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Translations: One Piece 927 by cnet128 , Gintama 698 (2)

Gintama 412


+ posted by Bomber D Rufi as translation on Aug 26, 2012 17:07 | Go to Gintama

-> RTS Page for Gintama 412

Sorry for being so late guys. I sometimes suffer with bouts of depression, and while most of the time I'm able to suppress them with snarky comebacks and general apathy, this week i got hit hard with negative emotions. I'm hoping it won't come to this, but I may end up having to take a hiatus from translation for my health. Last time things got this serious it I was on hiatus for a few months, (this was way back when I first started translating, so I'm sure no one remembers.), but I'll make sure to make arrangements so you're not without Gintama.

Read here for where to send requests and questions.

(Side text- Tonight too the old guys hang out under the neon lights...)


(Sign- Snack Otose.)

Tama: Humans live by making mistakes.

But what is important is repenting that mistake...

And using it to rise above and grow stronger. That too is human.

I believe you will be okay. Your wife will surely forgive you.

After all you regret your actions to this extent, don't you?

Dude: Uuugh...


To be honest, I was just going to admit to my bride that I used our money to play pachinko...

But I thank you for hearing out my confession. I feel really refreshed....


Tama: It's fine...just be sure to treasure your wife.

Dude: Yes ma'am!

Dude2: Hey Yosaku!! What are you still sittin' there for? Get movin!

If you're done cryin' then let us get our turn dammit! There are plenty of people behind ya!

Tama-chan!! Could you listen to my confession next?!

Dude3: The hell you goin' on about?! I was in line next, so she's gonna hear me out!!

Dude4: You just wanna strike up a conversation with Tama-chan, don'tcha?!

Well guess what! Despite it bein a forbidden love, I'm here to confess my feelings to her...

Dude3: Ain'tcha the same as me then?!

(Sfx- Gya gya rabble rabble)

Gintoki: Hey now...just what the heck is up with all of this noise?

I can't even enjoy my evening booze with you guys being so loud.
Shinpachi: Could it be they're airing out their problems?

Kagura: Beyond airing out their problems...

It almost seems as if they are in a confessional, yes?


Otose: At first it was just drunk guys coming to complain about their lives...

Well, I suppose since it's a machine they're talking to, it was easy to converse freely.

And each and every one of them complained honestly.

Eventually Tama started giving them advice, and from there her popularity grew.

In the end, I'm not sure if I'm running a snack shop or a church.

Shinpachi: But that's not a bad thing is it? After all it's thanks to her that you have so many customers right?

Otose: All's not well, I'm afraid to say.

All of these men come in for confessions more often then they do for booze, and once in a while..

Old guy: Tama-chan, I was wrong!!

I'll never drink again!!

Otose: There are those who come to this conclusion.

Catherine: Hey you bums! This is where you drink booze and embrace your healthy desire for sleeze you old farts! The holy land for old guys, the snack!!

Those who don't have interest in my sexy appeal should go the hell home!

(Sfx- Zoro zoro shfft shifft)

Catherine: Tama-sama, I used my sexiness for evil...is this a sin?

Tama: Don't worry. You aren't sexy, just messy.


Catherine: Who's Dr. Gero?! Why don't you go get married to Krillin, you damned android!!

Otose: Well, Tama's happy as long as she's being useful to people, so I guess that's fine.

Gintoki: That ain't gonna work granny.
Humans live and grow by repenting their sins right?

I think people's confessions need to be heard loud and clear.

I'll make sure this is done properly.

(Handwritten- I've got a bad feeling about this!!)

Lesson 412: Amen.

Tama: Um..



Tama: Wh—what....

Would this be?

(Sign- Robokko confessional.)

Gintoki: Rejoice for I have brought you a shop.

Here's where you'll be listening to confessions.

Tama: Are you saying we'll be selling things? I don't need money however...I just want to listen to others talk.

(Sign- One go for 1000 yen!// Don't you want to repent for your mistakes?// 100 percent guaranteed confessionals!! We promise to delete the data afterward.)

Gintoki: Not a aproblem. We'll just give two parts of the earnings to the old hag, while I'll make do with the other eight parts of it.

I mean you were doing this for nothing before right?

Tama: Gintoki-sama, I sense a bigger problem being born.

Gintoki: Hey don't misunderstand me....I'm just trying to assist you in your dream of being useful to others.

See, I've just introduced a system that will allow you to see and save more people than ever before.

Now with each person you see and save will allow you to be saved, which will in turn (bold) save my finances. Everyone's happy right?

Tama: That last one can't be saved at all can it?


Tama: I'd really just like to listen to the customers....

To take money from them is...

Gintoki: Tama, listen. This world is overflowing with people and their unsaid problems.

Though they won't talk about these problems with others,

if it's a robot girl like yourself, they may be willing to say what they wouldn't to others. That's all I mean.

Tama: But...

Gintoki: Just stay here and wait for the customers to come.

If you just do what you've been doing up until now that's good enough.

Gintoki: There's no need to worry, cause I'm going to be hanging out in the back.

I'm expecting good things from you.

Tama: O—okay.

Gintoki: Heheheh...I'm expecting to rake in the dough with this job..!!

I'll confess, that I'm tired of the hard work I had to do as a Yorozuya member for little or no pay!


???: Excuse me?

{Wow...someone's already here? That was fast....}

(Sfx- Zathhh sfft)

???: If possible I'd like to remain anonymous...

Tama: There is no need for concern...

I cannot see your face from here, and your voice is being distorted by our special microphone.

???: Oh, thank goodness.

Then will you listen to my confession, robokko-sama?

{...Looks to be about fifteen or sixteen....}

{Eh, he's probably gonna bitch about what most brats going through puberty bitch about.}

???: I've committed a grave mistake.

I am an apprentice at a certain place....

And my boss is an unbelievable bastard....

{Oh wow, so it's one of those sorta things...?}

???: He uses people and treats them badly, he doesn't pay me...

He's a sketchy person, his attitude stinks, and let's not even mention how much his feet reek.

{Well hot damn. He is a pretty terrible person, but dude does someone like that actually exist?}


???: I got a bit fed up with him because of all this....

So while cleaning up his room one day I threw a mop head as hard as I could,

And destroyed one of his precious things.

I hadn't really intended to do something like that...

But it's been hard to find the words to apologize to him...so I cowardly took the evidence and hid it.


Can you please forgive my sins?

And then please direct me as to how I can make up for such a grievous error?

Tama: Gintoki-sama...

Gintoki: 'the hell, he doesn't need to apologize to that guy.

I mean he's such a bastard that he had this coming. If it were me I'd have trashed everything he owned.

Best thing to do is to act like you don't know anything about it and move on with your life.

Tama: Heaven has delivered it's edict.

You have not sinned. In fact this is divine punishment for you lousy boss.

???: Really? Thank you so much.
That's good...I mean so many awful things have happened to us so I just got fustrated..

Although it causes my heart a little bit of pain, I guess I’ll destroy this thing after all.


???: Why the hell do you have this weather announcer figurine?!

At your age it's just damned creepy!!

(Sfx- Gaaan thud)

???: Divine punishment time!!!

(Sfx- kara para clatter clatter)

???: Thanks so much...


Tama: Amen.

Gintoki: W---what's that?

Tama: It appears to be a Ketsuno Ana figurine.

Gintoki: I see...

That crappy boss has a pretty cool hobby I think.

He should have mentioned something about this a little sooner I think....well that he had this kind of hobby anyway.

Well whatever. Let's call the next person in.

Tama: Okay. The next person may approach.

???: Um...

If possible I'd like to remain anonymous...

Tama: There is no need for any concern...I will protect your right to privacy.


???: Truth be told, I am actually an alien who has traveled from far out in the universe to earth in order to marry into a certain family...

But my master is a diarrhea brained bastard.
He is a shiftless good for nothing who doesn't work, and because of that our home is often without money.

He's a sketchy person, his attitude stinks, and let's not even mention how much his feet reek. Even his poop smells terrible.

Gintoki: Um...isn't this the same guy that we heard about before?

Tama: No, that man was an unbelievable bastard, while this one is a diarrhea brained bastard.

???: So one day while he was sleeping, I drew all over his face...

And threw a mop at him.

Gintoki: That's the same mop from earlier dammit! Are these stories continuations of one another?! Do they link together?!

This guy really is a unbelievable diarrhea brained bastard.

I mean the fact that he'd marry some kid makes it even worse! What does he have some sorta lolicon fetish too?

???: So after using the mop to pierce right through his figure...

I decided to use the other part of it to pierce into him...

Gintoki: You did what to diarrhea brain?! You pierced him?!

Is he okay? Did diarrhea brain survive that?

???: Though the whole time he didn't even wake up or anything...he just kept sleeping soundly.

Gintoki: Dude, I’m pretty sure after being pierced by a mop stick that he'd sleep forever.


???: Robokko-sama, can you forgive me of my sins?

Tama: Gintoki-sama, I believe this is murder...

Gintoki: This ain't murder, it's cleaning worthless shit off the road.

With this bastard out of commission, Edo will become a brighter place. Tell them that.

Tama: Heaven has spoken, and says that you shouldn't be troubled but rejoice. For before long a blessing from above will visit you...

???: Really?

So piercing him with the mop wasn't going too far?

Gintoki: That's absolutely fine. In fact that guy deserves a few more piercings...

In his back....

right up on a cross....


???: Ah, that's good...now I can finally sleep again....

Thank you so much.

(Sfx- Zuboonn pluck.)

Gintoki: Amen.

(Sfx- Gyoro gyoro turn turn)

(Sfx- Gyoro gyoro turn turn)

Tama: Gintoki-sama?


Is anything the matter, Gintoki-sama?

(Sfx- Gabaah roar)

Gintoki: Eh?!

No! Nothing's wrong!! Nothing's out of the ordinary!!

Tama: Oh I see.

Is the mop sticking out of your behind okay?

Gintoki: Eh? The mop sticking out of my ass?

Tama: When we first met today I noticed it there...

Gintoki: Are you serious?!

Tama: I thought it would be better to not point it out, since it might have a deeper meaning...?

Gintoki: Oh you mean this thingy?

This is...you know, that thing! It's not something that I was pierced with but something that's coming out!!

I guess the Yakisoba I ate yesterday by mistake isn't agreeing with me...


Tama: Oh, is that so?

Gintoki: Of course it is!! Don't get it twisted!

Listen it had absolutely nothing to do with the confession just now...the mop there is a completely different matter!

I'm pretty sure that guy has nothing to do with me or anything else! This isn't a mop it's yakisoba! There's a big difference!

Tama: What are you saying? I already am fully aware of that.

{That's right....}

{They're completely different.}

{All right, sure when I heard the mop story and saw the Ketsuno Ana figure...}

{I started to wonder why is it this diarrhea brained guy and I have so many weird simularities?}

{Though it's not like a big deal or anything, since everybody loves Ketsuno Ana...}

{And everyone's had a mop shoved into their ass without them knowing once or twice right?}

{Dude i'm over thinking this!!}

{There's no way those guys would come here to bad mouth me.}

{There's no way they'd do things like that when I wasn't paying attention or didn't know.}

{They wouldn't even come here to a confessional.}

{Though it is kinda true that I sorta recognize those chins...But hell, if we just have a chin to go by, all of humanity looks sorta the same right?}

{Things are fine. I'm sure of it. My Ketsuno Ana figure is happy and safe at home, and my 'ketsu no ana' is doing A-okay too.}

(TN- Remember, Ketsu no ana means asshole.)

{I'm just over thinking things is all....nothing to worry about.}

Tama: Would the next person please step forward?

???: Woof.

{A clearly recognizable chin....}

{Has come heeeeeeeeeeeeeree!!}

(Sfx- Hah hah)

Tama: You're asking to remain anonymous, I presume?

{There isn't really a point to him being anonymous at all, dammit!!}

{It's obviously him!!}

???: Woof woof.

{I'd recognize that fluffy white chin anywhere dammit! It's him!!}

Tama: I shall translate.

(Sfx- Kyuuun veeeeen)

Tama: I am dwelling in a certain individual's home as his pet..


Tama: But my owner is an unbelievable shit for brains bastard.

{Why is it my titles seem to be getting worse?}

Sadaharu: He doesn't feed me, he refuses to take me on walks....

His feet stink, more over his feet really stink, and beyond all that his feet smell like rancid shit.

{So in the end the only thing you've got to complain about is how much my feet stink!?}

???: I got fed up with this....

And while he was sleeping took a monster dump on his face in order for my accomplice to spray him with the mop...

{You bastards teamed up and let this shitty bastard to this to me?!}

{But then my foot slipped when one of my accomplices threw the mop and during that time another one of my accomplices took this chance to stick a mop in his ass...

{So this whole damned story is connected, and your shit is the source?!}
{It was during this time that the shitty bastard's bottom half stirred and gave me a kick in the crotch that caused me to fall out of the window....}

{Do you idiots think of crap like this when I'm not around? I mean do you wile away the days just thinking of deplorable shit like this? About me your leader?!}

{When I came to...}

{There was the shadow of a person beneath me...}

{I tried to nurse him back to health...}

{But then I noticed the blood pooling beneath him.}

{No matter how much I tried to wake him..}

{He didn't move at all...}

{I got so scared...}

{So very scared...}


{There was nothing else I could do, so I hid the body in that shitty bastard's closet.}

Gintoki: You're the scariest one here!!

{Robokko-sama, can you forgive my sin?}


Tama: Gintoki-sama, please calm down...what should we do?

Gintoki: Eh?! Well I mean...!!

{What am I going to do?! Its them for sure!!}

{There's no mistaking it!!}

{To say cruel shit and break people's things....}

{And stick things up people's asses without a damn care...!!}

{And then come and confess...}

{Their outrageous sins as if it's no big deaaaal?!}

{Thank you, I feel so much better now thanks to you...I can finally sleep properly again.}

{But we didn't do anything dammit!}

{Even if heaven forgives you...}

{This shitty bastard wont!}

{Because in this shitty bastard's house..}

{That's still there!!}

{At this rate this shitty bastard is going to need...}

{A lot more than a confessional!!!}

Tama: Um Gintoki-sama, how should we help him atone for his sin?

Um, Gintoki-sama...

(Sfx- Zuhhh dssssh)

(Sfx- Dodododod Thoomthoom)

(Sfx- Gogogogogo rmmmmmble)

Gintoki: Discard it...


Gintoki: Before divine punishment finds you...

Take that body and discard it in a river at once, meat head.

Sadaharu: Wh--


(Sfx- Dododohh swoof)

Tama: Um Gintoki-sama...

It seems we're piling sins one upon another...

Gintoki: Sin plus sin equals no sin, or didn't you know that?

Tama: Oh. I'll rewrite my data with this new information.

???: Hey...
Isn't it about time you took the next person?

This old guy wants to confess his sin.

Are you guys going to hear him out?

Gintoki: Sorry but we're sorta closed now.

If you want to confess, try again on another day...

(Sfx- Don don don don thoom thoom thoom)


???: Nngh...I've committed one grievous error...

(Handwritten- Dude, in the act of admitting your error you committed another.)

???: I was walking through the town with my buddy just now..

But then a giant furball fell from the sky.

Gintoki: Eh?

???: I was so shocked by the whole thing that I lost consciousness for a minute.

When I woke up, I couldn't find my friend no matter how hard I looked.

What did I allow to happen...?

(Handwritten- Hold on...a furball?)

???: I'm supposed to bring him back to the castle, but I can't after this kinda thing happened...

I want you guys to somehow...

send this apology to the heavens!!


Gintoki: …...eh?


(Side text- Of course it's gotta be the friggin Shoguuuun!!)

GINTAMA LESSON 412...........END.

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#1. by PROzess ()
Posted on Aug 26, 2012
Sounds serious...
I wish you a fast recovery!
#2. by RyuzakiRen ()
Posted on Aug 26, 2012
get well soon man!
#3. by Doraku (Repenting Smut Peddler)
Posted on Aug 27, 2012
hope your situation will get better.
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