Homunculus Volume 11

*Only for use by I-M.

HOMUNCULUS VOLUME 11

tl by molokidan

3)
sign: Flea Market

4)
1: Someone who looks exactly like me...
2: Where are they...

5)
1: Where is there someone who knows my old face?

9)
1: My feet are now completely devoid of a stench...
2: How did they smell before?

10)
1: No...
2: Is it necessary for them to have a smell?
3: Is it necessary to remember something like that...?
4: That's it...

11)
1: I don't need actual feeling...

12)
1: What good will it do
2: to search for my true self?
3: What good will it do
4: to remember how I once was?
5: What are these Homunculi, anyway?
6: What am I, anyway?

14)
1: Car boy!
2: Hey.
3: Boy.

15)
1: Wahh.
2: Ken-san...
3: You can't do that.
4: You can't still be lookin' down and walkin' like that.

16)
1: If you look down,
2: then you won't be able to see ahead, behind, up, or to the side.
3: It's still too early for you
4: to be cutting off everything but yourself.

17)
1: See for yourself.

19)
1: Me and the other homeless eventually end up looking down and walking like that...
2: And it's not like we're looking down searching for money.
3: No one wants to see anything,
4: and no one wants to be seen by anyone...
5: They don't want anything to happen,
6: don't want to feel anythin'...

20)
1: Nothing...
2: Huh?

21)
1: No
2: thing?

22)
1: If you cut off everything around you and look down at your feet like that,
2: you won't even know where you are anymore,
3: and won't even be able to tell whether you still exist...

23)
1: Then, you'll suddenly get worried about whether or not you still exist, and want to look at yourself for confirmation,
2: but you won't be able to muster up the courage to look at your full self in the mirror...
3: All you can do is walk, knowing that at the very least, your feet are still connected with the ground...

24)
1: It's too early for you to be lookin' down.
2: Yes.

25)
1: Hm?
2: What's that smell?
3: Where's it coming from?

26)
1: Shoes...?

27)
1: Welcome.
2-3: sniff
4: Mmm...
5: They stink...

30)
1(2b): Only one remained...
2: Excuse me...?
3: One photo...
4: of my old face...

31)
1-3: haah

33)
all bubbles: haah

35)
1: Boy do these stink.

36)
1: These are the ones...

43)
1: Did something happened before I changed my face...?
2: Did I really feel like I was alive...?
3: Did the real me exist?

44)
1: Nothing...

48)
1: Ehhhhh...

49)
1: There was nothing...
2: You...

50)
1: No trauma,
2: no enjoyment,
3: no frustration,
4: no joy...
5: If you always walk looking down...of course there'll be nothing...
6: Is that why you changed your face?

51)
1: You thought if you changed your face, something would happen...
2: You had nothing, and yet you blamed that on your face...
3: Now look at my face.

52)
1: Nothing's changed, has it?
2: The shape of this face may have changed,
3: but its expressions haven't changed one bit...

53)
1: Maybe I understood somewhere.
2: That I wasn't moving forward at all...

56)
1: look at me more

58)
1: be interested
2: it isn't about the face

59)
1: it isn't about money
2: it isn't about cars
3: look at
4: MYSELF

60)
1: I exist!

61)
1: I
2: am not an invisible man
3: I
4: am not a Noppera-bo
5: I
6: am not zero

62)
1: Look at me!!

63)
1-4: Look at me

64)
1: look...
2: at me...

65)
1: plea...se...

66)
1: Ah...

67)
1: Ahhhh...

68)
1: There was one person
2: who did look at me...

69)
1: What the.
2: Almost Christmas, huh...

70)
1: I didn't notice at all...

72)
1: achoo
2: Cold...
3: Heater, heater.
4: Dammit...

73)
1: Ah...
2: Oh...
3: I'm outta gas...
4: clink...

74)
1: Oh no...
2: My car won't...be able to...
3: klak

75)
1-2: knock

76)
1: Can you roll down the window?
2: I come in peace.

77)
1(2b): Here. 200,000 yen.
2: Let me buy the clothes from yesterday
3: as a memoir.

78)
1: After checking online,
2: I determined they cost about 240,000.
3: Let me off on the 40,000, please.
4: Now how about not staying all shut up in your car and taking a walk or something?

83)
1: "A park in winter" is nice, isn't it?
2: "A park in summer,"
3: is full of overgrown trees and greenery...
4(2b): In a spacious park like this, the wall of greenery acts like a labyrinth, often making one feel like they have no idea where they actually are...

84)
1: Look over there.
2: "A park in winter" contains nothing but dead trees full of gaps, allowing for a wide frame of view,
3: allowing one to really feel the width of the park...
4: And more than anything, one can understand where they truly are.

85)
1: Apparently, when I was in elementary school, I kept a guppy.
2: Oh...
3: so you did have one...

86)
1: And it seems that I loved it very much.
2: And I also seem to have dressed up in girls' clothes often.
3(2b): Seeing the guppy as a symbol of beauty, I must have been comparing it with myself.
4: My father saw me doing this and panicked, so he killed the guppy...

87)
1: He apologized today.
2: It looks like my father has another half a year to live.
3: Eh...
4: But I thought he only had a bone fracture...?
5: Apparently, he only said that to hide the truth.

88)
1: I think he forever doted on the guppy somewhere in a corner of his heart.
2: And with the end of his life drawing closer,
3: he wanted to feel at ease...
4: What do you think about that?
5: You mean whether or not I think
6: it's selfish?
7: Yes...

89)
1: It's human.
2: And this may be the first time I've ever seen my father's human qualities.

90)
1: Things are just how you saw them, Nakoshi-san.

91)
1: Just like in your sketch,
2: I had lost sight of my true form within the case known as my "father."
3: And was probably living out a life void of real feeling.
4: Generally, I've been blessed in my form,
5: and unlike you, Nakoshi-san, I was popular, and never had to worry about women.
6: I thought I was living a life free of discontent.
7: But...

92)
1: There was one part where I could never achieve true feeling.
2(2b): Of course I have experience with women, and I'm not a virgin, but...
3: I've never ejaculated during intercourse...
4: So you could say I'm a cum virgin.

93)
1(2b): Now that I think about it, my flight from 1775 was probably just an expression of rejection.
2(2b): But with that said, I of course do not think that I have a gender identity disorder,
3: and I possess not the least bit of desire
4: to sleep with you, Nakoshi-san.
5(2b): However...from this point on, if similar emotions come bursting out of me, I do not think I will be able to suppress them anymore.

94)
1: Now that the "father" case is broken,
2: I would like to do as I please.
3: Moving toward my true form...

95)
1: Hey.
2: What do I look like now?

97)
1: I see.
2: So that's why it didn't become a part of me.
3: Your Homunculus isn't gone yet.
4: There's no need to worry...
5: You can bury it little by little.

98)
1: How about getting some cosmetic surgery?
2: Cosmetic surgery?
3: That's not a bad idea.

99)
1: I
2: know why I picked you, Nakoshi-san.
3: I thought that I had chosen you for the trephination experiment out of some vague interest I had,
4: but I know the real reason now.

100)
1: I had been studying humans from various angles,
2: but when it came to the human shape...
3: I was extremely interested, including what we know as cosmetic surgery.
4: And at that time, I came across a man who had undergone cosmetic surgery, curled up like a fetus sleeping inside a car...
5: Not only that, but he was a "car homeless" smack dab in the interstice between the hotel and the park...
6: Nakoshi-san.

101)
1: Why did you get cosmetic surgery,
2: just to become a homeless person in a place like this?
3: What do you mean...?

102)
1: If cosmetic surgery is supposed to make people happy, to better their conditions...
2: then why
3: are you in this situation right now?
4: Subconsciously, I was troubled over my own shape,
5: which lead to my research,
6: and secret hopes toward cosmetic surgery...

103)
1: At the same time,
2: there was someone who became a homeless after getting cosmetic surgery,
3: telling nothing but lies,
4: and questioning himself...
5: My fears then transformed into interest in you...
6: And I chose you.

104)
1: So why did you change your face
2: and then become a "car homeless" person...?

106)
1: What does it mean to be human...?

107)
1: What?!
2: Now that your human research is over...what would you define a person as?
3: What is a human...? I wonder...
4: Stop acting cool...

108)
1: Humans are
2: "forms."
3: All that talk about humans being soul and mind is bullshit...

109)
1: It's because humans have forms
2(2b): that they can see, hear, smell, touch, taste, and communicate with others.
3: It's because there exists "human-formed meat" capable of controlling souls
4: that "humans" exist.

110)
1: We can speak therefore we lie,
2: we have bodies therefore we hurt others,
3: we have eyes, therefore we can be seen by other people...

111)
1: It's because we have forms that we can worry over a few millimeters-large pimple,
2: get irritated over a few centimeters-large deviation in face or body,
3: panic over the loss of a single front tooth...
4: Eyes are drawn to other eyes a few millimeters too large,
5: eyes peer away from noses a few millimeters too large,
6: eyes are stolen by women a few centimeters thin,
7: and a man a few centimeters too short can never find eyes to look upon him.

112)
1: Without forms, humans cannot suffer.

113)
1: These forms are the problem...!

114)
1: Before my surgery...
2: That's all I ever thought about...
3: You remembered what happened before your surgery?
4: Yeah...

115)
1: Huh.
2: You weren't as ugly as I expected you to be.
3: What happened to you when you had this face?

116)
1: Nothing...
2: Huh?

117)
1: ...nothing...

118)
1: I was a boring human...

119)
1: One that no one was interested in, one that no one would look upon or give attention to...
2: Just like an invisible man...
3: Nothing...

120)
1: In the single moment that people glanced over me, the lack of interest in their eyes was all too apparent...
2: People who passed me by quietly smiled...
3: Gradually, I began looking down to hide my face,
4: walking while cutting myself off from others...

121)
1: Every day, I looked only at my feet as I walked,
2: being nothing but a gloomy human...
3: Pfft. Not like there would actually be anything there...
4: No trace of trauma...no joy, sadness, pain, happiness...
5: And of course, no real feeling...

122)
1: I know I was looking down because I was afraid of getting hurt,
2: while wandering through an empty world,
3: occasionally giving sidelong glances to people who were popular, or getting some kind of attention or fame,
4: envying them, cursing them in my mind,
5: mocking the pigs who would go on and on about how "it's all about what's on the inside," despite making much of their own outward appearances,

123)
1: and then looking back down to my feet and walking on...
2: paying careful attention so as not to let the emotional seesaw teeter...

124)
1: I blamed that lack of true feeling
2: on my face.
3: If only I could change my face, I'd be able to walk with my head up, be looked at by others,
4: be noticed, be popular, and finally really feel something.

125)
1: You thought "something" would happen if you changed your face?
2: Of course.
3: And so you did.
4: Yeah...

126)
1: Women began to look at me, I slept with them, was successful in my career, got money,
2: and my days became abundant with commodities.

127)
1: snicker snicker
2: You didn't really feel anything, did you?
3: Yeah...

128)
1: Even if I kissed someone, I doubted whether they were actually kissing me,
2: and their gentle words started to sound like direct whispers to my wallet.
3: The hands that touched me looked like soiled hands that often touched brand-name goods.
4: The eyes were angled clearly toward me, yet the focus wasn't set on me.
5: Were they looking far past me, or were their gazing stopping way before they reached me...?

129)
1: I wasn't even sure if they were actually noticing my existence...
2: They were treating me like an invisible man...!

130)
1: And so, my eyes filled with distrust,
2: and the words that left my mouth became painted in lies,
3: so much that I even began to lie to myself...
4: There, I had no real feeling, and of course no "self" existed, either.

131)
1: I panicked, throwing away my apartments, money, and all other things which drew fake interest,
2: wanting to escape somewhere...
3: And so I came to the interval between the hotel and the park.
4: Ah...
5: There was one thing I didn't throw away, though: my face.
6: True.
7: That would be a little difficult to get rid of.

132)
1: I see.
2: So you changed your face and got people to look at you,
3: but it all looked like falsities to you, so you couldn't get any real feeling.
4: Yeah...
5: I can't get real looks...
6: Nothing's changed from the time when I walked staring at my feet...

133)
1: Now, and back then,
2: there's nothing.
3: For 34 years...
4: Have I had nothing...?

134)
1: Just where am I...?

135)
1: Ehh?!
2: Let's go back.

136)
1: I'm sick of looking at my own shadow...

137)
1: There was only one time...

138)
1: when I actually existed.

140)
1: When was that?
2: Just before I changed my form,
3: I couldn't decide to do for a few months...
4: Was it really to OK to throw away the face I'd had for so long...? Was it OK to throw away the "me" that had lived up until now...?
5: And during this time when I was taking another look at myself, questioning myself...

141)
1: There was a single person who looked at me...
2: A woman who gave the ugly me a true stare, while I was staring down at my feet...

142)
1: At that moment, I WAS.

143)
1: What kind of a person was she?

144)
1: A woman who could see Homunculi...

145)
1: A woman who could see Homunculi...?
2: Yeah...

146)
1: That's the first I've heard of such a thing.
2: Do you mean...
3(2b): She could see distortions of the heart...or something like that?
4: Yes.
5: She was a woman who could see others' "homunculi."

147)
1: Did you see her?
2: Yeah...
3: During those three months...
4: She saw at me...

148)
1: And how did she see you, Nakoshi-san?
2: What kind of a Homunculus did she see in you?

149)
1: Did you have a robotic arm and a leg made of sand?
2: My Homunculus...
3: back then...

150)
1: is something I can't tell you about.
2: Ehh?!
3(2b): Ehhhhhhh? Why noooot?
4: Pleaaaaase tell meeeee!
5: I most certainly
6: will not...

151)
1: C'moooon, Nagoshi-saaaaan.

152)
1: Ohhh, two whole bottles!
2: You sure are feeling generous tonight, Car Boy!

153)
1: I had a pachinko streak today.
2: Huh?
3: But you were just talking about horse racing...
4: Ignore it, ignore it.
5: He's just lying again.
6: He's got the lie disease, the lie disease.
7: Eheeheeheehee.

155)
1: The rice girl at the Ehime Church today sho' was a looker!
2: Ahhh, that cutie with the ponytail!
3: Boy was she a looker!
4: I'd love to do some o' the ol' in-an-out wit' her!
5: I had two or three dames like that when I was younger.
6: I banged the shit outta 'em!
7: You serious?
8: Hell yeah!

156)
1: You've made a lot of cuties cry up until now, haven't ya, Car Boy?
2: Since you're so handsome.
3: If it's model-level women you're talking about, then I've slept with more than I can count.

157)
1: Whaaaa?!
2: Del-Mooooooooo?!
3: Boooooooy,
4: you're pullin' our legs.
5: You ain't be catchin' no ladies with that car.
6: Shishishishi.
7: Except...
8: The most beautiful woman I've ever seen...
9: was unbelievably
10: ugly.

158)
1: Uuu...
2: Uglyyyyyyy?!
2: Sh...she was ugly, b-but beautiful...?
3: What was good 'bout her?
4: The sex? She had a nice hole?
5: What I mean by ugly, I suppose, is that she was different
6: from the "simply beautiful" women you often see...

159)
1: She could see people's hearts.
2: Whaaaa?!
3: What'd you say??
4: See heaaarts?!

160)
1: Yes...
2: She could clearly see people's hearts...
3: Anyone kin see somethin' like that.
4: By checkin' the atmosphere, you know, people who look mean, people who look nice...
5: It's all about the atmosphere!
6: It was a level beyond that kind of human observation...
7: She could see human hearts in clearly defined forms.

161)
1: That woman...
2: How did she see these hearts?

162)
1: Like this...
2: The distortions in people's hearts...
3: would appear in weird shapes...

163)
1: Is that that uh, you know?
2: That spiritual supernatural mumbo jumbo??
3: No, nothing like that...
4: It was like,
5: this...
6: That was just her imagination.
7(2b): A hallucination! A delusion!
8: ...what...
9: smirk

164)
1: True, it might have just been a delusion.
2: Boy, what did a girl with a crazy power like that do for a living?

165)
1: She helped to serve rice at church-sponsored volunteer events.
2: V...volunteer...
3: rice...?
4: I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
5: Fuaaaaaah

166)
1: Nothin' but lies...
2: Seriously...
3: Before he said he dated a stewardess.
4: If he's that much uvva liar, then he must have some mental illness...
5: Well, he brings us booze,
6: so just let him be.
7: He don't mean any harm.
8: hic

167)
1: hic

178)
1: chak
2: Nnnnnnnn
2: Nnn...

180)
1: Nako-chan is a "cloud."
2: All white and pure...
3: but unattainable...
4: A "cloud."

182)
1: Doesn't look like a cloud to me...
2: My left hand,
3: and right hand,
4: are distorted
5: now...
6: Hm?

183)
1: Hm...?
2: Huh...??
3: They...
4: disappeared...?

185)
1: Wh...
2: What's happening...?

188)
1-6: hah
7: Woah woah woah...
8: This...
9: can't be happening...

189)
1: If the Homunculi are gone...
2: then I'll be...
3: flung back into...
4: this fake world again...

190)
1: Don't leave me alone like this...

192)
1-6: haah

194)
1: Why can't I see them...?
2: Why aren't they there...?

195)
*same page

196)
*same page

197)
1: Ah...!
2: scratch
3: Could the hole have...
4: Nakoshi-san...?

198)
1: You're Nakoshi-san...
2: aren't you?
3: Ah.
4: Hiromi-chan from Felis.

199)
1: Long time no see.
2: Y...
3: Yeah...
4: All of a sudden I wasn't able to contact you anymore...
5: Er...
6: What happened...?
7: What are you doing here?
8: Huh?

200)
1: What happened to your Porsche...?
2: Ah...
3: Ahhh...

202)
1: Puh.
2: Hiromi-chaaan.
3: Ah.
4: Sorry to keep you waiting!
5: Hiiiii.
6: I'll be right theeere.

203)
1: Nakoshi-san.
2: See ya

205)
1: beep
2: boop
3: bap
4: beep
5: rrrrring
6: gach
7: Hello?
8: Hey.
9: What the hell's going on?!
10: What is this all of a sudden?

206)
1: You can't see the Homunculi anymore...?
2: Congratulations

207)
1: This means your problem is solved, doesn't it?!
2: What...?
3: No, this is really a great thing
4: Let's celebrate with a drink!
5: Nothing about my problem has been solved!
6(2b): I think I can't see them anymore because of some physiological problem...probably...

208)
1: I'm sure...
2: this hole has sealed up...
3: Haha,
4: Well that's still a good thing then!
5: Those monsters that creeped you out are gone.

209)
1: Nakoshi-san,
2: don't you think you're lucky?!
3: Or...could it be that you miss them now...
4: The Homunculi...

210)
1: Open the hole!
2: Huh??
3: I said open the hole!
4: Ehhhh?
5: Nooooo...that's dangerouuuus...

211)
1: Dangerous...
2: This is something you started!
3: Also...
4: I don't think the hole is sealed up.
5: The hole I opened this time was 3mm.
6: Cranium holes regenerate, but sealing up within a few days is an impossibility.

212)
1: Open this up and see for yourself, then!
2: Nakoshi-saaaaan.
3: To be honest, your problem is over and done with,
4: and I really don't want to do such a troublesome thing, soooooo...!
5: Damn you...

213)
1: I have to move on to the next thing...
2: You aren't finished yet.
3: There are still some minute deformities left.
4: I can't see it now,
5: but the only one who can see your Homunculus is me.

214)
1: What was that about a girl who could see Homunculi?
2: The one you dated...
3: Yeah...

215)
1: So it didn't
2: come from the trephination hole after all.
3: Through the placebo effect from the trephination,
4: your old girlfriend's special ability (Homunculus) appeared within you. That's all there is to it.

216)
1: Your imagination was infected by what you saw in that girl.
2: And
3: rattle...
4: What your girlfriend saw was also no more than some sort of hallucination or fantasy.
5: By the way...

217)
1(2b): Were the Homunculi she saw of the same structure as the ones you've seen?
2: ka-ching
3: click
4: Probably...
5: Their appearances were different, but their "meanings" were the same.

218)
1: Don't you think that rather than filling up the hole,
2: searching and finding that woman would be the quicker way to solve things?
3: Why don't you just have your ex take a look at you?
4: wink

219)
1: At the Homunculus you have now.
2: Just hurry and open it up, alright?
3: I'll look at myself, by myself!

220)
1: Uh-oh.
2: What's wrong?

221)
1: The hole in your cranium...
2: The bone isn't closed,
3: but the hole is filled with pus and scab, so it appears like it IS virtually closed.
4(2b): Hm...I see. So then if I removed what's in the hole now, it'll revert to its previous open state.
5: It's simple

222)
1: OK, OK, OK...
2: Okay.
3: If you doubt me, Nakoshi-san...
4: Then take this mirror and watch for yourself...

223)
1: Well? Nice and clean now, isn't it?
2: ...yeah.
3: smack

224)
1: Hey, I can't see anything!
2: ...Nakoshi-san.
3(2b): Please don't get all flustered. It took a good bit of time before you were able to see anything the first time, didn't it...
4: Anyway, let's close up your skin.

225)
1: clink clink

226)
1: Hey.
2: Yes?
3: You said the hole in my cranium
4: is 3mm, right?
5: Y,
6: yes.
7: In that report, it says that "if the hole is any smaller than 7mm, then one cannot expect any actual effects from the trephination."
8: Haah...
9: And your point...?

227)
1: Don't you have to make the hole bigger?
2: Oh, enough already.
3: Nakoshi-san...
4(2b): The size of the hole will have no effect on whether or not you can see the Homunculi!
5: But...
6: It says that there will be no effect unless the hole is bigger than 7mm...
7: Nakoshi-san...

228)
1(2b): The trephination effects that report refers to are not necessarily related to "seeing Homunculi."
2: I know.
3: The sixth sense appears in different shapes, right?
4: Wrong.
5: That is also just a hoax.
6(2b): In modern medicine, trephination is utilized for treating things like epidural hematoma, and it is certainly not administered to healthy people.
7(2b): The exceptions to this rule are people overseas who attempt it in a way to stimulate their consciousnesses, but the actual effectiveness of this, honestly, is not definite.

229)
1(2b): Psychic powers, ESP...all that talk about a sixth sense appearing is a lie. It's just a hoax I created.
2: Don't you remember what I said...?
3: The "Homunculi" you saw
4: were just your imagination.

230)
1: That's a good one.
2: You should know more than anyone
3: that these Homunculi are neither hallucination nor fantasy.