Sket Dance 54

1
[insert text: "Genesis" Yamanobe-sensei is back for more!!]
Yamanobe: ...So please, you've got to help me! // I need you guys to learn to play this game!
Himeko: .........
Bossun: This again...
Himeko: Yamanobe-sensei, is this, you know... like last time?
Yamanobe: You're the only people I can ask! // This time, it's a form of board game! / Bossun-kun, your'e good at things like this, and Switch-kun, you like games too, right?
Switch: Yes, I adore crappy games!
Bossun: Okay, okay, back up! I don't even know what you're talking about here! What is this game?!
Yamanobe: Huh? / I just told you - it's "Hyperion"!
Bossun: Like I said, WHAT IS THAT?!!!
[sket Dance]
[Chapter 54: This Is A Man's Hyperion]
[insert text: Last time it was a sport... now, a mysterious board game?!]

2
[Text:]
Hyperion
Hyperion is a type of board game. In terms of game theory, it could be described as a "Four-player, zero-sum, discrete, deterministic game of perfect information". In simple terms, picture a four-player game similar to shogi or chess.
The game is an old one; the most prominent theory suggest that it originated in China around the year 1000 BC. From there it travelled to India, where it was established under the name of Chaturanga. From there, so it is claimed, the game evolved into the likes of shogi and chess, but opinion is heavily divided, and the game's true origins remain concealed in a veil of mystery.
It is said that this game has a very limited number of players, and what reference materials exist are sorely insufficient. In fact, this is something of a "mystery game" passed down as a rumour by only the most avid of game enthusiasts.
The name "Hyperion" originates with one of the Titans of Greek legend, specifically the god of the Sun and Moon. The name carries the meaning of one who travels ("ion") the heights ("hyper"), and as such, it is said that the game was played solely amongst those of extremely high class, such as kings and high priests.
There are various proposed reasons why a game such as this never spread further than these elite circles, but one ominous rumour suggests that the game was said to hold "the power of demons". After playing the game once, a person's soul would be snared, and he would become wholly addicted. True or not, the fact remains that the game never spread to the general public. Truly a game steeped in mystery, wouldn't you agree?
-Minmin Shoboukan
"Fiction or Fact? The Book of Legendary Crappy Games (lol)"
[/Text]
Yamanobe: ...So that's the deal.
Bossun/Himeko: LIKE HELL IT IS!!!
Yamanobe: No, it really exists! Master Huang taught it to me back when I was learning Genesis from him!
Bossun: ...And there's old Master Huang again...
Himeko: Who the hell is this old guy, huh?!
Yamanobe: Like I just told you, there's a World Tournament in the game being held here in Japan! / I'd almost completely forgotten about the game for so long, but when I heard about this tournament, my love for it just came rushing back! // But the game is played in a team of two players, so I can't enter the tournament on my own. // I don't even need all of you to help me. // Bossun, Switch, if just one of you could master the game and be my partner, that would be more than enough.
Himeko: ............ // Waaait a minute. / Why am I not included in this?
Yamanobe: Ahh... / Well, you see...

3
Yamanobe: For some reason, the game can only be played by men.
Himeko: Huuuh?
Bossun: What do you mean?
Yamanobe: This is one of the "Two Great Mysteries of Hyperion".
Himeko: Only two?! / ...What's the other one, then?!
Yamanobe: Oh, women can play the game all right, but for some reason they seem unable to enjoy it in the slightest. / Men, on the other hand, seem to take to it with a remarkable enthusiasm and passion; people have even compared it to a form of arousal. // Such people are said to be "emitting a Hyperiaura", or simply "Hyped".
Himeko: Like I give a shit!! // I don't know what this crazy game is, but I'm sure as hell not bein' the only one left out. // I'm playin' too.
Yamanobe: ......... // Ahhh... // What's all this, now, Himeko-kun?! / Despite your cold attitude... why, you're just brimming with enthusiasm!! / Who-whoo~!!
Himeko: Ugh... / This guy REALLY gets on my nerves!!

4
Yamanobe: Right, then! // I've prepared a square table to make this easy. // Right, so everybody pick a side and sit down at the four cardinal directions! // Ahh, no, no! / There's a special ritual you have to perform when sitting down.
Bossun: Huh?
Yamanobe: In Greek legend, there were four Gods, known as the Anemoi, who governed the four cardinal winds. / Their names are written there at each side of the table, you see? // It's traditional that before a game of Hyperion, each player should invoke the God corresponding to his own direction as he takes his seat. / This is supposed to show your respect for the gods of wind, and to call the winds of victory to your side.
Himeko: Huh? // So what, we've gotta say these names?
Yamanobe: Let's try it now. All right - Notus!
Switch: Eurus.
Bossun: ............ // Boreas.
Himeko: ............

5
Himeko: Zephyrus. / Agh, what the hell is this crap?!!
Yamanobe: All right. / Now, let's begin! // Hyperion is very similar to the game of Shogi. / You lose the game if your King is taken. // The biggest different is that it is played in teams of two-versus-two. // This is the board on which the game is played. Incidentally, does anybody know what this board is called?
Himeko: How the hell are we meant to know a thing like that without any hints, huh?
Bossun: ............ // The "Grand Cross"?
Yamanobe: Correct!
Himeko: You actually got it?!!
Yamanobe: I truly am impressed! Well, that's our Bossun-kun!
Bossun: Oh, well, I just kinda had a feeling, that's all, you know...
Yamanobe: Yes! This is the spirit of "Hyperism" that flows only through young men!
Himeko: Oh, come ON! This is really startin' to piss me off!!
Yamanobe: Well, then, Himeko-kun... how about you feel this Grand Cross and see if you can tell me what it is made of?
Himeko: Huh? How am I meant to know that? / Is it Katsura wood?
Yamanobe: I'm afraid not. / Switch, do you know?
Switch: Spruce?
Yamanobe: Correct!
Himeko: How do you know this stuff?!!
Switch: Well, I just had a kind of intuitive hunch that it might be spruce.
Yamanobe: It flows! The Hyperism is flowing through you!
Himeko: Oh, for the love of...!! Just hurry up and get on with the game, if you're gonna play it!

6
Yamanobe: Well, then, let me explain the various pieces. / There are nine types of piece in total, each with their own unique style of movement. // And the pieces come in four different colours - red, blue, yellow and white. Each player uses one colour. // Just think of it in terms of shogi and it should be simple enough. / First of all, these two pieces correspond to the Gold and Silver Generals. // They are called the "Steam" and the "Shoes".
[Labels: Steam // Shoes]
Himeko: Whaaa?!! // Pieces... whaaa?! You play with pieces like these?!
Yamanobe: Indeed. Rather different from those in shogi or chess.
Bossun: Wait, aren't these pieces from a different game?! I'm sure I've seen them before!!
Yamanobe: Hyperion pieces are even valuable purely as figurines. They're very collectable. // And each of them has its own established individual "character", as well.
Himeko: I'm gettin' a bad feeling about this...
Yamanobe: Here's the next one - the "Family-Man"!
[Label: Family-Man]
Himeko: No, no, no, no, NO!!

7
Himeko: This is from another game, an' all!!
Yamanobe: N - no, no!! The history of Hyperion goes back three thousand years, remember?
Bossun: Then why are all the pieces so modern, huh?! This is just plain stealing!!
Yamanobe: It's not stealing!! // Incidentally, "Family-Man" refers to the guy in the front; the ones in the back are his children.
Himeko: WE CAN TELL THAT!!
Yamanobe: All right, all right. The next one's cooler, I'm sure you'll like it.
Himeko: ...Really? It better not turn out to be an electric fan or somethin'...
Yamanobe: It's the Heavy Warrior, "Dodondondodon"!
[Label: Dodondondodon]
Bossun/Himeko: HUH?!!
Bossun: This one looks like a Kinnikuman eraser!!
Switch: So there were human-shaped pieces as well...
Himeko: Oh, come on, have some kinda consistency!! It's even made of freakin' rubber!!
Yamanobe: As you can see, Dodondondododon is a Human-Type Piece.
Himeko: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Yamanobe: Because of his fearsome appearance, Dodondondododon is particularly popular with beginners to Hyperion - so-called "Hyperiginners".
Himeko: Ya really don't have to make it a "technical term", it just sounds freakin' stupid.
Bossun: Huh... this is a really well-made little model...
Switch: I wonder who the manufacturer is...?
Himeko: (Ahhh... they're actually goin' for it... / I guess that's guys for ya...)
Yamanobe: Hehehe... Now, the next piece. This really is one for the guys...

8
Yamanobe: It's "Mass-Production ZAF".
[Label: Mass-Production ZAF]
Bossun: ALL RIGHT!!! // Oh, hell yeah! So cool!!
Switch: Can't get enough of this kind of stuff... // Just can't get enough...
Himeko: Oh, come on, this is screwed up! Where's the consistency?! / Why are there ROBOTS now?!!
Yamanobe: There are a full two ZAF pieces for each player!
Himeko: TWO?! // Where's the point even callin' 'em "Mass-Produced"?!!
Yamanobe: Now, then, we have the pieces that, rather than being "cool", attract the guys with their moe appeal! // That's right... the female Human-Types! // It's the "Idol of Hyperion", the Maccha Azukina Card...
[Label: Maccha Azukina]
Yamanobe: And the "I'm not losing, I just prefer to keep to myself"... / It's the Office Lady, or OL!
[Label: OL]
Bossun: LIKE THAT'S MOE!!! // No, no way!! This is just stupid! I'm not getting taken in this time!!
Himeko: The consistency is just gettin' stupider and stupider!! Why an office lady now?!!
Switch: And that Maccha Azukina isn't even a proper model at all...

9
Yamanobe: Do you people do nothing but complain?! / Try listening to the full explanation before you judge them! // I don't really have much to say about Maccha Azukina, to be honest...
Himeko: What, you don't?!
Yamanobe: But the OL has a special, unique means of attacking! // Look - these pieces are called "Tequila".
[Label: Tequila]
Bossun: Huh? Are these the pawns?!
Himeko: What the hell's with that?!!
Yamanobe: But if you place one of these and the OL on the same square... // ...it powers up into the new and improved "OTL" piece!
Himeko: SHE'S JUST THROWIN' UP!!! // So what, she was so lonely she got depressed, started drinkin' and ended up throwin' up?!! How the hell's that a "power-up"?!!
Yamanobe: No, but look - she can move further now...
Himeko: That's a drunken stagger!! // Ugh... I give up already. This game's just too freakin' weird.
Yamanobe: Hm? You're giving up? // The guys seem to be enjoying themselves enough, you know?
Switch: A combination technique... // Brilliance. Absolute brilliance.
Bossun: It's just too cool when characters power up!
Himeko: ARE YOU GUYS FOR REAL?!!
Yamanobe: All right, it's time for the final piece! The King himself!!

10
Yamanobe: The Cactus, Abrasimovich!
[Label: Abrasimovich]
[TN: The cactus thing is a pun. The word "cactus" in Japanese includes the kanji for "King", so he's a "cactus" instead of a "King". In other news, wtf is with that name?]
[Label: Abrasimovich]
Himeko: WHAT KINDA GAME IS THIS?!!! // WHAT?! THE?! HELL?!!! Seriously, just QUIT IT already!! This is just some low-level random monster!!
Yamanobe: And if he is? What's so wrong with that?
Himeko: And now ya get all protective?!!
Bossun: You know, actually a weakling like that does fill you with inspiration to protect it...
Switch: Indeed.
Himeko: Are you guys serious?!!
Yamanobe: That's an excellent point you've noticed there - since the King's role is to be protected, why should he necessarily appear strong?
Himeko: Ugh...
Bossun: Man, this Hyperism stuff really does get to you, doesn't it!
Yamanobe: Incidentally, Abrasimovich is the princess and heir of the great Abrasimo Family.
Bossun: ...She's a girl?!
Himeko: Who cares about the "story"?!!
Yamanobe: And the opposing team's "King" is her twin sister, Abrasimodach!
Bossun: Twins?!!
Himeko: Wait, the "Abrasimo" part's a surname?!!!
Bossun: Ahhh... this whole scenario's pretty dramatic, isn't it?!
Switch: A helpless princess... a battle between twin sisters... / It's perfect.
Himeko: I don't get it... / I just don't get it... // Maybe this Hyperism stuff really just doesn't work on girls...

11
[Text: Two hours later...]
Yamanobe: A~nd that's Stop The Music. (Check)
Bossun: Ah - ! / Craaap...! // Ughhh... Don't Stop The Music!! ("I Surrender")
Switch: ...Don't Stop The Music.
Yamanobe: Hahahahah... As I thought, you really aren't bad at this. // As you can see, planning your movements out with your partner beforehand is a very effective strategy. // Just like that, you silently move in with your partner... / ...and, hand in hand, strike as one. / This technique is known as "Silent Dual Arts".
Himeko: ............
Bossun: Ahhh!! That's pretty cool!! // So, wait... what about that attack you just showed us? // You know, the one where when the Family Man's destroyed and gets sent flying like a knight, if one of his children lands on a ZAF's space, he can control it?
Yamanobe: That's the "Dead Extreme Attack".
Bossun: SO COOOOOL!!!
Himeko: .........

12
Himeko: (Not even gonna bother...)
Switch: One more game, Sensei!
Bossun: Yeah, we're not gonna lose this time!
Yamanobe: Hahahah, that's the spirit of a real Hyperist.
Bossun: All right, I'm pumped~!!
Yamanobe: Hm? Himeko-kun, is something wrong?
Himeko: Ahh... no. // D'you think I could sit this one out? // I'm still not sure I've really got all the rules, so... I'll just watch...
Bossun: What's that, Himeko?! Just when it was really getting interesting...!!
Switch: Come on! Let's play Hyperion!
Himeko: (What's with these guys...?) // Nah, really... / I'll just take a break...
Yamanobe: Now, now... if I just play both partners, we can keep going with three players.
Switch: All right.
Bossun: Now, this should be interesting!!
Yamanobe: Notus! Zephyrus!
Switch: Eurus!
Bossun: Boreas!

13
Everyone: HYPERION!!
Himeko: (What kinda magic does this game have...? // They're all totally "Hyped"...)
Bossun: A~ll right... just wait till you see my setup this time!
Yamanobe: Ahhh! // Bossun, that layout of pieces...!! // It's the Excalibur Formation!!
Bossun: Wh... What's that, then?! / It sounds really cool and stuff...!!
Yamanobe: It's a legendary formation; it's said that there are no living users of it! / Don't tell me... you formed it without even knowing...?!! // With the Dodondondodon at the front, ready to slice his way through the enemy, and his troops in a pyramid formation behind him, like the point of a sword...

14
Yamanobe: Behind him stand the OL and Maccha Azukina, ready to protect everyone... // But Dodondondodon alone stands ahead, beyond their protection... // The chances of his survival are a mere 3%...
Dodondondodon: Don't you worry about me... // That is the risk I take as the first to charge... a role that my spirit has thrust upon me. // My body shall become the spear that leads our army to victory. // I leave Abrasimovich in your care.
Bossun: DODONDONDODOOOON!!! // Sensei! I will become an Excalibur user!
Himeko: (The hell is that?!)
Yamanobe: Well said!
Bossun: No matter how the enemy may advance, Dodondondodon will always move onward with a "don"!
Himeko: (That's a lotta "don"!)
Yamanobe: Well said!
Switch: Master Yamanobe!
Himeko: ("Master"?)
Switch: Take a look at my formation!
Himeko: (There's somethin' wrong with those glasses of yours!)

15
Yamanobe: Th... This is...!!! // With the King placed firmly in the centre, and his army surrounding him like a donut... // ...this impenetrable formation... // ...has no name, but it's beautiful!!
Himeko: (What, it doesn't?!)
Switch: Thank you very much. // Perhaps you could give it a name yourself, Master?
Yamanobe: Very well.
Himeko: (You can't even see Maccha Azukina any more...)
Yamanobe: Let us call it the Thousand-Armed Peacock!
Bossun: SO COOOOOOL!!
Switch: Thank you very much!
Yamanobe: Now then, let us begin! BATTLISH!!
[box: Thus Himeko wondered... // ...whether if she took Cyclone and smashed the Grand Cross into a million pieces, she could bring an end to the strange atmosphere filling the room...]
Himeko: (I should totally do it...)

16
[Text: One week later...]
Bossun: Master... / Have we still not reached the grounds of the World Tournament?
Himeko: .........
Yamanobe: According to the letter from Master Huang, it should be just a little further...
Bossun: Ahh, I'm trembling with excitement already...!
Himeko: (Dammit, these guys are just too Hyped... / The Hyperiaura is even makin' their faces look weird...) // Look, Bossun, there's totally not gonna be some huge World Tournament... / It's just gonna turn out to be some abandoned place with about ten people or somethin'.
Bossun: Are you still going on about that, Himeko?!
Himeko: I just don't think you should get your hopes up, y'know...?
Bossun: Don't be ridiculous! We have come all this way to do battle!!
Switch: Yes, we will fight worthy warriors from around the world!!
Himeko: (They're just gettin' worse an' worse... Come back to me, guys...!) // C'mon, why d'you have a letter from this Master Huang guy, anyway? / I mean, think about it... he should be dead by now, right?
Bossun: You mock even Master Huang?!!
Switch: A Master never dies! Probably!
Yamanobe: Ah - here we are! This is the place.

17
Everyone: .........
[sign: Hyperion World Tournament]
Bossun: Ah - aahhh... you know, for a second there... / I almost got this nasty feeling... like I was coming to my senses, or something...
Himeko: Ya see?! That's the reality of all this cooling down your crazy attitudes!
Bossun: We're not "cooling down"!!
Yamanobe: Quiet, now, all of you! We're about to do battle against this world's greatest warriors! Who cares if the battleground is a hut in the mountains?!
Himeko: ......
Yamanobe: Does that change our will to fight?!
Bossun: Nay!!
Yamanobe: Let us advance!!
ChineseGuy1: !
ChineseGuy2: Ahh...
ChineseGuy1: Let's... see. / You must be the contestants from Japan! // Would you happen to be Yamanobe-san?
ChineseGuy2: Oh - we're the only ones here, by the way. // That's right... / We're Huang's grandchildren.

18
Himeko: (It's even worse than I thought...)
ChineseGuy1: Well... we're going to be serving as the Chinese representatives.
ChineseGuy2: You see, in his will, our old dead grandpa asked us to come to Japan this year... and play Hyperion, or something... / So we sent out letters to his old apprentices.
ChineseGuy1: We didn't really expect anyone to show, but... / Well... thank you for coming all this way...
Yamanobe: Oh - no, no, thank you. / Very kind of you...
ChineseGuy2: What did I tell you, Nii-san?! We'd just end up bothering anyone earnest enough to show up!
ChineseGuy1: But... what else could we do, Rou?! It was our grandfather's will!
ChineseGuy2: What do we do now...? The Mongolians didn't end up even showing...
ChineseGuy1: Don't complain, now! Why did you go and get so caught up in this crazy Hyperion thing, anyway?!
ChineseGuy2: You were into it too, Nii-san! It was incredible for a while, remember?! ...Although we got bored of it pretty quickly...
ChineseGuy1: Honestly, what got into us back then...?
ChineseGuy2: Ah - I'm sorry. / Well, since we're here, shall we have us a little game?
Yamanobe: Huh?
ChineseGuy2: Hyperion.
Yamanobe: Ohh... right. // Well then... these two will be your opponents!

19
Yamanobe: On the right... / ...we have Excalibur Bossun... // And on the left, we have... what was it... / ...oh yes - "Thousand-Armed Peacock" Switch.
ChineseGuys: Er...m... "Exca..."?
Yamanobe: Ahh... never mind that! / Come on... let's get playing, then...! // Yes, of course............ // ............Let's just head home...
Himeko: Ohh - you've come to your senses?
Bossun: Yeah... // "Don't Stop The Music".
[box: Hyperion... an accursed game that can work men into a fever... for a very limited time. / As such, the game never achieved much popularity.........]
Roman: Boys really are so simple-minded~!♡
Bossun: What are YOU doing here?!