Gintama 243

Wow. Didn't think we were getting one this week. Anyway Gintama's getting to it's 5th year! *Claps* Although you don't seem to be entirely sure of how long you'll be at this Sorachi-sensei, lets hope you can keep up the good work!

And happy new years everyone! I hope to keep translating and bringing Gintama, Hyde and Closer Traumiester (maybe?) and others to you this year and many more years to come. ^_^

Announcer: And the third pop quiz round of this competition,

Is a Tsuusengumi victory!!

(Side text- Just where is this death match going now?!)

GINTAMA
Lesson 243: Look as many times as you want, it’s still the Laputa.
SORACHI HIDEAKI
(TN- Laputa is a fictional flying castle that uses magnetic levitation to get around. It was actually an island from Gullivers Travels by Jonathan Swift, BEFORE it became better known as the flying castle in Miyazaki-san’s ‘Castle in the sky.’ Sorachi’s mentioned it several times in Gintama’s run, so I guess he must be a big Miyazaki fan, or just love poking fun at him. And thus this is the end of yet another……Useless fact.)

Announcer: The Tsuusengumi’s member Kondo-shi has taken Otsuu-chan’s hatred of him and turned it into a victory for his team!!

Yamazaki: I knew you could do it chief!!

Kondo: What’s that?

Okita: That was quite the plan, hanging on there for dear life until the very end.

Kondo: Huh? Dear life of what?

Announcer: Meanwhile the squadron’s Takatin-shi, while very close ultimately failed in clenching victory for his team!!

Gintoki: Hey man, if you’re not gonna work for that French bread, I want it back.

Kagura: You did not want it bad enough. Without victory there is nothing. Do you think we are going to settle for less than Number one? This country is not so naiieve.

Announcer: Although they did lose, it seems very strange that the members of the squadron would suddenly turn against Takatin-shi.

{And there you have it kid. Does losing taste good?}

{Cause that’s two whole plates I’ve served up to you.}

{Damn! If only I could have participated….}

{We have to win the next match at any cost! I’m not going to let it end here!}

002

Announcer: And now let us proceed to the second half of the third round!!

The Battle of Fancy!!

You’ve competed using brawn and brain, but now you’ll have to use your dandyism!

From here on in, both teams will have to gain Otsuu-chan’s endearment by using subtle seduction!

The team that can swoon Otsuu-chan to their side first wins!

Otaku: ‘THE HELL?! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS GONNA DO TO OUR IDOL?!

Announcer: Please calm yourselves. Of course this will be done in a virtual reality setting, and not in real life.

Once the round begins, everything will be carried out in virtual reality.

The teams will be placed in different scenarios, with their wits and dialog as their weapons to gain Otsuu-chan’s affection.

You’re of course free to use whatever quips and ideas that come to mind, but you have to do it inside of the virtual game.

The competitors can work together with their team, or go at it alone, but keep in mind you have to follow the flow of narration in the scenario.

003

Announcer: The catch is of course, that you only have three minutes to succeed.

Shinpachi: Three minutes?!

Announcer: If in that time you can’t adlib a plan that will gain Otsuu-chan’s favor, you will be forcefully ejected.

For the sake of fairness, we’ll have the teams going one after another…first the Tsuusengumi, and then the Squadron.

You’re free to think of whatever plans you wish, but keep it civil and with the narration of the scenario!!

Kondo: Uh..what are we gonna do Toshi?

I guess we should leave the planning of this whole seduction thing to you right?

Hijikata: Wh---Why me…?!

Kondo: Well you’re the Shinsengumi’s pretty boy after all; you should know a woman’s heart the best.

Hijikata: Give me a break! We all know that when it comes to wooing women, It’s gotta be Yamazaki or nothing.

Yamazaki: Thanks for the support, but with this kind of hairdo, the only women I’m gonna get are the ones from ‘Fist of the North star.’

I think that you’re the one who’s the most suited for leading this operation Vice Captain, so don’t be shy.

(TN- Please don’t tell me that you don’t know what Fist of the North star is…please…)

Okita: I’m not too good at stuff that involves lady consorts either. Plus I want to be the narrator.

Hijikata: Hey…don’t just do what you wa---

Okita: I’ll lead and you guys just follow along and meet up in the game. Got it everyone?

Yamazaki: Okay.

Hijikata: Wait! I’m telling you not to leave me to----!!

Announcer: And it’s time.

Hijikata: Wait!! Come back!!!

Announcer: Let the Tsuusengumi’s tale of love begin!!

004

Announcer?: This is the night view of a high class hotel’s bar.

Women with high-class tastes, and even higher class funds come to drink the night away here.

{Tonight however a man sits alone.}

(Bottom text- For here on in, please enjoy the virtual reality.)

{With a downcast face, he drinks unnoticed.}

Hijikata: ‘the hell…fine then.

I don’t see Sogo serving the drinks, so I guess they should be fine…I’ll just take things slow.

{On Friday nights, this seat is especially reserved…}

{For this lonely guy who sits and keeps himself company as the ice in his drink clatters quietly.}

{The Friday before that, and the one before that, and the one before that one, and even the one before that one…}

Hijikata: Why is this narration so long…?

{The HD reception in the bar being the only solace he had as he sat and thought to himself. Nary getting up to got to the bathroom and returning to his chair, he watched every movie, even Terminator 3 all the way through until Laputa bega---}

Hijikata: It’s nice to have background, but this seems largely pointless….

{There wasn’t a single Friday that this man didn’t sit enjoying the Laputa Friday night road show alone.}

Hijikata: This is getting annoying, can’t I do something to get this story back on track?

005

{A man watching Laputa had a certain tension, like staying up late and watching TV during summer vacation.}

Hijikata: WHERE’S THE TENSION IN THAT?! MOREOVER SHUT UP ABOUT THE STUPID LAPUTA!!

{What is it that he sees watching the Laputa until the ending credits? It’s a sad sight indeed.}

{Watching this movie, over, and over, and over and over and over…..}

Hijikata: PLEAAASE!! GET ON WITH THE STUPID STORY!! IT’S EMBARASSING TO HEAR THIS GARBAGE!!!

{This man would journey up the stairs of this tall building, thinking to himself. ‘If I’m high up in the air like this, maybe I’d be able to see the real Laputa someday…}

Hijikata: Who would come here for a stupid reason like that?!

{But the Laputa hadn’t come in the past, and tonight too was looking unlikely.}

Hijikata: What kind of story is this supposed to be?! Why am I so pathetic?!

Whatever. I just have to play my role here, and wait for Otsuu to show up.

???: Sir, you’re alone tonight too?

Kondo: It’s a crying shame to see a guy like you by yourself here.

Especially when all of the women are on the floor living it up. Why aren’t you? Hahah…

(Sfx- Shaka *Shake*)

{He was the Laputa’s kindest worker- Master.}

Hijikata: Why’s this place called Laputa? And where’d he get that name?

{Many would talk to him while he worked, because of his kindness.}

{However he isn’t really a master, and is in fact a guy working here part time.}

Hijikata: What’s with all of this needless information?!

{It had been assumed by someone, that because he mixed the drinks with some degree of professionalism, that he was a ‘master’ but this is of course rather far from the truth. However this too is a story of long ago….}

Hijikata: ALL OF THIS JUST TO REVEAL THAT HE’S JUST A PART TIME WORKER?! THEN WHY HAVE HIM APPEAR AS A MASTER IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

006

{Moreover, his favorite movie is ‘Totoro’, and because of that he had been accused of being a Lolicon, who couldn’t decide who was cuter between Satsuki and Mei, when it’s obviously Satsuki.}

Kondo: What the hell is this?! That’s not my favorite movie, and this could be considered defamation!! Why do we need to go on and on about this?! Just stick to me being a master dammit!!

{However, what most people didn’t know about him was that his favorite scene was when Satsuki was crying over her mother. He had always marveled at how realistic her face looked at that moment, although no one would ever know since he kept this to himself.}

Kondo: NOBODY KNOWS CAUSE IT ISN’T TRUE!!

Hijikata: This isn’t good…The story’s not gonna get anywhere if I sit around.

Master, I drink alone because I haven’t found the right woman yet; so if you know one let me know.

Kondo: You’re still saying that? Well to be honest I’m not too fortunate either.

Hijikata: So we’re in the same boat then?

Siigh~ I wish a pretty girl would just descend from the heavens and be mine…

Finally! She’s here! Now the real story can begin!

(Sfx- Kusu kusu *snicker snicker*)

???: You’re a strange man…A Studio Ghibli fan?

Hijikata: There!!

???: A girl who falls from the sky…Is that from Laputa? Or were you hoping for a little witch named Kiki?

Or maybe…

One who’s fallen from the light….

A streetwalking woman like myself?

007

{ISN’T THAT YAMAZAKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!?!}

Yamazai: Would you like to step out with me?

{NEVERS!!! WHO WOULD GO OUT WITH YOU LOOKING LIKE THAT?!}

{Isn’t this supposed to be about Otsuu?! Why the hell did you come here with that weird ass haircut?!}

{Read the atmosphere skinhead!! I’m supposed to get with Otsuu, not a fallen biker whore!!!}

???: Sorry I’m late! Work was brutal!

Yamazaki: Oh! Over here!

{She---}

{She’s heeeere!!}

{I get it now! Otsuu’s supposed to be his friend! And if we’re close, she’s bound to be easier to reach, and therefore easier to seduce! This plan’s not so bad!}

{I guess having these guys around to pick up the details I don’t get is worth it afterall}

008

{Why are you still here Yamazaki?!?!}

Tsuu: Do you know that man over there Mohi-chan?

Yamazaki: Yes I do! He happens to be my number one customer down at the ‘playground’ I didn’t think I’d meet him here….

{I’ll friggin kill you Mohi-ron! Do you think we have the time for your jokes?!}

{I gotta figure out how to get in the best position there by Otsuu! If I can’t do that much, I’ll never be able to win her whimsy!!}

Hijikata: Ah, would you like me to buy you a drink?

Tsuu: Ah, thanks! Can I have Oolong tea?

{Read the Atmosphere idiot!!! I’m trying to get you to move over here we have to get around that monkey!!}

Yamazaki: We were actually talking about which Ghibli heroine was the most interesting throughout the movies before you got here…

{We WERE?! And are you in some kind of Ghibli delirium?!}

Yamazaki: Who do you like the most Otsuu-chan?

{Who cares?! Ask her something important like ‘what type of man do you date’!!}

Kondo: I happen to like Satsuki.

{No one cares for your opinion!!}

Kondo: Although her sister’s a pain, she looks after her just like Otae-san would. Man Otae-san would make a great mom….

{Too bad we weren’t having a conversation about either of those things!! Go back to what we were talking about before!!}

{I happen to like Kiki the best out of all of them.}

{WHY’S THE NARRATOR ADDING HIS TWO CENTS SO NONCHALANTLY?!}

{Ahh her pride is so high for what she does, it really moved my heart to see such a girl trying to balance a normal life with her duties…Course normal guys talk smack about that movie, for that they should burn, burn I say.}

Hijikata: FOR GODSSAKE!! YOU’RE MAKING THIS INTO A GHIBILI HELL!!

009

Yamazaki: I guess Satsuki would make a great mom, but I don’t think she’s cut out for it, plus I don’t care much for her character…

{You’re one to talk Mohican-do!!}

Yamazaki: You’ve got to be a bit flashy to keep from being forgotten.

If she had an interesting aim or goal, or even ran to the tune of a different vector it would be good…otherwise she just falls into the same pattern as Kimura Kaela.

{What’s with this deep analysis of her character?! Are you some type of creepy celebrity fanboy?!}

(TN- Kimura Kaela is a Japanese singer who was born to a British dad and Japanese mom. I don’t know a whole lot about the pattern Yamazaki’s talking about though….)

Yamazaki: I’d say that Mei-chan’s probably the better character.

The other girl will probably only be remembered for her sister complex and that’s it.

Kondo: No way! It’s that complex that makes her a realistic character! She was completely perfect to fill the mother role for her daddy and little sister! That’s what makes her endearing!

{True enough, but she was still a little girl, and therefore isn’t perfect. The fact that she’s fragile enough to crack rather than being a picturesque of perfection is the pattern that makes her endearing.}

{YOU GUYS SICKEN ME!! WHAT’S WITH ALL THE OVERANAYASIS OF GHIBLI CHARACTERS?! YOU LIKE THEM JUST A SMIDGEN TOO MUCH!!}

{Did they even come here to support me at all?!}

{More like, they’ve totally cast Otsuu-chan aside for this stupid argument…..!!}

(Sfx- Kusu *Teehee*)

{This is….}

{A miraculous feeling of solidarity?!}

{Rather than reaching out with similarities, we reach out with our solitude! Right now within us is the resonance of two people who no longer wish to be alone!!}

010

{This is…}

{The tension of two people at a gathering who could care less about the people they’re with!!}

Guy: Heh…seems like everyone’s having a good time….why aren’t you joining them?

Girl: Ah…I really don’t like loud things like this…

Guy: To be honest….me too.

{But this is only possible if the other people are completely into themselves!}

{Could it be…}

{You guys…!!}

{Noooow!!}

{You only get once chance Vice captain!! Take it!!}

{She’s a great girl isn’t she?}

{Take her and go!!}

{Do it!!!!}

{Toshiiiii!!}

{Suddenly the storm subsided…}

{And light filters through the clouds.}

011

{And finally…}

{In the clear blue skies a genuine Laputa appeared!!}

{Complete!!!}

{The Tsuusengumi have preformed marvelously!!}

Announcer: Without using romantic words, or presents of love, they have managed to capture Otsuu-chan’s fancy!!

(Sfx- Yoshaaaa!! *Allllrighhht!*)

A beautiful example of well planned teamwork!

I can’t say it enough that I’m impressed!

Otaku: Th---That’s impossible!!

Announcer: Otsuu-chan…how do you feel?

Tsuu: I’m sorry, I got so caught up in it all! I need a moment….

Announcer: Oooh? Drawn in? Don’t tell me that you got ideas from that fallen woman in the play..~

Otaku: BEST TO WATCH YOURSELF FOOL! AS IF OUR OTSUU-CHAN WOULD EVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT! SAY THAT AGAIN AND WE’LL KILL YOU!!

012

Announcer: The Terakado Tsuu Imperial Protection Squadron has their work cut out for them if they plan on topping that performance!

The only way they can possibly win this competition now if they can pull of a performance so great that Otsuu-chan forgets about the Tsuusengumi completely!

Although to be honest I don’t think that the Squadron has what it takes…

Gintoki: Keep your shirt on Shinpachi. You and that chick have known each other longer right?

Shinpachi: But Gin-san, we can’t rely on Takatin, since he can barely understand us…so it’s not looking good.

Gintoki: In order to get a win, we have to keep in tune with the narration and scenario.

Just leave it to me, and you can’t go wrong.

Shinpachi: Can we really do this though? We have to try and keep things as romantic as possible…

Gintoki: Right, right…romantic.

Announcer: And with that the Terakado Tsuu Imperial Protection squadron’s tale of love….

Now begins!

013

???: Once upon a time…in a land far away…

This world still knew of the presence of gods and demons.

(Top text- From here on in, please enjoy the virtual reality.)

Shinpachi: Huh?

{The gods and demons would often use the human realm to stage their battles of supremacy, their combat thrusting humanity into the dark ages.}

Shinpachi: W---Gin-san?

{Because of the Gods and demons, humans soon became a rare sight on the barren wastelands of the huge planet.}

Shinpachi: Uh…just what is this?

{But if you look towards the West, you could see the shadows of one group…}

Shinpachi: Gin-san, seriously, in what way is this scenario supposed to be romantic, or lead to seduction?

{The hope of mankind weighed on their sholders, as they headed off on their journey…}

{A journey to the far far off west,}

{A place where any dreams could come true…}

{The name of the god undertaking this journey is….}

014

(Top Text- Gandara Bhotel)

(Middle text- First night stop: To the west…)

{ARE WE STARTING A NEW MANGA SERIALIZATION?!?}

{Bottom Text- SAKATA GINTOKI}

{This epic is one for the sake of returning peace to a land that had long ago lost it. For this purpose, they go to the land of the gods ‘Gandara Bhotel.’ However before them is a quest of danger, intrigue, friendships, and hardships}

Shinpachi: What the heck is Gandara Bhotel?! You totally fooled me!! This has nothing to do with what we talked about!!!

Moreover, this is some time of adventure story!! It’s a completely different matter from seduction or romance!!

Tsuu: Um…excuse me, but I’d like to stop.

Could someone please stop this horse, so I can get off?

I think I’m gonna go ahead back.

Shinpachi: W—wait a second!!

Why do you want to stop so soon?! We just started!! Uh..is it something about the scenario?! Is it something about me?! What?!

015

Tsuu: Like, I mean….what IS Gandara Bhotel? And what exactly does it have to do with the point of this game?

Shinpachi: There is a point!! Gandara Bhotel is…Gandara Bhotel is….!

Tsuu: Nah, I’m like not really into this, even though we just started and all…

{Wait wait. Sorry got the Title mixed up….}

{There we go.}

(Top text- Gandara * Bhotel)

Shinpachi: WHAT DID YOU CHANGE?! YOU ADDED A STAR TO IT!!

{That’s just it, it’s completely different than it was before.}

{Fine, let me go and have a brainstorming session, while I think about how you guys are supposed to save the world! One sec.}

Shinpachi: HEY NARRATOR!! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT HIS ISN’T ABOUT WHAT KIND OF MANGA YOU WANT TO READ AND IS ABOUT GETTING WITH A GIRL?!

{Hold on a second, I’ll be back in a minute, just hang on.}

Shinpachi: Don’t just leave I said!!

{Fine! Fine! You don’t like the save the world plot point then?! You should have said that sooner! You guys are too picky you know that?!}

Shinpachi: WE WOULDN’T BE IF YOU PICKED A NORMAL SCENARIO!!!

{FINE THEN! GO GET LOST IN THE DESERT! THIS NARRATOR WILL JUST WATCH!! HAPPY?!}

Kagura: It is scary to hear the narrator yell. I am sorry for being naughty.

Shinpachi: YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE HE’S YOUR DAD!!

Takatin: I am sorry too. Here let’s both show how sorry we are to the narration.

Shinpachi: HE’S NOT YOUR MOM EITHER, SO STAND UP TO HIM!!

{Fine, whatever…I’ll go on.}

{Allright, they travel for a while and notice today that they have reached a building with Gandara Bhotel written on it.}

(Sign- Gandara Bhotel)

Shinpachi: WHY’S THE FONT LIKE THAT?! MORE LIKE WHY ARE WE HERE ALREADY?!

016

{What will you guys do?}

Tsuu: Set up camp.

(Sign- Forget you losers. If a specter finds you and eats you here, don’t come crying to me.)

Shinpachi: WHAT KIND OF PANEL GETS UP AND WALKS AWAY?! MORE LIKE ARE YOU A DAD THREATENING TO TURN THE CAR AROUND OR SOMETHING?! YOU’RE THE MOST GHOSTLIKE HERE!!

(Sfx- Gyahahah hehehe)

(Handwriten- This is so tasty! I haven’t eaten like this for a while!
Man this is great!
That’s mine!
Gahahahahah!!)

(Sfx- Guu *grumble)

Tsuu: It’s not like I’m lonely or anything.

It’s just no fun…

To be hungry by myself…

017

{After that our journey to save the world continued…}

{And I never once averted my eyes from our goal of the Gandara Bhotel.}

{Even though we camped out…}

{I never once went wanting…}

{I was scared of my destiny at first….especially at the fact that specters could get at me..}

{So I always woke up early.}

{Each time I did, I would see the footprints of a mysterious being carved into the ground.}

{My fear grew more and more, as it became obvious that I was being targeted by something, something with huge footprints.}

{Besides that I could hear the sounds of laughter at the hotels we stopped that….and I was filled with jealousy.}

{Why did I have to be the one to wait outside silently while they lived it up? Why would no one call for me?}

{I said I wouldn’t go into that place…}

{Because I didn’t want to be a bother to anyone….thinking this I continued to camp out.}

{One night however…}

{I had the distinct feeling that something was watching me as I slept…}

{I awoke to find a specter.}

{I finally laid eyes on the specter that had been leaving its footprints.}

{It seemed at last I’d find answers.}

018

(Sfx- Guu guu guu *snooore snooore*)

{I had been so afraid of being attacked by a specter that I hadn’t noticed…}

{That they had always been there protecting me.}

{I told you didn’t I? But you didn’t listen.}

{Man you guys are idiots.}

{Why do you think those guys would go this far for your sake?}

{Because they want you to be able to sleep peacefully. They wanted to preserve your sleeping face, and not allow fear to spoil it.}

{And yet instead of seeking shelter you continue to camp outside…}

{I don’t care or anything, but you should know that you are not and never have been alone.}

(Sfx- Zatsu *swif*)

{I noticed then that on Narrator-san’s back…}

{There was sand.}

019

{From then on, in the Gandara Buhotel, laughter can be heard melding together.}

(Sfx- Wahahahahah!)

{And although there are several voices, only one could be heard resounding all around the desert….}

Anouncer: Compleeeete!!

Amazing Terakado Tsuu Imperal Protection Squadron!!

To think you could make something so wonderful from a love hotel…..

Kondo: WONDERFUL?! From day in and day out, They actually left Otsuu-chan ouside by herself! More like the Narration seemed like it did the most work to get with Otsuu-chan, and not the actual team!!

Announcer: Otsuu-chan! Between the Tsuusengumi and the Squadron, which did you prefer?

Tsuu: I’d say they really worked hard on the world in the second one!

Announcer: The Terakado Tsuu Imperial protection squadron is our winner!!

And now let’s take this competition to its final stage, and decide who will take home the title of ‘official’!!

Hijikata?: HEY!! IS THIS A MANGA JUDGING PANEL?! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SEDUCTION?! WASN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT GAINING HER FANCY?!

(Side text- Next issue the climax!!.....right?)

GINTAMA LESSON 243…………….END.