A Person’s Body is a Microuniverse
-> RTS Page for Gintama 248
For those of you reading this, please be gentle with me. Bomber D Rufi is currently having problems with his computer so I'm filling in for the moment on Gintama. I know this script will probably have a few screws loose...but I trust the scanslator to make sense of my script. And so without further ado...
Lesson 248: A Person’s Body is a Microuniverse
Summary of Last Time: The dreadful computer virus “Tapir”, which eats and grows off the hosts’ program. In order to help Tama, who was infected by the virus and turned into a pixel drawing, the Yorozuya were miniaturized with the help of the power of Gengai and go into Tama’s body to eradicate “Tapir”. However, within Tama’s body is a wide world…
Blood Cell: Welcome to Leukocyte
Blood Cell: Traveling north from here is Leukocyte Castle. Go east for Bifidus town. Go west for the town of E. coli. But do not go near the Capillary Caves. That’s the virus’ home. You’ll be killed instantly at your level.
Side Caption: IF THIS IS ADVENTURE, THIS ISN’T IT!!
Bottom Caption: WE NEED YOUR POWER!! TAKING APPLICATIONS FOR THE 2ND CHARACTER BOOK ON THE PAGE TO THE RIGHT!!
Gin, Shin & Kagura: ………
Shin: What are these people? Eh, where are we?
Shin: WHAT IS THIS!? WHY ARE THERE FULL-BODY TIGHTS PEOPLE WANDERING INSIDE TAMA-SAN!? WHY IS THERE A FULL-BODY TIGHTS COUNTRY INSIDE TAMA-SAN!?
Shin: WHY IS THERE A WEAPON SHOP!! WHY IS THERE AN INN!! WHY IS THIS RPG-STYLE!?
Tama: Please relax. They’re my subordinates.
Tama: I’ll guide you. Can you bring me with?
Shin: WHAT!? WHY IS TAMA-SAN INSIDE TAMA-SAN!!
Tama: Sorry I am late. I had created a clone instantly from the still unaffected areas of my system so I can support you too.
Shin: WILL YOU BE FINE SUPPORTING INSIDE YOUR OWN BODY?
Tama: There’s no problem. I can’t sleep soundly when you’re all fighting for me.
Tama: So I’m using my still surviving system to support all of you.
Shin: So all of them can’t be?
Tama: They’re “Leukocytes”, a security anti-virus program originally placed inside my body from the start.
Shin: SECURITY!! THOSE FULL-BODY TIGHTS!?
Tama: They’re used to exterminate viruses which invade my body. Thus they created a home in my body to protect me.
Shin: …PROTECT, DO THEY REALLY PROTECT YOU? I ONLY SEE THEM PRETENDING THEY’RE IN DRAGON QUEST
Tama: No problem. All of these programs were rewritten to be recognized as brave warriors who have come to save this world. All of them should freely help you eliminate the virus.
Tama: First we shall meet King Leukocyte and ask for his power. It will be impossible to defeat Tapir without his help.
Gin: Of course. If you’re thinking of us, I have a message for the king too.
King: Ooh, what are you saying? You need my Leukocyte army to defeat the virus?
Gin: Yeah, I have the final words of your wounded soldiers: “If you can, the king should run away before the virus’ evil hand reaches this land”.
King: Ooh, why would my remaining Leukocytes say that while fighting and getting hurt for this nation?
King: Travelers, this country has a legend from olden times: when a great disaster befalls our land, a brave warrior wielding a toothpick will appear from another realm to save this land.
King: If I think so, these three are…no, I won’t say anything.
King: Who would say that while fighting for us while with a country just waiting for its destruction?
Kagura: You’re saying that and your mouth is already like that-aru. You’re white from here to there with those tights-ne.
Gin: HEY, I’M DOZIN OFF HERE, OLD MAN SUPE*MA. SINCE WE’RE DONE WITH THE INTRODUCTION, CALL THE REMNANTS OF YOUR DEFEATED ARMY AND LATER GIVE US YOUR TREASURE CHESTS AND WAR FUNDS.
Shin: BRAVE WARRIORS? THESE TWO ARE MORE LIKE THIEVES.
King: Do you need allies to fight with? My eyes don’t deceive me. These are the legendary shrunken warriors.
King: However, our nation is exhausted by the war and we don’t have surplus soldiers to loan.
Gin: You have your two guards there, but come on, you work them like horses.
Shin: HEY, KNOCK IT, GIN-SAN.
King: At least I can give you just one of the strongest soldiers of Leukocyte to help on your journey.
Shin: EH? REALLY!!
King: THE STRONG DUO FEARED AS THE DOUBLE DRAGON OF LEUKOCYTE. THE WARRIOR BOLTEGA. THE FIGHTER DESPIGARO.
King: TAKE WITH WHICHEVER YOU LIKE.
Shin: WE DON’T WANT EITHER OF THEM!!
Shin: HEY!! HOW ARE THEY THE DOUBLE DRAGON!! WHERE ARE THEY THE STRONGEST!! WHY IS THERE A CHARACTER WHO’S LIKE A PRINCE BEHIND BOLTEGA? IT SEEMS YOU’RE COMPLETELY THROWING AWAY A DOG FOUND BY THE PRINCE!!
King: You don’t want Boltega? Then you’re find taking my moth…Despigaro.
Shin: YOUR MOTHER!? HE SAID IT’S HIS MOTHER!! HE SAID DESPIGARO IS HIS MOTHER!!
Gin: Hey, what are you pulling. This old man can’t be seen with his mother’s protection, so he’s selling her off to a hero party.
Kagura: You’re outrageous-ne. You have problems touching the virus-aru. So you’re having them eliminated first-ne.
King: Wait wait wait!! You’re wrong, wrong!! That’s not it!! You’ve misunderstood me!! A complete misunderstanding!!
King: No, seriously forgive me~~Master Tama mistakenly called her school teacher “Mother” back then? That’s it!! No, seriously.
Gin: Somehow you’re not kingly anymore, but more like a local hoodlum.
King: Actually my daughter-in-law has been fighting me over helping her mother. Actually Takeshi has been fighting me over a dirty mutt he found recently. But those are completely wrong…
Gin: THEY’RE NOT WRONG. YOU’RE RESOLVED TO LINK THEM TO US BUT YOU REALLY WANT TO GET RID OF THEM!!
King: No no, you’re wrong. Those two have become like that. Actually, they’ve been cursed by the virus and have changed into those forms.
King: I’ll tell you the truth. If you can just find “Pa’s Mirror”, they’ll return to their original forms and be ready to fight. You can use them immediately. This is a trial.
Shin: WHAT IS PA’S MIRROR? PA IS YOU.
(TN: A note about the “Dragon Quest” series: the hero always gets their father to assist them, heal them and save data. It’s this sort of thing that actually lead to it getting parodied in the “Mother”/”Earthbound” series to make it the mother the crucial contact)
King: No it’s true. Aah, if only we had Pa’s Mirror~~If you can find it~~
Tama: Here it is.
Tama: If it’s the Pa’s Mirror, it’s here.
King: Wh…that’s!! Where was it!!
Tama: It’s a sought-after item in my body. I keep it in my pocket.
Tama: I’ve heard that Tapir has an advanced mimetic ability. Those who see and believe this won’t let Tapir win. Shall I show you the truth? Are they Borumoga? Are they (something) and Garo? Or are they something else?
(TN: This was just impossible to read with the scan quality)
Tama: Everyone, please look.
Shin: TH…THIS IS…
Gin: OH…THE KING HAS
Gin: THE KING HAS!!
Shin: FINE!! YOU’RE DEAD!!
Gin: NO…!! HOLD ON, THE KING’S AREOLAS ARE RAPIDLY GETTING BIGGER.
Gin: ONO*KO…NO HE’S NOT…HE’S
(TN: The kanji here changes from “Shiro” (Whtie) to “Baku” (Tapir))
King: Somehow I couldn’t get away with it…
King: YOU’VE SEEN THROUGH TAPIR’S MIMESIS, GAHAHAHAHA!
Shin: THE FULL-BODIED TIGHTS CHANGED FROM WHITE TO BLACK!?
Gin: Hey, so then you’re really Tapir!? You’re not some mere full-bodied tights old man!!
Shin: IS THIS THE SITUATION TO ASK!! THE KING OF LEUKOCYTE HAS ALREADY BEEN DAMAGED BY THE VIRUS…
King: Kukuku, exactly. You’re a bit too slow in coming to this country hoping to save it.
King: Already Leukocyte, starting with the king, then naturally the guards
King: And mother, and Prince Takeshi
King: IS A NATION OF BLACK TIGHTS. NONE OF YOU ARE ALLIES HERE ANYMORE.
King: WE WILL EAT EVERYTHING!!
King: WE WILL CONTINUE TO EAT UNTIL EVERYTHING BECOMES BLACK TIGHTS!!!
Tama: Your toothpicks!! Use your toothpicks, everyone!
Tama: Those toothpicks are special order from Gengai-sama.
Tama: Tapir’s uses a special ability to eat information, and conversely Tapir sends out a large amount of information at high speeds.
Tama: Thus, rotten information causes food poisoning.
Tama: In eating poison, if this constantly occurs, moreover if poison continues to go into the stomach
Tama: Before the information disappears from their stomachs…
Blood Cell: !!
Gin: They’ll explode.
Gin: ISN’T THIS GREAT? WE HAVE TOOTHPICKS THAT DON’T TAKE OUT REMAINS BUT TAKE ON SINKING VIRUSES.
Shin: GIN-SAN, THEIR NUMBERS ARE TOO MANY!! WE CAN’T ATTACK THEM ALL!!
Kagura: HURRY, RIGHT HERE-ARU!! DRAW THEM HERE FOR A BIT-NE!!
King: You think you can get away!! You’re going to die here!!
King: What are you!!
Tama: Pa’s Mirror. Show us the truth.
Tama: He’s being reborn as a brave warrior without parallel to protect us.
Shin: !! That’s
Shin: THE DO…
Shin: THE DOG IS…A MAN…
Tama: He is not a person. He is
Tama: He destroyed a large amount of virus.
Tama: He continues to protect peace inside my body. The ultimate security program.
Tama: THE TRUE, GENUINE
Tama: KING LEUKOCYTE
Gin, Shin & Kagura: GI…GIN-SAN!?
Virus: S**t!! Where did they go? Look for them!! Look even if you have to split nosehairs!!
King: ……..We should go. Tama-san, somehow I was worried for you here. Let’s move immediately.
King: It should be alright to get to Colon District B-39 since it’s a maze over there. We can hide there.
Tama: King Leukocyte, we haven’t come to run. We’ve come to fight.
King: Though you’re a copy, Tama-sama shouldn’t have been exposed by microorganisms. If we have to fight, then its better that I do it alone.
Tama: King Leukocyte, this enemy is the ultimate virus. We can’t go with what we’ve done until now. It’s impossible for someone like you to do this alone. We shall fight with everyone’s power.
King: I’ll be challenged fighting alone with them, I forbid myself from moving to not attack with deaths in vain…is that right?
Tama: At this time now, I want to live by fighting with others.
King: What were you doing earlier? You let Tama-sama get near the faces of those microorganisms. Do you want her to be disinfected?
Gin: No, sorry. There was an incredible man~~we think she was charmed by~~
Gin: THAT’S WH—Y! I DIDN’T REMEMBER THAT MOSHAS WOULD DRY UP!!
Gin: A PERSON’S FACE SHOULD HANG FOR SUCH EMBARRASING COSPLAY! ARE YOU AFFECTED BY ROT!? THROGUHOUT THE WORLD, III IS RECOGNIZED BY ME AND THE VOICES OF MANY AS THE ULTIMATE MASTERPIECE OF DRAGON QUEST!! WE HAVEN’T GONE INTO A TAVERN!! WE’RE NOT BEING LEAD BY BIANCA!! AND FURTHER, I WANTED BIANCA AS MY BRIDE! I’LL NEVER LET SOMEONE LIKE YOU BE MY BRIDE!! ZAMAMIRO!!
(TN: Considering I’ve never played DQIII…or any DQ for that matter, I really don’t get Gin’s references)
Kagura: There’s two Gin-chan-aru.
Shin: Ta…Tama-san, what on earth is going on? Why does that guy look like Gin-san…
Tama: …The system inside of me is entirely the thought patterns of my memory circuits. All data is influenced by this. That form is the result of influencing it to my image, I think.
Shin: In short?
Tama: For my Leukocyte security program that fights all viruses
Tama: There isn’t anything stronger in existence.
Tama: HE IS THE ANSWER I CAME UP WITH.
Tama: THE ULTIMATE DUO IS EQUAL. I DON’T HAVE FEAR ANYMORE.
King: Right. You are me…
King: Anyhow, I hadn’t estimated the inside from what I saw with what was mistaken in the personality data. It’s obvious: you’re a coward.
King: I can’t protect Tama-sama with the smeared hands of microorganisms. The defeat of Tapir will be mine.
King: THIS ISN’T YOUR SCENE. I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO WILL PROTECT TAMA-SAMA.
Caption: WHICH IS THE REAL HERO!?
(End of Lesson 248)
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