way! I need that ten million yen no matter what!}

Nomi: That brings us to the third question, worth one million yen!

Currently in Edo, dokkiriman stickers are super popular!

{What's with the sudden genre shift?}

{I cant' dredge through my life for an answer to this question....}

{Wait a second...}

{No way...}

{The answer is within me?}

{Although I've never once heard these names before...?}

Girl: I'm sorry Pu-san.

They can be so mean sometimes...

After saving you from certain doom they still want to eat you.

There has to be something wrong with them!

{Th—this girl..!}

{She helped me with the rice shogun answer!!}

{Is she the one who helps me escape from this schoolyard prison...?}

011

Hasegawa: Now you've gone and saved me twice.

Why would you help a loser like me?

Girl: You remind me of..

My father.

My father would often hang in trees like you did Pu-san.

Most of the time though I'd manage to stop him.

He went off somewhere and left us in debt.

Mother and I have become poverty stricken because of him...
But I don't mind that much.

Because as long as he's alive,

We can keep doing our best.

One day i'll be a majorly hot dame with a dynamite body...

A MADAO who can participate in this....that's my dream.

(TN- This time it's Mattouna Dynamite body no Otona no onna.)

(Sfx- Pira fwiP)

Girl: And then I can pay back all of our debts.

Plus father might come home if he sees me working hard on TV.

That's why I'm studying my behind off at temple school.

(Sfx- Susuhh sfft)

Girl: Though if there is a question I don't know how to answer...

Pu-san, you'll come and save me won't you?

I'll use a phone life line to call you Pu-san..

So make sure you pick up for me, okay?

{That's right..}

{I made a promise with her back then...}

012

{But before she could become a majorly hot dame with a dynamite body...}

{The phone rang.}

Homeless guy: It seems weird...she keeps saying Pu-san Pu-san over and over again.

Since she dialed the number to this payphone, maybe she knows someone here?

She's crying though so maybe you can figure it out.

Hasegawa: Hello?

What is it? What happened?
Girl: Pu-san...

When I came home from school, Mom...

She was on the floor, fainted!

No matter what I do she won't wake up...

What should I do?

Pu-san? Tell me, please...

{I...}

{I'm her life line, but I couldn't do a damn thing for her.}

{I just stared at them...}

{The stickers that decorated the phone cause I could do nothing else.}

(Sfx- Pikon beep)

Nomi: Correct!

Hasegawa-san has managed to answer the third question correctly! He now has a hundred thousand all to himself...!!

Oh no! He's fainted!!

(Sfx- Donthh thuud)

Nomi: With each answer his phsyical condition seems to be worse and worse, and now he's finally fainted!!

013

{How could it have happened this way?}

(Sfx- Gofuun swfft)

{How could I have forgotten?}

{No matter how I struggle I'll always be right here...as a Madao.}

{Imma stop. I don't want to remember anything else.}

{I'm stick of being constantly reminded on the subject of my abject failure.}

{This suits me just fine.}
{I'm only suited to be thrown out with the trash.}

{My qualifications are...what?}

Hasegawa: I want the...

next question please.

Nomi: He's up!! Even after puking up blood, he won't stop moving!!

Dude: But...

Hasegawa: I'm fine.

Nomi: He truly wants that ten million!!

{I do truly want it....}

Operator: He's a stubborn one..

Operator2: Make the questions harder then!

{Maybe I don't have a reason to live any more, but my desire for ten million hasn't faded.}

{But...who the heck do I want this for? Why do I want it?}

Nomi: Question number four. Name this constellation.

{Even I'm not sure.}

{But until I know the answer...}

{I won't stop walking this path.}

014

???: Wow!

Who would have thought a cardboard box could be so warm?

I feel like I’m in a miniature toy castle! I'm having so much fun!

{I'm not sure if she's pretending to enjoy herself...}

{Or is genuinely having a good time.}

Girl: When I sleep while looking up at the stars like this...

Its like going camping, isn't it Pu-san? Oh! Do you know that constellation?
{She's always smiling....}

(Sfx- Pih beep)

Nomi: Ugh...correct!!

Fifth question! Which of these bentous is the most popular at 8-11?

(Sfx- Gabahhh bloorsh)

{This is the most I could do for her.}

Girl: This is the one everyone seems to enjoy!

Hmm..It does look like it's still edible...

(Sfx- Pikon beep)

Nomi: C—Correct!!

(Sfx- Buooon blooorsh)

Nomi: Question number six. Which gashapon sticker is most popular with kids nowadays?

Hasegawa: Keep looking.

Look! This is the one that Hasegawa-kun wanted!

{She kept that smile on her face....!!}

(Sfx- Pikon beep)

Nomi: Correct!

015

{It was me who was supposed to be bringing smiles to her.}

{Yet she was the one who brightened up my life.}

Girl: Pu-san...

You know what my dream always has been?

Hasegawa: Huh?

Girl: To cook a delicious meal for my father after he comes home from a long day at work, and afterwords talking to him about everything.

Hasegawa: Buwah!!

A—are you trying to call me dad?!

Girl: We might live in a cardboard box...

And drink our tea from dirty, empty cans...

And I know Father never actually goes to work but...

I'm still having a blast.

It's while I’ve been living among trash...

That I’ve really felt at home.

(Sfx- Kasaah sfft)

Girl: So that's why I'll give this to you Pu-san.

Hasegawa: You....

Girl: I'm fine...

After all...I got to see Father...

(Sfx- Guraah fwff)

(Sfx- Dosahh thudd)

Hasegawa: Hey! Get a hold of yourself!!

Hey!!

016

Dad: I'm truly regretful of this...

I never would have imagined that my daughter and my wife would end up like this during my absence.

I shouldn't have stayed away so long...but I was looking for a job...

Yet you've looked after my daughter in my place...and for that I really thank you.

I'll find a way to pay the hospital bills...

(Sfx- Gah grab)

Hasegawa: Money doesn't mean anything.
Just because you have debts doesn't mean you run off.

{It's while I've been living among trash that I've felt the most at home.}

Hasegawa: Even if you're living in a garbage heap...

As long as you're living together...

That's all that matters.

(Sfx- Zath sfft)

???: Hey there guys, did we interrupt?

Sorry but it's time to pay what you owe.

(Sfx- Dokaaah thuud)

Loan sharks: Bastard! Don't screw with us!!

(Sfx- Gah goh Baki smack pop smash)

Loan sharks: A shitbag like you is going to pay back their debts?!

Hasegawa: I promise I’ll pay it back.

So please, don't lay a finger on that family.

017

Dude: A slacker like you don't have no money!

Dude 2: You know where to score some cash?

Hasegawa: Yeah.

I have this paper...

I dug out of the trash.

Dude: Don't screw with us!

(Sfx- Gaaan thuuud)

Nomi: Correct!!

(Sfx- Pinpon pinpon dingdong dingdong)

Nomi: He's on some kind of streak here! He's burning right through one question after another!
Hasegawa-san has now reached seven million five hundred thousand yen!!

Operator: How the freak did he know the answer to that question?!

Just what the hell is that Madao?!

Quick! Give him something impossible to answer!!

We gotta stop that Madao!

Nomi: His face is no longer filled with pain! On the contrary he seems confident!

Just what happened to Hasegawa-san?!

Hasegawa: Not a whole lot.

I just remembered it.

018

{If it's about my own crappy life...}

{I don't mind accepting it.}

{I know all too well..}

{I'm just a failure...a Madao!}

{I have to be...to forget...}

{An important promise like that.}

Operator: Do it!! Use this question!!

There's no way in hell that Madao read this tiny article in the paper!!

Nomi: And now the finale for ten million yen!

Lets go!

There was a deadly virus that hit Edo. The name of it was Madao 49.

Who was the young lady able to make a full recovery from the virus after going to another planet for treatment?

{A: Nakajima Tomoko//B: Sakurajima Chiharu// C: Katou Shizue// D: Terayama Kyouko.}

Nomi: This one is a real brain buster! Will Hasegawa-san be able to answer this and seize the ten million yen?!
Hasegawa: Excuse me, but I'd like to use a life line.

On the phone.

Nomi: Hasegawa-san uses a lifeline right off the bat?

But does he have an acquaintance that knows the answer to this question?

(Sfx- Doururu doruuu brrrinnng brrinnng)

Hasegawa: Hello?

Yeah it's me.

Hey...sorry about waiting so long to call you.

Was a little busy.

019

Hasegawa: This is....

Pu-san's final answer.

I hope you and your parents...

Find happiness.

Chiharu.

(Sfx- Pinpon pinpnon dingdingding)

Nomi: HE DID ITTTTTTTTTTT!!!

Hasegawa-san has won ten million yeeeeeeeeeeen!!!

To think our contestant actually KNOWS the girl who was the subject of the final question!

And that he could call her on the phone is nothing less than a miracle!! He is no longer just a Madao...but a Madao of miracles!

Loan shark: Well hot damn. You did it buddy! Well we'll be using this to pay the debt.

Hasegawa: I'm cool being a Madao.

I've still got...

Plenty to learn about people.

Loan shark: Hey, don't be so stiff dude. Not many can earn ten million with relative ease.

Hope you still got it in ya to earn the rest of the debt.

Hasegawa: Eh? What?

I said you can take the ten million and apply it to the debt.

Loan shark: It's twenty million. That's how much is owed.

Lookin' forward to doing business with you again, Madao sir.

(Side text- Much more than expected!!)

GINTAMA LESSON 371............END.