Hakuouki Jurenka 1

My suggested changes are bolded. Overall, good job!
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I love stories about the Shinsengumi, so I really wanted to do this and I finally got around to it! :D

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1.

Box 1: It was at the time of the Bakumatsu Uprising in Kyoto.

Box 2: I came to the capital to look for my father, who had gone missing.

Text 1 [red] Hakuoki, the manga - Toshizo Hijikata arc begins!

Text 2 [black]
Hakuoki Jurenka
Art: RURU
General Editor: Idea Factory, Design Factory

Box 3: Due to a certain event, I came under the protection of the Shinsengumi.

Box 4: Life there was frightening at first

Box 5: but I took part in many things / and that feeling slowly changed.

Bubble 1: Leave here and come with us.

Bubble 2: If you don’t want to leave, then just stay here.

Text 3 [pink] Everything began with a faint warm feeling that grew.

2.

Text 1: Together with the allies I trust, I take up my sword…

Text 2: A mysterious tale of Shinsengumi and vampires.

Text 3: The popular otome game is now a manga!

Text 4:
Hakuoki Juurenka
Shinsengumi Mysterious Tale

Text 5: Toshizo Hijikata Arc (Part 1)

Text 6:
Art: RURU
General Editor: Idea Factory, Design Factory

3.

Text 1: The falling cherry blossoms

Text 2: carry your feelings…

4.

[T/N: Just an advert for some Hakuoki merchandise]

5.

Nagakura: It’s Castella!

[T/N: Castella is a Japanese sponge cake made from flour, eggs, sugar and starch syrup. It’s very common at festivals and as street food.]

Chizuru: Matsumoto-sensei brought it as a gift for everyone.

Konodo: This is really expensive!

Chizuru: I’ll share it on the plates now.

Nagakura: I always wanted to eat this!

Okita: Honestly, you’ve got an appetite as big as a cow! // Some day your head will be full of sugar!

6.

Nagakura: You idiot! // You probably don’t get any strength from what you eat!

Chizuru: That’s right! // Castella uses a lot of eggs and sugar, so it’s very nutritious! // So, Okita-san…please try it!

Okita: I don’t really have a choice… // It tastes good…

Nagakura: See!

Chizuru: Hijikata-san! // You should have some too…

7.

Hijikata: What are you staring at?

Chizuru: Ah… // Would you like some, too?

Hijikata: No thanks. / Just refill my tea instead.

8.

Chizuru: Alright, I’ll refill it right away. // I’ll leave the cake here. // Sweet things are good for when you’re trying to think.

Hijikata: …It’s not bad.

9.

Chizuru: …Yes

Text 1: I’m

Text 2: happy just being by your side.

Text 3: Hijikata-san

Text 4: Am I useful to you?

10.

Hijikata: Uh…

Chikage: This is the end. // Challenging us demons, knowing that you couldn’t win... // Humans are foolish creatures.

Hijikata: …!

11.

Box 1: We were facing a difficult fight at the Battle of Toba Fushimi, when the demon, Chikage Kazama suddenly appeared in front of us.

[T/N: Battle of Toba Fushimi - A battle that took place between pro-Imperial and Tokugawa shogunate forces in 1868. The battle lasted four days and ended in defeat for the Tokugawa shogunate.]

Box 2: He came after me, a descendant of demons, and got in the Shinsengumi’s way many times.

Box 3: Inoue-san was cruelly killed when he tried to protect me.

Box 4: Even Hijikata-san got into trouble when he came to my aid…

Box 5: I’ve got to do something

Box 6: but what should I do?!

12.

Chikage: The Ochimizu…? // How foolish you are!

Hijikata: What’s wrong with that? // We… / won’t be // defeated here!

Chizuru: Hijikata-san…no!

13.

Chikage: Guh… // ….. // You…!

14.

Hijikata: Heh…it’s fine! / I’m more amazing…I’ve become a better man!

Text 1: Hijikata-san…!

Text 2: It’s as if you’re losing your reason!

Box: I’ve got to stop this / sacrificial (p/r note: suicidal?) fight quickly!

Yamazaki: Yukimura-kun / What on earth is going on?

Chizuru: Yamazaki-san

Yamazaki: That uniform…it can’t be! // That’s…Hijikata-san!

15.

Chizuru: He drank the Ochimizu and turned into Rasetsu!

Chikage: You… / I’ll never forgive you // for wounding my face!

Hijikata: …!

Chikage: I’m going to cut off your hands and legs! // I’ll torture you to death little by little!

Chizuru: No!!

16.

Hijikata: What…?

Yamazaki: ….. // Hijikata-san, you’re the leader of the Shinsengumi! // Leaving your subordinates and sacrificing yourself in a fight…

Hijikata: Yamazaki!

Nagakura: Hey… / Hijikata-san!

17.

Chikage: Tch… // You’re safe this time, Hijikata. // I’ll take your head the next time we meet!

Hijikata: You’re all talk!

Nagakura: Ah… // There they are! // Hijikata-san…what on earth is going on?! // There are soldiers’ bodies lying over there!

18.

Nagakura: Could it be…that the Sacchou…

[T/N: Sacchou - The alliance of Satsuma and Choushuu, created in order to overthrow the Tokugawa shogunate.]

Hijikata: Sorry…could you take care of Yamazaki? // There still should be time left to save him.

Okita: Eh?!

Nagakura: Hey…Yamazaki?! // That’s a really bad injury…hold on!

Chizuru: I’ll / help too!

Saitou: Vice Captain

19.

Saitou: What on earth happened here?

Hijikata: To think that / soldiers would be sacrificed while I live on…

Saitou: Sacrificed…?

Box 1: Inoue-san

Box 2: Yamazaki-san

Box 3: And Hijikata-san…

20.

Box 1: I saw everything / but I couldn’t do anything!

Box 2: I’m sorry, Hijikata-san / I…

Box 3: Why am I so powerless?

21.

Box 1: After the end of the difficult battle with the Sacchou Army, we retreated to Osaka Castle.

Box 2: Following Lord Yoshinobu Tokugawa, who had escaped to Edo, we decided to make our way there.

[T/N: Yoshinobu Tokugawa - The 15th and final shogunate of the Tokugawa shogunate. He attempted to reform the shogunate, but did not succeed.]

Box 3: Yamazaki-san, who had been seriously wounded when Kazama-san attacked him, passed away.

Box 4: Losing his companions one by one… / How painful was it for Hijikata-san?

Box 5: Before long, we arrived in Edo where Hijikata-san worked day and night.

Box 6: It must be difficult for a Rasetsu to be awake in the day time…

Box 7: but I suppose there’s a reason for it…

Kondou: I’m sorry for making you worry!

22.

Box 1: Kondou-san was injured in the previous battle, but he made a full recovery after recuperating. / He’s already received a new mission from the shogunate, too…

Kondou: As for how we’ll act from now on… / We’ll head towards Kōfu and ambush the new governmental army!

Nagakura: I can’t really believe them. / Our superiors don’t actually intend to win, do they?

Kondou: It’s not about winning or losing! // Following their superior’s orders has been a soldier’s long cherished desire. // Am I wrong? Nagakura-kun!

Box 2: In the midst of the turbulent atmosphere

23.

Box 1: The Shinsengumi were renamed the “Koyo Chinbutai”

Box 2: and made their way towards Kōfu.

Box 3: But…

Hijikata: Hmm? / Is there something wrong with the way I’m dressed?

Chizuru: Ah…no… // Hijikata-san looks really good / in Western clothes…it surprised me…

24.

Box 1: What awaited us there was a westernised army and a battle more difficult than we could have ever imagined.

Box 2: In order to reorganise the situation, we put all our efforts into getting Commander Kondou to escape.

Text: In the Battle of Kōfu, the Shogunate Army suffered a crushing defeat and this marked their end.

Box 3: Furthermore

25.

Box 1: That wasn’t the only shock that the Shinsengumi received.

Box 2: Nagakura-san and Harada-san left the troop, saying “Our aim is different from Kondou-san’s”.

Box 3: Okita-san’s tuberculosis got worse, so he was resting at Setagaya.

Box 4: Ever since returning from Kōfu, Kondou-san has been really depressed…

Text: The time when things were lively seems just like a dream…

Chizuru: At least if / Hijikata-san could get better… // Hijikata-san / I’ve brought you some tea…

Hijikata: Guh… // Uh…

26.

Chizuru: Hijikata-san! // Are you alright?!

Hijikata: Uh… // You idiot! / Don’t shout so loud!

Chizuru: But…!

Text 1: When someone turns into a Rasetsu

Text 2: they can’t help wanting to drink blood.

Text 3: That’s what Heisuke-kun told me before…

Text 4: Is that what this is?!

Chizuru: But what should I do…?

Hijikata: I’ll get over this soon… // Ugh…

27.

Chizuru: Yes… // I shouldn’t be hesitating now! // Hijikata-san! / Please drink my blood!

Hijikata: Wha… / What are you talking about?!

Chizuru: You’ll feel better if you drink it, won’t you?! // I’m a demon, so this wound will heal quickly! // So hurry up!

28.

Bubble: Uh…

[SFX] thump

29.

[SFX] thump

Hijikata: Honestly… // A girl who isn’t married yet shouldn’t mark her skin like that.

Chizuru: It’s alright. // A demon’s wounds heal quickly.

Hijikata: Even so… // That doesn’t change that you’re a girl.

Chizuru: Ah…Hijikata-san…

Hijikata: Hmm?

30.

Chizuru: Since returning to Edo, you've started working again. // Aren’t you overdoing it? // Please… // Could you stop using the power of Rasetsu? // You turned into a Rasetsu to protect me… // If you hadn’t fought with the demon that time, this wouldn’t have happened…

Hijikata: It was my choice to drink the Ochimizu. / There’s no need for you to worry.

31.

Chizuru: No / If it’s difficult, then say so! // You didn’t actually want to turn into a Rasetsu…be honest!

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Chizuru: It’s even more difficult for me if you don’t say so! // It doesn’t matter if you smile selfishly! // Just please…do it somehow!

32.

Hijikata: Well, this is no good… // Having a strong spirit is just what you’d expect from an Edo girl… // You’re just like my older sister, it’s as if I’m being told off by a family member!

Chizuru: Is that so…?

In panel: Older sister?

Hijikata: Don’t worry about it. // I’ll tell you if it gets that way.

Chizuru: Alright! // If anything like earlier happens, you must call me!

Hijikata: Hmm? You mean that I should rely on your blood?

Chizuru: Yes

Hijikata: You’ll be easily abandoned if you say things like that!

33.

Chizuru: I don’t mind! // I’m just glad / to be useful to you!

34.

Box: After that / At Aizu, we decided to regain our position and transferred to Shimōsa Nagayama in the midst of that.

Chizuru: Kondou-san // He doesn’t seem very well at all… // Kondou-san, I’ve brought some tea!

Kondou: Thanks…

Chizuru: What books are you reading?

Kondou: Hmm…? / Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Kiyomasa Kato’s biography and some war chronicles… // When I was a child, I thought that / someday I’d become an amazing commander like Kantei and want to fight for someone else’s sake…

35.

Kondou: But… // I can’t become a great commander just by wishing.

Chizuru: It’s not like that…

Kondou: Anyway…how’s Toshi doing?

Chizuru: Hijikata-san… / It seems like he’s working in his room.

Kondou: I see… / He’s always overdoing it.

Chizuru: It’s not like that. / I just think that he’s happiest when he can be useful to you.

Text 1: He always supports Kondou-san from the shadows…

Text 2: He’s the one who cares most about Kondou-san and the troop…

Chizuru: It’s alright. / I’m sure Hijikata-san will work it out.

36.

Kondou: That’s… / quite unfair too.

Chizuru: Eh? // Hijikata-san?!

Hijikata: Hurry up and prepare to leave right now! // We’re surrounded by enemies!

Box: A sudden attack!

Chizuru: Eh?!

Thank you for that!

pg. 6

Okita: Honestly, you’ve got an appetite as big as a cow! // Some day your head will be full of sugar!

>He was talking to everyone, so I changed the wording to reflect that. Hopefully it's okay now.

pg. 14

Box: I’ve got to stop this / sacrificial (p/r note: suicidal?) fight quickly!

>Oh, that's just the word I was looking for, thanks! Somehow I couldn't quite think of of it.

No problem! I'm glad I could help.

>He was talking to everyone, so I changed the wording to reflect that. Hopefully it's okay now.

Ah, I see. Yes, I think your change makes perfect sense.

If I didn't already have several active projects I would jump at this project in a heartbeat. One of my favorite translators and the Shinsen Gumi, what's not to love?!! :)

Thank you for your lovely comment, Del! You're always so supportive of my translations. :) I'm glad to see another Shinsengumi fan too. Someone did express an interest in scanlating so hopefully we'll see something soon. :)