Gintama 599

You know what sucks more than Gintama returning to it's normal textual levels? Being sick on the weekend and getting better Monday morning.



Also I have a plurk now, so feel free to friend me there and stuff.

Katsura: Utsuro…
Destroyed seven planets by causing their altana to run amok.
In short, to the Tendoushuu –or the Altana preservation society who had a monopoly on the universe’s Altana for so long,
Has released and abandoned them.
Those planets who recovered their altana,
Have formed an allied force to end the organizational control of the altana, and conquer the planet where the Tendoushuu originated and dwell….Earth.
It is Utsuro’s goal to annihilate Earth through this resulting planetary war,
via the released Altana.
(Side text- The ultimate crisis!!)
GINTAMA
Lesson 599: Seasoning should be used moderately.
SORACHI HIDEAKI

002
Katsura: So what we should do to protect Earth is…
Please pass me the soy sauce.
Sakamoto: I getcha, soy sauce huh?
Then once we get that stuff, what happens?
Katsura: Of course I intend to spread it on the croquettes.
Sakamoto: Zura, ya gotta go by the book when you’re surprise attackin’. What we need for these croquettes is Worcestershire sauce.
Katsura: For those who call themselves Samurai, all that is necessary is soy sauce and salt.
It is because you use things from foreign countries that require katakana that you are referred to as an idiot and fool using katakana characters.
(TN- Katakana as Zura elegantly put it is the Japanese alphabet for foreign words/concepts. It can also be used to emphasize words sorta like capital letters in English. So it’d be like saying IDIOT and FOOL is what he’s saying.)
Sakamoto: Zura, a croquette uses katakana in the first place, yeah? Might as well mix katakana with katakana if you know what I mean.
Katsura: You can put SAEKO on Darvish, and it will not go well,
However putting HELEN on Nishikawa Kiyoshi works quite well together.
(TN- Yu Darvish is a Japanese/Iranian baseball player who married the Japanese actress Saeko in 2007, but they divorced in 2012. Meanwhile, half American/Japanese Helen married Kiyoshi Nishikawa and they’re still together. Keep in mind Helen would be written in katakana while Kiyoshi would not.)
Sakamoto: Sure the Kiyoshis are doin well now, but they probably had a lotta hardships to get to where they are.
Katsura: Do not be silly. One look at Helen’s smiling face and it’s easy to understand.
Sakamoto: Have you ever seen Saeko smilin’ then?

003
Katsura: And what would you know of Helen?!
Sakamoto: Oh? And I ‘ppose you know all about Saeko and her sufferin’, eh?
Shinpachi: The fact that they’re arguing over imagined celebrity gossip as the world is ending actually makes this even more annoying.
Gintoki: Right? I actually sorta want to see the world get destroyed.
(Sfx- Gyaah gyaah gyhaah)
Gintoki: Helen and Saeko did the best they could, and that’s what matters.
And if we’re looking to protect earth,
Then putting the kibosh on Utsuro ain’t gonna cut it. We also need to end the war he began too.
It’s sorta like….if this croquette is Earth,
And this maple syrup is the Liberation front, and this pocky stick in the middle is Utsuro.
Shinpachi: Um, that visual has too much kick to it –so much so that I can’t quite wrap my head around what you’re saying.
Kagura: That is too complicated, yes? It is like this.
This croquette is earth, and all of the stomach acid eating it up is the Liberation front.
Shinpachi: Then the Earth has already been annihilated!
Okay, how about we move away from using croquettes as metaphors?
Elizabeth: It’s a bit like this…
Shinpachi: What the hell are you eating!? That’s the entertainer Korokke isn’t it?! It’s not a croquette at all anymore!!

004
Mutsu: In short it’s like this.
Everyone’s got their way of eatin’ croquette.
So we should just put what we like on what we wanna eat and enjoy it our way.
Everyone should just enjoy what they like how they like it.
So basically do what we’ve been doing up until now.
(Sfx- Gefu *burp*)
Shinpachi: You’ve really packed those croquettes away! You’re without a doubt a yato, Mutsu-san!
Sakamoto: Mhm.
If tha earth is teeterin’ on collapse, a businessman’s gotta strike up a deal.
Shinpachi: A deal?
Sakamoto: I’m thinkin’ I’ll approach the Liberation front to negotiate a deal.
So before they go and destroy the earth,
We’re gonna need to take the necks of the Tendoushuu and Utsuro.

005
Sakamoto: We’ll go and trade those necks to the liberation front,
And get the Earth’s future in exchange.
Katsura: You think they’ll withdraw in exchange for the heads of the Tendoushuu…
But really, will that be enough to stop the war?
They don’t just want the Tendoushuu, they’ve got their eye on Earth as well.
Gintoki: That’s why we’ve gotta put the beat down on Utsuro.
Us earthlings…
Gotta establish to the whole universe,
That we’ve got the strength to protect our turf from the Tendoushuu and the liberation front.
We can’t start a war around the entire universe,
But unless we shake off the Tendoushuu and the Liberation front, Earth’s got no future.
Katsura: We can talk about whether negotiation will succeed or not, we should figure out how we’d even gain an audience with them.
Will the leaders of the Liberation front listen to a group such as ours?
???: They will.

006
Nobunobu: They won’t listen to the rebels who attacked the Bakfu,
But the legitimized army standing under the golden imperial flag,
Of the Shogun Tokugawa Nobunobu.
Shinpachi: Lord Nobunobu!!
Sakamoto: Don’t that beat all.
Finally decided to try some of that old lady’s space grub? Shogun-sama.
Nobunobu: I’d like one more croquette, please.
Lady(?): Sure thing.
Nobunobu: Was it not you who said that even a small meal is necessary before fighting a war?
You may bring me along.
If you do, the Liberation front will treat you as imperial messengers from Earth.

007
Kagura: You want us to be your retainers?!
You and your haircut are enough of a joke, dammit!
Shinpachi: Kagura-chan…
Nobunobu: A man who became Shogun at the behest of others has no retainers.
Not now, and not from now.
(Sfx- Kata *tpt*)
Nobunobu: However it is because I have acted as a tool who continues to be used by others…
That even if the title of Shogun is empty now, it still has some use.
So at the very least for the last time,
I’d like to choose how it’s used.
Katsura: So after being used for all of this time, you wish to be used again?
Trying to atone for your past sins, are we?
No matter what it is you do, we will never forget what you have done.
Nobunobu: I shan’t forget them either.
(Sfx- Bicha bicha bushuuh *blooorsh blip blip*)
Nobunobu: I, an empty shogun..
Can only accept the hatred, sadness…
And hope of you all….the people.
From there I will see the result of my actions, your whereabouts from here…
And the fate of this country.

008
Nobunobu: Hey.
(Sfx- Bikuhh *poit*)
Nobunobu: I’m fine with…
Eating a croquette like this.
(Sfx- Gatsuh gatsuhh *gulp gulp*)

009
Some guy: It was good of you to come,
Shogun-dono.
What business do you have with us, the Liberation front?
Nobunobu: As the representative of Earth’s people…
There is something I must discuss with you.

010
Nobunobu: May I use your bathroom?
(Sfx- Dabashaaaa *bloooosh*)
Katsura: That was our first contact.
I must admit…the Liberation front has incredible technology….a washlet bidet that allows for comfort and the ability to finish without wiping first.
Shinpachi: JUST WHAT KIND OF NEGOTIATIONS ARE YOU IDIOTS DOIIIIIING?!
Katsura: It’s the fault of all the stuff you put on his croquette.
It appears he’s had a running stomach for three days now.
(Sfx- AUUGGGHHHHHH)
Shinpachi: You finally managed to get into the enemy’s base, so why the hell does it end in the bathroom?!

011
Katsura: There is no need to be alarmed, as we borrowed sweats and underwear.
(On shirt- Buck wild Shogun.)
Shinpachi: SO THERE’S A LEAK AFTER ALLLLL?!
Katsura: We also borrowed Independence day and Star Wars as well.
Shinpachi: DID YOU GUYS END UP AT A TSUTAYA?! MOREOVER WHY ARE YOU WEARING SWEATS TOO!?
(TN- Tsutaya is a video rental chain.)
Katsura: I must admit the Liberation front mothership is fully furnished, and even has a built in Tsutaya.
Also we intend to fully review Star Wars for tomorrow’s negotiations. We cannot fail.
Shinpachi: No, you’ve failed all right! You failed the moment you borrowed videos from the enemy! We and the Earth are dooooomed!!
Katsura: We will begin the real negotiations begin tomorrow, as does our battle. On that note, how are things on your end?
Shinpachi: We’ve actually gotten involved in real Star Wars here, unlike you guys who are watching it on TV!
The Liberation front might use the idea of taking down the Tendoushuu as a front, but in reality they’re just looting and pillaging places.
(Sfx- Gagaga *ddshhhh*)
Shinpachi: The people of Edo are rising to oppose them…

012
Katsuo: Huh.
Woulda thought these Liberation front fella’s woulda put on a better show.
But as soon as we get a lil’ rowdy they turn tail.
Man I ain’t feelin’ liberated from nothin’ yet.
Compared to Yuki-chan at the Iai nukinuki club I hang out at, these fellas ain’t liberatin’ shit.
Saigou: What the hell kind of liberation are you going on about? You don’t understand anything at all do you? I don’t understand what it is Jirocho saw in you.
Katsuo: Da boss is a Iai-nuki master too ya know.
(TN- Ia nuki is a sword technique of withdrawing one’s sword and sheathing it quickly.)
Saigou: Silence.
Kyoushirou: The Liberation front withdrew without a fight because that’s what they intended to do from the beginning.
Tetsuko: Now they can claim that they’re suppressing rebels and completely occupy Edo.
{I’m lookin’ forward to that? The real game starts from here.}
Saigou: If it’s mano-a-mano I can take on a demon or the Buddha himself without breaking a sweat.
But all one has to do is take a gander over there to know that we’re up against an opponent who could level a city if the mood struck them.
If Jirochou and I were smacked down by them…
How do we win?

013
Gengai: If it’s a fight against machines, I’ve got your back.
You dumbasses can keep fighting like the idiots you are.
(Sfx- Zatshhh *dsfft*)
Otose: I see someone’s overjoyed. It wasn’t likely you’d see another fight like this in your lifetime, but here we are.
I’m looking forward to getting revenge for what they did to my husband.
Katsuo: Heh.
(Sfx- Gahahahahaah)
Saigou: Our friggin’ elderly are more badass than demons or buddhas!
Tae: Everyone good work protecting our town!
We were wondering if there’s anything we could do,
So we prepared some provisions.
So please eat---
(Sfx- Zuiiii *Sfffft*)
(Sfx- Dodododo *thoooom*)
Shinpachi: The four divas have united Kabuki-chou….
And now we’re preparing for whatever the Liberation front’s next move is.
(Sfx- Gyaaaahhhhh)

014
Kyuubei: It doesn’t matter if you’re man or woman!
Whether you can fight or not, you can still do whatever you can with the weapons you have!
If we all come together, we can overcome any hardship that comes our way!
This is the time to stand strong!! We the Yagyuu Clan will protect everyone!
Please everyone, protect this country with us!!
Binbokusai: Kyuubei has become an upstanding person.
Tojou: Young master!! I’m sur your mother is watching you!!
Dude: Young master Yagyuu, please allow us to assist you!
Me too!
Me too!
Kyuubei: Thank you very much!!
Thank…
(Sfx- Gashii *grab*)
Dude: UGAHHHHH!!!
(Sfx- Dokaaah *thod*)
Shinpachi: Kyuubei-san and the Yagyuu clan are out calling the people to action.
We’re trying to gather those who have risen in different parts.
Ayame: What is the Liberation Army up to?
Ninja: The citizens standing up to them have forced them to retreat temporarily.

015
Ayame: In short they’re preparing to crush Edo underfoot, huh?
Go around Edo and offer shelter to people.
As for the other issue…
Ninja: No, we have yet to find him.
Ayame: What are you doing, Zenzou?
Shinpachi: Sacchan-san is watching the Liberation front with the Oniwabanshuu.
She’s gone undercover to spread information around Edo and to protect the people.
Someone: Noooooooooooo!!
I don’t want to be sold into Yoshiwara!
You monsters! How dare you! Do you not understand anything about a maiden’s chastity?! You’ll have my body, but never my heart!
(Sfx- Gyaaahhhh!!)
Hyakka: We’re not asking you to work, but to take shelter!
Old lady: Silence you ugly hussy! You understand nothing, nothing about what it is to be young and pretty like me!
Hyakka: Who the hell are you calling ugly, ya old fossil?!
(Sfx- Gyaah gyaaah)

016
Hinowa: It’s quite ironic, isn’t it?
That celling that at one time was what kept women in Yoshiwara,
Is now a shield that protects the elderly, women and children.
I never thought I’d see that iron sky again,
Yet upon that, it looks quite different.
I suppose it’s because even though it’s being sealed, we’ve still got our bond.
A bond forged under the same skies of Edo with everyone.
Tsukuyo: Yeah…
So we’ve gotta fight…
With the others who live under the same sky.
Shinpachi: Tsukuyo-san and the women of Yoshiwara have gathered the women, elderly and small children and re-sealed the ceiling creating a shelter.
They’ve made an iron-walled city to protect those who cannot fight.
Katsura-san,
Tell the Liberation front this…
We will not,
Be defeated.

017
Katsura: And that’s how it is….
They are not rebels.
They only retaliated against the acts of your Liberation front.
If you command your soldiers stop their barbaric actions, the citizens will also stop.
Dude: We act only to release you from the Tendoushuu’s tyranny,
and you slap those helping hands away and call us barbarians?
Sakamoto: We samurai say it like it is.
We wipe our own asses too.
If anything, you guys are interfierin’ with our prey.
Dude: Did I hear you correctly?
Are you insinuating you can defeat the Tendoushuu without our assistance?
That is impos—
Nobunobu: It isn’t impossible.
I’ve tasted and suffered from it personally.
I can tell you with certainty,
Listen to my advice, and listen well.
You do not want them as enemies.
Moreover,
May I use your bathroom?
(Side text- He’s got a crisis going on down below too!!)
GINTAMA LESSON 599…………..END.