Sket Dance 38

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Sket Dance
Chapter 38: A New Take On Momotarou
[TN: Momotarou is a character from Japanese folklore.]
[insert text: What could the principal's request be?!]
Principal: Oh, I've heard all sorts of things about you! Wahahah! // Your impressive performance in the Vivage Battle... // Well, in the end you failed to defeat the Student Council, but I suppose that's to be expected. // But yes, dear me! Wahahah! // And there was also that puppet show you put on for the kindergarten.
Bossun: Ohh!
Principal: Yes, I hear it was very well received! Wahahah! // That's why I have a little request to make of you all.

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Bossun: A Kamishibai?
Principal: Yes. / You see, my beloved grandson, Yoshihiko, is in the first year of primary school, but he doesn't really act his age. / To tell the truth, I've hardly ever even seen him smile. // All I want is to be able to see him smile like a child of his age should... / And then it came to me - you seem like exactly the sort of people who might be able to do something entertaining enough to make my beloved little boy happy! Wahahah!
Bossun: Man... when he showed up, I couldn't help but wonder what the principal of the school could want with us... // ...but it looks like it's just a homely sort of request from an old man when it comes down to it!
Himeko: Bossun... you're talking too loud...
Switch: Moreover, a Kamishibai of all things - it certainly does seem like the sort of stereotypical, simplistic idea that an old man would come up with.
Bossun: You said it!
Himeko: Could the two of you just quiet down already?! // The guy you're talkin' about is still sittin' right here!! / Could you all stop blabbin' your mouths off like that like you're not bein' rude as all hell already?!!
Principal: Ahh... Well, you know... / Wahahah...

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Principal: At any rate, I'm very sorry to trouble you with a personal request like this; I just thought your creative faculties could be of help. / So, then... what do you say?
Bossun: Doesn't sound too bad to me. / We'll make this one Kamishibai your kid'll never forget!
Principal: Do - do you mean it?!! Well, thank you kindly! // [aside]wahahahah / heeheehee / wahyahyahya / wheeew~~~[/aside]
Himeko: What's that guy find so funny, anyway?
Bossun: I guess he's just a merry sort of guy... // But yeah... a request from the principal himself's quite something, huh... // Makes me wonder if we might get a surprise budget increase or something... you know...?
Principal: [aside]wahahah![/aside] / Budget, is it? // Well... the truth is, the division of funds between all the different clubs is handled entirely by the Student Council. // Besides which, this is really just a personal request... well, you know... wahahah. // Well, if you do manage to come up with an entertaining Kamishibai, you can show it to me first of all. If I think it's any good, then I might have a little word with them about increasing your funds.
Bossun: Seriously?!! All right!!

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Bossun: Right... / So what kind of story should we do?
Switch: I think the story of Momotarou would make a safe starting point.
Bossun: Momotarou, huh... // Well, everyone knows the story, and there are plenty of characters, so it could be good.
Himeko: So we just have to do our own kinda take on the story, right?
Bossun: Right. / Let's go with Momotarou! // Now, this is a show for a kid, so let's go all out and see what we can come up with! // If anyone has any ideas, just throw them in as we go along! // Here goes - the Super Momotarou Remix Operation!!
[Text: Once upon a time, in a certain place...]
Switch: Objection.
Bossun: Whaa?!! // That was quick! / We've barely even started yet!!
Himeko: What kinda problem can you have at this point?!

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Switch: I'm not sure about the "Once upon a time". Who says we have to set this story in the past? // Simply changing this one little thing could have a major impact on the whole. // We can't hope to make this a bold and interesting reinterpretation unless we make the most fundamental of changes. // When attempting to bring about reform, the most important thing is to have the courage to smash down the very first of obstacles.
Himeko: All right!! Not real sure on all that, but it sure sounded good!! Where'd ya get that bold outlook from, anyway?!!
Bossun: It's a good thing we've got you around, Switch!! Even if you are a little freaky!! // All right, let's go with that, then! We'll set it in a different age! // How about something like this?
[Text: In a not-so-distant future, in District 251 of *** City...]
Himeko: Whoa... it turned all SF! The hell's with that?!

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[Text: There lived the OG-3 / and an old woman.]
[TN: "OG-3" is a pun - it's pronounced like "ojii-san", meaning "old man".]
Himeko: Whoa, whoa, whoa!! // Since when is the old man a robot?!
Bossun: What's the problem? This is the future. / It's no fun if we don't mess about with the characters a little.
Himeko: Then why's the old woman so normal?!!
Switch: In that case, I suggest we take this opportunity to insert a moe character. I suggest we call her "Obaa-nyan".
[Label: Obaa-nyan]
Bossun: Nice idea, Switch!
Himeko: She ain't "old" at all!!
[Text: The OG-3 went up to the mountains... // ......to hunt.]
[TN: A bit of a pun here too. They've substituted "kari" (hunting) for the original "shibakari" (gathering firewood).]
Himeko: Okay, OBJECTION!!! // That's just scary!!! / Why's he hunting?!! You just couldn't think of a good replacement for gatherin' firewood, could ya!!
Bossun: Sh - Shaddup!! We've gotta show what awesome skills the OG-3 has, right?!
Himeko: Like hell!!

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Bossun: Obaa-nyan was in the kitchen washing the laundry...
Himeko: Well... yeah, I guess that kinda makes sense...
Bossun: Uhh... and then... // "Suddenly from further upstream, a gigantic peach came...
[Text: ...floating down.]
[Labels: River // Sea // Peach // Obaa-nyan's House]
Himeko: Wait, wait, wait, WAIT!! // It's still floatin' down a river?!!! How does that work?!!
Bossun: But... / If she's doing her laundry at home, she can't really find it there...
Himeko: If you're changin' the story, then do it properly!! This is the "first contact", it's important!!
Switch: Obaa-nyan found a new product amongst her usual detergent.
Himeko: An' you just shut up!!
[Text: A gigantic peach was delivered from Upstream.]
Deliveryman: Could you please sign for this?
Himeko: HOME DELIVERY?!!
Obaa-nyan: Ahh, from Upstream? Wow, I haven't seen her in ages~
Himeko: Wait, Upstream's a PERSON now?! / Who the hell's that?!!
Switch: Upstream was a friend of Obaa-nyan's from her high-school days.
[Label: Upstream]
Himeko: Yeah, whatever!!

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Himeko: Okay, that's enough of this, this is just stupid!! The hell kinda story is this?!! This is all like boring everyday stuff!!
Bossun: Wait up! Not so hasty! This is where things get interesting!
Obaa-nyan: Ever since Upstream had kids, I haven't seen her even once~! // Ahh! / She remembered how much I like peaches! // I wonder how she is now... // Upstream...
Flashback!Upstream: [aside]Obaa-nya~n![/aside]
Flashback!Obaa-nyan: [aside]Hey, Upstream~![/aside]
Himeko: NO FLASHBAAAAAACKS!!! // Why the HELL do we need a flashback at this point, huh?!! Just get on with the story!!
Bossun: Ahh... but I really think we need to establish the friendship between Obaa-nyan and Upstream...
Himeko: Yeah, right!! / We don't even need this Upstream character!!
Switch: No, I do think we should have a flashback. We could use it as foreshadowing for how a popular phrase from their childhood days, "Oh, forge~~t it!☆" could end up being an important "keyword" later on in the story.
Himeko: Stop gettin' so into this!! / You're really overdoin' it!

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Himeko: Just get Momotarou into the story already! / The main character of the story isn't even born yet!
Bossun: Okay, okay... // Here goes, then!
[Text: Obaa-nyan went to slice the peach immediately...]
Switch: Objection.
Himeko: WHAT NOW?!! // Can you just shut up already, four-eyes?!! / We can't tell a story with you doin' that!!
Switch: Ever since I was a child, I've been sceptical about this part. // If she slices the peach open... // ...won't the baby be sliced in half?
Bossun: Hey... why'd ya have to say a thing like that...?
Himeko: Yeah, ya just don't... go there, ya know? I mean, that's just nasty!
Switch: But I do think we should make it a little more realistic.

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Bossun: Okay, how about this...
[Text: Obaa-nyan was about to slice the peach, when she heard a voice coming from inside.]
Himeko: That's scary!!
[Text: She was rather unnerved by this development, and didn't want to do anything rash, so she waited for OG-3 to get home.]
Himeko: N - No objections there!!!
[Text: Finally, OG-3 arrived back home.]
Himeko: The hell has he been hunting?!!!
Switch: "It'll be Yandogira stew tonight!" "Oh, forge~~t it!☆"
Himeko: Don't you start interferin'!!
[Text: Once his wife had explained the situation...]
OG-3: Life-signs confirmed within this subject.
[Text: "Don't come in here, whatever happens". So saying, OG-3 shut himself in a room and began the extraction process.]
Himeko: I don't like this story any more...
[Text: And from within the peach was born a small, round baby boy!]

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[sFX: sigh]
Bossun: That kind of... wore me out...
Switch: We finally managed to reach the birth of the main character.
Himeko: I'll go get some tea.
Bossun: Right, this is where things get tricky. // We can't just have the kid growing up and going off to kill the demons like normal, it wouldn't be interesting...
Himeko: Are you sure we've gotta change so much stuff? Not that I can really be bothered to complain right now...
Bossun: Hey, how about we say the kid actually turned out to be a girl?
Himeko: Ahh!! I like it! That's a cool sorta thing to change! // A girl Momotarou... I guess she'd be "Momoko"!
Bossun: Nah...

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Bossun: She's called "Upstream".
Himeko: WHAT THE HELL!!! // What, we're namin' her after that Upstream girl?! / Or what, she turns into Upstream when she grows up?! Why?!
Bossun: Well, there are all sorts of reasons behind that, but it's complicated, so let's just forge~~t it!☆
Himeko: You're kiddin'?! Tell me already!! It pisses me off, but I'm actually kinda interested now!!
[Text: Upstream had actually been cursed to revert to childhood after leaving a restaurant without paying.]
Himeko: The hell's goin' on here?!!!
Bossun: Now that she had been reverted to childhood, she could no longer survive all on her own. That's why she sealed herself inside a peach and mailed herself to her old friend Obaa-nyan.
Himeko: Yeah, okay, I think we can leave that part out after all.
Bossun: Right!! Now, this is where it starts getting good! Upstream is going off to kill the demons!!
Himeko: All right! // Let's not screw around with this part too much, yeah?!
Switch: Bossun - before we proceed, I have a suggestion to make.

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Switch: Up until this point, I'd say we've been making all sorts of absurd changes in order to appeal to children in general. But I think we should be thinking about our audience more specifically - that is, Yoshihiko-kun himself.
Bossun: Hmm... Yeah, gotta agree with you there.
Switch: According to the principal, the boy is a first-year primary-school student, but is unusual in that he acts older than his age.
Bossun: Mmm... I guess maybe we'd be better trying to insert some personal drama, then...
Himeko: Ya think? Gives me a bad feeling...
Upstream: As we've discussed, I'm going to head off to the Isle of Demons now. // But there's something I think you should know before I leave. // I'm grateful to you for raising me like this. // But don't get me wrong. // All I wanted from the beginning was for you to get me back to my original body. / I used you for that purpose; nothing more, nothing less. // Are we understanding each other here?

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Upstream: You're no mother of mine.
Himeko: WAAAAAAAAIT!!! // What the hell's with her?!!! Why, that little...!!! Who does she think has been lookin' after her all these years?!!
Bossun: Ahh! That's just the kind of reaction we're looking for, Himeko!!
Himeko: Why, that poor little Obaa-nyan...!!
Bossun: Right, so we'll put in that bit of drama...
Himeko: NO WAY~!!!
Bossun: Guahh!!!
Himeko: We don't need that kinda drama!! Stop makin' poor Obaa-nyan cry!!! // The hell is this meant to be, Reality☆Maji?!!
Bossun: Ah, don't worry yourself over that!! We'll never get anywhere with you objecting left, right and centre!!
Himeko: What did you say?!!
Switch: Himeko, this may be a bad time, but today's the day you have to take out the trash.
Himeko: What, right now?!!

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Himeko: Okay, fine... I'll take the trash out. // Maybe you can try and get some proper writing done while I'm gone. / Honestly!
Bossun: Man, that was a good move there, Switch!
Switch: I like the way this story is going, Bossun... let's continue while we have the chance.
Bossun: Time to sort this out while the demon's gone!
[Text: Ten minutes later...]
Bossun: We've finally reached the climax of the story!
Himeko: That was fast!! / You must've got a lot done while I was gone!! // Okay, then... let's hear it. / I'll just listen and see what you've come up with.
Bossun: You're not gonna butt in? You promise that? / I've put my heart and soul into making sure this story is absolutely top-notch, you know?
Himeko: Yeah, I got it - just get with the readin'!
Bossun: Crossing the violent seas, Upstream and her comrades finally reached the Island of Demons.

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[Text: "Ahahahahah!! This shall be a fitting base of operations from which I can take over the entire world!"]
Himeko: Wha - ?!!
[Text: Landing on the island, Upstream began without delay her search for the dwellings of the demons.]
Himeko: Agh...!!
[Text: With her minions, Yandogira...]
Himeko: .........!!!
[Text: ...Bob Fernandez...]
Himeko: ...Nghh...
[Text: ...and OG-3 by her side...]
Himeko: Mustn't say anything...!!
[Text: The battle with the demons finally began!]
Himeko: Dammitall, let me object, pleeeease!!!

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[Text: "Yahh!" "Guaaah!" "Get them!!" The demons never stood a chance against Upstream and her minions.
Himeko: STOOOOOOOOOOOP!!! // That OG-3 is just too strong!! // Wait, that thing was a wig?!! / Who care?!! Screw this!! // UPSTREEEEEAM!!! // Oh, forget it!! What the hell happened?!! / Hell, they're just a bunch of invaders!!
Bossun: No, but you see... this is an antithesis of justice designed to illustrate the inherent subjectivity of "good" and "evil"...
Himeko: WHO CA~~~RES!!!

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Bossun: And thus Upstream and her comrades returned safely to District 251 of *** City. // As OG-3, now reduced to nothing but a head and an upper right arm, arrived, Obaa-nyan rushed over to him. "Welcome home, my hero!" // But it was then, just as Obaa-nyan collapsed in tears, that it happened! "I've got you now! Not once, but twice you run away without paying!!" // On her way home, Upstream had stopped in at the old soba restaurant, and once again, she was cursed by the proprietor! In the blink of an eye, she was once again reduced to an infant's form!
[Text: Obaa-nyan sealed the baby Upstream into a muskmelon and set her floating the river... // And they all lived happily ever after.]

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Bossun: ............Well, that's what we've got... whaddaya say...?
Principal: I say... // "Forge~~t it!☆"
[insert text: The only logical conclusion!!]