Hell Teacher Nube 111

There are many unknowns in this world regarding inhabiting creatures, in particular those based on hearsay. When Shuichi encounters one who appears in Doumori, can he figure out what it is before it gets him in trouble?

#111: U.M.A.

139.
Caption: July, 1960: Tasmania
SFX: Zaza--…
Narrator: The body was there, like a dorayaki with a diameter of 6m. Is this a living creature? No, I’m certain it was a living creature.
(TN: As I mentioned a few chapters ago, a “dorayaki” is a pastry made of jam placed between two castella pancakes)
SFX: Nyu
SFX: Gogogo…|Gorogorogoro…

140.
Narrator: That year, Tasmania was visited with the most violent storm in history. Afterwards, several scientists visited and investigated the creature but, ultimately, its true identity was not known.
(TN: It’s really hard to find any information regarding the 1960 storms in the Australian state of Tasmania. There was a period where the entire island was overcome with flooding in April 1960 due to 250mm of rain falling in less than 48 hours in New Norfolk alone; but this was April, not July. This probably could use a bit more research)

141.
Caption: —1995: Doumori Town—
SFX: Tat tat a
Sign: Danger! Don’t play in the river!!
Shuichi: Aaah, my lessons ended up getting late. I won’t be on time for the TV. I won’t be seeing “Yaoi Junichi’s UFO Special: Mother-in-Laws Kidnapped by Aliens: Tormented by the Stink of a Demon-Bride”!
(TN: A couple things:
-“Junichi Yaoi” is a notable TV director who is infamous for his specials and programs on UFOs and aliens.
-The term “demon-bride” is literally in Japanese “oniyome”, which is in reference to a female who is married and torments her husband. One probably would want to use the term “Bridezilla” for this, but that’s more for something connected to the wedding itself, whereas “Oniyome” is more tied to the action of the bride’s behavior in general)
SFX: Poro poro
SFX: Zazaza…
Shuichi: Wh…what is that?
SFX: Zazaza
SFX: Zazaza zazazaza

142.
SFX: Kuooo… | Zazaza…
SFX: Kuooo…
Shuichi: Ah…ah…ah…
SFX: Zazaza…

143.
Shuichi: A major discovery!
Shuichi: An UMA! An UMA has appeared in the Doumori River!
SFX: Zawa…
Hiroshi: Uma?
Hiroshi: Did he say horse? What?
Shuichi: Is stupid you thinking with common sense that there is a horse in this town!
Shuichi: UMA is an “Unidentified Mysterious Animal”, such as Scotland’s Nessie, Canada’s Champ and the Congo’s Mokele-mbembe. In other words: this is a major discovery of the century of an unknown creature!!
(TN: Quite a few things I have to get into here:
-First of all is this clever but weird joke involving “UMA”: the term in Japanese is said as “Yuuma”, yet with the UMA acronym. Hiroshi’s obvious confusion involves thinking that “UMA” actually is “uma”, which is the Japanese word for “horse”. But of course, the mistake is one of those that can easily be made by someone
-Secondly, Shuichi goes into a few notable creatures that are considered “UMA”; Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, will be further explained in the Weird File, so I’ll try to explain the other two:
*Champ, also known as “Champy”, is a lake monster that supposedly lives in Lake Champlain, which is along the borders of the US states of New York and Vermont, as well as the Canadian province of Quebec. Some have speculated that an ancient plesiosaur lives in the lake and there have been 300 sitings of the creature since even the Native American days and even has an infamous “Mansi photo” akin to the “Surgeon photo” of Nessie, but no one knows what it was.
*Mokele-mbembe, stated as “One who stops the flow of rivers” in the Lingala language of both Congo and Democratic Republic of Congo, is a cryptid of the Congo river basin, stated to dwell in Lake Tele in a size of either a large hippo or a small elephant. Many expeditions have tried to find it but some say it could be more a combination of actuality and African folklore or even a “memory” for a period when the Congo had rhinoceros)
Caption: Trium~~phantly~~
(TN: “Triumphantly” has a Japanese word of “Hanatakataka or “a high, high nose”, as demonstrated by Shuichi here)

144.
Shuichi: It’s connected to the Doumori River, so I’ll name it Doussie. It’s technical name will be…
(TN: Obivously “Doussie” is a variation of “Nessie”)
Kyouko: First period is language.
SFX: Gatagata
Noriko: Hey, wh—o’s on day duty?
Hiroshi: This is bad; can’t I copy the homework—huh?
Shuichi: What do all of you think of this major discovery! You ignorants---!! (Wa—wa—wa)
SFX: Dota bata dota
Hiroshi: This is because Shuichi is an otaku of the occult—
Kyouko: Miki, say something to him.
Miki: Fu—
Miki: Du—mmy, there’s no reason that that thing would be in that tiny, yucky concrete river--! Is there something wrong—with your head! You seem like an idiot who gets excited on his own! The main point is that Nessie has already been proven to be a lie! I’m laughing nhmhmhm at that Doussie.
(TN: A couple things:
-Miki uses a term here of “papacchii”, which is a “childish term” for “dirty”; thus I used the English equivalent of “yucky”.
-The “laughing nhmhmhm” part is literally in Japanese for “Upupupu waracchau”, with “upupupu” being a small chuckle sound)
SFX: Gusa gusa
Caption: Word Violence

145.
Shuichi: A..al—right, if you’re saying that here, then shouldn’t I ask this to Nube?
SFX: Da!
Miki: Don’t cry about it. (Kekeke)
SFX: Gara | Bomu!
Shuichi: Wa—
Voice: Huh, where’s Nube?
Ritsuko: Nueno-sensei has gone to investigate a mysterious creature that’s going up the Doumori River. Your first and second periods are self-study.
Students: What~~!?
SFX: Zawa zawa zawa

146.
Voice 1: It stinks~~
Voice 2: What is that?
Voice 3: Gas is coming out.
Miki: What is that omelet apparition?
Nube: I told all of you to do self-study. I got a request from the health-care center.
Kyouko: That’s the animal?
Hiroshi: That’s Doussie? It doesn’t have a head or limbs?
Shuichi: Strange; when I saw it yesterday, it had the figure of a dinosaur and yet…

147.
Voice 1: It stinks.
Voice 2: That’s sludge.
Glasses: President, that’s the industrial waste of our company.
President: Yes, we have to do something to face the fuss by mass communication.
President: Even under normal circumstances, those outside the chemical industry have criticized the environmental destruction of the Doumori River and with this waste coming out now; they’ve come to interrupt my plant that’s under construction.
Both captions: Under Construction
Voice: Heave ho, heave ho.
Worker 1: Uryaa!!
SFX: Dododo
Shuichi: Aah: what are you doing…that’s a living thing!

148.
Nube: Please wait: this is still under investigation.
Worker: This is important research material.
Right Helmet: Health-Care Center
Left Helmet: Doumori University
President: Hmph! This here is my factory site; no complaints.
Worker 1: President, its unpertubed.
SFX: Baki! | Dododo…
Worker 2: It seems as if it’s all skin.
President: Hey, this is trouble. Grill it!
SFX: Goooo
Shuichi: Stop—that’s an UMA, it’s the property of humanity…no, the world.
President: Ah, right. (to himself) Stu—pid, it’s the sludge that came out of the factory.
Worker: No good: we only grilled the surface.
President: Nuuu~~

149.
Shuichi: Since I was 5, I have been thoroughly gathering data on UMA. It can’t be that a real one has been seen in this town.
Caption: Research Room in His Home
Shuichi: Those blockheaded adults can’t do that as they please.
Shuichi: It’s food scraps from my restaurant. Eat it.
Shuichi: ……….
Shuichi: Why aren’t you moving? You’re an UMA. Show your head! You’ll get killed!

150.
SFX: Nu!! | Gapa
Nube: Don’t believe in extremely-dream like things again like UMA…but then, I like those who speak of those sorts of things.
SFX: Musha musha (munch munch)
Shuichi: Nube (You’re eating the scraps)
Shuichi: Hmph! What is it you 0-ability teacher! In spite of not knowing it’s true form either…
Nube: Well, how about that thing?
Nube: I’m replying to your enthusiasm and specially search for it’s heart with the Oni no Te…if it is a living thing but

151.
Nube: It’s…
Nube: Wait until tomorrow…I’ll investigate the literature…
Caption: Next morning
Shuichi: Good, it’s still there. N?
President: Do it before the people come.
Worker: I’ve finished packing up the explosive.
Shuichi: Th…they’re going to blow up the UMA…

152.
Shuichi: Stop—
SFX: Da
Nube: Shuichi…
Nube: !!
President: Prepare for the blast.
Shuichi: It’s a living thing. Are you going to blow it up---!
President: 5…4…
Nube: Please hold on! My student is over there!
President: 3…2…1…blast it

153.
SFX: Zugagaga—n
Nube: Shuichi
Nube: Aah…
SFX: Zuzuzuzu… | Gunyo gunyo
SFX: Paka
SFX: Zushin! Zushin!

154.-155.
Nube: Th…that form…it’s like…
Shuichi: An UMA!

156.
President: Wh…what is that monster!?
Nube: Mizukuma. I investigated last night, but that is a variety of water god called Mizukuma.
(TN: “Mizukuma” literally translates into “Water Bear”; though the name of a youkai here, it also refers to a creature known as tardigrade, a microscopic water-dwelling animal with eight legs usually found on lichen or moss)
Nube: In Houryaku 7 (1758), a huge mass of black skin washed ashore on Mizushima in Kaga. Many people attacked it with hoes and bamboo, but it stood up to this aggression, had several feelers emerged from its body, took their fruit and ate them. And thus, by angering it with this one occasion, a terrible thing happened…
(TN: A few more things:
-“Houryaku” is in reference to the period between 1751 to 1764 in reference to the emperor Momozono-tennou and emperess Go-Sakuramachi-tennou. Going by this, though, Houryaku 7 would actually be 1757.
-Kaga is in reference to the Kaga Domain, a feudal domain in the provinces of Kaga, Noto and Etchuu, currently in the Prefectures of Ishikawa and Toyama. The domain was lead by the Maeda Clan, stated to be the richest clan outside the Tokugawa
-Mizushima refers to a small town in Ishikawa Prefecture currently, found between the cities of Nomo and Hakusan)
Shuichi: It’s real. I’ve become the first discoverer of an UMA!!

157.
SFX: Goro goro goro…
Nube: You should run: Mizukuma can manipulate water freely. When it gets angry, it gives rise to storms and everything gets washed away.
President: What!?
President: Gee! The river is in counter-current.
SFX: Dododododo
Nube: Quickly! Run to a higher place!

158.
Shuichi: Uwa~~Nube~~
Nube: Shuichi! Hold on tight! That would be favorable for you!
President: My factory~~~
Nube: It’s a variety of water god. Humans are conceited and when they pollute water and forget the virtue of water, it may come from somewhere…

159.
Nube: Come on down, Shuichi. It is friendly to humans but..
President: My factory…
Shuichi: That psychic ability it possesses; was it a youkai after all…
SFX: Zaza…
Nube: Right, it isn’t a living thing.
Nube: Even in Japan, there have been eyewitnesses of UMA in places where large-build aquatic animals can’t live, such as Lake Ikeda and Lake Kussharo.
(TN: A couple things:
-“Lake Ikeda” is a caldera lake found 40km south of Kagoshima. It is notable both as the largest lake in Kyuushuu and the location of a possible UMA known as “Issie”.
-Lake Kussharo is another calera lake, this one in eastern Hokkaido. It is here that is called the “Loch Ness of Japan” with their own monster: “Kusshii”.)
Shuichi: Perhaps…those may be that Mizukuma.
Nube: Yes…it is a splendid UMA…

160.
NUBE’S WEIRD FILES

#6: Mysterious Giant Creatures

The first discoverer of Nessie had confessed “That was a lie”. Due to the excessive uproar becoming large, it seemed like decades had passed where he hadn’t said just the truth. The people who seriously believed this were greatly bothered.

Then anyway with youkai: if Nessie came to be a living thing, it’s existence would be impossible. Due to it having continuance as a species of dinosaur-shaped creature, there would need to be at least 20 of them and even just their food would need to be a ton a day a piece. They extremely wouldn’t have the capacity in those small lakes. The eye-witness examples of these dinosaur-shaped huge-creatures other than Nessie are around the world, but I can deny their existences with similar reasons.

So then, isn’t there a place where dinosaurs survive anymore on Earth? There is one place where it probably is possible: the Guiana Plateau in South America. This here is the largest unexplored region on Earth that came to be scene of Conan Doyle’s novel “The Lost World”; due to the area being a place 1.5 times Japan and its crust being from 200 million years ago, the creatures that live here are many survivors from the age of the dinosaurs. (Even the immortal frog introduced in #109 actually drew it’s origin with a primeval frog called Oreophrynella, which lives on the Guiana Plateau.) Further, due to here being covered in a thick mist, there have been reports stating that there have been eyewitnesses to dinosaurs here. The romance of UMA hasn’t collapsed yet.

(TN: A few things:
1. Though everyone knows a bit about the Loch Ness Monster/Nessie, its discovery has been found since at least the 7th century, when it was first seen by the Irish monk St. Columbia after it attacked a person. The main interest in Nessie began with a sighting in July 22nd, 1933, when George Spicer saw a creature cross in front of them in the classic appearance of a plesiosaur. The next year, in 1934, the iconic “Surgeon’s Photograph” was taken, supposedly by London gynaecologist. This is the proof mentioned in this chapter that was a “lie”: in 1994, the photo was revealed to be a hoax.
2. The Guiana Plateau, also known as the Guiana Shield, is a segment of northern South America that is made up of eastern Columbia, southern Venezuela, a segment of northern Brazil and the entire area of Guyana, Surinam and French Guiana. Its biodiversity is stated to be one of the highest in the entire world.
3. Oreophrynella is in reference to a genus of toads that live mostly in the Venezuela segment of the Guiana Plateau, but also in parts of Guyana and Brazil nearby. Several examples appear to be close to what the toad that appeared in #109 include Oreophrynella quelchii, the Roraima Bush Toad, and Oreophynella nigra, the pebble toad.)

TN: Ah the spoils and the interests of the rich: aliens, U.M.A., mothers-in-law...um, maybe not the last one. Though it is weird that with Shuichi's known interest in aliens, the fact he's also into U.M.A. doesn't seem to equate to me...unless it's more or less just an interest by him in the paranormal in general just to differentiate himself from the youkai-obsessed teacher and classmate. (but most of the paranormal turn out to be youkai anyway) I sort of figured that this chapter wasn't really going to match the quality of the last, but it is better than some of the other stuff that we got in this volume (well outside the Yukime chapter but that was just a major and important one that couldn't be screwed up even if you tried...but it's better than the two before the Yukime one). Some of the tale did seem a tad cliche with the whole "it doesn't exist" bit with the other classmates and some of the environmental message early on...but it found it's strength with Shuichi actually trying to feed and protect the creature that turned out to be Mizukuma and had a great climax with it washing away the destructive factories. Sure some would consider that some moralistic tale but at least it wasn't politically correct: I don't see Captain Planet summoning a massive wave to destroy polluting factories, he'd just make a stupid pun and capture the loser. So yeah: weak intro with a stronger middle and finish...which probably puts it on average to most of Shuichi's tales.