Only for use by HWMN
Rufi has reported to me that he will be on summer vacation indefinitely. I guess I'll just upload my version then. K, back to work for me...
[Gintama 456 Translation by Kewl0210]
Top Insert: ☆This week is a spine-chilling tale...
Title: Lesson 456 The Phoenix Will Always Rise Again
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Woman: Ah, that was fun.
Tomorrow, let's invite Kagura-chan and the others to go see fireworks.
Uhuhu. Summer vacations sure are fun, huh?
it would be so nice if this summer vacation could never end.
Hase: Do you really think so?
That you would like summer vacation to continue for all eternity...?
Hase: So... if summer vacation doesn't end,
what exactly would you want to do? ...Rest for all eternity?
Even if everyone in class entered a new semester, you would stay on vacation?
Everyone would graduate, become independent, and start working, but you'd stay on break?
some friend of yours succeeds in life, just gets married, just get sarcastic remarks said about them by their parents and you'd stay on vacation?
Your parents would retire and become immobile, you'll just stay on break next to their tears?
Paper: Do not open!!
Hase: While everyone is building new families and enjoying life in the corner of your eye,
you'll think how you wish you'd worked, gotten married, and respected their parents, too.
You'll be alone with no family and no one else in your room.
But even then, will you still stay on vacation?
Hase: You would, wouldn't you? Since after all, it was you who wished for an eternal summer vacation!
You have to stay on vacation
you must stay forever on break without ever truly resting.
Understand? A break can only exist after the obligations of the foundation of life, labor activity, have been fulfilled.
If you do nothing but rest, then that is not truly rest.
It's true. If a break has no end, then it's no different from work. It becomes painful obligation.
It's the because there's an end where you go back to work that you are able to rest at all. And it's because there's an end where you take a break that you're able to work.
And endless vacation
is no different from an endless hell.
You should be thankful! Thankful that your lives have the highs and lows of obligations and breaks!!
And that your "Summer break" can still be called a "Summer break" at aaaaaaaaaaaaall!!
Hase: In this endless summer vacation of mine,
that is my one obligation.
During summer vacation, kids gather at our little corner to play in the night.
Handwritten: Summer vacation's the best!!
Summer vacation's the best, you say? What about it right now? Which part is? It's the best?
Hase: So I warn them in advance not to get too elated and send them on the road home.
Hase: It's also a way of protecting our habitat, but "Summer" really is a demon.
Handwritten: Hey, it's summer break. How 'bout we head to the beach tomorrow?
Hase: Young people straying from the righteous path goes hand in hand with summer.
I can say that as someone who's stepped off his path.
Handwritten: Why's it have to be summer vacation?
Hase: So using my life as an example, I explain to them what life is and what a summer vacation is.
But the number of kids gathering in the park doesn't decrease at all.
Far from it.
Kids: Hey, hey, mister.
You there, mister!
Kids: You're the guy that tells scary stories, right?
I heard you can tell the scariest freakin' stories ever.
Would ya tell us one~~?
Hase: At some point I became the "Ghost Story Guy".
The guy lecturing to kids about life and getting into delinquency became a ghost story teller?!
Hase: I dunno. All I was doing was telling stories about my failures and complaining, but it apparently scared the kids pretty good.
Shin: Why is your life being treated like a horror story?!!
Hase: Sol much that now, night after night, kids gather around me to listen to 100 stories of complaining.
Shin: What happened to the guys focused on playing around all night?!!
Hase: It's shaping up to be pretty successful, and today's kids seem to have a lotta spare cash.
Shin: And you're talking about kids?! It sounds like you've diverged from the righteous path most of all!!
Hase: Using this, I can finally escape from my endless Summer Vacation, too.
That what I'm thinking, but I figure complaining a lot is gonna get old soon...
I think I'm gonna have to add some actual ghost stories into the mix and set out to start a real business, but I haven't really got any.
Gin: Scary stories? I seriously hate those rumor stories that don't have a lick of truth to them.
Hase: Right? You're not good with those, right?
So you know what is scary, right?
Gin: I-I ain't scared of them really.
Hase: Then could you tell me something I can use? I'll share the profits with you, of course.
Then let me tell you a story I know, yes?
Hase: Really? I need a spine-chilling tale that'll knock Summer Vacation out of the water.
Somewhere, there were five boys protecting a goddess, yes?
Hase: Oh, okay.
Kagu: But one day, the goddess's chest was pierced with an enemy's arrow.
In order to save the goddess's life, the boys had to invade the enemy stronghold.
Kagura: Then, the boys had to go on this freaking long staircase to Twelve Palaces. And they kept climbing it so long that it their whole summer vacation just flew by.
Shin: That's not a scary story it's a staircase story!!
And isn't that the plot to Saint Seiya?!!
Kagura: KATSUUUN KATSUUUN KATSUUUN KATSUUUN, no matter how they climbed, they never saw the palaces.
Huh? That's wei~~~rd. We're still not at the palace~~~s? Maybe they're in another dimensio~~n? KATSUUN KATSUUN But they still couldn't see the palaces.
Shin: Even if you say it in an Inagawa Junji style, that's clearly Saint Seiya!!
T/N: Inagawa Junji is a guy who tells scary stories on a radio and he has a trademark mustache like that.
Hase: Not staircase stories, scary stories!! Ghost stories!!
Ya know, the ones with surprising ending like "It was yooou!" Get it together!!
Kagura: It was yoooou!
Hasegame: No, not as a tsukkomi!
Kagua: Ah, okay, okay. "That's you!" Yes? Why didn't you say so?
Hase: I've been saying that the whole time!
Kagura: ---So once upon a time
There were two brothers who were abandoned by their parents.
Both were very poor, but were able to support each other to survive.
One day, the younger brother got sick and collapsed.
With no money and no relatives to turn to, the older brother left the younger brother at a shrine and ran away.
The brother thought someone would surely come to save him, but nevertheless, out of fear, the older brother never went close to the shrine again.
Kagura: Five years later, when the older brother had found work and gotten a stable living,
he made up his mind to head over to that shrine.
Of course, there was no sign of his brother anywhere.
But in his place was a lone child crying in front of the shrine.
Reminding him so much of his younger brother, the older brother just couldn't ignore him.
And so, he approached the child.
"Are you lost?"
"Where'd your mother go?"
The boy gave no answer.
"Then, what about your dad?"
The boy gave no answer.
"Then, what about a sibling?"
Guy: "That's... something you need to listen to your heart for!"
"I've got you now. No one can escape from Andromeda's net."
"Now we brothers will never be separated again. You will die here with me, brother."
"Hmph. You think a net like this can take away the wings of a phoenix?"
"The one to die here..."
SFX: BOH BOH
Guy: "Is yooooou!!!"
Hase: What sorta "It's you!" was thaaaaat?!!
Why did it become Kurumada Masami-like right at the climax?!
T/N: Kurumada Masami is the author of Saint Seiya.
Kagura: I am pretty sure that is how this story I heard goes.
Hase: You're using the "That's you" wrong. At the point the little brother turns around
Get it?!! Why did your story end with the big brother answering back?! What sorta scary story was that?!
And what part of that story was supposed to be scary?!!
Gin: W... We're gonna get in so much trouble with Kurumada-sensei.
That's the real scary part!
SFX: BURU BURU GAKUGAKU
Shin: Hm, it wasn't quite there. A scary story should at least give you goose bumps.
Kagura: What was thaat?! You got a bone to pick, loser-four eyes?!!
Shin: I have a scary story better than yours, Kagura-chan.
Kagura: Then let's here it, bub!!
Shin: Hmm... You might've all heard it before, but...
Hase: That's totally fine! I'm sure it'll be way better than Kagura-chan's!
Kagura: If that didn't scare you, then how about I break those sunglasses and glasses apart!!
Someone: Once upon a time
there was a father, mother, and daughter living together.
But the couple stopped getting along, and the husband made friends with an outside woman.
At some point, his wife started to feel like nothing but a hindrance.
And one day, it finally happened.
The couple was having one of their usual fights, and in a fit of fury, the husband killed the wife.
Shin: Before his daughter woke up, he carried his wife's corpse on his shoulder out into the mountains in the middle of the night
and buried it.
On his way home from the mountains, in contrast with his thoughts of how he was now finally free of his wife
and the husband's started to walk more heavily.
He felt some guilt over committing murder,
but what laid most on his mind was his daughter.
Not knowing what her father had done, the daughter woke up that morning with a smile on her face.
She never mentioned the absence of her mother, and just lavished the father in smiles.
Bur rather than relief, the husband felt unease at the sight of that smile.
When he asked her why she was in such a good mood
"Well, because your and mom are always fighting, dad."
"But now it looks like you made up."
"Your mom isn't here right now, she went to her parents' house."
In response to her father's lie, the girl said
What are you talking about,
Girl: "Mom is right behind you
"The phoenix will always rise again..."
Shin: Where did Phoenix rise frooooom?!!
Shin: Kagura-chan, could you please not just shove phoenixes into my story?!
Kagura: It was too cliche, yes? I thought it was a great spot to show how original an idea I could insert into your well-known ghost story.
Hase: Like hell that was original! That was a total rip-off!!
You don't need to add extra stuff like that in!! Cliche is fine!! Seriously, the ghost just getting closer and closer and ending with "It's right behind you!!" or whatever is fine!!
Mother: That bastard, where'd he disappear to?!
Guy: Hmph. Right behind you!!
Hase: Why is Phoenix right behind the ghost?! The ghost!! The ghost takes the back!!
Ghost: So this is Phoenix's bag...?
Pheonix: Hmph. That's an illusion. You've been caught by my Illusion Demoniac Fist.
Hase: What'd she take his bag for?!! Enough with Phoenix already, I said!! There's too much cheating in this ghost story! It's falling apart at mach speed!
Shin: Hey, say something to these guys, Gin-san!
Gin: Two weeks ago it was Fujimaki-sensei, last week it was Yabuki-sensei, and this week... Aw man, no number of boxes of cakes will make up for this.
T/N: Fujimaki is the author of Kuroko no Basuke and Yabuki is the author of To Love-Ru.
Shin: So there really is something you're more afraid of than the ghost stories?!
Gin: Okay, I've got it... If I let you guys do this anymore, we'll just be making more enemies.
I'd much rather be hit by a ghost than by the Gold Saint, Kurumada-sensei.
Lemme tell you guys my special reserve ghost story.
Hase: That, huh? Ya know a "It's behind you!!" type one wouldda been fine.
Gin: Uhh, right. Once, there was an incredibly rich young girl who would get anything bought for her that she wanted.
Then one day, the young girl was given a new pegasus stuffed toy. So she threw away her old unicorn doll, Jabu, that she had used to always carry around with her.
Shin: This is already starting to sound like something from Kurumada!!
This is Princess Saori!
Gin: And then one other day, the young lady was watching her house alone.
The phone in the mansion started to ring.
When she picked up the receiver, an unsettling voice was on the other end.
"Hello, it's me, Jabu."
"Why did you throw me away? I'll never forgive you... I'm coming there right now."
Gin: At first, the young girl thought it was a prank call and didn't pay it any mind.
Gin: "Hello. It's me, Jabu."
"I'm at the intersection of 3-chome. I'll see you soon."
"Th... That can't be. Jabu, he..."
"He left in volume 3. To bring him back now would... That's..."
Shin: What're you talking about?!!
Gin: As the young lady started to panic, the phone kept ringing.
"Hello. It's me, Jabu. The light just turned green."
Shin: I get it. He just gets closer and closer, and at the end, you're gonna pull a "Behind you."
Gin: "Hello. It's me, Jabu. I just turned right at the intersection."
Gin: "Hello. It's me, Jabu. I'm at an intersection."
Shin: Um... Jabu's kinda persistent, huh?
Gin: "Hello. It's me, Jabu. I just turned left at the intersection."
Shin: His reports are way too detailed. There's way too much Jabu.
Gin: "Hello. It's me, Jabu. I'm back at the intersection."
Shin: What does he mean, back?! He's just been wandering around intersections!
Gin: "Hello. It's me, Jabu. I'm in front of the police box."
Shin: He's lost, isn't he?! Jabu is totally lost! He went to ask directions at the police box!
Shin: Jabu's gonna be all right, right? He'll get there, right?
Gin: "Hello. It's me, Jabu. I just got to the airport."
Shin: He's going by plane?! Did he get thrown that far away?!
Shin: Just how long is this gonna take?!! He's not getting closer at all!!
Gin: "Hello. It's me, Jabu. By horn got stuck at the body check."
Shin: Who caaaares! Hurry it up!! This passage is going on way too long!!
Gin: "Hello. Sorry for calling at this hour, but it's me, Jabu~~"
"Geez, taking a horse would be faster... I'm so sorry for calling so many times~~".
Shin: He's horn's brokeeeen!! Just how smooth has his horn gotten?!!
Gin: "Um, about our appointment. I kinda got caught up in something, and ended up in Morocco. So it might be hard to make it today."
Shin: Morocco?! He lost his horn in Morocco?!
Gin: "And um, seriously, where are you, young lady~~? If you move somewhere, couldn't you tell me~~? That's so distant~~"
Shin: What the hell's going on? He's acting like an older sister?! Was losing his horn like that sorta thing?! ["that" in italics.]
Gin: "Huh? What? You're in Morocco, too, young lady?"
Shin: Why is the young lady helping Jabu?!!
Gin: "Where are you now? Take a picture and send it to you? Hang on. Hang on. I'll send one right now."
Shin: Friends?! Are you guys friends?!
Gin: "I'm behind yoooooou!!"
Hase: It wasn't Jabu, it was the young lady that says "Behind you"?!!
Gin: It'd be scary if Jabu said it, but...
Hase: Being scary is what makes it a scary story!!
Gin: Jabu meets the young woman, it becomes a heart warming ghost story, and the case is closed.
Hase: That's not heartwarming and it's not a ghost story! It's just drivel!!
Normally, Jabu would get closer and closer until he's right outsider her room.
Then as a last resort, the young lady cuts the phone line.
Then, both the phone and the sound of Jabu approaching go quiet.
Shin: Ah, we're saved!
Hase: ...Or so you think.
"Young Lady. It's me, Jabu. And I'm......
Phoenix: "That would be yooou!!"
Someone: We don't need a "That's you" heeere!!
Hase: That's the climax of the last ghost story.
Shin: Behind Phoeniiiiiix?!! How many Phoenixes are there?!!
Kagu: Hmph. I said so, didn't? The Phoenix always rises again.
Someone: Not there!! Behind the young lady!
Phoenix was hugging her.
That would be you!!
Phoenix is hugging you!!
That would be yooou!!
Someone: Whyyyy?!! Why is is a staircase of a Phoenix scary storyyyyy?!
That's enough!! I can't count on you guys! I'd be better off just figuring these out myself...
I'm from the Ooedo copyright collecting agency.
And right now...
I'm at the 3-chome crossing.
Insert: Seriously scary!!!