Only for use by HWMN
[Gintama 499 Translation by Kewl0210]
Insert: This chapter makes 10 years. Will a truth of the Gintama world become apparent...?!
Otae: Okay, try your hardest at work!
SFX: CHUN CHUN
Otae: Bye bye!
seems kind of off.
Insert: Is the strange thing the world, or is it Shinpachi----?!
Title: Lesson 499
Glasses are Part of the Heart
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Sign: Glasses Salesman Zoufu
T/N: Zoufu can also mean "entrails", though this name uses different kanji.
what sort of glasses would you like?
Shin: Normal ones, like these.
Handwritten: They broke while I was drowsing.
Shin: All the trendy shops are really expensive... And my glasses are drawn with just one continuous stroke after all...
Guy: I see. Well, we certainly are not a trendy shop.
Shin: Ah, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant.
Guy: No, it's quite all right. Here, we treasure what one can see rather than what one looks like.
We see glasses not as an accessory, but as a replacement for the wearer's eyes.
As a second pair of eyeballs, sir.
For example, my glasses...
Sir, why don't you try these on?
They're the perfect strength!!
You could tell that just by looking at me?!
Guy: It is not my power. You have this second pair of eyes to thank.
Guy: Are you truly satisfied with normal glasses, then?
Shin: ...Er, well maybe 'normal' isn't the right word... I'm not that picky, I'm fine with anything as long as I can see with them.
Guy: Anything, sir?
Guy: Clearly and distinctly?
Shin: Yes, clearly and distinctly.
Guy: Then maybe these glasses would be suitable... Though they have a rock sort of look to them.
Shin: This is rock?
Guy: They're called Norowa Letah Glasses. They are foreign glasses which will absolutely positively let you see any object no matter how far away it is. ["Norowa Retaa Glasses" in white.]
T/N: The name is a slightly warped spelling of "Norowareta" which means "cursed".
Shin: Norowa Letah Glasses...?
Guy: With these, you will see any truth just as it is, clearly and distinctly.
Shin: Anything clearly and distinctly...?
Shin: I see the whole of creation
clearly and distinctly.
Shin: Uh, clearly and distinctly...?
I'm seeing things I shouldn't be able to see clearly and distinctly, aren't I?
Norowa Letah Glasses?
These are just plain cursed glasses, aren't they?!
I can see them all over the place!!
Pale people stuck right on people's backs!! What are those?!
Box: Guardian Spirit (Shugorei)
SFX: PI PIH
Shin: It's some kinda analysis box!! What are these glasses?!!
Wait, this is just a freakin' copy and paste of a Vikipedia article, ain't iiiit?!!
Box: Guardian spirits are souls that attach themselves to people and other things which they try to protect. Known in the West as a Guardian Spirit.
Shin: Guardian Spirits? Why the hell are they there?!
This glasses are seriously no joke!!
I can't unequip these cursed glasses!!
SFX: GACHA GACHA
Shin: That old maaaaan!! What the hell did he sell to me?! He's not getting away with thiiiiis!!
Shin: That can't be! No way... I just wandered into that glasses shop by coincidence.
Could it have been a glasses shop that doesn't exist in this world?
What do I do... What the hell do I do...?!!
Gin-saaaaaan!! Hey, I really need some help!!
Gin: Whaaaat? Quit yelling at the crack of dawn.
SFX: SHAKA SHAKA'
Gin: What is it?
Did you see something weird?
Sign: Say anything and you die
Sign: Say anything and you die
Shin: N... No. It... It's nothing at all.
And there's an extra-large one heeeere!!!
SFX: PAKU PAKU (Mouth flapping)
Shin: You've got a hell of a Guardian Spirit there, Gin-sannnnnn!!
Gin: The hell is up with you? You wanna die or somehin'?
Shin: I... I'm sorry. Please don't kill me.
SFX: OOO OOO
Shin: What is thaaaaaat?! What the hell kind of spirit is iiit?!
I mean, forge spirit, that's practically a monster!!
I've never been able to see if before, but was there seriously a monster like this by Gin-san's side for 499 chapters?!
Gin: I'm friggin' busy this morning, ya know. So busy that even if I had an extra arm it still wouldn't be enough.
Shin: Uh, but you're using 6 arms!! That Guardian Spirit is helping out with your morning routine!!
Gin: You'd better get ready soon, too. The participation in the event in town today is mandatory.
Shin: What is it, his mom?! And how the hell does this look from an outsider's perspective?!
Signs: How much would you like? A middle serving? A large serving?
Make sure to chew it thoroughly.
Gin: Ah, the Miso Soup moved.
Shin: Was the miso soup moving the act of the Guardian Spirit?!
Gin: Guh...!! I suddenly need to take a dump.
Shin: Is that was causes calls of nature in the morning?!
Gin: Ah... Hey, who forgot to flush?!
Shin: Is the un-flushed poop the Guardian Spirit's?!
I... I never knew
not just about the existence of Guardian Spirits...
but how they support people in their daily lives.
B-But their world looks to be inviolable territory. What'll happen if it's revealed...?
And on top of that, I can't believe Gin-san has such a grim-looking Guardian Spirit attached to him.
No wonder he's so strong.
I wonder if it's an ancestor or some ancient god...
Box: Guardian Spirit Asraman
Sakata Gintoki's Guardian Spirit. The spirit of a Ginnikuman eraser which Gintoki purchased from a gachapon machine when he was a child.
It's the spirit of a Gin-Keshiiii?!!
T/N: Ginnikuman is a spoof on the wrestling manga Kinnikuman. This guy is a spoof of Asuraman, a guy who also had six arms and three faces. A gachapon machine is a toy vending machine. The Kinnikuman erasers were called Kin-Keshi for short from (Kinnikuman Keshigomu).
Shin: What does it mean spirit of the eraseeeer?!
Box: Because he won the same Aslaman eraser 7 times, he threw 6 of them out and the malice resulting from that gathered to form a spirit. It is planning to get revenge against its host if it has the chance.
Shin: So it's not a Guardian Spirit at all!! It's just a regular evil spirit, ain't iiiit?!!
SFX: DOSU AAAAA
Gin: Heeey! There's no toilet papeeeeer!!
Box: Special Techniques
Erasing trifling things with an eraser.
Shin: Just how meager is this revenge?!! And there's no way that came from Vikipedia!!
SFX: PUSUPUSU (Sniggering)
Gin: Shinpachiii!! Go bring me some paper, seriously!!
Ya there, Shinpachi?!
Sign: If you bring any, you die!!
Shin: I can't, Gin-san. Your Guardian Spirit doesn't look like it's planning on doing any guarding.
Gin: Kaguraaa! Can you hear me?! Wake uuuup!!
Bring me some paper, goddammit!!
Guy: SHUT UUUUUP!!
Forget that, being some shochu, dammit!! Some shochu!!
SFX: HIC HIC
T/N: That's Pikachu. You guys know who Pikachu is, right? Shochu is a kind of alcoholic beverage similar to vodka.
Shin: Who is thaaaaaaat?! That old maaaannnn!!
Sign: Guardian Spirit Alchu
Kagura's Guardian Spirit
Spirit of the pok*mon popular with children.
Shin: What the hell's an Alchu?!! What sort of rip-off-mon is that?!!
Handwritten: Up we go.
Box: Being so poor, in order to get on board the Pok*mon boom, Kagura made her own p*kachu stuffed animal. This miracle monster was born from that in collaboration with that and a drunkard.
Handwritten: AAAAAUGH! My P*kachu!
Shin: I feel like I've seen that drunkard somewhere befooore!!
If I look closely, the face looks just like hiiiis?!!
Box: It has sworn absolute loyalty to the shouchu that brought it into the world and guards over it at every moment.
Shin: It's just an ordinary Alchuu! That's a really messed up monster!! And you couldn't put a sad monster like that in your pocket!!
SFX: GUBI GUBI
Gin: Kaguraaaa!! Papeeeer!!
Alchu: Sheddap. Geez. What a bastard. Drivin' Guardian Spirits to rough like that. Hold on a sec, I'll go call the master.
SFX: HIC HIC
Alchu: Master, one shochu on the rocks.
Shin: Not a bar masteeeer!!
Alchuu: Master, wake u~~~p. I'm out 'a shochu. Masteeeer!
Shin: What sorta wake-up call is thaaaaaaat?!!
Handwritten: UWAH! It stinks!!
Shin: Is that why she's always in a bad mood when she wakes up?!
Alchu: Master, I'm out of shochu.
Hey, give me som alcohol!
Kagura: Uuuuugh, so tired.
I gotta pee.
T/N: The "al" in "alcohol" is pronounced like Kagura's catchphrase "aru" that sounds like broken Japanese.
Box: Alcohol is the source of its energy. Therefore it is always requesting its master of with "aru aru".
Shin: The one saying aru was yooooou?!!
SFX: UROURO UROURO (Wandering)
Shin: It wasn't an inflection?! It was just some drunkard yelling?!
Kagura: Hey, is somebody in there?
KAgura: What is going on? No one is responding.
Shin: Ah, she forgot about Gin-chan.
SFX: DON DON
Box: Guardian Spirit God Knight
Shin: Why did you become a spiriiiiit?!!
Box: The vengeful spirit of Sakata Gintoki born from the malice from not having any paper and no one bringing him any every morning.
Shin: He had so little paper that he became a spirit?! And this stupid crap happens every morning?!
SFX: FURA FURA (Tottering)
Box: While he wandering Matsumoyokiyoshi seeking paper, he walks Sadaharu. It makes for a good Guardian Spirit for Sadaharu.
Shin: You've been walking Sadaharuuuuu?!!
T/N: Matsumoyo Kiyoshi is a drugstore chain.
Guys: It's good to be working with you.
Shin: It is not good!! You guys basically aren't serving any purpose at all, are yooou?!!
SFX: WAI WAI
Sign: Kabuki-Chou Athletic Festival
Someone: Kabuki-Chou Athletic Festival?
Gin: Apparently the old bat organized this to build friendship among the city.
And she up and decided to make it mandatory to participate.
Geez. Act your age, old bag. Why do all the old men and cabaret girls gotta do races and shit?
Shin: I wish it were just old men and cabaret girls.
All I see
is a great war of hell.
Kagura: We are the white team and they are the red team, it seems, yes?
Aaah, I wish I were red!!
Shin: To me
everyone looks like a red team dripping in blood.
Shin: The Guardian Spirits are glaring at each other.
I guess when there are competitions, they engage in secret feuds in places unseen in order to give their masters victory?!
Guys: Hey, aren't those guys on the white team?
How about we curse them to give us, the red team, the advantage?
SFX: Zawa (talking)
Guys: Give it up. Don'cha know? Those guys are the masters of Asraman and Alchu.
What?! Those guys are those guys...?
Asraman, the one that's killed 8,000 Guardian Spirits!!
And Alchu, the one that took down that Great Spirit Admiral Butler?!!
Shin: What?! Are these guys famous in the industry of Guardian Spirits?!
Guy: Yeah, those monsters mowed down one Guardian Spirit after another
and won a box of detergent for their masters and an Ooedo Super Lottery Meet.
Handwritten: It's Number 4!
Shin: Uh, there was a battle to the death between Guardian Spirits going on in the background for something like thaaaat?!!
Shin: I guess everything that goes on in the real world is affected by the actions of the Guardian Spirits?
Guys: Hey, look over there.
That four-eyes over there is walkin' around naked, no Guardian Spirit at all.
We can beat that guy easy, right? Wanna go curse him?
That's right. I don't have a Guardian Spirit?!
Guys: This is to give our Masters on the red team every advantage we can. Don't think badly of us!!
Shin: Waaaaait! Don't be so rash, this is just an athletic festivaaaal!!
That guy's somebody I know.
SFX: MEKI MEKI
Guy: I have my own master,
but I don't remember givin' you guys permission to lay your hands on my comrades.
Guys: Y... You're
That hero from the Great War for the Discarded Bentou Box... Mada...
Madao: Get lost, small-fry spirits.
Box: Guardian Spirit Madao
Guardian Spirit of Sunglasses
Shin: Wait... You were a Guardian Spiriiiiit?!
The sunglasses' Guardian Spirit?! So you were the Guardian Spirit then?!
Box: A spirit that is dead while alive and attained enlightenment during life. At first glance, he appears to be a normal human, but the sunglasses are the main body and the human is the spirit. He cannot do anything when he has no sunglasses.
Hase: Are you okay, Shinpachi-kun? That was a pretty close call.
Shin: Uh, are you all riiiiight?! When did you become a sprit and when did your sunglasses become the main bodyyyy?!! ["you" in italics.]
Hase: Be careful, okay? The Guardian Spirits around here are even more bloodthirsty than normal.
If we're not careful, some people will end up dead in this Athletic Meet.
Shin: Uh, but you died, too, right?!!
Hase: Anyhow, I heard that the winning team gets a prize of 500,000 yen for their team. Everyone's in a frenzy over it.
Shin: Uh, if it's split among this many people, everyone's only gonna get 10,000 each, though!!
Hase: Look over there.
Paper: Prize 500,000 Yen
H... Hey, Yosaku, what's wrong?
My stomach... suddenly...
Guy: Hold yourself together! HAUGH!!
Shin: Th... That's...
Handwritten: It must be mass food poisoning!!
Hase: Those are the effects of being hit by Guardian Spirits.
Masters and their Guardian Spirits share the same fate. If a Guardian Spirit is at an advantage, then so is the master. If a Guardian Spirit gets in a punch, so will the master.
Shin: Ah... When did a fight break out among the Guardian Spirits?!
Hase: In order to lead their masters to victory and obtain the prize money, our battle has already begun!!
Guys: Hey!! Guys keep dropping out because of stomach pain!
What happened?! Nothing's even started yet, but the white team is practically wiped out! O... Our team...!!
Alchu: Okay, now we can have all the prize money to ourselves.
Shin: They're attacking their own teaaaaaaam?!
Insert: Next issue is the 500th chapter, but it looks like it's gonna be chaos...!!