Paranoia Street 1

PARANOIA STREET #1

tl by molokidan

05)
[MEASUREMENTS]

06)
1: Inspired by the late Matsuda Yuusaku, I have begun a life of detective work, ensuring the hard-boiled days I've always dreamed about will finally become reality.
2: No matter how long I wait, though, no jobs come to me. That's to be expected, though.
3: There are too many detectives in this town!!
every sign: "DETECTIVE AGENCY"
4: One out of every two citizens here is a detective.
5: From private agencies to large industries.
top sign: DETECTIVE CONGLOMERATE
middle: Subcontractors
bottom: Sub-subcontractors
6: The money end of the private detective business is quite problematic.

07)
1: You have to resort to uncouth advertising tactics,
2: How about hiring a detective, mister?
3: and some detectives hire other detectives to spy on rival detectives.
4: What a pain.
5: I can't go on living in this town.
6: That's why I've decided to go wandering.
7: I shall now be known as a migratory detective!!
8: I'm tired, senseiii...
9: You fool! We haven't even wandered for half a day yet!
10: Our aim is some town where there are no working detectives present!
11: No matter what kind of town we arrive at, it's got to have a few problems!

08)
1: If you had a car, we should have just used it from the beginning!
2: Your mind isn't hungry enough.
3: You'll get arrested if you do stuff like that without permission...
4: You'll never escape an urgent problem without making some kind of sacrifice.
5: Hello, this is the Kuroda Detective Agency, taking inquiries from anywhere!
6: Eh? You saw us on the internet?
7: A job?!
8: See, look? I always make the right choices.
9: This has nothing to do with the posters!
10: Mehakari sure is a weird name for a town, though.

09)
car sign: Have any detective needs? C'mon and ask!
1: Excuse me, could we ask you for directions?
2: Yeah.
left sign: Measurements (We measure anything!)
<-- Right there
3: A detective...
4: So then you're not from this town.
5: Yes! If you have any problems, let me help!
6: Excuse me for a moment.
7: Eh, what is that?
8: 35...ahh, you're OK. Please speak.
9: Wh-what is that?
10(2b): A Cell Meter. Viruses, microorganisms, it measures everything!
11: M-microorganisms!?

10)
1: Before that though, your blood pressure.
2: Ehh!?
3: 71~120. Oh, good. It means you won't suddenly have a heart attack while we're talking.
4: Huh???
5: Next, your blood sugar level.
6: And your halitosis check.
7: Hold on a minute! I just want to ask you for directions!!
8: There's a limit to how worried about others people should be!
9: Good afternoon! I'll measure anythiiing!
10: Well? Shall I measure?
11: Eh? Measure what?
12: Height, weight, lung capacity, grip power, back strength, eyesight, hearing, jump height!
13: Anything you want to know!

11)
1: Eh? Uh, no thanks.
2: Huh? Aren't you curious about yourself? Don't you want to measure something!?
3: Misterrrrr!
4: What the hell?
lower left sign: Hair count
5: Ah look, it's a line for something.
long sign: MEASUREMENTS (smaller): Physical information, mental information, hypotheses, body odor, mouth odor (rest is illegible)
vertical sign: Anything Measurements 30 min. 1000 yen 1 hour 1500 yen 2 hours 3000 yen
6: So it's like fortune telling, right?
7: Not exactly!
8: Wah, you scared me!
9: How about giving it a try?
10: This is a likeability measurer.
11: Famous people have likeability, right? This is the same kind of idea.

12)
1: Inputting your name, age, gender, and interests,
2: then just click here and let the currents run--
3(2b): Look, there it is! 62%--you need to put out a little more effort.
4: I have compatibility meters and love meters too!
5: No thanks, no thanks!
6: Sensei! I've been waiting!
7: Sorry to keep you.
8: You're the only one left we have to ask...
9: Why thank you.
10: This town sure is in the middle of a measurement boom, huh?
11: Ahh, yes, first-timers like yourself must be surprised.

13)
1: Sensei...I
2: am going to be killed!!
3: That sounds very serious.
4: In that case, though, you should go to the police.
5: The police won't get involved in cases that haven't happened yet!
6: I see...and what's the reason you think you're going to be killed?
7: It's like I have no idea.
8: Huh?
9: You mean you don't know?
10: Have you done anything to make someone hold a grudge against you?
11: Nothing in particular.
12: Here you go.
13: Yay! <3
14: Any threatening letters?
15: None.
16: Evidence of a break-in...
17: Not that I know of.
18: There's nothing, and yet!!
19: I will be killed!!

14)
1: Look at these numbers!!
2: It's all over for me!
3: Umm...what is that, exactly?
4: A murder percentage calculator!!
5: It means that I have a 98% chance of being murdered!!
6: It's practically the same thing as being dead!!
7(2b): Excuse me, miss? That machine?
8: Yes...it was sold in town.
9: It looks like a fortunetelling device...is it a kind of toy?
10: Yes.
11: But my husband...he's always very extreme in assuming things...
12: He believes things very easily...

15)
1: Still though, to believe a thing like that...
2: He's not some high school girl playing with a Ouija board!
3: Senseiiiiiiiiiiiii! Help meeee pleaaaaaaase!
4: Uwaaaaaaah!
5: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
6: am going to be kiiiiiiiiiiiiilled!
7: A-alright, alright! I-I'll come back and check on you later.
8: It seems that you do not understand how correct measurement devices are, Sensei.
9: Allow me to show you proof.
10(2b): This is a suicide measurer. Let me measure my wife.

16)
1: There it is!!
2: Ahh, 95%!! It's really high!!
3: So you're saying your wife has a high chance of committing suicide?
4: Hahah! That's ridiculous.
5: Room Temperature: 20 C
6: Humidity: 25%
7: Hey, hold on!

17)
1: Wh-what are you doing?!
2: We managed to save her life.
3: Oh really...?
4(2b): excuse me. You were at the scene of the crime...
5: Yes, my name is Kuroda.

18)
1: I understand the details.
2: Thank you for your help.
3: That couple seems a bit abnormal to me, though.
4: Yes, I suppose.
5: They believe whatever those toys tell them and get some pretty wild ideas...
6: I own one too.
7: For peace of mind.
8: Eh?!
9: But why?!
10(2b): It's safe, don't worry. There is zero scientific proof for how it calculates...but as long as it's low, it gives me a feeling of relief.
11: If an earthquake researcher says "no big earthquake will come for a while,"
12: Even if someone knows that accurate earthquake prediction is impossible, they'll still feel a bit of ease.
13: So you're saying that these things have as much authority as any scientist does.

19)
1: To tell you the truth, this town was built around measurement device manufacturing.
2: 80% of the citizens here produce measurement devices in some capacity.
3: Measurement devices?
4: Thermometers, scales, illuminometers, sugar content readers, salt content readers, radioactive meters...
5: Thanks to them, the people of the town have become unbelievably loyal to these "measured numbers!"
6: They've even gone as far as believing those toy-like devices as well...
(from top to bottom, left to right)
7: Sugar Content Reader - Sugar Tester
8: Salt Content Reader - Salt Catch
9: BMI Reader
10: Blood Pressure Reader
11: Radioactive Signal Searcher
12: Love Meter
13: Health Meter
14: Charm Checker
15: Amusia Checker
16: Body Odor Reader
17: Crime Chance Calculator
18: I understand why you find it hard to believe.
19: Think about this, though: if you had a food freshness meter that told you a certain food product was past its expiration date.
20: Even if the device was at the same scientific level as a fortunetelling device, you would still hesitate to eat it, right?

20)
1: These toy-like machines have started to become problems recently, though.
2: For example, there is one called a Cheating Checker.
3: Cheating Checker: Sanmor Corporation: 3800 yen
4: Taking the numbers seriously has led to huge fights, resulting in a heightening divorce rate.
5: Parents who see high numbers on their Domestic Violence Percentage Reader
6: Domestic Violence Percentage Reader: Jazan Productions: 12000 yen
7: kill their children before they can be killed by them.
8: Blood: 1.97 liters
9: Other people despair at the numbers on Exam Pass Percentage Readers and Lay-Off Estimators and commit suicide before the face.
10: Lay-Off Estimator: Askor Productions: 6800 yen
11: Others, as their Sexual Crime Committal Percentage rises, gets deluded into thinking they actually are sexual criminals, and end up committing crimes.
12: Mini Crime Committal Percentage Reader: Jazan Productions: 4800 yen

21)
1: So then the fact that that woman committed suicide...
2: is proof that her heart is being controlled by those devices.
3: Inspector!
4: Temperature: 27.2 C
5: Senseii! I'm gonna pee my pants!
5: What?! You idiot, what are you, a child?!
6: Hurry up and do your business!
7: Yes siiir!
8: What?
9: Incidentally, I'll be off now.
10: No, wait a moment, please?
11: What?
12: We'd like to have you come with us back to the department.

22)
1: Under suspicion for killing your client!
2: Blood: 2.27 liter
3: Huuuh? Where did Sensei go?
Sign: 2nd West Police Station
4: What reason would I have to kill him?!
5: You would know about that more than us.

23)
1(2b): I was curious as to why her husband didn't accompany her to the hospital. It's because he had already been killed!
2: The measurer was correct!!
3: Ummmm...
4: He committed suicide!
5: In order to protect the sanctity of the machine, he unconsciously killed himself!
6: And made it seem like he was murdered!
7: He was stabbed by a knife from all angles
8: that rule out suicide.
9: 8 places
10: But he was killed after I left!
11: Have you investigated other possibilities yet?!
12: Nope.
13: There's no need to.
14: Why not?!
15: Lung Cancer Chance: 82%
16: Because you're the criminal.
17: Where's your proof?!

24)
1: 98%
2: Lie Detector: Jazan Productions: 230000 yen
3: 96%!
4: Crime Committal Percentage Reader: Jazan Productions: Enter DNA, bone, and personality information to determine chance of committing a crime. 320000 yen
5: See, you are the criminal!
6: How can those numbers become decisive evidence?!
7: Unfortunately for you, your judge will also be a citizen of this town.
8: Guh!
9: Look! The chance that he'll get the death penalty is 89%!
10: Hooray!
11: Here's a present, Sensei.
12: Thanks. You're surprisingly nice, you know.

25)
1: I'll be sure to carry out your last will.
2: idiot! The death penalty hasn't been decided yet!!
3: You're a witness! C'mon and do something already!
4: Ehhh, but I have no confidence...
5: I...didn't do it...
6: What are his numbers?
7: 99% chance of perjury!
8: No matter how hard you try, the machines will never fail!
9: Uhhh...you're mistaken...
10: Whether it was due to the numbers' magic or not, however, as the number of measurement tests I was subjected to rose into the hundreds,
11: I gradually began to believe their results.

26)
1: You're the criminal, aren't you?
2: Yes...
3: I'm the criminal.
4: Perjury percentage?
5: 0.1%...it's safe to believe him.
6: Finally, you're free! Congratulations!
7: Congratulations!
8: You are sentenced with the death penalty.
9: 36 audience members
10: Ahhh...I sure had a short life.

27)
1: Hey, how are measuring something?
2: Hey! You can't peddle your wares here!
3: It's my 1-year anniversary special, so I'll give you a test for ree.
4: Eh? Really?
5: 98%!?
6: Oh my, that sure is a problem!
7: Sorry to keep you waiting, sensei!
8: Ah! You're here already?!
9: Now's your only time to escape.
10: Eh!? You...!?
11: How did you get inside?
12: It was simple.
13: 2.88m
14: Speed: 18km

28)
1: They all killed themselves.
2: Estimated Time Since Death: 4:05
3: Estimated Time Since Death: 3:30
4: Estimated Time Since Death: 3:15
5: Estimated Time Since Death: 3:50
6: Estimated Time Since Death: 4:00