Hell Teacher Nube 149

Many beings are known to possess feelings and emotions within them...but are plants one of them? A strange experiment by one of Nube's smartest students may end up having him question it while facing off against a killer...tree!?

#149: The Blood-Sipping Mystery Tree
(TN: The term used for "mystery tree" in Japanese is "kaiboku"; since it really isn't a proper term, I just decided to go with an English term this time around until something clears up about it.)

175.
Major Announcement of the Nube Class Popularity Poll Results!!
*We've gathered quite a few votes for Nube, Yukime, Izuna, etc. but we've economized it this time by saying "Nube's Class". The results were announced in Weekly Shonen Jump '96 Issue 42.

1st: Inaba Kyouko: 1056 Votes
2nd: Tateno Hiroshi: 773 Votes
3rd: Hosokawa Miki: 696 Votes
4th: Kurita Makoto: 226 Votes
5th: Nakajima Noriko: 197 Votes
6th: Kimura Katsuya: 183 Votes
7th: Yamaguchi Akira: 101 Votes
(TN: For the most part the top four are what you expect: Kyouko, Hiroshi, Miki and Makoto are for the most part the most notable of the class and alwayss seem to have been. But this time...we now have the increasing imporance of Noro-chan, who has even surpassed Katsuya to make 5th. All the recent interest in her really seemed to pay off ultimately...though it is of note that Akira has recovered from his way lower results in prior polls and is in 7th...and speaking of Akira...)

176.
SFX: Za--za--
Skateboarder: (note)
Skateboarder: Gya
SFX: Ka
Skateboarder: Owow...what is this root...
Skateboarder: Hey you, you're in the way--!!
SFX: Ga
SFX: Zaza

177.
SFX: Zawa zawa zawa
Skateboarder: Uwaaaa!!
Akira: My research is on "Do plants have hearts?"
Blackboard: Open Research Presentation
(TN: The term "open research" is the Japanese term 'jiyuu kenkyuu', with 'jiyuu' being "freedom" or "as one pleases", thus it's a research project on whatever the presenter wants it to be about)

178.
Akira: In 1966, Clip Baxter, the principal of a training school that teaches the method of polygraph (lie detector machine) examination to police, performed an experment by attaching the electrodes of a lie detector to a Dracaena. (a tree of happiness) Upon doing so...the needle of the lie detector shook as if there were feelings in the plant...it's a famous story.
(TN: While it was tough for me to figure out whether or not the story did actually occur, the Dracaena is known as a genus of trees and shrubs mostly native in Africa with some in Asia and one from Central America. Certain members of these plants were used in ancient times to produce a resin called "Dragon's Blood", which was used in medicine and for making red resin)
Akira: Well then, this is a lie detector kit that's sold in Akihabara or in mail order. With this, I've done a simple modification where a sound will be made alongside the shaking of the meter.
Akira: I will connect it to this Dracaenna that I raised and do the same thing as Baxter's experiment. (to himself) Fufufu...Akira's a genius, Akira's a genius... (grumble grumble grumble...)
Lie Detector: Pi pi
(TN: Since the plant is technically a character in this chapter, I'm going to give it off as the "lie detector"...since plants can't talk of course)
SFX: Kachi kachi

179.
Akira: Die--
SFX: Kuwa
Lie Detector: !
Lie Detector: Pi---piki piki piki
Akira: Kidding, kidding (heart) Would I hurt you?
Lie Detector: Pii pii pippipipi pikyu--n
Students: Ooh---!
Akira: Like such, even plants have emotions. Thinking as such, it's cute like a pet...o--h, my Dra-chan.
SFX: Suri suri
Students: ......
Hiroshi: Heh, you're ly--ing. There is a heart in some plant?

180.
Akira: Dra-chan, what's 3 + 4?
Lie Detector: Pi pi pi pi pi pi pi (7)
Miki: Ama--zing; it's so cute--!
Kyouko: It may be smarter than Hiroshi. He occasionally makes mistakes in addition.
SFX: Ga--n...
Kyouko: Hey, do you know this gag!? There were these two peanuts who walked in a bar. One was assaulted. (A--h, it's my best gag.)
(TN: Kyouko's joke to the plant was one that was really untranslatable to make any sense of it and make it funny, so I went with an English joke that is sort of well known. But for those who want to know Kyouko's joke, basically what she said was:
"Hen na share, yame na share, dajare wo itta no wa dare ja?"
That literally translates into "there were jokes that were strange, there were jokes that had stopped; who was the one who said the pun?" The gag is essentially a play on words meant to confuse the listener in Japanese using three words in particular to screw with the mind:
-"Share" = "Joke"
-"Dajare" = "Pun" (which is close to "Share" only with the "da" beginning and the "sha" adjusted into a "ja")
-"Dare ja" = "Who did it?" (taking "dajare", the "ja" and "re" were switched to confuse the listener even with the obvious translation into "who said the pun"?

This is one of those bits that really completely fails translation, so I avoided it altogether. But if you have a better joke to use that works better for "Kyouko's greatest gag", be my guest...since the old "assaulted peanut" joke probably is the first I could think of that played on words like Kyouko's silly gag here)
Lie Detector: Pi--pipipi pipippipi
Miki: How is this? Aha--n Uhu--n. Can you feel this--
SFX: Pafu pafu
Lie Detector: Pippipipi pi--pi--dopyu

181.
Nube: Well, it was interesting research. You spent a meaningful summer vacation.
SFX: Pachi pachi pachi pachi pachi pachi pachi pachi
Nube: Mhmm. (to himself) Akira will give some future enjoyment...
Page:
Open Research
Theme: Do planets have emotions?
Class 5-3: Yamaguchi Akira
Miki: That was great, it's the most unusual pet in the world.
Makoto: Do you bring batteries for when it runs out?
Akira: They get completely used up...It gets lonely when I'm not there.
Akira: Because I've raised this Dracaenna with all my life since it was a sapling. Can't it think of me like it's parent...
Lie Detector: Pipipi--!!
Akira: Wa! What the!?

182.
Miki: This tree is in the way--it's jutting out into the road.
Kyouko: It's been kicked at and wounded since it's in everyone's way. Though it would be fine if they chopped it down.
Hiroshi: But why would the Dracaenna kick up a fuss?
Akira: Well?
Makoto: There's a piece of cloth caught high up there.
Hiroshi: Alright, I'll get it.

183.
Hiroshi: Ge--its a bloodstained bandana!!
Miki: Now that you mention it, there was a phantom killer incident beneath this tree last night...
Kyouko: He became unconscious as his whole body was torn apart...what if up in that tree was!?
Akira: It can't be
Lie Detector: Pipipi Pi----
Akira: ..................
SFX: Dokun dokun...dokun...

184.
Nube: Eh? What? A roadside tree is a phantom killer? Hey hey, I still have work left to do...
Akira: Since that will be fine, come with us!!
Nube: M--hmm...
Nube: Hm--m, this is "a condition where the vessel has cracked and there has come to not be a portion of it"...
Hiroshi, Kyouko & Akira: Eh? What's that?
Nube: Hmm, in other words
Nube: There isn't even a splinter of youki...
(TN: This is a silly pun that I just sort of think has multiple meanings leading to my translation. Nube states that "youki no kakera mo nai". While "youki generally has the meaning I've mentioned before of being the energy of youkai, "ki" can also have a reading for "tree". Likewise, "kakera" can be "piece" or "fragment", but also has a translation of "splinter". Therefore I had Nube keep his silly punning ways by saying "there isn't a splinter of youki", but it works just as well as if you say something like "there's no spirit to this tree"...but I think my translation keeps the joke)
Nube: At any rate, this tree isn't a youkai...therefore, there isn''t a reason it would attack people (Ha ha ha) See ya.
Akira: Nube! Wait!
Hiroshi: What, it isn't a youkai?
Kyouko: Let's just go home.

185.
Caption: The next day...
Voice 1: See ya--
Voice 2: See you tomorrow!
Akira: So then...a tree that isn't a youkai to attack humans is unnatural but...Plants all have hearts...they have wills.
Akira: Dra-chan understands this as a fellow plant. Did that tree do that Huh?
Lie Detector: Pipi Pi--pii
Akira: I won't be deceived. Al--right...I'll test it.
SFX: Gusa

186.
SFX: Zaza----
Akira: Hi Hiii
SFX: Boton gucha
Akira: Uwaaaaa!!

187.
Nube: What? You were opposed by a tree?
Akira: Seems so! Caterpillars fell like rain
Akira: Those caterpillars were smashed to a pulp and there's already a great panic! Hey! Are you listening!?
Nube: .........
Caption: Shrimp Gratin
(TN: "Gratin" is a culinary technique with a brown crust on top of food, generally breadcrumbs, grated cheese, eggs or butter. In this case, shrimp is part of the "gratin", either as the coating or the food being coated)
Nube: At any rate...an ordinary tree attacking people is a fantasy out of fairyland; haven't you gone to Disneyland too much?
Akira: Well you're wrong!...That's enough!
SFX: Za--za-- | Ki--n ko--n ka--n ko--n

188.
Akira: S**t--it's innocent with insufficient evidence...! This is regrettable, Dra-chan!
Lie Detector: Pipipipipi
Akira: But I won't give up. Hold on, someday I'm certain I will expose it's true identity!
Lie Detector: Pipi
SFX: Zuru bogo
SFX: Zuru Becho...Zururu...

189.
SFX: Zuru...zuru. Boko boko
Akira: Uwaaa, it's moving.
Lie Detector: Pipipi Pi---
Akira: Hii!
SFX: Basha
SFX: Zazaza---
Akira: Someone----

190.
SFX: Zazazazazazaza
Akira: Uwaaaa

191.
SFX: Guaa
Akira: Uaa
Akira: Nu...Nube
SFX: Guwa

192.
Nube: Don't lay a hand on my student.
Nube: Are you alright!?
SFX: Goki goki
Akira: Th...thank you, Nube! So it was ultimately a youkai!?
Nube: No, you'e wrong. It absolutely doesn't have youki...it's a normal tree. I just attacked it physically with the Oni no Te.
Nube: You've said it too: plants have a will...among them are trees that have particularly strong wills like this...furthermore, it hates humans.
Nube: In spite of this tree being in that place since very long ago...it has been intruded upon by humans and cut into. So you say, it's reason is self defense. For this, humans have been...

193.
SFX: Byurururu...
Nube: No good! A plant can't even be pursuaded with the Oni no Te as it's adressee!
SFX: Supa
Akira: Teacher!!
Nube: Damn, the Oni no Te is!!
SFX: Gashi
Akira: Waa--
Lie Detector: Pipipipi
SFX: Puchi
SFX: Pita
"Tree": !!

194.
Dra-chan: Stop, these people are good people. Stop.
Dra-chan: Good people.
SFX: Shuru...shuru...
Nube: Wh...what's going on...
Akira: Dra-chan is addressing it.
SFX: Pi pi
Nube: The hearts of plants is only understood by plants..

195.
Dra-chan: Go home...to where everyone is...
SFX: Hyoi
Akira: Alright.
Dra-chan: Go home.
SFX: Zuru zuru
Akira: Dra-chan...
Akira: It's going to the mountain...
Nube: Right...it's better that it goes back to within nature than for it to reside over there and take revenge on humans...
(End of Vol. 17)

196.-197.
Caption: Notice of Next Volume...
"Oni": .........
Nube: He seems to want to say..."Best regards in Vol. 18". Alright.
(TN: The Oni...isn't really a talkative type. Considering it is residing all this time in Nube's left hand and pretty much could annihilate him completely if it weren't for Minako-sensei, you probably could understand why it really doesn't want to speak even with Nube around. One of these days, maybe we'll know what the Oni really thinks...but that may not be for a while. BTW: there are quote boxes around "oni"...mostly because the creature may actually have another name we don't know of...though who knows what one proper name you can give an Oni!)

TN: First of all, a massive apology: this chapter was done Thursday, but I was having a bit of a crisis back home so I wasn't able to get it up until now. This and another Nube will both be up within a few minutes.

As for the chapter...can something really end up being both so heartwarming...and so stupid...at the same time? For the most part, I'm talking about the climax of the whole chapter, regarding the whole aspect of a tree not merely killing people because of some youkai possession or connection...but because of it actually being alive and hating people hurting it, thus choosing to kill them itself in it's own weird way. I get the nature lovers who do throw about all sorts of strange theories of the thoughts, emotions and feelings of plants (and I could make a whole argument about how this should pretty much make people omnivores since if animals and plants have feelings and hate being hurt, then people should eat rocks...but that's another topic), but killer trees sort of gets to the level of insanity. Likewise, I did find it somewhat sweet but dumb that it was Akira's beloved Dra-chan that ended up mediating with the tree stopping it's rampage. For the most part I really did like Akira and Dra-chan's relationship considering that in a way he made a cute pet out of the little thing and the lie detector, but it did get really convoluted that somehow the thing was what saved him and Nube from being killed by...well, a living tree. For the most part, it wasn't too bad a chapter...but "too bad" doesn't really save it from some of the weirdness, even if some of it was true.