Gintama 613

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GINTAMA
(Side text- On a certain planet...)
Lesson 613: A man must live not long or thick, but hard.
SORACHI HIDEAKI.
???: Everyone...
I have asked you all to gather here on this occasion...
To address an emergency that has arisen from certain disputes occurring around the palace as of late.
You no doubt know..
That I have been stricken by sickness.
And it is due to this that the vassals of Planet Kingdom...
Have been torn asunder due to conflict over ascension to the throne.
(TN- The original Japanese is “Oukoku” which is basically “Kingdom”. Though the Kanji here is “Midland country”.)
King: This is all occurred because of my feebleness.
It is just as you think....it will not be long before I am called from this mortal coil. Though, because this is my responsibility to deal with this before I pass.

002
???: My liege,
There is no need to worry about such a trifling matter.
All we wish for is your continued existence upon the throne.
Leave all matters regarding the throne to us.
In your stead, Prince Hata will lead us retainers.
He is a kind prince who loves all living things, and will surely lead us all as a splendid King.
???: Heh...kindness is it?
Ness, is that what you believe will make for a fitting King?
A prince who can casually turn his back on his people and play with animals...is that who you're suggesting can protect the people?
???: Dan, you bastard! You dare belittle the prince before the King?
Dan: I am stating my case with my life on the line.
My Liege, there is no one other than Prince Balkas that can protect the people!
He is a genius in combat technique, has a mind for politics and your older son. He and no one else is most suited to become king.

003
Ness: Yet it is not Prince Balkas who can succeed the throne!!
Dan, do not cast more political doubt upon this kingdom than we have already experienced!
Dan: Silence! You are nothing more than a mere hyena who seeks to feed on Prince Hata's remains.
Ness: Dan, I know you are fully aware of why Prince Balkas isn't suited to be king!
There's no doubt that he is a talented individual and has a King's disposition.
But there is a crucial requirement he fails miserably in when compared to Prince Hata.
That's right.
His dick size.
Oh, pardon me. You're on the small side as well are you not, Dan?
The males of our clan take pride in our “Chidanneksko” or “Chinko” for short.
(TN- Chinko is penis.)
Ness: Since antiquity, the size of the Chinko on our foreheads has dictated how much value a man has.
Those with larger Chinkos are more popular.
Those with larger Chinkos find it easier to hail a taxi.
Those with larger Chinkos are superior in every way.
And this goes especially for the royal family.
It has nothing to do with being born first, and everything to do with how much talent he excudees.

004
Ness: A man with a small Chinko does not have the qualifications to be king!!
While it is true one can make up for lacking talent with hard work...
Nothing can rectify a small Chinko!
That you would trample our tradition with his tiny chinko is proof that you have no shame!!
Dan: I—It's not small, I mean...if he's able to get it up, then it's about...average.
Ness: It has nothing to do with getting it up!
If we were to follow your logic, Prince Hata is a monster when his swells up!
King: Ness, please do not speak of “swelling” I don't want to hear it.
Dan: It's a horrible custom to begin with!!
A chinko cannot govern a nation!
Even with a small Chinko he has the ability—the right to create a better country!
No one cares about Chinko! To hell with them all!!
Ness: Was that a slight towards our king?
It was because of his massive chinko that he was able to sit upon the throne in the first place!!
If you took away his chinko, he'd just be a water hose!!
Dan: Now you're slighting the king! He has good points beside his chinko!
(Sfx- Goho geho cough cough)
Ness: Oh? Name one then!
Dan: Y—You know I mean....when we're with him we can get Taxis easier...
Ness: Because of his massive chinko!! Everything lives on dies on it!!
(Sfx- GahahGohohhh coooooough)
Dan: When you put it that way, then even an utter moron can be a king as long as he has a huge chinko!
Ness: As long as he's got a huge chinko everything else will work out. Don't you agree, My le--

005
Ness: Your majesssssssty!!!
Stay strong Chin—I mean your majesty!!
Someone call a doctooooooooor!!
(Sfx- Datsuhh dasssh)
Ness: Your majesty!
Please tell us in the end....
The next king...
Should they have a bigun?
Or a little one?!
Dan: Your majestyyyyy!!!
King: A bi--
Big one would be best....
Hata: Father could never forget about you dear brother....

006
Balkas: Our older brother, the First prince of Planet Kingdom –Dragonia.
He was known as the “Nine Dragon Prince.”
At five years old his chinko was as long as a dragon's beard.
And his talent was sharp enough to pierce the heavens.
(Handwritten- Five years old.)
Balkas: It was said that the country would flourish if he were king,
but his huge chinko lead only to disaster.
And he soon left us behind.
He was the type who was truly destined to be king.
Hata: It's not like that dear brother!
You're as good as he is, but your chinko is...
I'm sorry...
Balkas: You don't need to say it Hata.
Someone as gentle as you...
is more suited to rule over a peaceful age like this.
However if I remain here...
The peace will not be a lasting one.
There's sure to be conflict around the throne.

007
Balkas: Be a king who loves all creatures...
A kind king, Hata.
Hata: Dear...
Brother...
Ah...
WHOAAAA!!
I JUST BLACKED OUT FOR A SECOND!
WHAT IS THIS?! WHAT KIND OF SITUATION AM I IN?!

008
Katsura: Oh and I assure you, next time it won't end there.
Now lower your guns.
Guys: You bastard, release the priinnnnnnce!!
Katsura: Prince Stupid,
I know you love animals, but...
To think you'd make use of an actual ark....
I may have changed my opinion of you...
Upon seeing your dedication to save the creatures of Earth.
But you'd do good to remember....
Earth,
Has beasts far beyond...
What are you able to handle.
I'm sure by now you understand the situation..
So go. Run along and inform your homeland.
Your prince's life is in danger.
So gather your army and return to this place at once.

009
Katsura: Tell them to bring the armies of Planet Kingdom to save their dear Prince.
They must protect Earth by standing up to the Liberation Front...
And stopping them.
Sakamoto: Zura...
No way, you...
You're tryin' to get us more allies this late in the game?
But that's....
Hata: Have you lost your mind?!
Why would we make an enemy of the entire universe for the likes of you?
Katsura: I never said you must fight, just to form an alliance with Earth.
The Liberation Front have currently attached themselves to Earth.
Earth itself has no allies anywhere in the universe.
However if an army suddenly took up earth's cause...
Especially one of this size, what do you think would happen?

010
Katsura: All you must do is distract the enemy...there'd be no need for you to confront them.
In fact if you wanted to flee after that we'd be fine.
{Kingdom army}
{Liberation Front.}
{Zura. (Not Zura, but Katsura).}
Katsura: We'll seize that opportunity to capture the Liberation Front's HQ in one go. From there we will do what it takes to stop this war.
By accomplishing this you would have saved the creatures of Earth.
Someone: Don't screw with us! If we do that and you screw up it'll be our species that's in trouble!
Moreover do you think that earth continuing to exist is any sort of priority for us?
We've just been gathering elements together for this guy's collection! Who even thought to bring stray mutts in here?
Jii: You said that we should give shelter to every creature on earth, Prince.
Hata: You can't tell which ones should be destroyed and which should be saved, you damnable old man?
Jii: Understood, my prince.
So, if you could kill that white pig along with the ape-triots...
(Sfx- Shoboohh fwoof)
Hata: I'm sorry! Listen, let us shelter these pigs! Lets let the pigs live long happy lives!
Jii: Do you not understand the situation? It isn't the ape-triots who have you life in their hands, or the Liberation Front for that matter.....it is I, Jii.
So make like a pig and oink.
Hata: O—Oiink!
Jii: Are you listening everyone?
The prince is acting the role of mere swine to protect this country. He wants to nobliy be shot with the enemy.
Grant his wish.
Hata: SO IN THE END NOTHING CHANGED?!

011
Hasegawa: They ain't the only dogs in this pound, bub.
(Sfx- Gashiiii dssshh)
Hasegawa: Go ahead and do 'em in. I dare you.
After that you can kiss this cryin' white goat goodbye.
Guards: Yo...
You bastarrrd!!
Katsura: A bit late aren't we, Immigration bureau chief?
Hasegawa: Yeah....
I kept you waitin' huh?
But hey, I did take flight after crawling on the ground, yeah?
A loser's got his own way of flying.

012
Hasegawa: I ate dog food,
and did the doggy paddle...
But I'm here.
So then, Master...
It's walky time.
Jii: I don't wanna die, dammit!! But fighting the Liberation Front is no good either!!
Hata: This is your just deserts Jii!! That's why you shouldn't have gotten up on your high horse.
Jii: No, this is because of your halfassed need for revenge! If it weren't for that we wouldn't be in this mess, Piglet Prince!
Jii: Ape-triots, if you kill Prince Fatty I'll do whatever you want!
Hata: Someone shoot that old man and shut him up for good!
Jii: I don't give a crap if you shoot, but just make sure the Pig gets it later too!
Shoot!!
Hata: Shoot him!!
Shoo

013
(Sfx- Dodoooohh thoooom)
???: We shot...
Like you asked.
Jii: Dan...!!
You bastard...
(Sfx- Dodododododo Thohohoho)
(Sfx- Zugaaahhhh dddshhh)

014
Sakamoto: Zura I heard gunshots?!
What the hell...
Is going on over there?
Dan: I've been waiting for this moment,
Prince Hata, Ness.
Ever since you exiled Prince Balkas...
I've been waiting patiently.
Now I can eliminate you fools with nothing more than huge Chinkos...
And create a country of the small dicked.
I didn't think the country would last long under you two....
But if you form an alliance with earth not only would the Kingdom be annihilated, but the entire world.
I'm glad I was able to make it in time.
Though at the very end you can be some use to the country.
By taking your chinko and disappearing from existence entirely.
But before I do that...
There is one thing I want to ask...
You exiled Prince Balkas,
and had the country in your hands...

015
Dan: Why did you remain a prince....
Why leave the throne with no ruler...
Why not become a king.
???: There is a king already...
One with a huge chinko.
And is capable....
The Nine Dragon Prince,
Dragonia.
Yes, it's true he's dead...
However,
You said this to me back then.

016
Hata: Dear Brother...
He's still around...
A capable prince with a huge chinko...
He's still here.
My huge chinko,
and you with your talent...
we are together, Dragonia.
So...
I will wait as prince.
(Sfx- Bishiii ssshhhh)

017
Kujaku: For the return...
of my other half –my brother...
Dan...
Stand back.
Do you not know...
Who we....
That man are?
The king has returned.
(Side text- The “Chidannesko, proof of manhood....)
GINTAMA LESSON 613..............END.