Total Sadist VS Total Sadist
You're all whatever.
[Gintama 425 Translation by Kewl0210]
Kusanagi: I found her.
I finally found her.
Insert: ☆An emotional reunion...?!
Kusanagi: I really found her.
Shin: Wait, you don't mean...
Kusanagi: That Big Bro's katana scabbard...
That beautiful scabbard... I have no doubt in my mind.
It is my wife,
Top Left Insert: ☆The Gintama Anime airs every Thursday
at 6PM on TV Tokyo and affiliates!!
☆Gintama Jump Comics Volume 47!! It goes on sale 12/4!!
Shachi fans (are there any?) will definitely not want to miss out!!
TItle: Lesson 425 Total Sadist VS Total Sadist
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Kondou: This is awful.
What's the victim's identity?
Higashikata: Probably from one of the Joui Patriot factions from around here.
We have no way of finding their exact identity.
The body is too disfigured.
Kondou: ...It's that guy again, eh?
Higashikata: No doubt about it. It's hard to think that this is the work of a human. This giant cut
and this katana that was wrenched off from the hilt that is thought to be the victim's.
Man slayer Hitokiri Senbee.
It's his doing.
Kondou: This victim makes 15 in total.
That evil sword really made the Bakufu officials tremble way back when.
But now he's dying his own Joui comrades in blood in order to make them tremble.
I don't have a clue what happened to bring this on, but now they're being pursued by their own men in addition to us.
Hijikata: I don't care if some ticks are squashing each other,
but what I do care about is this.
The way he destroyed all the victims' katana in the same way.
It's hard for me to believe this is the word of a human, but if this is Senbee's work,
what in the world does it mean?
I heard some weird rumors. That before that Senbee bastard left the organization
he got this eerie jet black katana from somewhere.
Hijikata: Since he got that thing, he's been like a different person when he has the katana on him.
There have been some weird sightings of him talking to the katana.
Kondou: So you're saying...
the bastard's goal isn't to slay people,
it's these katana?
Don't you think you're over-thinking it?
Higashikata: ...I wish I were.
But I've gone through quite a bit of hardship because of katana, myself.
Kondou: That reminds me, didn't Sougo get a katana pretty recently?
And he's been talking to it like he's really interested in it.
Maybe that guy
started performing tsujigiri or something, too?
T/N: This has been mentioned before, but tsujigiri means random people to test a sword's sharpness.
Hijikata: Yeah, riiiight! Dahhahhahhahha!!
Okita: Ah, Hijikata-san?
Sorry, but I'm borrowing a room to tear this wide open.
Kondou: ...Huh? What?
What was that just now?
Tear what wide open?! What was that we just caught a glimpse of?!
T/N: The pun's hard to translate, but the verb he's using means "kill" but also "tell someone a secret".
Hold ooooon Sougoooo!!
What is this?! I don't like this! I'm hearing a really weird voice, Toshi!!
Kondou: Hey, Sougo!! What're you doing in my room...?
SFX: AAAA GARARA
SFX: ZUBOO BUSHAAA
SFX: PATAN [This is typed and in a bubble, but it's a sound effect.]
Sougo: Finally got it out.
Kusanagi: That's unacceptable, President. You should handle your elders more gently. I thought I was going to break a hip.
Okita: But ma~~n, you guys really surprised me.
I can't believe there's somebody else so close by that has an Excalibur, too.
You sure are a connoisseur, Boss.
Tetsuko: Well, looks like you can relax now, you don't need to be a scabbard anymore, Gin-san. I never thought we'd have found her this fast.
Kusanagi: I truly thank you. Thank you for letting someone like me borrow your dirty ass.
Tetsuko: Don't worry about it. A dirty ass like that would be glad to be a help to anyone.
Kagura: That is right. And if you are happy with a dirty ass like this, you should come play with us again some other time.
SFX: BIKUN BIKUN
Okita: Hey, uh, I'm not sure I entirely get what's going on here.
Are you guys saying goodbye to Boss's ass?
Tetsuko: Well, the truth is...
your katana scabbard is Kusanagi-san's long lost wife, it would seem.
He's been constantly unsheathed, looking for his wife. So if possible... He'd like it if you'd allow him to return to back into his scabbard...
Kusanagi: Sayako... You haven't said a thing this whole time... Are you angry about something?
I'm truly sorry. It's because I'm so worthless that you have had to undergo such great hardship.
But everything is okay now. I'll protect you, and I'll never leave your side again.
Would you become one whole katana with me once again?
Say, old man,
who are you?
Sayaka: I so totally don't get what's goin' on~~
It's like he's suddenly proposing. He's seriously creeping me out~~!!
Who is this old man, Sou-kun? He's scary~~~!!
Kusanagi: What are you saying? It's me, Sayako, me! Kusanagi!!
Could it be that because so much time has passed, you've forgotten about me?
Shin: That can't be.
Kagura: Hey, Member Kusanagi, maybe you have the wrong scabbard, yes?
Kusanagi: No!! That cannot be the case! Right, Sayako?!!
Okita: Uh~~~ This may seem kinda forward,
but maybe you're better off not digging up something that happened so long ago, huh?
Okita: Sometimes the past isn't something people want to remember.
Kusanagi: Wh-What do you mean by that?!!
Okita: It's just the march of the times, you know? Maybe for you, time has stopped at the moment you said goodbye to this one here.
And she's already living in a new time.
With me, right Saaya?
Sayako: Ohh~~ Sou-kun, people are watching~~!
Kusanagi: Just what scabbard are you calling Saaya?!
Okita: Saaya's pretty much happy with how things are now. Honestly, I don't really know what it is you came for.
To be perfectly frank, just get with the program, dude.
Shin: This is kinda starting to look like a fight between an ex-boyfriend and a current boyfriend.
Sayako: Yeah, yeah! Sou-kun saved me!
I was waiting in this old shabby store in New York waiting for a customer to come pick me up, but no one ever did until he came.
Someone: New York?! You bought her in New York?!
Sayako: I knew I was just a shabby little scabbard with completely different social status as his first-rate sword. I knew it was just playing around. I never dreamed it would get serious.
Someone: Why is this sounding like the plot to Pretty Woman?!
Sayako: But my heart was swept up in his innocence of being serious during playtime and playing during times to be serious, and melted.
Shin: What playing?! It looks like he was just throwing you away right from the get-go!!
Sayako: I don't really know who you are, but could you not try to get between the two of us? We're already quite happy as we are.
Kusanagi: Sa... Sayako.
Okita: Yeah, she's right. I dunno about the past, but now, Saaya is being
snugly inserted into by my shameless Kiku-ichimonji RX-7 to the hilt.
Sayako: Aaah, stooop! Sou-kunnnn, it's embarrassing! So embarrassing!!
SFX: GACHA GACHA GACHA
T/N: Kiku-ichimonji ("Chrysanthemum and Ichi character") is a famous is a collective name given to the Japanese swords made by the thirteen swordsmiths who were in attendance to the Emperor Go-Toba in 1208.
Kusanagi: Th... This can't be. This is... This is...
I will not accept iiiiit!!
Gin: Why the fuck are you coming back heeeeere?!!!
SFX: ZUDOOO AAAAAAA
Shin: Kusanagi-san!! Kusanagi-san!!
Kagura: It is no good. He is simply moping now.
Gin: What's really clogged is by butt hole!! I'm getting snugly inserted into down to the hilt!!
Okita: Well, that's how it is.
So sorry, Boss. I'm gonna need you to get going with that dull friend of yours...
Wait, what the hell are all of you doing here?!!
(Handwritten): Were you listening in on us?!
Okita: What do you think you're doing, Boss?
Gin: Don't go joking around. Do you think I could go home with a plug up my ass?
I was already pretty constipated to begin with.
Okita: Then maybe I'll cut open your stomach
and drag out your actual bowels for you?
Kondou: Stop it, Sougooo!!
Shin: You, too, Gin-san!!
Someone: You guys shut up!!
This is not something humans have any business in, you damn brats!!
Gin: Yeah. I haven't been listening to you from the beginning.
This is a conversation between swords, so it's only right for it to be settled with swords.
The superior scabbard should house the superior sword. Isn't that right, Sougo-kun?
Sougo: Meaning what?
Gin: My sword
and your sword.
Why don't we have a serious fight with real swords to see
which one is fitting to have that scabbard?
A... A serious fight with real swords?!
Okita: So you could take that as
two real swords cutting each other?
Gin: Weren't you listening to me?
We came here in the first place prepared to risk our lives!! You damn idiooot!!
I've been given a pretty unexpected opportunity here.
Kondou: Stop, Sougo!! If you do something like that, who knows what it'll turn into!!
If you two total sadists clash, the S and the other S will repel each other and somehow or other I'll end up as the M!
Hijikata: Don't get provoked with them. Sougo, personal battles are banned in our organization.
Gin: Ah, right. Personal battles are forbidden, right?
That sure is odd. If I remember right, I do believe I was involved in a personal battle with some two idiots a while back.
Ah, right. That wasn't so much a personal battle
as it was a delicate battle.
It was a sensitive battle where practically before I knew it, you two had just up and lost, I think~~
Sign: Yorozuya Ace [Top Left]
Shinsengumi Ace [Top Right]
Sakata Gintoki VS Okita Sougo [Middle, big]
Death Match [Bottom]
Kondou: The fixed date of the decisive battle is tomorrow!! The location it will be held at is the Tankaichi Shitoukai arena!!
T/N: Tenkaichi Shitoukai is a joke on the Dragonball tournament (Budoukai) replacing the beginning with the kanji for "personal battle".
Hijikata: You'd better wash your necks and wait for us, dammit!!
Kagura: Sheddeeep!! Forget washing out necks, you go wash your whole body except your neck!! And wash it with a loofah!!
Shin: HEEYYYY!! [Diagonal]
T/N: The line about washing necks is a common phrase implying "We're gonna cut your neck, so be ready." And a loofah is also a word for "something useless".
Shin: What happened it to being banned in the organizatioooon?!!
What are you doing, Gin-san?!
Entering in a decisive battle like that without asking us first?!
Gin: It ain't a decisive battle, is ass battle. ["ass battle" big/bold.]
You guys don't have a clue what it's like to be have a sword jammed up your behind 24-7.
Shin: Even if it is for the sake of being released by the kantana,
your opponent is the Okita-san. ["the" in italics.]
The genius swordsman sung as the strongest in the Shinsengumi.
Also he's extremely sadistic. If you make one wrong step around him, he becomes a cutthroat killer. He's a pervert piece of trash bastard whose only redeeming feature is his face.
Gin: Shinpachi, do you have some sorta grudge against that guy?
Kagura: Sheddeeep! Our ace would never lose out to a brat like that!!
WIth our guy, if you make one wrong step you end up as a NEET piece of trash bastard, dammit!!
Shin: Uh, that wouldn't be if someone made one wrong step, that's how Gin actually is now.
Gin: Hey, Shinpachi, what do you mean by that exactly? [Handwritten]
Kagura: Have confidence!! If any person in general makes a wrong step, they end up as a NEET, dammit!!
Shin: Would you hold on a second!
Can I ask one thing?
In tomorrow's decisive match, both of you are going to fight with real swords, right?
How are you
going to fight with that thing?
Somebody: Ready, set...!!
SFX: GYIRARARA MEKI MEKI MEKI MEKI MISHIH MISHI
Gin: Wait, wait!! This ain't gonna work!! Seriously, it ain't!!
I'm gonna end up as Shiina Kippei!! An outrage Shiina Kippei!!
SFX: MISHIH MISHI MEKIMEKI
T/N: Shiina Kippei is a Japanese actor and producer. He was in a 2010 movie called Outrage which was notable for its violent scenes. It costarred Beat Takeshi. They're quoting some of Takeshi's lines here and adding more insults.
Kagura: You say you want to get it out, you say you don't want to leave it out, how the hell many tongues do you have? Dankan, you idiot!!
Gin: I see everyone as villains!! I see everyone as Takeshi!!
Kagura: Hey, give it more horsepower! Edamame, you bastard! You idiot!!
Gin: Waaait! Gidayuu, you idiot, you bastard!
SFX: MEKI MEKI MEKI BAKYA
Kagura: Oookay! We'll keep this up and do some jogging tomorrow! Higashi, you idiot, you bastard, Komanechi!!
Gin: I think we're getting off track heeeeere!!
SFX: DOH GOH GAH
Gin: Enough already you bastaaaard!
How the fuck long are you planning to stay lodged in there?!! Hurry and get out already!!
Kusanagi: Nooo!! A dull blade like me could never win!
I... I am a dull blade that cannot even condemn my wife's infidelity!
A dull blade that cannot even cut off the lingering affection for his wife whose bonds have been cut long ago! No...!!
I'm just a Consomme Soup flavored Nmai Stick!
Gin: Why are you nonchalantly settling it into something delicious?! You nattou-flavored jerk?!
Tetsuko: Please have confidence, Kusanagi!
What's important for a katana is not its sharpness!
Something like that can always be fixed with a little polishing!
What is important is that rod of heart running up through the steel!
It goes the same for swords as it does for humans! As long as you have a heart that doesn't break when it strikes against a wall, you can keep working your way back up however many times it takes!
Tetsuko: Your strong feelings towards your scabbard have the makings for a great famed katana.
You just need to leave the rest to the swordsmith.
A... Are you saying you'll beat me back into shape?
Are you saying that I... I...
can still get Sayako back?
Tetsuko: Don't worry. I'll be sure to make you into a fine famed sword.
No one will call you dull ever again.
Kusanagi: I'm counting on you, Tetsuko-han.
Tetsuko: Okay, here we go!
SFX: BAKI [Bubble]
Insert Text: Ohhu....
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