Gintama 247

An arc right after an arc? On top of that are we going to get yet another RPG parody? It's weird how a series about Samurai has so many video game connections....but that's what makes Gintama so freakishly awesome. I'm still hoping that we'll get some badassness soon seeing that we're close to 250 (A whole two years since Itou, and more importantly Takasugi's last appearance.)

Public service announcement; Since you really cant' see my signature on my translations, I figure I'll pimp it here. I have a new translator thread (Go me!) Located at: http://mangahelpers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=45800 Please feel free to ask me questions, thank me (I'd like this a lot! :) ) and yell at my translations (Yelling only permitted if followed by advice to improve.) Also if you have requests go there and make them. I really suck at checking PM so it's probably not wise to send requests there, but I check the thread a little more often. Oh..and for now requests are open if they follow the rules. (No Jump manga, Shoujo, romance, seinen, hentai or harem.) I'll probably post this notice on other translations for a week or two. Look forward to hearing from you!

(Side text- The second character book will spill some juicy secrets about all of your favorite characters! If you’d like to learn more, read the page before this!!)

(Side text- Even today she’s happy to work!)

GINTAMA

Otose: Yaaw~n.

Mornin’ Tama.

Tama: Good morning Otose-sama.

Otose: You’re really quite different from Catherine; always working hard.

Every day you’re up before I am, cleaning shop.

It’s almost as if you don’t’ sleep at all at night.

Tama: Please don’t mind me, as a machine, I have no need to sleep or rest.

My energy is restored by keeping my oil intake up. If I don’t keep busy it’ll dry up.

002

Otose: Sleep determines how useful or useless a person can be.

Whether you’re a human with an empty head or a machine, rest is important.

Being able to rest, play, eat and sleep are important parts of life too.

These are the basics to living a proper life. Although it’s not good to be lazy like those fools upstairs, you should rest before you catch a cold.

Tama: Machines cannot catch colds. Please don’t worry about me.

Otose: You shouldn’t underestimate a cold, it can come at the worst times.

Especially since you’ve been working yourself to death lately.

Tama: Otose-sama

I thank you very much for worrying so much about me.

However I’m really feeling just fine. If possible, everyone should come work together with me.

For I feel that if everyone were to work together,

They would become happier.

(Sfx- Kaku kaku *clatter clatter*)

(Side text- A familiar scent of the 90’s!!)

GINTAMA
Lesson 247: Smooth polygons smooth out a human’s heart.
SORACHI HIDEAKI.

003

???: Huh?

Tama’s been acting weird?

Otose: Yeah, I don’t miss things like this.

I saw her face for a moment, and it’s very strange looking.

Gintoki: Her face looked weird for a second? Even weirder than the guys who show up here after six thirty?

Otose: Yes, stranger than you guys who could sleep in past six thirty.

It looked similar to the games people used to play a long time ago.

I think they called them polygons or something….poor girl, she’s been working to hard.

I want you all to go have a look at her and see if you can help.

Gintoki: Polygons?

Before we step in and do anything, maybe you should go have your head looked at.

There’s no way that a machine can suddenly sprout out polygons, or get tired for that matter.

Otose: I know what I saw though, and I know she’s been working herself rather hard.

Gintoki: Well I know that this story sounds ridiculous. I think you’re the one who’s tired old lady.

(Sfx- Garara *clatter*)

Tama: I have returned.

004

Gintoki: Ah, thanks for the nice----

(On bag: Market.)

Tama: Ah if it isn’t Gintoki-sama. Good morning.

During her travels, Tama gained 230 experience and picked up 300 G.

Shinpachi?: SHE’S NOT EVEN A POLYGON ANYMORE!! SHE’S CHANGED INTO SOMETHING ELSE!!!

Now she’s fallen all the way down to Nintendo graphics!

Tama: I have returned with the items from the Super market Otose-sama.

(Sfx- Teku teku *tic tic*)

Shinpachi: Moreover, although she’s facing forward, she’s walking right!! Is this Dragon Quest?!

This is CREEPY! I can almost hear the sad music from Radatom’s castle playing
somewhere!!

Tama: Here you go Otose-sama, this is what I got.

Tama quickly hands over what she found, but it seems to be nothing but a corpse.

Shinpachi: WHO’S CORPSE IS THAT?! More like, who’s going to take care of it?

005

Shinpachi: TAMA-SAAAAN!! What happened to you?! Speak to me!!

(Handwritten- Hey….hey…)

Otose: I’m so sorry for making you work so hard! Now look at what’s happened to you!!

Kagura: Gin-chan! We have to cure her! Staying in this flat state will be dangerous! We must not forget how she helped us in the past! We should help her return to her original form!!

Gintoki: I don’t see the big deal…I mean her attitude’s the same from before.

Shinpachi: ANYONE CAN SEE THAT SHE’S CHANGED DRASTICALLY!! NOW HER LEGS CAN ONLY MOVE IN TWO PATTERNS! IT’S HARD TO TELL WHETHER SHE’S GOING LEFT OR RIGHT BY LOOKING AT HER!!

Gintoki: It’s fine. Once she goes to save Princess Lola, I’m sure her pattern will be restored.

Shinpachi: TOO BAD PRINCESS LOLA DOESN’T EXIST IN THIS WORLD!!

Gintoki: C’mon. As long as people look at her straight on and not from the side, there’s not a problem.

I know you brats don’t remember it, but there was a time where there was no such thing as 3D modeling and CG. You’ve come to rely on the third dimension way too much.

Shinpachi: I’m pretty sure that this story has nothing to do with anything.

Gintoki: The world we live in doesn’t need flashy colors, all you need is a drawing, a sense of exploration and excitement.

If you do things just right, you don’t need CG to have a good time. You just need imagination.

Shinpachi: Why are you telling this story?

Gintoki: Lately you jerks have forgotten all about that! All you want is a long CG movie instead of an actual video game!

Do you buy games to watch movies?! No!

I WANT TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES!!

Shinpachi: WHY ARE YOU CHANGING THE SUBJECT!?! THIS STORY HAS NO BEARING ON THIS SITUATION!!!

006

Gintoki: Listen up. Games aren’t about watching they’re about doing!!

Who gives a crap about CG movies?! It’s because of them your imagination’s slowly turning to a dried up husk!

KEEP THE GRAPHICS AS PIXELS!! THE EVENTS AS TEXT! JOURNEY FORTH! THAT’S ALL YOU NEED!

Shinpachi: Please just shut up now. Go back to your worlds of dungeons, wizards, and swords; find a labyrinth and get lost there forever.

In any case, If you don’t know how to help, don’t. We’ll figure something out.

Kagura: How pathetic. As a man you can not even fix a DVD player. It is a pity indeed.

Tama: Tama quickly gives the priest a corpse.

Gintoki: ET TU TAMA?! THOSE GUYS ALREADY HURT ME ENOUGH WITHOUT YOUR HELP!!

You idiots better not look down on the world of the Wizards. One of them may be able to cure all of your greatest problems.

Fine then. I’ll use MY Wizardry to cure Tama. Okay?

Kagura: Really?

Gintoki: Watch the power of Polygon-era Wizardry, and be awed.

Shinpachi: What’s with this screen?

{Gintoki, Pattsan, Kagura, Granny.}

007

{You enter a dark room, and despite your yelling do not seem to see anyone moving. However you do see what seems to be a person on the floor.}

{While in the room you come closer and notice that it seems to be a broken doll. Would you like to add it to your inventory?}

{Yes/No.}

(TN- The text box below states the same thing it did on page six.)

{Congratulations, the doll that you have found was repared.}

{Sfx- Te tere tetete tetete~n *Da dda dadadumm!*}

Shinpachi: WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO FIX?!!?

What kind of wizard are you?! You’re just following the directions of the text on the screen! Do you think that’ll fix her?!

Gintoki: You have to start by imagining her being fixed before the process can begin. That too is a form of Wizardry.

Shinpachi: OR THE WORK OF A HANDYMAN!! MORE LIKE YOU DIDN’T FIX ANYTHING!!

Otose: Fine then, I’ll call for the rebirth of the Wizardry society, and they’ll succed where I failed!!

Gintoki: Quiet you! Calling more polygon rejects will only increase the amount of fail in this room!

Otose: Shaddup. You have to teleport your party from the Cliffside or it’s over for them!!

Gintoki: You can’t use teleport on polygons anyway! And I’m sure that you’d only put fighters in your party in the first place!!

008

(Sign: Mechanics shop)

Gengai: Hmm…

Seems like a cold.

Shinpachi: A cold?!

How the heck can a machine catch a cold?!

Gengai: To a machine, it would be more like a computer virus than an actual cold.

Shinpachi: Computer Virus?

Gengai: It wanders about in the digital world, destroying data in the program.

It can cause some major damage once it starts its handwork, and catching it is as easy as going on the network.

009

Shinpachi: I think I follow you. So if we find this computer virus and destroy it, Tama’s program should return to normal?

Gengai: Yes.

Gintoki: Are you serious? I thought that only us humans could catch colds, but she can too?

Kagura: Old man, can you fix her? Change her back to normal?

Gengai: Hmm…Normally I’d just get to work on a Virus buster, as that’s the best way to deal with a virus…

But she’s got quite a nasty one on her hands…..

The computer virus ‘Tapir’.

It clings to the program ferociously. And then grows larger and multiplies. This virus is a fairly new one too.

Tapir continues until it’s absorbed all of the machine’s data, and eventually it’s body too.

As of right now, there isn’t a means of countering Tapir.

And I can’t say one will come quickly as creating a program like this is difficult.

And left alone, Tapir will simply grow more powerful and eat away at her system.

Although it’s good that you noticed it before it became worse, it’s still pretty bad. I’m afraid that time is not on our side here.

If someone doesn’t do something soon…

The Virus will reach it’s critical and most fearsome state.

010

Shinpachi: T—This is bad….Gengai-san, is there really nothing you can do?

Gengai: Hold your horses! Don’t start blabbering gibberish boy, You’re in the presence of Edo’s number one mechanic! However….

Unless I get some information on this new virus, I can’t make a vaccine.

And Tapir works pretty quickly, so Tama’s insides are already in bad shape I’ll bet.

If it should reach her soul…

She’ll be nothing more than a pretty doll.

However…

There IS one way to save her.

Gintoki: What is it? Start talking old man.

Gengai: It’s a bit dangerous though…for both Tama….

And you guys.

011

Gintoki: Who cares about that. Start talking.

Gengai: I take it….

From the way you’re talking that you really want to save Tama don’t you.

Gintoki: Take it any way you want.

Quit wasting time and start talking---

(Sfx- Gogogogogo *rmmmmmble*)

Gintoki: ‘the hell is this?

What is this machine doing? Hey…why is he…

(Sfx- Zuun *doooom*)

012

(Sfx- Dogooooooon *THOOOOM*)

(Sfx- Bichaaaaaaa *plssssssssh*)

(Sfx- Bcha bicha *splat plsh*)

Kagura: Gin-chaaaan!!

Shinpachi: GYAAHHHHH!!!!

What the hell are you doing Gengai-saaaaannnnnnn!!!

I—I know he was willing to bet his life….

But now Gin—Gin-san is……!!

013

Shinpachi: Wha…What’s this?

Who’s that?

Uh…this isn’t good….

014

Shinpachi: GENGAI-SAAAAN!!

WHAT DID YOU DO TO GIN-SAN!! HE’S TINY!!!

Gengai: This big guy is Heavy Hammer Z 503.

(Sfx- Zun *Doom*)

Gengai: Once you’re hit by his hammer, your body is changed into an electrical signature, allowing organisms to become small and travel in machines. This guy’s one of my perfect creations.

(Sfx- Gogogogogo *rmmmmmmble*)

Shinpachi: Uh…Please tell me you’re kidding….you’re not going to use that on us…..

Kagura: D…Do not!! This is more than I was expectingggg! What is the reason for us to have to become small?

Gengai: Didn’t you guys agree?

You’re going to do some virus busting!

What matters now isn’t taking time out to vaccinate or exterminate…

It’s you guys getting it done and fast.

015

Gengai: Now say your prayers.

(Sfx-DOGOOOOOO *THWOOOOK*)

(Sfx- GYAHHHHHH!!!

(Handwritten- YOU DEMON!!!!)

(Sfx- Gii *reek*)

(Sfx- Basha *splish*)

Shinpachi: Gin-san, it’s about time you took the oar..

Gintoki: Don’t even joke man, I rowed not too long ago.

(Sfx- donbura *fuushh*)

Gintoki: Besides as a youngster, you should be used to hardships. Like going to Book off and only finding used stuff there.

(Sfx- Dobura *fussssh*)

Kagura: Hah~ It is strange that there is this much oil here.

016

Kagura: Where are we now?

Shinpachi: We entered through her mouth so her stomach?

Gintoki: More like does a machine have a stomach?

Shinpachi: Beats me.

Gintoki: I think we should ask ourselves…

Just where the heck are we going anyway?

Shinpachi: Beats me.

Gintoki: You don’t seem to know ANY-thing!!

(Sfx- Gi-go)

Gintoki: What the hell are we gonna do? Suddenly we’re supposed to find and beat a virus, and quickly at that!! How quickly can we find something when we’re drifting around a machine’s stomach? And when we find it how the heck do we beat it?! Do you know that?!

Shinpachi: Please don’t yell at me. If you have a problem, take it up with Gengai-san.

Gintoki: All HE gave us was this one pole!

And looking at it closely, it looks like a tooth pick…

Gah! I poked myself!! Thanks for GIVING me this old man!!

You know what else? You should DIE fossil! Crawl up somewhere and die!!

Where the hell did you get this doraemon like invention of yours?! Did you make a pact with him in hell or something?!

I just wanna go home! So wherever this thing is supposed to be, let’s just kill it and get the hell out of here!!

017

Shinpachi: We get it okay! So quit running your mouth!

We’re here to save Tama-san from the virus! If you have other plans let us know! Otherwise quiet down!

Kagura: This is so. As we are in the tiger’s den, we should expect a tiger.

I have spotted land ahead.

Should we get off here?

Shinpachi: I’m a little wary on that one, I mean we are in the stomach…what if she needs to do number one and we get caught up in it?

Gintoki: Moreover, do machines have a need to piss?

Shinpachi: Beats me.

Gintoki:…is this really okay?

Shinpachi: For now we should conduct our search here.

We’ll just have to cross our fingers that we don’t end up anywhere near the anus.

Gintoki: Moreover do machines have anuses?

Shinpachi: Beats me.

We can’t help it anyway….we don’t have any information on where we’re supposed to go or what we’re supposed to do. Standing here won’t solve our problems….

(Sfx- Chapu *plissh*)

(Sfx- Za za *ssh shh*)

018

Shinpachi: ISN’T THAT A PERSOOOOON?!

WHYYYYY?! How can a person even fit down here?! And why is he wearing a body suit?!

Gintoki: I have no idea, but I think that we should take up religion, cause it’s obvious we’re in hell. At least let’s find out how he got here…..

(Handwritten- Hey there buddy….)

Shinpachi: Wait a second Gin-san! That’s dangerous!

Gintoki: Yo’. Don’t mean to interrupt your nap or anything like that, but we seem to be a bit lost.

Um you listening? Can you give us some directions?

This is the first time we’ve been around here, so if you could give us an idea of where to go next that would be great….

(Sfx- Yusa yusa *pt pt*)

Gintoki: And I don’t mean to alarm you, but you have an arrow sticking out of your ass….are you going to be okay?

(Sfx- Gururi *Fwip*)

Suit: Oh Travelers!

Gintoki: Whoa!

019

Suit: It must have been fate to see people here again…

Gintoki: Fate or not, it looks like your ass has been split…

Suit: It’s unfortunate but I’m on my death bed, at least let me give you some advice though…

Gintoki: Before you do that, listen to what I’m asking. Why do you have an arrow in your ass?

Suit: Take this declaration to my king.

Gintoki: King?

Suit: My deepest apologies, we the white blood cell unit were annihilated by the virus army.

There doesn’t seem to be a way to save the world from the evil known as “Tapir’.

You must run from here my liege, before it’s too late.

And then…

Gather the warriors of legend that are our last hope.

But you must do it quickly or else…..

(Side text- They’re mini-sized, but this sounds like the beginning of a huge adventure!!)

GINTAMA LESSON 247…………..END.