Hell Teacher Nube 109

Sometimes when dealing with valuables, problems happen...unless they lead to something even more valuable! But some things carry within them secrets that may be somewhat strange, yet likewise very useful.

#109: The Secret Formula for Eternal Youth and Immortality!

87.
Caption: 1972: China: Ancient Tomb of Mawangdui
(TN: Mawangdui, also known as “Maoutai” in Japanese, is an archeological site in Changsha, China, containing the tomb of three people from the Western Han Dynasty. Most of the excavation for this tomb was between 1972-1974)
Explorer: I don’t believe this. This is.
Explorer: Is this the mummy of woman from two-thousand years ago? It seems like it’s alive…
Narrator: The image of this mummy was broadcast on TV and surprised people all over the world.
Explorer: This is a diagram of the Douin Method (Breathing Method) of ancient times. Is this a breathing method that has the effect of eternal youth and immortality? It can’t be that, haha…
(TN: The “Douin Method” [in Japanese, “Douinhou”] literally translates here as “Pulling Guidance Method” and will just be used as “Douin Method” in this chapter. The parenthesis that “explains” the Douin Method refers to it in Japanese as “Kokyuuhou” or “Breathing Method”, akin to the special breathing techniques in martial arts)
Explorer: !!
SFX: Kuoo…
SFX: Kuoo…kuooo…

88.
Explorer: She’s alive!! She’s…she’s breathing!!
SFX: Kuoo…kuooo…

89.
Mummy: Water…
SFX: Kuooo…
SFX: Gaku…
Caption: 1995: Japan: Doumori Elementary School
Nube: This is an ammonite. This is a chambered nautilus. And this is?
(TN: This is mostly about various fossilized animals; a bit of a guide here:
-Ammonite: a cephalopod mollusk close to modern octopus and squids, notable for their spiraled shells
-Chambered Nautilus: the best known Nautilus notable for it’s primitive eyes and protective countershading)
Hiroshi: Me, me, me.
Kyouko: Ara, Hiroshi knows well about fossils.

90.
Hiroshi: A troglodyte! (Aha!)
(TN: The “troglodyte” joke is actually the best I could make with Hiroshi’s real joke: the joke was actually Hiroshi screwing up the name of a “Sanbamushi”, which is Japanese for a “trilobite”, by using the “other” reading for “three” or “san”, which is “mitsu”. Thus he knew the kanji but screwed up its reading. The closest I could in making the joke work was to change “trilobite” to “troglodyte”)
Nube: That is said as trilobite. You were close~~Hiroshi-kun.
SFX: Bo
Students: Ahahaha…
Nube: Um—so then, we’ll pass around this fossil in turn from the front; this Ammonite seems to cost three-hundred thousand yen…don’t drop and break i—t.
Hiroshi: Hie~~three-hundred thousand!!
Miki: Kukuku…
(TN: Um…Miki…don’t ignore Nube for…Nube)
SFX: Dosu!
Miki: Uwattatta…

91.
Nube: Du…dummy, that’s three-hundred thousand yen…!!
Miki: He~~y hey, it’s excessively spinning more than always.
SFX: Baka
“Frog”: Geko

92.
Miki: He…hey, what magic is this?
Hiroshi: Was it hibernating…
Nube: It can’t be…this fossil from 200 million years ago..
SFX: Nota…nota…
SFX: Nota nota nota
Miki: It’s…it’s alalalive~~
Frog: Geko
Kyouko: Are you stupid—how could that be—
Miki: Bu…but it’s momomoving.
Nube: I don’t believe this…the form of a frog in that stone is clearly…
SFX: Gara…
Principal: What’s this uproar?
Nube: It’s a miracle: this 200 million year old frog is alive?
Nube: Principal! Look at this; look!

93.
Principal: Three-hundred thousand yen…this will be taken from your salary.
SFX: Kachi kachi
Miki: Ah, he changed into a fossil.
Voice: It seems this sort of thing has had several cases up to now throughout the world.
Sign: Library Room
Voice 2: Eh—
Miki: In 1873, there was discovered frog who was exactly settled and sleeping within the stone at the diamond mine of Mt. Diablo outside San Francisco in America; in 1893, there was discovered a frog with an unknown identity from within a tree trunk 20m above ground in a 200 year old tree at an Ontario sawmill in Canada.
(TN: Miki referred to both as “America” in this case, but the second one was mentioned specifically in Ontario…while Ontario is in the Americas/North America, I cleared it up to make it “Canada” due to the location)

94.
Kyouko: But why is it living a long life like this?
Hiroshi: Nube, do you know?
Nube: ………
Nube: Right, understood.
Kyouko: Hey, Nube, did you hear me?
Nube: Huh? Yeah, if it’s ramen, I can’t treat you.
Miki: That’s—enough. He’s not thinking for us.
Book: Ancient China’s Douin Doukyuu
(TN: Just like “Douin”, “Doukyuu” really doesn’t have a direct Japanese translation and will be translated here as “Pulled Breathing”)
Numbe: Hmm…

95.
Caption: —Physical Strength Measurement—
Kyouko: Nube, what are you studying?
Miki: A way to be popular with women?
Nube: (undecipherable)
Nube: No, it’s about the hygiene methods of China.
(TN: “Hygiene methods” here is “Kenkouhou”, usually that is just “hygiene”, but that wouldn’t really comprehendible with what we’re going into)
Nube: They had a method of breathing called “Tonou Douinhou”. From the Han into the Three Kingdoms era, they could possess the ability of animals by mimicking the animal’s breathing.
(TN: This is actually a rather long scope of period: the “Han Dynasty” is from 206BC to 220 AD, then the Three Kingdoms from 220 to 280)
Kyouko: By just mimicking breathing?
Nube: You can’t make light of breathing. Shall we test it?
Nube: Noriko, running really isn’t a strong point for you.
Noriko: Ye…yes…

96.
Nube: This is the breathing method of a horse. Yes, breathe in—breathe in for three seconds, breathe out for ten seconds…
Noriko: Su—ha—su—ha—
Nube: Take your places.
Noriko: Su—ha—
SFX: Pan!
SFX: Kyun!
Nube: How’s that: the mimicking of breathing method can have you possess the same “qi” of that animal. Therefore, the abilities will become the same.
(TN: “Qi” is in reference to the “internal energy” that is typically found in many martial arts stories)
Noriko: Kya—
SFX: Dopyu~~

97.
Nube: Alright, next is the breathing method of a rabbit.
Nube: Breathe in deeply, breath out; you breathe it out shallowly for two seconds.
Makoto: Ha—su—ha—su—
SFX: Bishi
Miki: Amazing, amazing, do something with me too!

98.
Nube: Breath of a bear.
Caption: Shot Put Balls
Miki: Funga--!!
Nube: That’s the manner.
Miki: Guaa
Kyouko: Amazing; why can’t we use those amazing techniques?
Nube: No, actually those breathing techniques aren’t just for mimicking merely animals; it has been developed into a form of Tai Chi Chuan or Qi Gong Method as a hygiene method.
(TN: A couple of notable martial arts styles are referred to here, a quick bit of information on them:
-Tai Chi Chuan, known in Japanese as “Taikyokuken” and literally translating into “Supreme Ultimate Fist”, is a martial arts style taught both for defense and health, with multiple forms developed for either method either for fighting or for calming.
-Qi Gong Method, known in Japanese as “Kikouhou”, is a general style for physical and mental training for health or martial arts by way of Qi. It is used as well for either medical or physical abilities)

99.
Nube: But the true purpose of this Douin Method of long ago that I was researching now is not simply a hygiene method—
Voice: Nueno-sensei, telephone.
Nube: Eh, really?
Nube: Yamanoue University is buying this frog for four-hundred thousand yen for iuse in research!
(TN: “Yamanoue” literally translate into “Hilltop” or “Mountaintop”, but doesn’t really exist)
Sign: Yamanoue University Station
Nube: Why are all of you coming with?
Kyouko: It’s really rural. Is that Yamanoue University on top of that hill?
(TN: This is a silly little joke/pun: someone literally realizes that “Yamanoue University” is “Yama no Ue ni” or “On Top of a Hill”)

100.
Miki: Even though it’s three-hundred thousand to compensate for the fossil, this is four-hundred thousand.
Kyouko: A hundred-thousand profit.
Hiroshi: All of us can go to Disneyland and eat steak.
(TN: This is actually referring to Tokyo Disneyland, not the original in California.)
Nube: No way: I’m going to buy a thousand cup ramen.
Voice 1: Any—how, this is easy money!
Voice 2: He—y, don’t sponge off me!
SFX: Za—za—za—
SFX: Gara
SFX: Gara gara gara
Everyone: Kyaaa

101.
Makoto: Owow…is everyone alright?
Hiroshi: The earth collapsed.
Miki: Gyoe~~we can’t get out!
Kyouko: Noo! The earth is rapidly coming in!
Hiroshi: We…we’ll be buried alive!
Miki: Gya—save us—
Voice 1: With this, we’ll suffocate to death!!
Voice 2: Damn this—
Voice 3: No~~I don’t want to di~~e!!

102.
Nube: Calm down…there is just one method.
Hiroshi: Eh?
Nube: The breathing method of this frog.
Nube: This frog mostly isn’t breathing. No…the breathing of this frog is the breathing method of immortality that possesses the ability to live tens of thousands, even hundreds of millions of years.
Nube: People who desired immortality in ancient times were desperate in mastering a breathing method like this. Its unknown how there was people who were successful or not, but…
Kyouko: Th…that’s impossible so suddenly.
Hiroshi: A breathing method for eternal youth and immortality!? Will it be enough to train in that now?

103.
Nube: In truth, you can’t become immortal in a short time, but we can only bet on this. Escape is impossible…We should until they come to save us. Everyone’s hearts will be aligned with this frog’s heart by the Oni no Te.
Nube: Namu Daiji Daihi Kyuugu Kyuunan Koudai Reikan: transmit the breathing of this immortal frog to everyone!!
SFX: Kiiiiin

104.
SFX: Kuoo…
SFX: Kuoo…
SFX: Kuoo…
Caption: A week later
Reporter: This is the actual spot of the Yamanoue University landslide, where four grade school students and two adults were swallowed up with their bus. The bad transportation facilities and bad weather lead to the disaster and a week has passed in the search.
Reporter: And thus, it has come to today and the corpses, which have been completely changed, have been discovered in succession.
Construction Workers: !!
SFX: Kuoo…

105.
SFX: Kuoo…
Narrator: Eastern Medicine has had breathing considered as an essential action in the creation of “qi”, the energy of living things. If research in breathing methods progress, humanity may come to live longer lives…

106.
NUBE’S WEIRD FILES

#4: Living Fossils

On April 22nd, 1881, there was discovered a white insect that was packed exactly within the large crack of a magnolia from within a lump of rock 60 ft. beneath the surface of the Wide West Mine near Ruby Hill, Nevada. In front of the eyes of five or six miners, the bug suddenly started to move around.

In 1892, a beetle was discovered from within iron ore of the Longfellow Mine on the outskirts of Clifton, Arizona. This beetle, who hadn’t moved at first, moved exactly a week later and continued to live for several months afterwards.

In 1873, a living frog was found from within limestone that was jutting out at the Black Diamond Coal Mine of Mt. Diablo on the outskirts of San Francisco. This wasn’t simply hibernation; it clearly was deep and from the Stone Age.

Other than those, there are a large number of reported instances that speak of living toads locked up within concrete. However, scientists currently haven’t given a clear explanation for this impossible phenomenon.

(TN: A few things
1. The “magnolia” here is in Japanese “Kobushi”, which is specifically a “magnolia kobus” tree only found in Japan; I broadened it into merely “magnolia” to make it fit the story told here in Nevada of the US
2. Ruby Hill is a ghost town in Nevada found in Eureka County. It was notable as a mining settlement from 1865 until the mine ran out and the town was washed away as of 1910.
3. Clifton, Arizona is a still surviving mining town on the San Francisco River, the county seat of Greenlee County and part of the micropolitan area of Safford, AZ)

TN: (dumbfounded)

O...K...so...can someone tell me what that was? I'm still trying to figure it out. One moment we have a living frog, the next an entire study of Chinese breathing methods, and the next Nube and his class (who for some reason come with him) survive a week buried alive thanks to a 200 million year old frog. Honestly...I think they were trying too hard to make it all make sense.

Alright, maybe the chapter made more sense than that, but somehow it just felt like it was trying too hard to integrate the whole concept of living fossils with something else altogether and make it all work into a single chapter. There really felt like there was no plot, no story, nothing...just "things happen leading to other things happening leading to...everyone surviving a week being buried alive by magically using the Oni no Te to integrate the breathing method of an ancient frog." Look I have nothing against the subject, it just felt like it was trying to work way too hard in making the breathing of the frog and the breathing concepts of survival work in an integrated fashion to survive an entire week's worth. And ultimately it just turned out really dissapointing. Sure there were great moments (Hiroshi's bit in mispronouncing "trilobite" for one thing), but when you feel deja vu from the last chapter (which in itself wasn't too much to write home about), then you know sometimes the ideas they try to do in the stories don't always the way you want them too. But hey, if you liked it, more power to you.