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Hameln no Violinist ~Shchelkunchik~ 17

Lute and Great's Hallellujah (Last Part)

en
+ posted by Elanor Pam as translation on Jul 20, 2009 17:04 | Go to Hameln no Violinist ~Shchelkunchik~

-> RTS Page for Hameln no Violinist ~Shchelkunchik~ 17

Helped by the guys at #Nihongo@irchighway and by Unproductive at the forums
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The Violinist of Hameln
Shchelkunchik

Aide: It's terrible!!
Board Chairman...!!

Board Chairman Clari!
In the middle of the new recruits' class...!

One of the students transformed into a mazoku...
And is attacking the surrounding classmates! Please come urgently!!

---- pg 2

17th movement - Lute and Great's Hallellujah (Last Part)

Clari:
Yeah, I know...

(sfx: fwom!)

---- pg 3

Aide: Ah??
You knew...!?

Board Chairman! We should immediately...!!
Clari: There's no need

A magical barrier is already being formed around the school. Nothing can escape

The Magicorps are also on standby for emergencies
Aide: Eh? The Magicorps?
What on earth......!?

Percuss: The student who turned into a mazoku is...
an inheritor of Chestra's blood...

The incident in the Ark was a sample of...
only a fraction of this student's power...

---- pg 4

Clari: Their aim is...
the Demon King's blood...

This much I was able to predict...
Now we wait...
...............?

and see if the wire puller...
will sink his teeth in the bait...
and give himself away...

---- pg 5

Lute: Great...

---- pg 6

Lute: We used to
play a lot...

Until that...

tragedy happened.........

---- pg 7

Lute: Since then, you distanced yourself...
from everyone...
from people
Even from our family......

No matter how many times
we'd reach out a hand...

we were never able to close the distance...

Little Lute: Great!
What's your problem!

---- pg 8

Lute: Don't push me away as well!!
Don't hate me!!

Great: It's not that, nii-san
It's not because
I hate you

---- pg 9

Great: My right eye
hurts...
sometimes...

there are times when my blood
runs...
when there's a bad smell of
blood...
And there's a scream
from my heart

Devour them...
Kill them...
they're food
those...
...humans...

---- pg 10

Great: Scary...
scary...
I'm scared!

I just don't know...
What I'm turning into...
What I should do...

Lute: Gre...

Great: DON'T GET ANY CLOSER...!!

Lute voiceover: He didn't want to push others away...
Great: Lute-niisan...
Lute voiceover: He -had- to push others away
Great: You can't stay by my side

---- pg 11

Lute Voiceover: Great... he was fighting...
Great: Nii-san... I have a request
If, when I get big...

Lute Voiceover: all on his own, in his little body...

Great: I go on a rampage from the Demon King's blood...
If I can't hold this blood back...
promise me

that you

will

---- pg 12

stop me...

---- pg 13

Students: This is bad! He was caught!!
He'll be killed...!!

Piroro: Aah, even Lute-san's power
couldn't stop him!?

Lute voiceover: Just how am I supposed
to stop you...

Great: The demon king's blood is strongly lodged.........
in my right eye...

Before I hurt everyone.........
Before I'm possessed by the Demon King's blood--

This right eye...

---- pg 14

BLOODY DEATH EATER!!

---- pg 15

Students: Wha, what the-- a monster just--!!
A summoning spell!?

H.Pipe: I see!! Of course--
Student: !?
H.Pipe: That was his aim all along!!

Lute wasn't just fighting!
He wasn't just pointlessly jumping around in circles!!
That "Justice" (kanji:aura) was...

HIM DRAWING A MAGICAL FIELD!!
TO SEIZE GREAT!!

Lute: Great

I'm fulfilling that promise

---- pg 16

Lute-niisan

just...

gouge out
my right eye...

---- pg 17

Shchel: DOOOOON'T!
GREAAAT!
LUTE-SAN!
Piroro: Shchel! Stop that!!
Don't be rash!

You're different from them
Your arms, your body
will be torn apart!!

Shchel: Lute-san and Great, too
They're both mistaken!!

You can't do things that way!
You can't rely on strength!

Piroro: But you can't do anything!
You should know that!
Shchel: That's not it! That's not it!!

---- pg 18

Shchel: that's...!?

sfx: GOON

---- pg 19

Shchel: Bratsche-san...!?

Bratsche: Shchel-kun...
Your arms were skewered, but...
Even so, you were trying to help those two...
Worrying about them more than about yourself...

Watching that...

---- pg 20

Bratsche: I understood your feelings, so
Go ahead!!

Give your best!!
Shchel: Bratsche-san...!

Off-pannel: Uwaaah

What's that--

---- page 21

(nothing except a sight out of nightmares)

---- pg 22-23

Students: THE HELL
IS THIS!?

They're eating

the summoned monster!!

There's a whole swarm of them!

H.Pipe: They're like piranhas--

Piroro: Fa...
Fairies...?
shadow guy: kuku
Black Fairies!?

---- pg 24

Bratsche: Shchel-kun!!
Go ahead!!

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#1. by Unproductive ()
Posted on Jul 22, 2009
A good job on the translation. A few nitpicks on the earlier part of chapter. I'm afraid I can't help too much once the action picked up.

Some suggestions:
on page 1:
FYI:
"New students" is a non-specific reference for a group of students that join a school together as a class since it could also include transfer students. Vocational schools might refer to their group as "new recruits." Colleges and high schools refer to theirs groups as "freshman." I suggest using "new recruits," but it should be fine as is.

on page 3:
"The incident in the Ark, too, must have been caused...
to measure a glimpse of this student's power..."
>>
"The incident in the Ark was a sample of...
only a fraction of this student's power..."


Page 7:
"you'd never approach us..."
>>
"we were never able to close the distance."
Negative past of the volition + to suru form (trans: about to) turns into this.

Page 9:
"And there's a screaming
from my heart
Devour...
Kill...
they're food
all humans.........
...and stuff..."
>>
"And there's a scream
from my heart,
Devour them.
Kill them.
They're food,
those
humans."

screaming -> scream
And the imperative seems to work better for kill and devour.
removed "... and stuff..." for having no meaning.

Page 10:
Lute voiceover:
He didn't want to be apart...
Lute voiceover:
He -had- to stay apart
>>
"He didn't want to distance himself..."
"He had to distance himself from everyone."

For script continuity. Use the same phrasing as either page 7 "distance himself" or page 8 "push others away" since this is referring to previously mentioned behavior by Great.

#2. by Unproductive ()
Posted on Jul 22, 2009
Oh, I forgot to mention, when Great is talking to Lute or when Bratsche was talking to Shchel, and they use the other person's name, you should use "You" instead of the name.

"Watching that...
---- pg 20
Bratsche:
I understood Shchel-kun's feelings, so" <- "Shchel-kun's" should be "your"
#3. by Elanor Pam ()
Posted on Jul 26, 2009
thanks for the help! ^_^ I'll edit here when I'm done reformatting my original text file.

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