Gag Manga Biyori 166

This manga is hilarious. Too bad I've never gotten my hands on the anime.
Kind of reminds me of sexy commando. Japanese humor is truly unique...

01
top right: Masuda Kousuke (author)

Chapter 164 - Galileo's "The earth will keep turning no matter what"
small lower right: Title by Masuda Kousuke
small middle: Galileo Galilei (1564-1642) stood trial for rejecting the conventional wisdom of his day, the Ptolemaic theory, and instead promoting the Copernican theory. Although it made him a heretic, he reportedly proclaimed "the earth will keep turning no matter what."
(t/n - ptolemaic was geocentric, or the universe revolved around the earth. Copernican thinking was heliocentric, or that the earth and all planets revolved around the sun. Galileo was condemned by the church because it misinterpreted scripture to mean that the earth stood still, ie was the center of the universe, and so it labeled him as an enemy of the church for his ideas.)

box: GALIleo/lei
bubble: Today, my dear pupils, I will tell you about the Copernican theory and how the earth is turning
black: A multitude of students who only appear to be listening...

02
-Nowadays, there are very few who believe in the work of Copernicus...
-Check this out! It was on the floor of the classroom this morning!
-Woah, that's porn!
-But through my telescopic observations of the stars' movements, I have confirmed that--

-THE EARTH IS SPINNING!! BUT YOU STUPID ADOLESCENT BRATS--!
-YOU'RE IGNORING MY PASSIONATE LECTURE TO READ SOME CRAPPY PORN!!
no bubble: Uwa--!! Galileo's flying!!
bubble: He's flying!!

-Does the fact that you flew over here so quickly mean that this is your porn, professor Galileo?
-D-Don't be ridiculous!!
-I've never read a magazine like that!!
cover: monthly ero nami-ki = roadside tree porn monthly

-...when in fact, that's my mag! Where the hell did they get it?! I can't let this get out...I'll never forgive you stupid brats if that happens...I'll fail you all!!
-C-calm down Galileo, everything will be fine! Even though the "Summer romance corner" published my submission, I used a penname on the postcard...there's no way anyone will ever know!!

box: "Summer romance corner"
(Penname: Miracle Galilei-man)
This summer I had an "tehehe~" experience. Upon seeing a group of girls in the city I lost control of myself and rammed into them. They called me a pervert, but I answered "I'M THE GREAT PROFESSOR GALILEO, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!" and they believed me! Lucky~~! I'm so happy to be a professor!
box: Ero-sennin （t/n - naruto, anyone?)
eeeh--!! Being a college professor lets you get away with anything, doesn't it.
picture box: He claims to have assaulted a group of girls
shirt: COLLEGE PROFESSOR

-Look, Galileo was stupid enough to use his own name in the "Summer romance corner"
-GYAAAA!! HOW DID THEY FIND OUT!?
small no bubble (both): He's right!

03
-You're a perv!
-pervert!
-Gali is a perv!
-Melon Gali! (t/n - a stupid pun. Melon Gali, where gari = hunter...and you should get the rest)
-N-no, I-I just...
-Maron Gali! (t/n - maron is chestnut...so...yeah)
-Did you say maron!? Quit widening the scope!!

-Just give this back already!!
-It has nothing to do with school! This is for...this is for...
-Me to enjoy at home! Now listen well, my students!

-In our times, anyone who advocates the Copernican Theory can be put on trial as a criminal!
-garimaron!! (= tiny chestnuts)
-I am prepared to do anything to spread the truth--WHO JUST SAID THAT!?

-Gariroman (=reckless romantic(?))
-Quit groping for names to call me!! (t/n - cool, one of the few puns that translates perfectly in english!)
-Kurimaron (=a kind of squash, shaped like a chestnut)
-Oh, so now every name is chesnut related!?
-Kurimaro (t/n - not sure of this one. kuri is still chestnut, but maro can refer to shaved/thin brows, so maybe it's an insult on the shape of the head/balding + thin brow)
-Now it's my eyebrows?!

-Tens of years later
sign: conserve water
-They really arrested me...

-Hey little mouse...
-I'll say it so even you can understand...I was *squeak squeaked*! (t/n - terrible in english. tottsukamatta became the mousified "tocCHUkkamatta")
-Sir Galileo Galilei, it's time

04
-Recant your foolish heliocentric teachings and say "The earth does not revolve" right here and now!
-If you do, we'll let you go free
-Huh?! For squeal!? (t/n - the mouse pun still going)
-What's squeal? We're not kidding, so hurry up!

-B-but the earth really IS moving. I saw it myself through my telescope and drew that conclusion!
-Well, I saw a lot of other things through my telescope too...eheh
-Do you want to be arrested for something else!?!
-Ahah...I was just kidding...I didn't see anything
-Sorry if that was lewd...

-There is no way the earth can move
-If you won't say the earth is still, we'll throw you back in jail
-N-no way....!

-Okay then...
-Whether the earth is kinda moving...
-or not really moving...
-there can only be one...
-What are you talking about!? Quit stalling!!

-Are you fooling with us!?
-N-no...I...
-I can't say it...I'm a scholar. I can't say the earth isn't moving
-Say it already!

-T-the earth i-is...
-Is--is a---itsa potato monument (t/n imasen became "imokenpi". maybe a more english joke would be "is a movie")
-DID YOU JUST SAY POTATO MONUMENT!?

05
-Didn't you hear me? I just said it!
-No you didn't! You changed the last part!
-What are you trying to pull here!
-Fine, fine! I'll say it again, so listen to the LAST part closely!

-THE PAW ISN'T REVOLVING!! (t/n - chikyuu = earth, nikukyuu = paw)
-Now the beginning is wrong! You just don't know when to quit, do you!?

-Woah...you guys can hear everything...man that's scary
-What the heck should I do...
-Just say it normally!! No more tricks!
-I-I understand. Then, I'll say it in my home dialect

-Th' earth ain't be not revolvin', ya dig? (t/n - my liberty. can't trans literally)
-DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!
-This man is touched in the head! If you don't get this right for the last time, you're out! This is it!

-What?? Changing after three strikes?? No fair!
-No, you change sides after the 9th inning!!
-You mean this is the end of the line?
-this is it!!

-This is the end of my leo... (t/n joke is GAKEppuchi became GARIppuchi, gari = GALIleo)
If I don't say it, I'm ruined. I'll never be released...
-Okay...I'll say it this time...The earth isn--
-Listen up, my pupils! If I ever end up in court,

06
-Even if I was ordered to revoke my beliefs, I will never yield!
-I will say "The earth will keep turning no matter what"!! I'll scream it across the room!
-You guys are always talking in tiny voices!
(in order: )
-Gari/maro/maron
-Maron/Ga/Roman
-Garimaro/Maron/Hikou/za-Kansai (the last part is airplane/"the"(?) sugarbeet (???))
-That nickname's way too long!!

-I suddenly remembered what I said back then
-I can't believe I said something like that to my students...

-We decided. Your nickname will hereby be "the perverted old man"
-You settled on "perverted" after all that!?
-Did you hear a thing I just said?! I'd say, "The earth will keep turning...

-"The earth will keep turning no matter what"...huh
-Hurry it up! It's the 9th inning and there's already 2 outs!
-Hit a home run, Galileo!!

-Don't ever give into the pressure or ignorance of this world
-Stand up for what you believe in and answer them in a loud voice, just like me!

-...I can't do it after all...for my pride as a scholar
-The pitcher's getting scared...rah rah rah...what!? You won't!?
-You'll go straight to jail!

07
-I don't want that...
-But...no matter what...
-the earth will...

-But professor, didn't you just lie to us when you said you didn't know anything about that mag?
-Yeah! Everything you say is just lies, you liar!
-N-no...that has nothing to do with this!
-That magazine is for educational purposes!!

-The earth will...keep
-It will...always...

-Galileo is a liar!
-Uso-ero-gari (=Lying, perverted Galileo)
-Usoerogari!
-Kuso-samu-gari (pun, =stupid, cold-intolerant [weakling])
-Stop it...stop it!! Don't make light of me!!
-Leave my libido alone!!

-Fine!! Then I'll just say this!!
-All men...

left black: Even heartbroken, his conviction doesn't waver

-for now and forever...

-ALL MEN ARE PERVERTS!!
box: And so Galileo never gave in to the intense pressure and boldly asserted that both Copernicus and all men are perverts.

End of chapter 164.

08
Chapter 165 - Nikibi-kea = Treating Acne
small lower left: Title by Masuda Kousuke

bubble right:　皮脂の分泌や角質により毛穴がつまりニキビの元となるアクネ菌　略してアネキが皮脂と結びつき増殖します
-When sebum secretions or keratin block our skin's pores, the acne bacillus (or Aneki for short), take root in their sebum and begin to multiply. (t/n - the joke here is this: Acne-kin = acne bacillus, but as japanese loves to do, it makes up a shorter name, AcNEKIn -- aneki, which means "older sister")
bold: Skin care is the pride of adults.
bubble left: The inflammation that aneki causes produces pimples

diagram, top down:
Pore blockage
Aneki (Acne bacilli)
hair follicle
sebaceous gland

top: Here's one successful client of Kora! Nikibi S, /A-san (24)
-I've tried a lot of different skin care products,
-So now I can definitely say Kora! Nikibi-S is the best
-I wish I had found it sooner

-To those of you who can't find a skin care product that works,
-why give up on your dream of returning to your natural skin?
(t/n - i'm not 100% on how to trans the product, but it's probably Kora! Nikibi, or Hey, pimples!! And although I don't think the S has much significance, "S" can mean sister, so...)

-I tried to stop using it before, but then I had terrible outbreaks...
-So now, I have no choice but to keep using it for the rest of my life

09
-A-san, who has always been troubled by acne since her middle school years,
-Is just one example of how Kora! Nikibi S can change your life

-My older sister (t/n - aneki) always had such beautiful skin...but I had terrible acne...I always asked "Why me?"
-Because of that, we never got along
-If only I had finished off the acne bacteria ...aneki...back then...
(t/n - pun coming full swing here)

top text: A photo from when A-san fought with her Aneki
-Anyway, A-san was searching for a way to sterilize her Aneki
-But the problem is she was killing all of her beneficial bacteria too

-Kora! Nikibi S is different because of the way it controls my aneki
-My skin cleared up...and I even started to get along with my older sister too

top txt: A-san after she successfully gained full control of her Aneki
bubble: Thanks to Kora! Nikibi S, A-san learned how to live with her Aneki
bubble: And she got to enjoy going outside more as well

top txt: A-san's older sister T-san
-This is what A-san's sister has to say
-She became much more cheerful. She's always so excited whenever it comes to skin care

10
-What made you notice A-san's change?
-Whenever I talked to her, she'd always go on and on about Aneki
-And I was like, "Huh!? I called her politely, so what's with that attitude!?"...but later I learned she was talking about her acne, so then I understood...
-It was around the time she started to use Kora! Nikibi S...

-So do you both now refer to Acne bacteria as Aneki?
-No...that's only my sister
-I call it acne bacteria like everyone else

-Why is that?
-Well, it's obviously confusing...and I don't like it...in fact, I should be asking you
-Why do you feel the need to shorten the term in the first place?

-But here at our company we do it with other things too...we call Satou-san's acne sugarcane... (t/n - pun is "Satou-san no nikibi" becoming SATOU no niKIBI = satoukibi, or sugarcane. No idea if this is talking about a prominent person)
-Oh, is that so...? But that has nothing to do with this...
-I'm not a Satou... (t/n - it's a family name)

-And so as not to confuse Bikinis with acne (t/n - nikibi), our company calls it "bathing suit underwear"
-Oh really...we'll that's such a pain, it's too long
-But if you're going to do that then why not call acne by its true, long scientific name? (t/n - nikibi is colloquial, fukidemono is the long term she proposes)
black: Don't be ridiculous
-No, that's not what I...

-Applying Kora! Nikibi S's special formula to your skin will stop your Aneki in its tracks and prevent acne from ever forming
-So take this opportunity and do try it today!
black: ぜひって言われても・・・ = Uh, that's not how you offer... (t/n - it's a simple line, but not sure. any 2nd opinion?)

Chapter 165 end

11
Chapter 166 - Lalami's Reality
title by masuda kousuke

-Hello? This is Hayashia, from "extra pants" publishing...(別冊ずぼん）(?)
-I-if you're going to terminate my contract, then just say it already!
-No, uh...it's about the manuscript you sent in yesterday. I just wanted you to fix a couple of things
box: Manga artist Koino Yokan
white: This is a story about the daily life of a manga artist and their editor...well, sorta.
(t/n - this might be a bit of a personal commentary by the author, because he reportedly published his thoughts in a tankoban, mentioning that he didn't think this comic would survive (in the beginning it had a weak following))

-That's all? Quit scaring me already!!
-But it was just a regular phone call...
-So what do you want me to change?

-You know the scene where the protagonist Lalami is told by her big crush, Takuya-kun, that "you look cuter without glasses" and she goes to wear contacts instead?
-That's a crucial scene! It's where she's making her first step into romance! So exactly what needs to be changed?
girl - Lalami
boy - Takuya-kun

12
-Well, the contact is just a tad too big
-Yosh! I'm gonna wear contacts!

-Oh...well, doesn't it make sense? I mean, looking at the size of her eyes it seems only natural to use one that big...
-I see your point but please don't draw them that large. You don't need to be so concerned with the details...
-But if the contacts aren't the right size, then...

-See, if the contact is way bigger than her fingers it looks strange
-Eh? ...then, what should I do?

-You want me to make the finger big enough for the contact?
-What?! No way! Just make the contact smaller!

-B-but it makes no sense if the contact isn't large enough to fit her eyes!!
-I want it to be realistic!!
-What are you talking about?? Her eyes are gargantuan in the first place!
-Oh, and one more thing since we're talking about edits...

-There's this scene where lalami bumps into Takuya and makes her lose a contact
-KYAA!
-ah, i'm so sorry!
-You mean that heartwarming scene where Takuya searches with Lalami for her contacts?

13
-With the size you're drawing it, it'd take them like a second to find it
-Where is it?? where?
-I think it might be lost forever...
-Please make that contact smaller

-Wha...? But...what kind of contact gets smaller once you drop it?
-There isn't one!! That's because the contact is small to begin with!!
-But...using such a small contact is strange...
-It's not strange!! It's normal!!

-Oh I know! I can make Takuya-kun have terrible eyesight, and that will explain why he can't find it
-Why are you being so stubborn!? Just make the contact smaller!!
-Besides, that would be impossible in the first place

-In the very first chapter, there was a scene where Takuya-kun was introduced as being a member of the African Maasai tribe because of his perfect vision during the school's screening
-It's slanted down and to the right...correct?**
-What!? You're a Maasai!? Amazing, Takuya!!
-There was a scene like that...?
(t/n - this is kind of an extra joke, because according to what i found online, japanese vision screenings use landolt C's, a test where you simply say in what direction it's pointing. Normally it's just up, down, left, right, but in this case it's using diagonals...so he's got really good vision)

-O-okay, s-so then how about she doesn't drop the contact but instead it penetrates into her eyelid...?
-Ah! I take it back! Her eyelids are so high it would get into her scalp!!
-Just what the heck are you imagining?!

-So like I keep telling you, if you just make the contact smaller, everything will work out fine!
-B-but...her eyes are so large...oh! I know!!
-Let me guess, another useless idea?

14
-No! All I need to do is make Lalami's eyes smaller!!
txt: doesn't work
txt: works
-How the heck will that work!? You think the readers won't notice?!

-Besides, having her eyes shrink all of a sudden is hardly realistic!
-fufufu How naive, Hayashida-san
-This part will be the first time since Lalami has taken off her glasses, right?
-Yeah, so??

-I can make it so that Lalami's glasses were just making her eyes look bigger, kind of like Derricott's!
txt: Kent Derricott (t/n - see wikipedia for more. One of the most popular foreign celebs in japan, known as "gaitare" =foreign talent)
shirt: America
-The readers don't want a protagonist like Derricott!!

-Then what am I supposed to do!? Hayashida-san, you've got to think about this too, you're the editor!! Besides, you eat like a king!
-What did you have yesterday? Sushi, right? Of course it was sushi!!
-P-please calm down

-I am calm!! So then, let's go with this: Once she takes off the glasses, it's not just her eyes, but her entire head that shrinks!!
-Stop it!! Take deep breaths!!
small no bubble: works

-Oh, nothing makes sense anymore!!
-Once her head has shrunken, as well as her eyes, wouldn't that make the contact lens way too big?!
-Just forget about this idea! It would make the contact as big as her head!

15
-Then, as long as I just make her finger bigger, the contact's size will make sense!?
-Since you're at it, why not? (t/n - changed this because i think it's meant to be sarcastic)

-Okay, but then if I go with the idea that she never dropped it but instead it went into her eyelid, then...
-Oh no, that would change the shape of her head!!
-Get a grip already!! This is crazy!

-Hayashida-san, you too!! You're the editor, after all!!
-All you eat is sushi!! Is it really that delicious, day after day?!
-Actually, I don't eat it that often...
-If I make the contact into sushi, would that please you?!?
-...Ngh!...would you just--

-Since you won't think of any solutions, Hayashida, it's going to turn into this!!
caption: Like so
-That's why I keep saying, just make the contact smaller...!
-What is this picture!? What is Lalami trying to do?! If the sushi were to fit her fingers, it'd be gigantic!

-And then if the sushi got under her eyelid...oh, the horror!!
-Vinegared rice is coming from her eye...!
-Sensei, please calm yourself!! All you need to do is shrink the contact! Please do that and nothing else!!

-Or else, we really will terminate your contract!!
-Eh...!

-Then...
-Uh...I will make the contact smaller...
white: That went surprisingly well.

to be continued next month

Chapter 166 end