Only for use by HWMN.
In today's episode of Gintama "Rule 63 edition" we have all kinds of masturbation material...
[Gintama 438 Translation by Kewl0210]
Narration: Summary of Last Chapter
Kyuubee, struggling over whether to live life as a man or as a woman, came across a suspicious fortune teller on a street corner and was turned into a man by her. And it wasn't just Kyuubee that changed, every citizen of Kabuki-Chou seemed to have switched genders. It was a dondake~~?! kinda thing. As a result, Kyuubee was wondering just what had happened to Kabuki-Chou. Meanwhile, I'll be appearing in Miss Universe Japan and aiming to become the most beautiful mangaka in Japan. Wish me luck~~~ That sorta thing.
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Insert: ☆Even the gorilla author became a woman?!
Title: Lesson 438 I Believe I Can Both Be Beautiful and Make Manga
Insert Text: ☆Sorachi-sensei is in charge of doing the cover illustration for Shuueisha Bunko "Sanshirou"!!
Go check out the portrait of a beautiful woman even the editorial department was surprised by!!
☆Pre-release tickets for the 2nd Gintama Movie come with a special present!!
Details at http://www.gintama-movie.com
Guys: Heeeeey! Get out heeere!!
Put my body... back to normaaaal!
I hate this old man's bodyyy!!
Gin: ..........Every road is totally blocked off.
Looks like we're locked inside Kabuki-Chou.
Gin: With these bodies.
Jyuu: Those government bastards... They're quarantining us here...
to keep the damage from spreading any further?
Box: Yagyuu Kyuubei [Male symbol]
They've just literally stuck a lid on something that stinks.
Box: Sakata Gintoki [Female symbol]
Kagura: Is this that blasted Zhuge Liang's trap?!!
Box: Kagura [Male]
Seki Tobaharu [Female]
Seriously, why am clearly I the only one that's not weird?!
Box: Glasses Pink
Shin: Why is it that everyone's switched genders but I've just got a slight image change with my glasses?!
I mean, are you guys really Gin-san and everyone?
Gin: You really don't give up, do you? I told you, it's not Gin-san anymore, it's Man-sa...
Jyuu: Ginko-san and Jyuubee are fine.
Shin: And after all he's said... I still can't believe this is Kagura-chan...
Kagura: It is not Kagura-chan. Call me Kagura Dun, youngster.
Shin: Who the hell is Kagura Dun?! You're already a completely different character at this point!
Then even if that light really made everyone switch genders......
Person: ---People of Earth.
Have you all received
your present from God?
That person is...!!
Person: What is currently happening to your bodies is unmistakably truly happening.
This is a trial given to you by God.
Yes. This trial, your lives in this universe, the distinctions of male and female, everything,
are the will of the universe's creator, the God Dekobokko... Divine messages.
But you all have ignored that divine message.
You have slighted your "genders" given to you by the God Dekobokko.
Despite being men, there are people have fled to Bishoujo anime and virtual love games out of fear of being hurt.
And despite being women, there are those that brush aside men and continuously assert themselves, abusing the authority of "equality of the sexes".
Person: The God Dekobokko has been greatly saddened and angered by this.
So if you all are that very much dissatisfied with the "genders" given to you,
then Dekobokko says he shall reverse them
and that you should try living in a manly or feminine way with those new "sexes".
Do please take caution with your "roles" that have been given to you once again by God.
If you revere him, our Space God Dekobokko-sama,
all of you earthlings take Dekkobokkoism as your national religion,
and you gain a heart that wholly values your gender, then God will forgive all and return you back to your original forms.
But if you still go against the God Dekobokko's teachings,
Next time it will not just be Kabuki-Chou...
it will be this entire planet that will be subject to the God Dekobokko's light of judgement.
Person: And do not forget that we... No, God is always watching you.
Guys: H... Hey, what the hell was that just now?!
What the hell is this?!!
Gin: Hey, hey, quit jokin' around.
The God Dekobokko? I've got to act womanly or I'm not gonna go back to normal, and on top of that I'll incur God's judgement?
Who the hell would believe that shit?
Anyhow, Pachie, wanna go to the game center to take pictures at a print club machine?
Shin: You absolutely believe, it clearlyyy!! You look like some high school girl!!
Gin: Don't be so suspicious, Pachie! If you act so up-tight you'll never get a boyfriend!
Pachie: I don't need a freakin' boyfriend!! And I'm not Pachie!!
Gin: Aw, you've got it all wrong!! I just heard there's this new print club machine that lets you take pictures with this totally cute mascot!
Kagura: Hey, everyone! If you act now, you can get a print club photo with me, the God Dekobokko~~~
Sign: One photo
Gin: The God Dekobokko is so totally cute!!
Shin: Don't use proselytizing to get money!!
Kagura: In this turbulent world, the people are not strong enough to live without someone to believe in.
It is also a part of a general's job to accept the weak.
Shin: It's how weak your brain is that nobody could ever accept!!
Woman: It's the God Dekobokko!
If I take a print club picture with it, I'll be brought back to normal!
Let me take a picture, too!
People: Lord Dekobokkooo!!
Jyuu: C-Calm down everyone!!
Shin: UWAwah! It's turning into a riot!!
People: Out of the waaay! I'm going first!
No, I am!!
Tae: Um, excuse me. If you could just let me through there....
People: Get outta the waay!!
Jyuu: Didn't you hear me?
I said to calm down.
Jyuu: Are you all right, m'am? Are you hurt...?
Tae: I... I'm fine.
Thank you for helping me
out of that dangerou......
Tae: Might you be...
Sign: Restaurant Dokkiri (Shocked) Monkey~~
Shin: ......I never would've thought that you were in Kabuki-Chou, too, Sister.
But... why... hasn't your body changed at all...?
Gin: Pachie, that's so rude!
Look at that chest, it's flat as Sekigahara. Just look at it. It's totally burnt field...
T/N: Sekigahara is where a famous battle that started the Tokugawa bakufu.
Tae: Unfortunately, I came to Kabuki-Chou after the phenomenon occurred.
I got worried when I saw all the commotion on TV so I started to head for the Yorozuya when the city got sealed off.
And look how big Gin-san's breasts have gotten.
You must be happy, yes? You can rub them all you want. Is it okay if I rub them a bit, too?
Gin: OWOWOWOWOWO! It's gonna tear! You're gonna tear my breast off!!
Tae: And I was so surprised!
When I......... saw this handsome man here,
I never thought... that it would turn out to be Kyuu-chan.
SFX: KUSU KUSU (Laughing)
Shin: Sister, this isn't the time to be saying such carefree things.
Jyuu: I... I'm not Kyuubee. I'm her older brother, Jyuubee. I'm looking for a girlfriend.
Shin: Don't you take advantage of this disaster, too!
Gin: Tae, do you really like this type?
I mean sure, Jyuubee's got a good face, but he's a Deagostini type, ain't he?
As in, he's nice to you until you start going out. But then...
Shin: You, too! Stop ignoring the disaster and talking like a high school girl!
Kagura: I do believe that in the Records of the Three Kingdoms, I was treated like a Deagostini...
Shin: That wasn't yoooooou!!
SFX: BUKU BUKU
Shin: Haven't you heard of "Dekobokkoism"? [quote bold]
It's a radical religious group that's on international wanted lists.
I never thought they'd come to earth...
Their core adherents are hermaphroditic.
As in it's comprised of people who are both men and women. Because of that, they tout a doctrine that's very austere towards "gender".
Basically, that people that are not manly or womanly will incur divine punishment...
While they are both women and men and at the same time neither women nor men,
they believe that they are special angelic beings that have the right to judge people in place of a god.
Person: I still know. That you're lost...
As to whether you should live as a woman or as a man, yes?
Jyuu: .........The person that I approached that day was......
Jyuu: I'd heard that they go from planet to planet performing religious activities that put terrorists to shame,
but I never thought it was something like this...
I don't know how they did it, but we have to do something about them or everyone won't turn back to normal.
Gin: Well it'd be nice if we could, but not only do we not know where the hell they are,
but we can't even leave this city. So what exactly are we gonna do?
Tae: And those people said they're always watching us.
Since they're using this city to set an example, they're sure to be watching us scrupulously.
If we act imprudently we may put the entire planet Earth in danger.
Somebody: That's right. We've had the Earth and two t*sticles taken captive. So that's three balls in total.
So what exactly do we do?!
Well, we can only rely on the government to make it the national religion. But anyhow, we have a more pressing matter.
do I pee?
Someone: Who caaaaaaares!!
Gin: It does so matter! I don't have any idea where those surveillance eyes are watching!
Anyhow, until we solve this problem, we need to act feminine.
So I'll just come out and ask!! What's a womanly way to use the toilet?!
Seriously, I need to know. I've been at my limit for a while now.
Jyuu: H... How? J-Just do it normally, you'll be fine!!
Gin: What is "normally"? By the way, Jyuubee, do you know the manly way of using the toilet?
As if there's a womanly or a manly way to relieve yourself!! Just do it normally, I said!
Gin: Like I said, I don't know the normal way. Huh? Something like this?
Sorry, we're gonna go wash up...
Hey, hey, Otae, which one do you like?
I mean, that lame four eyes is a definite no. What exactly are those pink glasses supposed to mean?
Shin: That part doesn't matter! Why are you making this out to look like we're on a group date?!!
SFX: HISO HISO (Whispering)
Jyuu: Hey, you!! What do you think you're doing trying to go to the bathroom with Tae-chan in this confusion?!!
Gin: What else am I gonna do? I'm a girl now after all. And I've got all kinds of questions about how to do it.
SFX: GYAA GYAA
Shin: What kind of perverted play are you trying to make on my sister?!! You just gave a really crazy image!
SFX: GYAA GYAA
Kagura: Oh well. I suppose I'll teach you.
Shin: And that just gave an even worse image!!
Kondou: Um, if you'd like,
I wouldn't mind teaching you.
Kondou: I'm originally a man and now I'm a woman. We're in the same circumstances, so it shouldn't be a problem, right?
Shin: Eh?!! You were a man?!! I... I can't believe it!
Kondou: In a time like this we need to help each other out.
Someone: S... Sorry. Yes, that would be a big help.
Kondou: It's no trouble. I didn't really understand it at first either, and it felt kinda weird.
But it's easy once you get used to it.
......Even though I'm formerly a man, I've though that maybe it wouldn't be so bad being such a voluptuous young woman.
Someone: ...It's fine!! It's an act of God!! Even the readers will you for that, right?
Kondou: I usually did it over there.
Um... excuse me.
It's not a big one. It's more of a small one.
Kondou: Ah, is it? I thought you'd been holding it in a while so it would be a bigger one.
Gin: No, not that.
And uh, before all that about size... that's outdoor defecation, isn't it?
Kondou: I wouldn't call it outdoor defecation, more like out of un...
T/N: The joke is on the English phrase "out of town" but he started to say "unko" meaning "poop" at the end.
Gin: It's outdoor defecation.
Kondou: I didn't know whether to go into the men's bathroom or the woman's bathroom so I did a freedom p...
Gn: It's outdoor defecation, isn't it? No matter how you try to dress it up, that's what it is.
Kondou: I'm terribly sorry. I was following some people so I didn't have time to look for a toilet.
Ah, despite how I look, I'm actually a police investigator. ["police investigator" in white.]
Kondou: However the one I was chasing was not a criminal,
it was my love, Otae.
Box: Kondou Isao [Female Symbol]
Gin: Ah. It's outdoor defecation, isn't it?
Tae: What the hell are you doiiiing?!!
Tae: Why did the gorilla rot into a Takarazuka beauty?!!
T/N: Takarazuka is a is a Japanese all-female musical theater troupe.
Kondou: OWOWOWOW! It's gonna tear! You're gonna tear my breast off!
Tae: Why does the gorilla have huge breasts like this hanging off him?!!
SFX: MEKI MEKI
Someone: Huh?! That's Kondou-san?! That's seriously Kondou-san?!!
Kondou: I'm sorry, Otae-san. I didn't want you to see me like this.
But I was worried, and when I saw all of you I couldn't just ignore you... It's just... It's just I...
Tae: Honestly, compared to Otae-san, I'm more voluptu...
["voluptuous" in creepy font.]
Intercom: Heretic discovered! Heretic discovered!
Gin: Heeey! I knew it, we are under surveillance!!
What was it?!! What was the problem?! The outdoor defecation? Otae?!
There are so many things it could be I don't even know!
Anyhow, we've gotta hurry and get out of here or...
SFX: ZAH ZAH ZAH
People: Capture the heretics.
SFX: ZAH ZAH ZAH
People: Capture the heretics.
SFX: ZAH ZAH ZAH
Shin: Oh man, we're surrounded!!
Heeeey! You're a police officer, do something!!
Kondou: N... No need to worry.
Th... The government won't have just abandoned this city.
Kondou: I didn't just come here to chase after Otae-san.
I infiltrated this city in order to guide a new special team with the mission of saving the city.
Okita: Let's go~~~~ you gu~~~ys!
Mansengumi, head out!
Box: Okita Sougo [Female Symbol]
T/N: Again, this is man as in manko as in vagina.
Shin: This is just a crowd of special idiots that got turned into women by the enemy like everyone else!!
You're supposed to be police, but what hell are all of you doiiing?!!
Tae: Hey. what the hell are all of you?
Is this a joke? Some sorta sick joke?!!
Okita: OWOWOWOWO!! Boss lady, over there!! The enemy is over theeere!!
Tae: The enemy is your breasts, dammiiiit!!
Okita: Hijikata-san, we're in trouble! There's an unexpected enemy!! You're sure to be beaten, Hijikata-san.
Hijikata: Hmph. It's meaningless.
If I could give it away, I sure would.
Think chest just gets in the way.
Box: Hijikata Toushirou [Female symbol]
Tae: ..........Thank you.
Hijikata: Uh, what the hell do you mean "thank you" dammit?!!
Insert: ☆He's surprisingly fat...