Too much Kaki-pi is bad for you
-> RTS Page for Gintama 105
Reserved for the use of Maximum7
Title: Lesson 105 Too much Kaki-pi is bad for you
*Note: Kaki-pi: A mixture of small rice crackers and peanuts.
Kagura: Let’s see.
Kagura: Why don’t you bring out a Dom Pérignon.
Guy: But miss, aren’t you underage? Why don’t you have some juice…
Kagura: Boy, try not to anger me too much, will you?
Kagura: I told you to call me queen, not miss.
Guy: My apologies! Queen of the Kabuki district!!
Kagura: How laughable, a host who doesn’t know how to handle a lady.
Kagura: You can satisfy older women by treating them like young girls,
Kagura: but for exceptionally young ones, you must treat them like adults…
Kagura: If they asked for a Dom Pérignon, bring them a cup of milk and why not play along?
Guy: My apologies to the queen! Here’s a cup of milk then!
Kagura: You really brought one. What a useless bunch of boys.
Kagura: Do you take me for woman who can be satisfied with milk? I’m an adult now. I can even drink Oronamin C.
*Note: Oronamin C is an energy drink.
Guy: How admirable, you’re truly an adult to be able to drink that~
Kagura: My ex… He said a child shouldn’t drink such things, and that even adults can only drink one a day.
Kagura: I wonder what he’s doing now…
Kagura: Oh, I’ve already emptied two bottles somehow.
Gintoki: So~ This is what a host club looks like.
Gintoki: Oy, it kind of makes me feel jittery.
Shinpachi: Yeah, it doesn’t feel like a place for guys.
Gintoki: Well, at least we get free alcohol. Don’t you drink though. I permit you to have Oronamin C. But keep it at one bottle.
Woman: You touched me! This guy just touched me!
Guy: No I didn’t, I was just pouring you a drink…
Woman: No way! You touched me just now! You grabbed my boobs!
Woman: And you too, why have you been giving me such perverted glances?
Guy: B-but I wasn’t looking…
Woman: You were staring! Always looking at my body! Sekuhara! Sexual harassment!
Gintoki: Oy, shut up hag. Your face is a sexual harassment.
Woman: What, let’s go Gin-san! What is this place!!
Woman: We came to find Hachirou! Why are we here!?
Gintoki: There, there, just calm down.
Gintoki: You guys can go now; we can just drink by ourselves.
Shinpachi: It seems like the mother hasn’t noticed yet.
Gintoki: Well, yeah.
Gintoki: Her son has changed a lot. And Hachirou is a common name…
Shinpachi: But what is Hachirou-san up to?
Shinpachi: It seems he doesn’t plan to tell his mother any time soon.
Shinpachi: It must be hard to break the silence after 5 years, and after so many changes, but…
Shinpachi: Why did he go to all the trouble of inviting us here then?
Gintoki: Humans are unreasonable like that.
Gintoki: If she’s being attacked, a son will save his mother no matter how annoying she is.
Shinpachi: You say attacked, but you were the one doing the attacking.
Kyoushirou: Is everybody enjoying themselves?
Shinpachi: Oh, Kyoushirou-san.
Gintoki: Well, it doesn’t feel right to have a guy pour my drink.
Kyoushirou: Fufu… My apologies. Since this is a host club, we can only service as such.
Kyoushirou: Please drink to your heart’s content. Oh, would you like some food as well?
Gintoki: Ah, then I’ll have…
Woman: No thanks. I brought it from home.
Woman: Boiled beans! Eat the same number of beans as your age and you won’t get cancer.
Gintoki: Why did you bring that!? Stop that, it reeks of poverty!!
Gintoki: Let’s live it up since we’re here already! Why are the beans sweet!? It doesn’t go with sake!!
Woman: These beans will cure your crankiness! Hurry up and eat! Hey, the flashy boy over there, you too!
Shinpachi: Kyoushirou-san, I want to inquire about something…
Kyoushirou: Huh? What is it?
Shinpachi: Since Kyoushirou-san is the store’s NO.1 and the management, you must be familiar with most things?
Kyoushirou: Well… Somewhat.
Shinpachi: It’s about that Mr. Giant Afro over there… When did he start working here?
Kyoushirou: You mean Hachirou? He’s a friend of mine, and he was here when the store opened.
Kyoushirou: I was working at another shop before, but we decided to leave 2 years ago.
Kyoushirou: He used to be a host too, but due to a surgical accident, he works behind the scenes now.
Shinpachi: What kind of an accident creates a face like that? Did the ER explode?
Shinpachi: So he’s responsible for guarding as well?
Kyoushirou: Indeed, he’s also a bodyguard. Sorry you had to witness such messes…
Kyoushirou: It’s a dangerous city so he has to do those things…
Kyoushirou: If you want to succeed here, you can’t be clean forever.
Kyoushirou: Although I’ve become Kabuki district’s NO.1 host, I’ve lost more than I have gained.
Kyoushirou: How embarrassing…
Kyoushirou: We’re a lowly bunch who cannot even face our parents.
Kyoushirou: So, what about Hachirou?
Guy: Here he is, bro.
Guy: This is Hachirou.
Katsuo: I see~
Katsuo: Come; bring him quickly so we won’t trouble the store.
Gintoki: Hey, Oy. What’s going on?
Kyoushirou: That’s the Gutter Rats…
Katsuo: Sorry to cause a stir.
Katsuo: Please go about your business, we’ll be off.
Katsuo: Oh my, everybody ran away.
Katsuo: Sorry, Kyoushirou-han. Report us for obstruction of business then.
Kyoushirou: You again.
Kyoushirou: Please let go of Hachirou.
Kyoushirou: And please stop pestering us.
Katsuo: No, no, no. Today I’m not here for that, Kyoushirou-han.
Katsuo: Really, I’m not one to be bothered by such things.
Katsuo: Right now my Dachshund is pregnant. I want to be there for the birth.
Katsuo: Really, this old man doesn’t have time to mind a kid’s fight.
Kanshirou: A kid’s fight?
Katsuo: Your bodyguard. I hear he’s been disciplining kids in the streets.
Katsuo: You shouldn’t be so violent. Really, host these days are scarier than the yakuza.
Kanshirou: They were juniors from our own group. It’s none of your business how we educate them.
Katsuo: But it is our business.
Katsuo: Right, Kanshichi-kun?
Kankichi: It’s Kankichi.
Katsuo: So it turns out Kankichi-kun is related to my boss.
Katsuo: See, that’s why I have to take care of this. How very bothersome.
Kanshirou: He’s related to the Gutter Rat’s boss? I didn’t hear…
Katsuo: I don’t know either. They are probably far removed.
Katsuo: Like a relative’s relative’s relative’s relative.
Kanshirou: Please don’t lie.
Katsuo: I’m not lying, right Kanpachi-kun?
Kankichi: Y-yes, a relative’s relative’s relative.
Katsuo: You’re missing one relative!!
Sound bubble: Gefuh
Katsuo: Damn. I kicked the boss’ relative’s relative’s relative’s relative’s relative by accident.
Guy: That’s one too many relatives bro.
Katsuo: Oh well, if you follow the lineage, humans were all born from the same mother. We’re all relatives.
Shinpachi: Gin-san, this is bad. Hachirou-san is…
Shinpachi: Who are these people?
Gintoki: That’s probably the Gutter Rat’s black ace, Katsuo.
Gintoki: One of the Kabuki district’s four kings. A young leader working for chief Doromizu Jiro. I heard he’s dangerous.
Gintoki: So what dodgy thing is he up to?
Kagura: Drugs, it’s the drugs.
Kagura: The hosts were talking.
Kagura: The Gutter Rats have been trying to traffic drugs in this store for a while.
Kagura: When Kyoushirou refused, they started vandalizing the business.
Gintoki: Shit… What an increasingly bothersome son, right mom?
Gintoki: Where did she go?
Kagura: She vanished.
Woman: Hey waaait!!
Woman: What are you doing~!!
Woman: Hey, he’s covered in blood! What did you dooo!!
Katsuo: What? Who’s the old lady?
Woman: Heeey! This… Um… Heeey!!
Katsuo: How long are you going to repeat that.
Woman: Kaki-pi goes well with sake, sure!! But if you eat too much…
Sound bubble: Grip
Sound bubble: point point
Katsuo: He’s not bleeding this much because of the peanuts!!
Woman: I told you to eat the crackers and peanuts at a 6:4 ratioo!!
Katsuo: Hey, give it a rest lady. I don’t know where you came from,
Katsuo: but we aren’t here for games. Don’t mess with us…
Katsuo: It’s obvious the ratio of crackers to peanuts should be 7:3!!
Katsuo: The world is made so you can divide all with a 7:3 ratio!!
Katsuo: 7:3 is the golden ratio that rules the universe, you worthless idiot!!
Woman: With a ratio like 7:3, you must only want to eat the crackers!! Keep reading the battle of the monkey and crab all your life, you worthless idiot.
Katsuo: No way!! That golden ratio creates a perfect balance of crackers and peanuts!! Ugly worthless idiot!!
Woman: You’re just mindlessly addicted to the word golden ratio and floats from day to day like a dead worthless idiotic bastard!!
Katsuo: Fine, lady. We’re debating Kaki-pi into the morning.
Woman: Let’s see who’s right.
Guy: Bro, why are we here?
Katsuo: Bring the sake already!!
Katsuo: What is this, a host club without any service?
???: Ok, be right with you~
Shinpachi: Welcome to host club Takamagahara this night.
Shinpachi: I’m Shin, one of the club’s top 3.
Gintoki: I’m Gin. Just do it.
Kagura: I’m Gura. Fuh~
Katsuo: You have guts. Come over here.
Katsuo: If only there were some beautiful girls…
Woman: Oh? Gin-san…
Kagura: Hmm, miss?
Kagura: Oh my~ She’s passed out. Fuh~
Katsuo: But, she didn’t drink yet.
Gintoki: Hey Shin. Take the hag…the miss over to that side. Just do it.
Shinpachi: Okay. Even if it costs me my life…
Katsuo: What’s this. So annoying.
Katsuo: Well, whatever. Let’s get back to business Kyoushirou-han.
Gintoki: What do you drink?
Katsuo: Liquor with water at 7:3. Speaking of…
Gintoki: The liquor at 3 or the water at 3?
Katsuo: The liquor at 3.
Gintoki: The liquor at 3?
Katsuo: I said liquor at 3! Let’s talk…
Gintoki: What do you drink, Liquor-san?
Katsuo: I’m not Liquor-san!!
*Note: Pun with –san (honorific) and the number three. (san)
Katsuo: No, I do want liquor at 3! But this 3 is “san”, not three! Liquor at three and water at 7, okay?
Gintoki: Okay. Even if it costs me my life.
Katsuo: That quote will never be popular! Why do you keep pushing it! It’s really annoying!!
Katsuo: Cough… Back to business.
Katsuo: I’m tired of going around it so I’ll just tell it like it is, Kyoushirou-han.
Katsuo: If you don’t want your people hurt, just follow our orders.
Katsuo: It’s not that bad. It’s easy.
Katsuo: Just use your sweet talk and trick the women into giving you money for the drugs.
Katsuo: Then we will be your protection.
Katsuo: I’ll give you 7:3 of the profit too.
Katsuo: Then you won’t have any trouble at all.
Kyoushirou: I’ll say it again.
Kyoushirou: We don’t require help from people like you.
Kyoushirou: We’ve always relied on ourselves in this city.
Kyoushirou: That’s not about to change.
Katsuo: I see.
Katsuo: So if something happened to your friends… Ow!
Katsuo: Shit, that hurts! It hurts and it’s so loud!
Katsuo: Why are you using a flint? You keep hitting my face with it.
Katsuo: Don’t you have a lighter? Here, use this.
Kagura: No, I don’t take presents. It’s too heavy of a heavy proposal.
Katsuo: I’m not giving it to you! I’m telling you to light a fire with it.
Katsuo: Don’t make collaborations out of the flint and lighter!!
Katsuo: What the hell did you do. This was expensive you know.
Hachirou: Don’t worry about me! Don’t listen to these guys!!
Hachirou: Despite us treading through mud water and changing our face, we decided to stand.
Hachirou: Didn’t we decide to live on in this city!!
Katsuo: How admirable.
Katsuo: I’ll teach you how terrifying it is to live in this city.
Katsuo: Have you heard of the Enkozume?
Katsuo: Us yakuza will cut off a finger as a sign of assertion.
Katsuo: But our group has strict rules so,
Katsuo: all your fingers.
Bro: It’s too late.
Bro: Our resolution is at a different level.
Bro: Take thiiis!!
Sound bubble: Crack
Gintoki: Hey, oy.
Gintoki: Do you know about the seppuku?
Gintoki: That’s what us samurais do for assertion.
Gintoki: We cut open the stomach.
Gintoki: Though it looks like it hurts so I’ll pass.
Bro: Who are you.
Guy: What do you think you’re doing!!
Gintoki: 3 bottles of Dom Pérignon coming right up!!
Guy: Pft Gaaaah!!
Bro: Not everything runs smoothly,
Bro: in this world.
Sound bubble: Ring ring ring
Bro: Hm… A text.
Bro: My Mel-chan!! She became a mother while I was away!!
Gintoki: Oh, she finally gave birth. Congratulations.
Bro: It’s not the time for congratulations. Retreat right away!!
Bro: Remember well!
Bro: Next time you won’t get off this lightly!
Word bubble: Sigh~
Hachirou: T-thank you so much. We’re saved.
Gintoki: Pft. What a troublesome bunch.
Gintoki: I can’t let a son die in front of his mother.
Gintoki: Don’t act dumb. I don’t know why you were hiding it, but it’s time to tell the hag the truth.
Hachirou: Um, I really don’t know what…
Shinpachi: Give it a rest. Do you know how worried your mother was?
Hachirou: Eh…? But, um, my mother is dead.
Gintoki: What, you mean she’s like dead to you or something…?
Hachirou: She died a year ago.
Hachirou: And also, I used to be a girl so I can’t be a son.
Hachirou: I’m a transvestite.
Hachirou: Hachirou is an alias. My real name is Hanako.
Kagura: This is bad, Gin-chan!!
Kagura: The old lady is… I can’t find her anywhere!!
Kagura: She might’ve been kidnapped…!
Kyoushirou: !! Mother!!