New Sentai Sentais Seem to Start Out as Things You Could
What even is all this? What? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
I've got a great idea, let's stick everybody with the weirdest dialects and shit together in a room and have them make pop culture references all day! WOOHOHODSRFOHDSFGHOIJSRDEFNG
[Gintama 436 Translation by Kewl0210]
the reason I called you all here today
is because in the questionnaire survey put into practice by the government
Sign: Kabuki-Chou Neighborhood Association
Guy: we, Kabuki-Chou,
were awarded "Place I'd like least to live.", "Scary neighborhood.", and "Unpopular Neighborhood."
the triple crown.
Place I'd like least to live.
Starburst: No 1
Kabu [Cut off]
Guy: As you all know, as Kabuki-Chou is Edo's largest red-light district,
it boasts Edo's worst level of public order.
Unless we make it a priority to improve this image,
people will eventually stop coming to Kabuki-Chou.
Therefore, as secretary of the Kabuki-Chou Neighborhood Association, I am suggesting
a "Kabuki-Chou Purification Strategy". [quote white]
In this plan, we, the staff of the Neighborhood Association will be picking up trash and purifying the scenery of the city
as well as purifying the hearts of the people that live in and visit it...
Somebody: Um... Excuse me, secretary...?
Guys: Disappear, trash.
Guy: OKAAAY! Excuse me!!
Guy: ...Ah? Maybe you didn't hear me.
I said for the trash to disappear.
Improving the image of Kabuki-Chou? That would be simple, would it not?
All we must do is rid trash like you from the city.
Violent trash like you that contribute nothing to society only do harm to the scenery of this city.
Background: Kabuki-chou Four Devas
T/N: Ago means chin.
Katsuo: You monsters are the ones wrecking the scenery.
This ain't Universal Studios Japan. I'd understand if you were Spiderman, but I've never seen such a chin that leaps out like that.
Background: Kabuki-chou Four Devas Representative
Agou: Whose chin are you calling a 3D attraction, dammit?!!
Do you have any idea how much trouble we've suffered because of you?!
Ever since that Four Devas War, this city's image has gotten even worse.
It's not just the Okama Bar, business is being lost everywhere. Everyone's financial situation is in ruin.
Katsuo: It ain't so bad, is it?
While Ojiki's absent, we have to keep guard so no one weird approaches this city.
A city controlled by fear is fine... That is in fact Kabuki-Chou's ideal form.
Agou: What are you talking about?! We've were told by Mama
that we young beards have to liven up the city!
You'd better not get in our way, tiny mustache!!
Katsuo: Hoh. Is that right? So you're Saigou's successor?
The Kabuki-Chou Four Devas really collapsed after that war.
Ojiki retired, Kada disappeared, and even Otose and Saigo have been remarkably quiet recently.
I thought I'd come to see the faces of a new generation of Four Devas I'd be competing with next,
but from how things are lookin', it seems like my generation will be able to control this city easily.
Katsuo: Well, then. It doesn't seem like anyone else is coming, so I'll be takin' my leave.
If you wanna go pick up trash or get your chin fixed, you can be my guest.
Did you not know?
About the new member of the Four Devas? ["New member of the Four Devas" in white.]
With Kada gone, a new power has risen in her place...
Even including Mama and Otose-san,
this super rookie is said to have the most caliber to be able to fix Kabuki-Chou.
Katsuo: Did ya say super rookie...?
You don' mean...
Katsuo: Wha... What theeee?!!
Background: Kabuki-chou Four Devas Representative
Katsuo: The super rookie suddenly got beaten!!
Huh? Wait, who... Who he hell did it?!!
Agou: What're you talking about?!! Paako is just a little paa!
Gin: H... Hurry, run. The super rookie is...
Kabuki-Chou is... Kabuki-Chou's Four Devas are... done for.
Agou: What do you mean? P... Pull yourself together, Paaakooo!!
Katsuo: It... It's a raiiiiid!! The New Deva has come to raid our meetiiing!!
Tighten the defenseees!!
With Ojiki gone, we're the only ones that can protect this city!!
SFX: DOSAH DOSAH
Tae: This.......... is no good, is it?
Where are you going that's so important that you'd neglect this crucial meeting?
Tae: Gin-san and all of you, really.
If I take my eyes off you for a minute, you start slacking off.
We can't have you just being babied by Otose-san and the others.
Because now, as the new generation, we have to protect Kabuki-Chou.
Background: Kabuki-Chou Four Devas
Queen of Kabuki-Chou
Insert: ☆Do you like crazy big sisters?
Title: Lesson 436 New Sentai Sentais Seem to Start Out as Things You Could Never Approve of, but by the Last Episode, You Don't Want Them to Go Away
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Tae: Now that everyone is here, let's start the meeting, shall we?
The topic of discussion is improving the image of Kabuki-Chou.
As you all know this city is----
Katsuo: ...Hey, wha' the hell's goin' on?
New member of the Four Devas?
Why's it a cabaret girl?
How the hell'd a young girl rise to being one of the Four Devas?
Why the hell're we bein' directed by one girl?
Gin: This city is a world of the survival of the fittest.
You know how food chains work, right?
You've probably been told that humans reign at the top of the pyramid,
but based on recent research, an organism that reigns above humans has been discovered...
Human... Man-eating cabaret girls. ["Cabaret Girls" in white.]
Katsuo: Uh, I'm pretty sure that's eating in a different sense.
Gin: Their scientific name is "Gorilla Gorilla Cabaret Girl".
Katsuo: What's with all the gorillas?!
Agou: Aren't you aware, Katsuo? Gorillas and cabaret girls have a 98% similar genetic configuration.
There's only a 2% difference between gorillas and cabaret girls.
Katsuo: That's humans and chimpanzee's ain't it?
Agomi, for someone who's got 98% the same DNA as french bread, you sure know a lot.
Agou: Whose chin did you say is french bread?
Gin: Just what I'd expect from French Bread French Bread French Bread!
Agou: Please never said French Bread again.
Gin: Anyhow, the old bat and Saigou have been pushing her to an odd degree.
And even forced me to come along.
Handwritten: I know you'll be able to follow in our footsteps!!
Gin: The way things are going, we can forget the Four Devas system and we'll be heading into an era ruled by gorillas.
Katsuo: Please don't joke about that.
Do you really think members of the underworld are gonna stick around to be told to squeal and wag their tails for some cabaret girl?
And on top of that, I can't accept t hat the new generation of Four Devas is a yakuza, a NEET Samurai, a Cabaret girl, and a loaf of french bread.
Agou: I told you, I'm not french bread!
Katsuo: Sis, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can be a part of this.
Katsuo: I don't know about what kinda image change you're planning, but this city has different faces.
It's true that this city's got dangerous and bad places, but there are also good places. If I had to give it a ratio, it'd be around 7:3. A pretty unattractive city.
Oh, though that 7:3 is pretty good.
I like the seven and the three, all of this city.
Taw: Katsuo-san is absolutely right!
Tae: If everyone were concerned about dirty parts so they tried to get out all the stains and have cosmetic surgery,
everyone would be neat and pretty, but they'd all have the same face. So it would be a pretty boring city, don't you think?
I like the pretty parts and the not-so-pretty parts of this city, just like you.
So even if it's a bit of an unruly child,
I want to use an approach so where if people look closely, they'll see that this city has a good side to it.
Guy: Hey, I thought that girl was just a violent gorilla,
but actually... she's makin' a lotta sense.
Just how easy to sway my kind words are you guys?!!
Katsuo: O... Okay, I getcha!! I'll say that you've certainly got some spirit at least!!
But how do you think we're gonna actually go about using this approach?!!
What is it? More picking up garbage?!! Picking up French bread?!! Don't think you're gonna fool us with that crap!!
Agou: I friggin' told you, it's not French bread!!
Tae: I do have one idea.
How about we all come up with a local mascot for Kabuki-Chou?
Guys: Local mascot?!
I've heard 'a that. Like "Sento-kun" in Nara or "Kumamon" in Kumamoto.
With characters like that carrying the area's noted products.
Because of their delicate design, they're called "Yuru Charas" and are beloved by many, aren't they?
Tae: I thought that a character might bring some affection to the city along with it.
If it goes over well, we could sell goods and the city can profit from it.
I thought that way we can introduce Kabuki-Chou to people from another angle.
Guys: That sounds pretty good!!
Not only is it cute, but it's way more practical than picking up garbage!
Katsuo: Are you guys idiot?!! Do you think something fancy like that would sell in this town of hoodlums?!
Don't you realize that that in itself will destroy the face of the city?!
And what the hell sorta product is Kabuki-Chou noted for anyway?!!
What? Something to introduce people to the cabaret clubs or the soaplands?
Agou: Well, as long as they can grasp that it represents "night life", then it should be fine, no?
And something that can be called A Yuru Chara. After that, if we have the characters for "Kabuki-Chou" on it, it should suffice.
Gin: Nightlife and Kabuki-Chou......
Then how 'bout somethin' like this?
Someone: That's a different kind of kabuki, ain't it?!!
T/N: I'm not sure what this is referencing, but the old term kabuki comes from "kabukimono" meant a ronin that formed gangs in times of peace. They had weird clothing and hairstyles and that lead to the creation of kabuki theater.
Katsuo: How the hell is that a Yuru Chara?!! That's not eye-grabbing at all!!
Gin: You can tell with one glance, "Ah, this place must have a good night life.", can't you?
Katsuo: Just how the hell far are you trying to take this?! Enough already!!
Sign: Local Character
Agou: Hm, it's a good man. He's not bad. But the name "Kabuki-kun",
I think we should go with something with a name that's more like "Kumamon". And make the visuals more fancy.
Gin: Name and visuals?
Ah, then how about this?
Name: Kaburi Mon
T/N: Kaburi Mon = Covered Thing
Somebody: Now it looks like a completely different kind of advertisement!!
Gin: Rather than the uncircumcised version, the covered one is more fancy, ain't it?
Someone: What the hell about this is fancy?!! All you've done here is cover Kabuki-kun with a layer of cloth!!
Gin: You're not gonna be able to re-use that.
Someone: In terms of being eye-grabbing, it's totally exposed! You can't fool the eyes of consumers!!
Gin: Then how about we just take the turtleneck off?
Guy: Good mooorning.
Katsuo: Why the hell was is it that the thing inside the cover has a a completely different kinda cover on it?!!
Katsuo: Why is it he grew hair when he took the turtleneck off?!
Gin: He didn't grow any.
Katsuo: Uh, yeah he did!! You totally made him grow hair!!
Gin: Then how about we take that off?
Someone: Yeah! Go ahead and take that off!!
Guy: Good mooorning.
Gin: This way, inside the kaburimon is a small kaburimon. And inside that, is an even smaller...
Katsuo: What are these, some sorta Matryoshka dolls?!
Agou: Mm. It's definitely starting to look more like a specialty product.
Katsuo: What is?! All I can see is that at the end, it started looking like a noted product of Russia!
Agou: But for a Yuru Chara, this is a little too stylish. Because it's a little unnaturally stylish, it makes it sort of look fake.
Katsuo: What the fuck are you talking about?!! Enough with kaburimon alreadu!!
Gin: So should a Yuru Chara look a little more amateurish?
Agou: There are some opportunities to take advantage here. If you can take those, it'll be something that's really admired.
Like how people have made cute animals into noted products.
Gin: Oh, right. I getcha, I getcha.
Agou: So how about we start with an animal character and break it down from there?
Bear: Bamboo [Crossed out]
Agou: Like maybe something like this. A cat as the prototype.
And we give it a cabaret girl's outfit.
Gin: Okay, okay. That looks like it's almost there.
Uh, the chin's way too long, ain't iiiit?!!
Agou: Also, we could have a giraffe with a host's outfit.
Somebody: No, seriously, the chins are waaaay too long!!
Sign: Kabukirin (Kirin = giraffe)
Agou: Also, we could dress a chin in a pro wrestler's outfit.
Somebody: All these are nothing but long chiiiins!!
T/N: This is a reference to Antonio Inoki. I think they mentioned him before a while back...
Katsuo: What the hell is wrong with your eeeeeyes?!!
Does everything appear to have a long chin to you?!!
Agou: This is normal, isn't it?
Katsuo: Your standards for chins is weird!! The world doesn't revolve around it, you know!!
Gin: Then how about we use the chin and put a small chin inside it. And then an even smaller chin inside that chin...
Katsuo: Don't try to solve everything with Matryoshka dolls!!
Gin: Hm. It's true that now it's a local character of France.
Katsuo: Do they have a famous product like this in France?!!
Tae: Hmm. I think we might be too fixated on "Kabuki-Chou". It's making our ideas biased.
How about we forget about Kabuki-Chou for a minute and return to just coming up with ideas freely.
I think it'll be okay if we just adapt it to Kabuki-Chou after.
Tae: So on that note, let's make it like Inaba-san from B'Z.
Somebody: That's way too freeee!!
Katsuo: Now it's not one hair related to Kabuki-Chou! You're just sticking in stuff you like!
Tae: Well it would at least get them to come to Kabuki-Chou once, wouldn't it?
Katsuo: So you don't have any problem with that kind of shallow connection?!
Gin: Then if we're trying to keep this connected to Kabuki-Chou...
How about we have Matsumoto come out of Inaba's hot pants?
Katsuo: You're even connecting that to the Matryoshka thing?!
Gin: Then Shimura Ken can come out of Matsumoto's hot pants.
Katsuo: Why the hell is Shimura coming out of Matsumoto?!
T/N: Matsumoto is the other member of the band B'Z. Shimura Ken is that comedian.
Gin: When you think of Shimura Ken, you think of AIIIN!
Katsuo: Why is this starting to look like Magical Banana?!
T/N: Magical banana is a word game. It's basically what you're seeing here.
Gin: When you hear AIIN, you think of CHIIIN.
When you hear CHIIIN, you think of CHIIIN.
When you hear CHIIIN, you think of CHIIIN.
When you hear CHIIIN, you think of
Katsuo: The chin is way too looooong!!
Gin: When you think of long, you think of hair.
When you hear hair, you think of touupet.
When you hear touupe, you think of touupe.
When you hear touupe, you think of touupe.
Katsuo: So in the end you brought it back to Kaburimon?!!
Enough already, you guys!
Like hell I'm sticking around here any more!! Guys, we're leaving!
Tae: Then what would you suggest, Katsuo-san?
Katsuo: What would I suggest?! I was against the local character idea in the first place!
Tae: I thought if you were tsukkomi-ing that much, then you might have some idea.
Katsuo: Definitely something better than you idiots!
Tae: I don't mind if it sounds insulting. What part did you think wasn't good?
Ah well. My style is for every 3 annoyances I borrow, I return 7.
...So, if we were gonna try to project Kabuki-Chou's local color...
we can't limit it to cabaret girls and hosts.
There are cabaret girls, there are drag queens, there are shady samurais, and hoodlums.
All those things mixed together are what make up Kabuki-Chou.
It's because the blacks and whites are mixed together that it's interesting. You said so yourself, didn't you?
The black parts and the white parts.
So basically, some character that's just cute wouldn't work as a local character for this city. That's what I'm saying.
Guys: Um, Katsuo-san.
Thank you very much.
For participating in the meeting thus far.
Tae: I've taken your advice deeply to heart.
And above all
I'm glad to know that you truly love Kabuki-Chou as well, Katsuo-san.
we'll be able to make the king of local character that you would like, too, Katsuo-san.
Guy: ...Aniki, that girl...
I thought at first that she was just a violent gorilla, but...
she really was just giving her all......
for the sake of this city, wasn't she...?
Katsuo: Clam up.
-------I won't accept it.
Katsuo: A girl like that?
One of Kabuki-Chou's Four Devas?
no way I could accept that.
Guy: Um, Aniki.
Some packages just arrived addressed to you.
Katsuo: ...Who's it from?
Boxes: Kabuki-Chou Neighborhood Association
Guy: They're from the Kabuki-Chou Neighborhood Association
Paper: Thanks to you, Katsuo-san, we were able to complete the local character. We're making sure to keep up the 7:3 ratio on what we've borrowed, so the 7 will go to Kabuki-Chou and the 3 will be returned to you, Katsuo-san. Please use these however you like.
Is she a moron?
I will at least acknowledge her feelings...
If you borrow 3 parts, you return 7 parts. That's just good manners.
You guys, hurry and sell these around Kabuki-Chou.
When you're done, we've got to do their portion... E~~~verything we earn goes to Jirochou's family.
towards Kabuki-Chou......... [Thought]
Guys: Y... Yes, sir!!
SFX: BATA BATA
Katsuo: Geez, what the hell did those idiots make?
Guy: Take a look, Aniki. I'm sure these'll make some good money.
I've never seen such a cute character.
It says it's called Burakkuma.
Katsuo: This is absolutely something I've seen befooooore!!
T/N: "Burakkuma" means "hanging bear". It's also a pun on the word "black". This is a clear ripoff of Rilakkuma.
Katsuo: They've done something totally black with a totally recognizable bear!!
Guy: Whadda ya mean? It's perfect for a cell-phone strap.
Katsuo: No, that ain't the problem! This is a rip...
Someone: Um, excuse me.
We heard you've been selling ***kkumas without permission...
Tae: Sorry, but I'll need the bothersome factions that dirty Kabuki-Chou to disappear.
Because now, we're entering an age where Kabuki-Chou is ruled by a queen.
Katsuo-san, you said so yourself, didn't you?
A character that's just cute won't work for this city...
Tae: Now, a long war between the new generation
of Kabuki-Chou's new Four Devas now begins.
Katsuo: I'll remember this, you biiiiitch!
Insert: ☆A terrifying new deva...
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