Gintama 599

Wooo... 3AM...

[Gintama 599 Translation by Kewl0210]
Page 1:
Someone: -----Utsuro
made the Altana of 7 planets go out of control, destroying them.
That is tantamount to the Tendoushuu, also known as the Altana Preservation Society, that had sole control of all the universe's Altana for so long
releasing them and abandoning them.
The planets that recovered the Altana
formed an Allied Army to end the Society's control and invade the planet where the Tendoushuu dwell, Earth.
Utsuro's goal is to make use of this planetary-scale war of the planets with released Altana
to turn the Earth to space dust.
Insert: The ultimate crisis...!!
Title: Lesson 599 Don't go Overboard with Seasoning
Author: Sorachi Hideaki

Page 2:
Zura: So essentially what we need to do in order to protect the earth is...
Get me some soy sauce.
Saka: I see, soy sauce, eh?
So once we procure the soy sauce, what do we do?
Zura: Of course, we fire a volley of it onto the croquettes.
Saka: Zura, surprise attacks work when they use by-the-book plays. I think the smart move for the croquettes is the Worcestershire sauce.
Zura: For someone who calls themselves a samurai, soy sauce and salt should be enough.
It is because you use things that that come from foreign countries and are written in katakana as condiments that you're so often called things like "idiot" and "moron" in katakana.
T/N: Katakana is the alphabet used for words that originate form foreign languages and words that don't have well-known kanji, like "baka" and "aho" (idiot/moron).
Saka: Zura, croquette is a foreign word written in katakana in the first place. It only makes sense to put katakana-things on other katakana-things.
Zura: There are things in this world like putting SAKEO on Darvish and it doesn't go well,
but you can put HELEN on Nishikawa Kiyoshi and it goes on well.
T/N: The Japanese baseball player Yu Darvish (Who has a non-Japanese last name) married Japanese actress Saeko (Whose name is also stylized in katakana) and they later divorced. Referencing celebrities Helen and Kiyoshi Nishikawa, name "Helen" is written in katakana but "Kiyoshi" is not.
Saka: The Kiyoshi family may seem like they're going on well but I'm sure they've had lots of trying times, too.
Zura: Nope. Just my looking at Helen's smiling face, you can tell.
Saka: Have you ever seen Saeko's smiling face?

Page 3:
Zura: What do you know about Helen?!!
Saka: Oh? And what do you know about Saeko's suffering?!!
Shin: The fact that it's happening right when the earth might be destroyed makes this whole schick even more infuriating.
Gin: I know, right? It makes me want the earth to be destroyed. ["want" in italics.]
SFX: GYAA GYAA GYAA
Gin: The bottom line of the whole thing is that Helen and Saeko both did their best.
And to save the earth,
it's not just about beating Utsuro, we need to stop the war Utsuro started, too.
Like, say this croquette is Earth.
This maple syrup on it is the Liberation Army and this pocky stuck in the center of it is Utsuro.
Shin: Uh, your visual aids are kinda so intense I'm not sure I can pay attention to what you're trying to say.
Kagura: What a pain in the ass explanation. This is basically how it is.
Basically, this croquette is the earth. and all the stomach acid on it is the Liberation Army.
Shin: Uh, this kinda makes it look like the earth's already been destroyed. I mean, it's eaten, right?
How about we drop using croquettes for these metaphors?
Eli: This is how it is.
Shin: What the hell did you eat?! The croquettes are the entertainer Korokke!!

Page 4:
Mutsu: Basically it's like this.
We all have different ways of eating croquettes.
So it's okay for each of us to put what we like on it and enjoy it the way we like.
We can each just do things our own way.
So in other words, nothing has changed to has it's been up till now.
Shin: Uh, you just casually bloated yourself on croquettes. You're definitely a Yato, Mutsu-san!
SFX: URP
Saka: Mm.
With the earth on the verge of crisis, the only thing for a merchant to do is to do business.
Shin: Business?
Saka: I'll go ta the Liberation Army's place ta do a negotiation.
That way, before the Liberation Army destroys the earth,
we need to take the heads of the Tendoushuu and Utsuro.

Page 5:
Saka: We'll sell those heads to the Liberation Army
and buy the Earth's future in exchange.
Zura: Backing off the Earth in exchange for the Tendoushuu's heads?
Do you think that will stop the war?
It's not just the Tendoushuu, they have an attachment to the Earth itself.
Gin: That's why we've got to beat Utsuro.
We Earthlings
need to let the entire universe know
that we have the power to protect the earth from the Tendoushuu and the Liberation Army.
We can't launch an all-out war across the universe,
but unless we at least manage to rid ourselves of the rules of Tendoushuu and the Liberation Army, there's no way the Earth has a future.
Zura: Before we talk about whether a negotiation can succeed, is it even possible for us to get an audience with them?
Will the dignitaries of the Liberation Army even lend an ear to a strange group like us?
Someone: They will.

Page 6:
Nobu: Not with you rebels that attacked the Bakufu.
But if a legitimate army bearing the gold-brocaded imperial flag
of the Shogun Tokugawa Nobunobu were to ask,
Guys: !!
Lord Nobunobu!!
Saka: Well, well, Shogun-sama.
Finally decided to get your hands on some of the space food the old granny made?
Nobu: One more croquette, please.
Guy: 'Ere ya go!
Nobu: You're the one that said that even if it's a meager meal, one has to fill their stomach before a war.
You can bring me.
Then the Liberation Army will treat you like imperial messengers of Earth.

Page 7:
Kagura: Are you asking us to become your retainers?!!
Your haircut is enough of a joke for us already!!
Shin: Kagura-chan.
Nobu: A man that became Shogun by continuously being used by others has no retainers.
Not in the past, nor in the future...
SFX: KATA
Nobu: But because I have been used for so long, I know.
Even if it's hollow, I can still use the title of Shogun.
So at least for the very last time,
I want to choose how to use it myself.
Zura: .........
So after being used for so long, you're choosing yourself to be used again?
Are you trying to wipe away your past crimes?
No matter what you do...... We won't forget what you've done.
Nobu: I cannot forget them either.
SFX: BICHA BICHA BUCHU
What this empty Shogun can do
is to accept the hatred, sadness,
and hope of you, the people.
And oversee the result of what I have done... where you all go,
and this country.

Page 8:
Nobu: Hey.
SFX: BIKUH (Surprise)
Nobu: I'm fine
with eating my croquettes like htis.
SFX: GAH GAH

Page 9:
Guys: We are so glad you've come,
Shogun-dono.
Please, tell us what business you have with the Liberation Army.
Nobu: As representative of the people of earth
I have something to talk to you about.

Page 10:
Nobu: Could you let me use the bathroom?
SFX: DABASHAAAA
Zura: That was our first contact.
I can't slight them. The Liberation Army has developed the incredible technology of a washlet bidet that allows you to finish without even having to wipe your bottom.
Shin: What the hell kind of negotiations are you bastards doiiiiing?!
Zura: Because of all that weird shit you guys put on his croquettes
it seems that he's had an upset stomach for 3 days straight.
You entered the enemy's base, it can't end with you just borrowing their bathroom!!
SFX: OOOOOOO

Page 11:
Zura: Do not worry. it's not just the toilet we borrowed. We also borrowed some sweats and some underwear.
Shirt: The Bold Shogun (Based on the TV show where a shogun disguises himself as a commoner to go after people abusing their power).
Shin: So he ended up leaking anyhoooow?!!
Zura: Then we borrowed Independence Day and Star Wars, too.
Shin: What is this, a TSUTAYA?! Why are you guys wearing sweats, too?!!
Shirts: Suke-san, Kaku-san (Characters from a period drama called Mito Koumon, retainers of a former daimyo that disguises himself as a commoner). Tsutaya is a DVD rental store.
Zura: I cannot slight them. The Liberation Army mothership is fully furnished with lodgings and even a Tsutaya?
Also, in preparation for tomorrow's negotiations, we're studying Star Wars. We won't lose this.
Shin: You've already lost!! The moment you used a video you borrowed from the enemy the earth was already doomed!!
Zura: The real negotiations start tomorrow. The battle has only just begun. How are things looking over there?
Shin: While you guys've been watching star wars we've had some actual Star Wars going on!
Saying they're saving us from the Tendoushuu as justification, the Liberation Army has been pillaging places all over.
SFX: GA GA GA
Shin: People all over Edo are rising up in attempts to resist them...

Page 12:
Katsuo: Wha?
I thought these guys callin' themselves the Liberation Army wouldda entertained us a bit more.
But right when they get pushed around a lil' they start runnin'.
That was so dull. We don't fee liberated form that at all.
Compared ta this, Yuki-chan from the Iai Nukinuki pub I go to is way more've a Liberation Army.
Saigou: What sorta liberation are they talking about? You don't know shit. I dunno what the hell Jirochou sees in you.
Katsu: Yer an Iai-nuki master yerself, ain'cha?
T/n: Iai Nuki is the sword technique of drawing one's sword, cutting down one's opponent and sheathing the sword afterwards.
Sai: Shut up.
The reason the Liberation Army withdrew so easily is because they planned on doing that in the first place.
Guy: Now, in the name of insurgent suppression, they can start an all-out occupation of Edo.
Someone: I'm looking forward to that. So the real plays haven't even started yet.
Sai: In bare-handed combat, a demon or a buddha wouldn't stand a chance against me.
But as you can see by looking over there, our opponents could destroy the entire city if they feel like it.
When even people like me and Jirochou were beaten black and blue by them,
how do we win against them?

Page 13:
Gengai: I'll take up that fight. The fight of machines.
You idiots can stick to fighting your dumb-brute fights.
SFX: ZAH
Otose: You must be happy. Getting to see another flashy fight like this in your lifetime.
I'm looking forward to avenging my husband.
SFX: GAH
Katsu: Keh.
Sai: The old folks in this city are scarier than demons or Buddhas!!
SFX: GAH HAH HAH HAH
Otae: Everyooone! Thank you so much for defending the town!
Uhh, we were thinking about whether or not there was anything we could do...
so we prepared some provisions.
Go one, eat u-
SFX: ZUI
SFX: DODOH
Shin: Under the lead of the Four Heavenly Kings, Kabuki-Chou is united.
We're making preparations for the Liberation Army's next move.
SFX: GYAAAAA

Page 14:
Kyuu: It doesn't matter whether you're a man or a woman!!
Whether you can fight or you can't, you can still do what you can with the weapons you have!!
If we all work together, I'm sure we can obliterate any challenge that stands in our way!!
Stand up!! Now is the time!! We, the Yagyuu Clan will protect you!!
So everyone, won't you protect this country with us?!!
Binbokusai: Kyuubei's become a fine upstanding adult.
Jou: Young masteeer!! I'm sure your mother is watching over you!
Guys: Young master Yagyuu, please use our power!!
Me, too!!
Me, too!!
Kyuu: Thank you, thank you!!
Thank...
SFX: GASHI (Grab)
Kyuu: UGAAAAA
SFX: DOKA
Shin: While Kyuubei-san and the others in the Yagyuu family are calling the populous to action
we're trying to unite the forces that have risen in different areas.
Sacchan: What is the status of the Liberation Army?
Guys: Hampered by the people's resistence, they've made a temporary retreat.

Page 15:
Sa: So in other words, they've finally started preparations to destroy Edo?
Please go around Edo and guide people to shelters.
Also, that other issue...
Guy: No...... We still haven't found him.
Sa: ........
What are you doing, Zenzou?
Shin: Sacchan is monitoring the Liberation Army with the Oniwabanshuu.
She's broadcasting information all over Edo and running around doing undercover work in order to protect the populace.
People: Noooooo!
I'm not being sold into Yoshiwara!!
You brutes!! What do you know about a young maiden's purity?!! Even if you take my body, you'll never take my heart!
SFX: GYAAAA
Hyakka: We told you, it's not to work, it's to take shelter...
Woman: Shut up, ugly!! What do you know about the feelings of a beautiful girl like me?!!
Hyakka: Who're you calling ugly, you old hag?!!
SFX: GYAAA GYAA

Page 16:
Hinowa: Dear me, how ironic.
That thick ceiling that once sealed women inside Yoshiwara
is now a reliable shield that protects women, children, and the elderly.
This iron sky I thought I wouldn't see again
now looks like a different sky.
I suppose it's because we know that even if we're sealed in, we're connected.
To that sky of Edo where everyone else is.
Tsuku: ........
Yeah.
So... We've gotta fight too.
With tha people that're livin' under this sky.
Shin: Tsukuyo-san and the others have re-sealed Yoshiawara's ceiling and brought women and the elderly there to take shelter.
I heard they've constructed an iron-walled city to protect the weak.
Katsura-san,
please let the Liberation Army know this.
That no matter what happens,
we won't lose...

Page 17:
Guys: ----So there you have it.
They are not insurgents.
They have stood up to stop the barbaric acts that your Liberation Army has committed.
If you stop the actions of your soldiers, they, too, will stop.
Guys: We, the Liberation Army were trying to release you from the rule of the Tendoushuu.
You deride those helping hands as barbaric?
Saka: They are barbaric.
We samurai are creatures that wipe our own asses.
We'd say that you swiped our prey.
Guys: Did I mishear?
Do you perhaps believe you could have finished off the Tendoushuu without our help?
That is simply...
Nobu: They could.
I've tasted it from my own experiences.
I suffered quite a bit from it.
Saying it as their enemy, I can be certain about it.
I'll give you my advice, do not
make these people your enemy.
And
could I use your bathroom?
Insert: He's got the ultimate crisis going on down there, too!!
Bottom: Gintama
...Lesson 599
/ End