Before you shake someone’s hands be sure yours are properly washed.
I know as the translator I should like every chapter of what I'm translating (or at least close to it), but this was actually one of the best chapters of Gintama in a long ass while. Ironically it still has love hotels, but it's at a bearable minimum.
(Side text- Gintama Volume 49 and the character book Deko hon is now out in stores!// The Characters book Boko hon will be out in stores on June 4th!! Prerelease movie tickets are also on sale!! For more information check out the official home page http://www.gintama-movie.com)
(Little sign- Soon debutting!!)
(Big sign- Debut single, Proof of an Idol)
(Side text- To the idol’s summit!!)
???: So Terakado Tsuu’s making her move.
I don’t know where she picked up her partner….
But she’s a cute one isn’t she?
She’s giving off the vibe of being the poster girl for country-bumpkin low class gutter-trash.
In other words, a suitable partner for that wench.
It would have been better for her to disappear into obscurity alone…
But now it seems we’ll need to take on this partner of hers too, huh?
???: Terakado Tsuu and…
It’ll be interesting to see who’s got the stuff to be Earth’s next top Idol.
(Sign- CD/DVD TATSUTAYA)
(TN- Probably a take-off of Tsutaya, which sells DVDs and CDs.)
Dude: Wh—what the hell…?
Otsuu-chan is making a debut as a unit?!
Takachin: THE FUCK IS THIS?! WHO THE HELL IS THAT SNOTTY LITTLE WENCH BESIDE HER?!
(Handwritten- Cause I swear I’ve seen her somewhere before.)
Takachin: WE’VE BEEN SUPPORTING OTSUU-CHAN AS OUR SOLE GODDESS UP UNTIL NOW!!
SHE’D NEVER EMBRACE SOMETHING AS FILTHY AS COMMERCIAL LAW!!
WE OF THE IMPERIAL UNIT WILL NEVER ACKNOWLEGE THIS!!
Dude: This is a grave matter!!
Someone needs to contact our commanding officer Shimura immediately!
???: Manager Shimura!!
(Sfx- Pikuuh *poit!*)
Tsuu: What are you doing over there?
Kagura: Us Idols are busy, yes? So hurry up and buy some sukonbu rotten jamane!!
(TN- I think she means manager. Not sure how to render her cute mispronunciation in English.)
Dude: Manager Shimura?
Dude2: Ah! Commanding officer!!
(Sfx- Atafuta *wfifft*)
Dude: Wait a second CO!! What is the meaning of this?!
Don’t tell me that you and Otsuu-chan are…
Shinpachi: Nooo! That’s not it!
(Sfx- Burooooh *vrrrrrrm*)
(Sfx- Buroooooh *vrrrrrrm*)
(Sfx- Kuaaaaaaah *Roaaaaaar*)
Shinpachi: HEEEEEY! WAIT UPPPPP!!! DON’T LEAVE MEEEEEE!
Lesson 446: Before you shake someone’s hands be sure yours are properly washed.
(Side text- No matter what era it is, fandom is full hearted….)
(Sign- Ooedo Studio.)
Tsuu: Lululu Idol~!
Kagura: Accel, Condor, Selling a dream, yessir~
(TN- The joke (or lack therof) here is that all of these words end with ‘ru’ in Japanese. ‘Aidoru’ ‘Akuseru’ ‘Condoru’ and the last is ‘Uru’ or sell, but Kagura’s vocal tic adds the usual ‘aru’.)
Gintoki: Hold it ladies. Hey Kagura, quit adding that ‘Yessir’ crap. It pretty much ruins the whole song.
Just forget about that aspect of your character and sing it like Kugimiya Rie would, okay?
(TN- I certainly hope by now you know who Kugimiya-san is.)
Shinpachi: Aah…there goes the one place where I shined…
Producer Sakata….I hope you were paying attention to the fan’s reactions..
What are we going to do? They’re not exactly very welcoming of this whole unit thing.
I know you’re doing a lot to make sure that the CD goes on to make a huge debut…
(Handwritten- Why is she doing that sorta thing?)
Shinpachi: Even if you modify the backing band like you have, I don’t think it’s enough to ensure popularity…
Gintoki: You know full well about Otsuu-chan performing live gigs on the roadsides right?
Real popularity comes from earnestly going out and preforming.
Fans who are only there for the moment will simply come and go at the time too.
There’s no real shortcut to financial sales and success, Manager Shimura.
Shinpachi: Then..you’re saying HDZ48’s true popularity will come from their performances from here on in?
Gintoki: Damn straight. Though I hate to say it but Otsuu-chan isn’t gonna be able to claim top Idol any more. She’s going to have to be more straightforward…
With the way she starts selling her merchandising.
(Sign- HDZ48 Pillow merchandising hall.)
(Other sign- As long as you have money you can have dreams or pillows.)
Shinpachi: HOW IS THIS STRAIGHTFORWARD?!
PILLOW MERCHANDISING HALL?! WHY?! WHAT DO YOU THINK IDOLS DO?!
(TN- Well, thanks to Nao-san of YS, I figured out what this means. It’s basically a performer who ‘sells’ herself to get better roles or promotion. Essentially, a manager skank. In Japan they call these sorta skanks pillow performers.)
Gintoki: It’s kinda like a hand shake meet and greet you know? Like the current thing is having ‘Idols you can actually go and meet’ right?
Our thing is gonna be ‘Idols you can quickly pillow’.
Shinpachi: THERE’S NO IDOL LIKE THAT!!
Gintoki: Dude, no need to worry. Although it’s called a Pillow merchandising thing, it’s really just signing autographs, shaking hands and selling pillows at exorbitantly high fees.
(On pillow- Kagura (But backwards.)
Shinpachi: SMELLS LIKE A SCAM!!
There are a countless amount of guys here who’ve totally got the wrong idea!!
Gintoki: See? We’ve got plenty of fans.
Shinpachi: MY ASS! THIS MERCHANDISING IS FRIGGIN DANGEROUS, AND YOU KNOW IT!!
Gintoki: A shaking hands meet and greet has always been extremely dangerous. You know pretty much 100% of these idol otaku spend their days f*pping right?
So eventually the idols and the fans end up exchanging f*ps. They’d might as well use their d*cks to shake rather than their hands and cut out the middleman.
Shinpachi: THE HELL KIND OF DANGEROUS ASS CONVERSATION IS THIS?!
Kagura: Ugh. You are serious, yes? This is the worst. They should require them to sterilize their hands before a hand shake like this.
(Sfx- Hoji hoji *dig dig*)
Dude(?): AN IDOL WITH SNOT ALL OVER HER HANDS SHOULDN’T BE TALKING SMACK!!
Tsuu: I’m fine! If I can’t do this much then I’ll never make a decent Idol.
Gintoki: I expected as much from a pro. No need to worry, we’re here to protect you gals.
Kagura: You will definitely come, yes? If a dangerous guy appears you will help, yes?
(Sfx- Buki buki *Crack crack*)
Shinpachi: TURNS OUT THE IDOL IS THE DANGEROUS ONE!!
WAIT WAIT WAAAAAAITT!
Kagura: Okay, next.
Shinpachi: Rather than this being a hand shake meet and greet, this is turning into a Hanayama Kaoru Akugeki convention!!
(TN- Akugeki’s two kanji are grab and attack I believe. They don’t really mean anything together. Meanwhile, Hanayama Kaoru is a character in Keisuke Itagaki’s manga ‘Grappler Baki’ who uses the Akugeki move. The art itself in this panel is reminiscent of Baki’s.)
(Sfx- Bogiyaaashi *crrackkkle*)
Shinpachi: WHAT KIND OF CRAZY WRIST STRENGTH ARE YOU USING TO SHAKE HANDS?!
Kagura: Huh? But we are selling pillows this way, yes?
Shinpachi: What kind of pillow merchandising is this?!
IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY YOU CAN SEE THAT THEY’VE ALL BEEN UTTERLY DEFEATED BEFORE REACHING OTSUU-CHAN!!
Dudes: FUCK THIS! WE CAME TO PILLOW UP OTSUU-CHAN!!
BUT NOW WE CAN’T EVEN GIVE HER A HANDSHAKE!!
GIVE US BACK OUR MONEY!!
(Dude’s shirt- Tsuu)
Shinpachi: THIS IS BAD PRODUCER SAKATA!! AT THIS POINT HER POPULARITY IS GOING TO END UP IN THE CRAPPER!!
Gintoki: Keep your suit and tie on. This is just the side show.
All right gents, the real deal is coming at’cha. Any of you who buys a pillow..
Gets a ticket to sleep in the laps of the HDZ48 members~
Shinpachi: HEEY! Gin-san!! What are you doing…
Gintoki: It’s not even that serious. It’s just a ticket for the chance to lie down in their lap.
Kagura: It is fine.
TAKE THIS!! LAP LAYING KICK!!
(Sfx- GAFUUUH *THUONK*)
(TN- The joke (or lack therof) here is what Gintoki said is ‘Hiza makura ken’ which means ‘Lap laying ticket’, which Kagura interpreted as ‘Hiza makura ken’ or ‘Lap laying attack’.)
Shinpachi: SOMEONE DOESN’T QUITE UNDERSTAND!!
Gintoki: Who the hell told you to attack our customers with a flying kick dammit?! What the hell is a lap laying kick?! If that’s the case just kick ‘em in the crotch and get it over with!!
Kagura(?): But he is already resting sound asleep on the pillow.
Gintoki: Quit being a dumbass! It’s because of your friggin’ pillow fu style! Though he does look pretty comfy in dream land there!
Dude: QUIT SCREWING WITH US!! WE DIDN’T COME HERE TO JOIN AN S&M CLUB DAMMIT!!
ARE YOU PEOPLE ACTUALLY CALLING YOURSELVES IDOLS?!
Shinpachi: Producer Sakata!!!
Gintoki: This too is a side show.
This is the real, real deal. Whoever buys a pillow…
Gets to take said pillow and sleep beside HDZ48 for a short while.
Noo, that is my happy turn, yes…
(Sfx- GOHHH *THUD*)
(Sfx- munya munya.)
Gintoki: ….Yeah that was a side show.
If you buy one of these pillows right now…
You can get 4 of these stowaway cases for a measely 49900 yen.
Shinpachi: THAT’S NO DIFFERENT THAN THE HOMESHOPPING CHANNEL!!
Dude: What the hell is wrong with those people?!
(Sfx- Kugaaah *sshhft*)
Dude: I’ve had enough of this crap! I’m out of here!!
???: Awwww, that’s so saaaad.
You’re being so mean to your fans~
To an idol, her fans are all Gods.
(Sfx- Zahh zazzh zaahh *sfft sfft ssfft*)
???: If it were us, we’d never let our fans go home with sad faces….why you ask?
???: We are…
Granting the dreams of everyone all around the universe…
The special galaxy idol troops~
Dudes: OMGGGG THAT’S!!!
(TN- The name written for it is Galaxy Kingdom Pixy 48. I do wonder if they’re a take on Yousei Teikoku, whose name means Fairy Empire?)
Dude: Wh—why are those girls on Earth?!
Pixy: Everyone…if it’s okay with you, we’d like to heal your wounds and have a proper meet and greet…
If you don’t, Pixy will be sad and cry…
Dude: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!! THAT I’D BE ABLE TO MEET THE UNVERSE’S TOP IDOLS…!!!
IS THIS A DREAM?! AN ILLUSION?!
(Sfx- Dota bata *thok tump*)
(Handwritten- I’m fiiiiirst!!)
(Handwritten- NO MEE!!!)
Gintoki: Eh? What? Giant Rotting Bitches 48?
Shinpachi: To think those girls would be here in Edo…
They’re the idol crème le crem from different planets across the galaxy, with the girl who is chosen to be the tip of the top to represent them as their center.
Essentially they’re considered the top of the top, the greatest group in the top idol organizations.
Gintoki: Um…I’ve lost count of how many times you’ve said top just now.
Shinpachi: They’re the strongest idols in the galaxy.
The fact that they’re taking top idols from different planets and are here now must mean that their objective is to get a new idol for their brigade…
Here in Edo…
And they’ve tried to scout Otsuu-chan before….
So their next target will be…
Pixy: Terakado Tsuu…
I’ve come to see the most profitable idol in Edo.
Do you think with what you’ve got that you’ll stand out~?
Up until now it seems Edo’s number one Idol has lost her steam if you ask me…poor widdle planet~
Let us show you…
What a real idol is.
Pixy: With a real meet and greet!!
Pixy: Everyone line up and enter one at a time..
I want to make sure that our time together is precious~
???: Why’s a handshake gotta be done in an enclosed space?!
Well, it’s all good…
Guess I’ll do this first.
Takachin: If only to teach you not to mouth off to Otsuu-chan.
Don’t underestimate a hand shake meet and greet…I want you girls to understand that.
I have no idea what it is you’re trying to do for Otsuu-chan right now to be honest..
If it’s you, I know you’ll protect her with all of your might….
I believe in you bro.
Otsuu-chan’s never going to lose to the likes of these girls! I believe in her!!
(Sfx- Datshhh *dash*)
(Sfx- Spohhhn *pooof*)
Takachin: ….Eh? Seriously?
That’s what it is?
(Sfx- Gata gata gata *shake shake shake*)
Gintoki: It’s sorta shaking….
(Sfx- Basa *fwap*)
Gintoki: Uh…did he just sorta…ooze out of there just now?
(Sfx- Basa *fwap*)
Gintoki: And now there’s this weird noise coming from the sheet…what the hell is that?
(Sfx- Nuppuh nuppuh nuppuh *flooze fllooze zloooole*)
(Sfx- Basaaah *fwaaap*)
Gintoki: Okay, I am PRETTY sure he just walked out of there buck naked. Do they really know what a handshake is?
(Sfx- Basaaah *fwaap*)
(Sfx- Gata gata gata *clatter clatter clatter*)
Gintoki: Yeaaaah, I’m pretty sure this isn’t a handshake anymore. It’s become something different entirely.
Gintoki: Hey, did you see that? Something just flew out of there. What the hell are they doing to him!?
(Sfx- BAsaaahh *fwaaap*)
Gintoki: Now he’s just a walking mosaic. What the hell is happening to you Takachin?!
(Sfx- Zuraaaaah *flooomp*)
Shinpachi: Speak to me Takachin!!
What did they do to you Takachin?!
Takachin: You know, once I get home Imma burn all of my porno.
Shinpachi: WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOOOOOOOOU?!
IT’S NOT SOMETHING THEY DID AT THIS POINT, IT’S LIKE SOMETHING HAPPENED!! IT’S LIKE SOMETHING COMPLEX HAPPENED IN THERE AND CHANGED HIS LIFE!!
HE’S TOTALLY BECOME FRESH AND CLEAN!! THEY’VE ACTIVATED HIS SAGE MODE!!
TAKACHIN!! YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU IN THERE!!
Takachin: I—It’s all white…
Shinpachi: IT’S NO GOOOD!! THEY’VE COMPLETELY BLEACHED HIM!!
Dude: When I get home, I’m gonna be nicer to my mom.
I’m going to find where Kamiji Yusuke likes to hang out…
Shinpachi: THEY’RE ALL BEING REBORN AS SAGES ONE AFTER ANOTHER!!
(TN- Kamiji Yusuke is an actor and song writer….I’m not sure what the joke (or lack therof) is here though.)
Gintoki: Eh?! YOU’RE KIDDING RIGHT?! THIS ISN’T REAL!!
Is it that?! Is it that on their planet handshakes don’t require hands or something?!
YOU’RE FRIGGIN’ KIDDING ME RIIGHT?!
Shinpachi: Gin-san!! Calm down!!
(Sfx- Chaan *shfft*)
Pixy: Our handshakes leave everyone all lovey dovey and weak in the knees~
Look Terakado Tsuu, all of your fans lack backbone…
Pixy: They are now our prisoners~
This is the true strength of an idol…the galaxy’s ultimate idol group…
The power of GKB48.
Gintoki: Um, rather than being idols you guys are just straight up fuu*jyou’s aint’cha?!
(TN- Fuuzokujyou’s are…basically sex workers. Couldn’t find a way to sensor that without losing the joke (or lack therof.)
Pixy: That’s so meeeean! You don’t even know anything about Pixy~
You don’t even want to try to learn more about what Pixy is like on the inside do you?
(Sfx- Eeeen *waaaah*)
Pixy: If you really doubt me that much, how about you try a handshake…?
Gintoki: Allrighty. Could I have the ‘S’ course please?
(Handwritten- Might be a turn on.)
Shinpachi: MY ASS!!
Everyone who’s supported me up until now is…
Everyone who’s stood up for me and with me….
In a mere instant they’ve…they’ve all…
(Handwritten- GKB48 Banzai~ Banzai!)
Tsuu: This is…
It’s all a lie!!
(Sfx- pota *Drip*)
Wait up Otsuu-chan!!
(Handwritten- How the fuck long are you going to sleep!!)
Gintoki: We’ve still got pillow merchandising stops on our schedule!!
(Sfx- PAchiiin *click*)
Pixy: That was almost too easy.
But we’re not done yet…
If we don’t get to the core of these idol otaku and their friends this loses all meaning.
We’re going to…
Ensure that Terakado Tsuu and the HDZ48 are sullied all throughout Edo, and watch them drop out of sight.
There won’t be anyone on this planet…
That will be able to stop us, the ultimate idols GKB48.
Pixy: The show time…
Starts from here~
Otsuu’s mom: I see…Otsuu-chan’s still sulking about that…
It’s an incredible shock to her…so we can’t force the issue…to lose all of the fans that had followed her for so many years in one fell swoop…
Shinpachi: I’m so sorry…we’re the ones who slipped up here.
Otsuu’s mom: It’s fine…you were only acting in interest of the unit.
In order for a human to continue to remain on top they must never stop evolving.
I wanted Otsuu to become the top in another way, so I tried to have her become active in this field.
But the timing for GKB48 to show up and dash Otsuu this way…
Now the poor girl is back in the crevice of a dark valley once again…
Shinpachi: Otsuu-chan will definitely make a comeback!! She won’t give in to the likes of them!
Gintoki: Yeah, I cosign that. Our profits….I mean her restoration is bound to happen if we give it our all.
Kagura: Otsuu is not alone anymore, nuh-uh. If she has fallen into a dark valley…
Then I…I mean HDZ48 will go and lift her up again. I will not forget her there, nope.
Otsuu’s mom: There really isn’t much of a lift you can give her.
(Newspaper text side// Terakado Tsuu crying in front of a love hotel!!//Box- Scoop!//A lovers spat with her boyfriend?!)
(Newspaper text side// HDZ48 Member returning home with her producer?//The two who vanished into a love hotel city in the night….)
Otsuu’s mom: Because everyone….
Is living in the depths of that dark valley together.
(Side text- The entertainment world is fearsome!!)
GINTAMA LESSON 446………..END.
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