Gintama 383

This weekend Monkey D Rufi suffered a horrific grammatical accident. Sentence fragements everywhere, detached subclauses astray, redundant adjectives and general contextual misinterpretative mayhem was abound. But he's in the Syntactic Hospital now. His leg's in a dictionary-cast and he's hooked up to a TL-drip. Because of that, he was unable to perform his duties this week and I had to step in at the last minute.

We're hoping he comes out of his word-coma soon. He should be back up to his contextually-fragmented self by next week.



[Gintama 383 Translation by Kewl0210]
Page 1:
Gin: Hey, scuse me.
Could you buy this off me?
Sign: Recycle Shop
Earth Defense Base
Insert Text: ☆When you think of this time...
Title: "Gintama"
Gin: My kotatsu broke.
Girl: Would gimma a break already? I told you this place ain't a garbage dump.
(SFX- GATA GATA)
Gin: I'm no expert, but the temperature strengthening and weakening stopped working.
Sacchan: Please make it stronger!!
Gin: All it can do is get "stronger" now.
Someone: This is connected to the 4-koma?!!
(TN- We've got that 4-koma at the end of the chapter.)
Gin: Lemme trade this for something kotatsu-ish then.
Girl: I don't do any black market human-trafficking, ya know.
Gin: Hm? Hey, ain't you got anything good here?
Oh, hang on here, what's this...?
(TN- This was in that Blu Reiko chapter, but if you forgot, a kotatsu is a table over an electric heater with a blanket on top to retain the heat.)

Page 2:
Insert Text: ☆This one's a kotatsu story...
Title: Lesson 383
When You're Sleeping Under a Kotatsu, Be Careful You Don't Cook Your ***tama
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Shin: Good morniiing.
......Huh?
...Haaah...
Again?
Geez.
No choice...
KORUAAAAAAAAA!!
Haven't I told you you'll catch a cold if you sleep under the kotatsu!!
(SFX-PAAN)
Would you please cut this out?
It's so slovenly.
Even Sadaharu?

Page 3:
Shin: What's with this? This is our first time back after New Years and we've got this mess?
Did you guys put everything so it's within arm's reach of the kotatsu?
You know one can only be so depraved.
Gin: Shut up. It's cold, so we don't wanna go out.
Let us at least laze around for New Years, you idiot.
Shin: That coming from a guy who slacks off all year long.
Kagura: Pattsan, I have decided I'm going to marry the kotatsu.
I do not feel I can live without it anymore.
Shin: Not even a kotatsu would want a wife that never leaves the kotatsu!
(SFX-PIH)
Shin: Please just get out for a little while. We haven't gone shopping since the end of last year.
The fridge is totally empty. I can't make any lunch like this.
(SFX: SHAKA SHAKA Brushing)
Kagura: Eh~~ it is fine~~~
I have already gone shopping.
(SFX- GOSO GOSO)
If you want lunch, here. We have tasty hot manjus, yes?
Shin: No, that's gross!! How the hell are you using that kotatsu?!
(SFX- MUN)

Page 4:
Kagura: Fine then. If you do not want them, Gin-chan, where is the mustard?
Gin: We have some, but it's on the floor over there.
Kagura: Then I will just use that toothpaste.
Shin: ENOUGH ALREADY!!
Just how lazy the two of you gonna be right from the first day of the year?
Being comfortable is fine, but you're overdoing it! You've been like this ever since we got that new kotatsu, haven't you?!
If you guys are eating like little kids, what am I gonna do?! Get up already! Let's get going!
Where's the outlet for this thing?
Gin: There ain't an outlet.
Shin: You liar! Show me! Where are you hiding it?!
Gin: I'm tellin' ya, there ain't one.
Shin: Quit playing dumb!! Without an outlet how can you turn it off and on?!
(SFX- GABAH)
Gin: We don't need to be able to turn it on and off.
Because like I said,

Page 5:
Gin: we're not
coming out of here.
Shin: S...
Space?
No.
This is... This iiiiis
A black hooole!!

Page 6:
(SFX- AAAAAAAA JITA JITA)
(SFX- ZUBOH)
(SFX- KATA KATA KATA)
(SFX- ZUBOOOOH)
(SFX- PUHAAAA GAH GAH ZEE HAA ZEE HAA)
Gin: What're you doin' there, Pattsan? Keep it down.
Shin: WAAAAAAAIT! W... WAIT ON HEEEERE!!

Page 7:
Shin: Wh... What is thiiiiis?! What the heck is this kotatsuuuuu?!!
How was a black hole born inside a kotatsuuu?!
Gin: What, you're saying you didn't know?
That's what a kotatsu is, obviously.
Once you go in, you don't go out.
It soaks in people's lazy pleasures and sucks out all motivation. It's a square black hole.
That's a kotatsu.
Shin: I've never heard of that! A home appliance that comes off that terrifying!!
I know that's not it. Seriously, what's going on? It's seriously sucked my body in so it won't come out!!
Where on earth did you get this, Gin-san?!!
Gin: They were stressed over how to dispose of it, so they gave it to me for free. I liked the design. Ain't it nice?
Shin: Design? If you get a good look at this thing, it's got creepy charms stuck all over it!
Gin: What was it again... I think they said the previous owner had sealed Evil King Something-ccolo in this kotatsu.
(TN- This is a reference to... you know.)
Gin: It was a little scary so I didn't really listen to the whole thing and brought it home half way through.
Shin: Uh, I think you heard pretty much the whole scary part!!
You were just missing the "Pi"!! That's friggin' Evil King Piccolo!!

Page 8:
Gin: Relax. It ain't "Evil King Piccolo".
I'm pretty sure it was "Evil King Nekkara" or something.
(TN- Nekkara means "by nature" or "to the core" or "thoroughly".)
Shin: It's an evil king to the core?! That makes it even more scary!! And that's not the problem!!
So what does this mean? Are we friggin' sealed into this kotatsu?!
We're can't get out... is there any way to at all?!
What do we do?! Right from the first chapter of the year,
we've gotta do everything while giving off this lazy looking image to everyone?!
Kagura: Not just the first chapter of the year, the entire year will be managed like this, yes?
Shin: That ain't gonna last!
Gin: It doesn't matter if we're a little lazy.
Pattsan, it's our 9th year this year.
Even we use the Sazae-san method of years never actually going by, spiritually I'm already around 40.
Spiritually, I've already got barcode hair.
Shin: Forget spiritually, you've seriously got a barcode hair on your head!
Gin: I'm tired. After week after week of building bamboo screens, my hair's gotten a little disheveled and so maybe I'll loaf around a little.
Kagura: Yes. It's been 9 years already so I've even learned standard Japanese by now.
I'm worn out, so I'm not gonna keep up with that 'Yes?', 'Yes?' stuff.
Shin: I can't believe what this girl is saying nooooow!!

Page 9:
Kagura: I'm tired of keeping up that lie about myself!
Shin: Why do you have a barcode toooo?!!
Wh... What're you doing, you guys?! Can you still call yourselves the main character and heroin of a shounen manga?!!
Gin: Shut up. Everything's just a pain in the ass now.
Shinpachi: Th... This is bad. Their motivation has already been completely sucked away by that evil kotatsu.
I've gotta find a way out of here fast or I'll end up with a barcode, too.
Forget the image, the continuance of the manga is at stake here...
I've got to find some way to call for help.
!!
(SFX- PINPOOOHN Doorbell)
Shin: Someone's here!! Sorry, could you please help uuus!!
We're stuck and can't move right now!! You can let yourself in!!
Zura: What's wrong? Did something happen. Shinpachi-kun?
Shin: Katsura-san!!
SFX: ZAH

Page 10:
Zura: Wh... What is going on in here?!
Gintoki, you bastard! A warrior like you is spending New Years in such an idle state?! For shame!!
Shin: Katsura-san, please listen to what we have to say.
Katsura: Silence!! Save your excuses!
Shin: You've got it wrong! Please, just listen.
Here's the what happened, Katsura-san.
Zura: It's not Katsura.
It's Zura.
(TN- You guys know what this means right? I don't need to explain it right? It's a 9 year old joke and it's been in every other chapter of the manga. Well, regardless, zura means wig. So when he's saying "It's not Zura" he's saying "it's not a wig". This is the opposite.)
Zura: Heeew. It's chilly out there.
Shin: He went barcode in a millisecooooond!!
You bastard, why don't you listen to people when they talk?!
And why did you head straight into the kotatsuuu?!!

Page 11:
Shin: And what's with that gross barcode?!!
Zura: He~~~w I was really frozen out there. Joui activities in the winter truly are relentless.
Well, to be honest it's not just winter. Recently my body itself hasn't been able to keep up with the Joui activities.
My hips hurt and my insurance doesn't cover it. And I've been being followed around by a weird monster, that Sanjyou Iku.
(TN- Sanjou iku means "Go for a visit" and the two middle kanji are the kanji from Joui.)
Shin: Who is this old maaan?!!
Zura: Honestly, I'm jealous of you, Gintoki. I wish I had proper employment like you.
Gin: Naw, it's the same everywhere. We're in a recession.
Shin: Heeeey, what kinda old men class reunion is this?!!
Zura: When we were in class together the only one who'd do well was Sakamoto. Takasugi was always getting into trouble.
Speaking of which, his family was pretty well off to begin with. I guess even if we work really hard, we can't beat the rich.
Gin: It's because of that sorta thing that I've been thinking about what I'll do for the future, and I decided I'd temporarily go back home to the kotatsu.
Shin: What do you mean go home to the Kotatsu? Why're you acting like it's the house you grew up in or something?
Zura: But how do we settle things with Takasugi?
Gin: Takasugi? I've been wondering who that was for a while now. He barely ever appears so I totally forgot.
How about that idea? We just write mean things about him on the bulletin board and call it done with.
Shin: What kind of way of settling things is thaaat?!
Zura: Year, you're right. Meeting up with him and having a Joui-Past arc or something would be all kinds of troublesome.
Have you been thinking about it?
Gin: Like hell I have. What about you?
Zura: What happened in our past anyway?
Gin: I know, right~~
Shin: SHUT UUUUUP! JUST SHUT UP ALREADYYYY!!
What kind of outrageous things are you saying now?!! It can't stay like this! If nobody does anything this manga will collapse!!
Someone, heeeeelp!!

Page 12:
Tae: Huh? What's wrong, Shin-chan. You're shouting.
Kyuubee: Did something happen?
Shin: Sisteer!! Kyuubee-san!!
Someone: Well, it's new years so we thought we'd have a fun little get together.
Shin: WHERE?! All we've got going here is barcode hell!!
Sister, please don't come any closer!
If you go under this kotatsu you won't be able to get back out! And it'll suck out your motivation. Even our heroine ended up like that!
Tae: Why didn't you say so soooner?!!
(SFX- GASHAAN)
Shin: ...Eh? Since when has this old man been here...?
Tae: You really can't do anything. I'm always getting stuck with jobs like this. What the hell were you thinking, dammit?!
Shin: S-Sisteeer?!! Just what did you become?!! You seem like more of an old man than the old men!!
(SFX- DOKO DOKO Pouring)

Page 13:
Shin: And anyhow, why does nobody listen when people talk to them?!
Kyuubee: Ta... Tae-chan!
Shin: Kyuubee-san, you're the only one I can count on. Please, do somethiiiing!!
Kyuubee: We can finally be together as man and woman now!!
Shin: Like hell you caaan!!
Now we've got two more old men lined up! What now?! What's gonna come of this?!!
(Written: I failed...)
Tae: Now, now. Let's forget about that men and women stuff today and just relax.
Shin: Men and women? You've all turned completely into old men!!
Kyuubee: But I'm filled with a wondrous feeling. Kotatsus are really mysterious.
It's like by being under a koatsu with Tae-chan like this, it doesn't matter if we're men or women anymore.
Shin: Like I said, you're old men.
Tae: Me, too... I kind of don't feel like restoring the dojo doesn't matter anymore.
Shin: But kotatsus and dojos have nothing to do with eachother!!
Tae: To be honest, around volume 20 or 30 I felt like I was at my limit.
About all this about dojos and little brothers...
Shin: Why're you saying that kind of still-need-to-pee sorta thing with such a refreshed face?!

Page 14:
Kagura: Ah, it must be really hard to carrying child at such a young age.
Shin: Who has a child?!
Kagura: He says "Let's revive the dojo together" but he doesn't let his big sister sell his body one bit.
Shin: Please don't say anything that might damage someone's reputation!
Gin: According to the rumors, the kid's got some job doing who knows what where he basically just plays around and day.
And it's not such a baby-bump that she's got, but a THUMP.
Shin: And you're the president of that who-knows what job!!
Gin: What's he mean he's learning the way of the samurai? What kinda frivolous thing is that?
Normally people who say they wanna be musicians and then go perform live on the street without taking a single audition are pretty irritating, ain't they?
Shin: What's wrong with doing live shows on the street?! I'll kill you!!
Kagura: If you're going to do something like that, you'd be better off slumping under the kotatsu and doing nothing.
Gin: She's right. Just go laze around under the kotatsu.
Shin: This is not gooood! The situation's just deteriorating!
Will no one save us?!
Kondou: Shinpachi-kun, there's no need to worry.
Shin: !!
Kondou: Because you're not the only one lazing around.
Shin: THAT'S WHYYYYYY?!
(SFX- FASA)

Page 15:
Shin: Forget getting saved, the two people least likely to save anybody have shown up!
Two people who've been barcode butlers since the day they were been born!
Kondou: I've had enough with being a stalker, too.
We thought we'd graduate from all that.
Shin: And this is coming from two people who popped out from under a kotatsu?!
Sacchan: I've sorta just realized recently. Whenever I appear, there's always a face like he's been waiting a little while for me on that man's face.
Shin: Nobody's waiting for somebody like you!
Sacchan: The moment I saw that, I suddenly felt like I was being chilled by something.
Kondou: Ah, I see. That way the positions are reversed.
We're always on the chasing side, but when we're being chased by them something feels wrong.
Shin: Nobody's chasing you, I said! And seriously, for a while now why has everyone been talking like it's a meeting of girls even though everyone's got a barcode up top?!
Zura: I see. So you're tired of both the chasing side and the being chased side.
Shin: And what're you doing trying to act cool, trying to make all your crimes go away?!
Zura: Then let's just forget everything today and laze around together.
Kondou: You're right. Today, we're not Shinsengumi or Joui Patriot. Today, we're
The Laze Around Corps.
Shin: That's not good at all!! You're just both becoming human failures!!

Page 16:
Hase: Ooh, everybody's here.
Shin: !!
Someone: Ow~~~~ You're so late, Hasegawa-san!
Shin: Why does he have a barcode BEFORE he's gotten under the kotatsuuuu?!!
Just how unmotivated are you aaall?!
An wait, what do you mean he's late? Do you guys have a network of human failures or something?!
Tae: Okay, now that everyone's here, let's laze around!!
Shin: What's going on nooow?! What are these doing right for the first chapter of the year?!
(SFX- AAAAAAAA DOSADOSA)

Page 17:
Tae: Ah, sorry.
SFX: GOROH DON [DON is the bubble]
Hase: Mm.
Gin: Um, you've got some snot hanging out.
(SFX- PYUU PYUU exhaling)
Sacchan: Sadaharu-kun, could you shift over that way a bit?
Kondou: Ah, hey hang on. I've got no room here as it is!
Sacchan: Ah, I'm sorry.
Shin: They can't relax at all......
THAT'S IIIIT!

Page 18:
Gin: Go hooooome you bastards! I can't even turn over, packed in like this!!
I bought this kotatsu so I could relax!!
SFX: GAH
Gin: Why are you trying to laze around in somebody else's house in the first place?
Someone: You're always lazing around anyhow, so why don't you get out?!
(SFX- DOTABATADOTABATA GYAAA GYAA)
Gin: Shove it, you! You're not even paying anything!
Someone: You didn't pay anything either!
Any anyhow, I couldn't get out this damn kotatsu if I wanted to!
Owww, I said not to push!
(SFX- MEKIMEKI GISHIGISHI)
Gin: GET OUT OF THE WAAAAAY! I'M THE ONE LAZING AROUND HEEEERE!!
SFX: BAKYAAAA
SFX: KARARARA
SFX: PARA PARA PARA

Page 19:
SFX: MUKU
Someone: ...Huh?
We......
!!
Hey!
Shinpa-
Shin: Being the straight man,
is a pain, too.
Someone: ......
I'm sorry.
Side: ☆Shinpachi, surrendering!!
Bottom: Gintama
... Lesson 383
/ End