Gintama 613

[Gintama 613 Translation by Kewl0210]
Page 1:
King: Everyone,
Insert: On a certain planet...
TItle: Lesson 613 Men Must Live Not Long or Thick, but Hard
Author: Sorachi HIdeaki
King: the reason we are all gathered here today...
is because I have sensed a need for an emergency discussion regarding none other than the problem that has been causing an uproar in the palace recently.
As you have heard,
because I collapsed from illness,
you vassals split yourselves in to and launched an ugly conflict
over the rights of inheritance to the throne of Planet Oukoku.
T/N: The kanji in the name "Oukoku" means "Central Country". Though it's a homophone for just 'kingdom'.
King: This is a problem that has happened completely due to my own weakness.
Just as all of you have predicted, I am not long for this world. But it is for that reason that I cannot leave this world with such a problem unsolved.
SFX: GEHO GOHO

Page 2:
Guy: Your majesty,
this incident is not worth your troubling yourself over.
Our only desire is for you to sit the throne for as many days as possible.
We will take care of any and all political matters. We simply ask you to take care of yourself.
Prince Hata has been leading us retainers in your stead.
The kindness of that prince that loves all living things props up even us retainers. I'm certain he will be a good king.
Guy: Hmph. Kindness?
Nes, are you perhaps saying that that is a quality befitting a king?
A kind prince that turns his back on the country and goes off to fawn over animals can protect the people?
Dan, you bastard!! You insult his majesty's son to his face?!!
I am offering this opinion with the intent of offering up my life.
Your majesty!! There is no one that can protect this country but Prince Barkas!!
He has incredible talent for battle strategy, he's skilled in politics, and most of all he is your eldest son!! He is the most capable of being king!!

Page 3:
Guys: Yet Prince Barkas does not have the succession rights...!
Dan, do not throw this nation into political turmoil any more than you already have!
You be quiet! You're nothing but a hyena trying to take custody of Prince Hata's leftovers!
Dan, you know the reason full well.
Prince Barkas certainly has an abundance of talent and a personality well suited to a king.
But there is one, very decisive aspect in which he is vastly inferior to Prince Hata.
Yes.
His crude member.
Dan: ...........
Oh, my apologies. You have a somewhat small one as well, don't you, Dan?
The symbol of our species' males, our proud "Chidanneksko", or Chinko for short. [quote white]
T/N: Chinko = slang for penis
Guy: Since ancient times, the size of the Chinko on our foreheads has held the most weight to determining a male's value.
Those with larger Chinkos are more popular.
Those with larger Chinkos have an easier time getting a taxi.
Those with larger Chinkos are superior creatures.
That is no different for the royal family.
No matter how much sooner he was born, no matter how much talent he exudes,

Page 4:
Guy: one with a small Chinko is not qualified to be kiiiiing!!
That is because you can make up for a lack of talent with effort,
but nothing changes the size of a Chinko!!
Spitting on our traditions, you still try to make that crude-membered bastard our king?! Know you no shame?!
Guy: It-It's not a crude member, if the prince is just able to become erect, then it's perfectly average...
Dan, it doesn't matter what it's like when it's erect! Don't say erect!
In that case, when Prince Hata gets big, you wouldn't believe your eyes!
Dan: Nes, I don't want to hear about 'getting big'. Don't say 'get big'.
I... I think that's a wretched custom!
Can a Chinko govenr a nation?!
Even if his Chino is small, as long as he has ability, he should be able to create a better country!!
To hell with Chinkos!! Er, rather who cares about Chinkos?!!
Guys: Is that an insult to his majesty?!!
It was his majesty that as seated on the throne purely due to the massive size of his chinko!!
If you took his Majesty's Chinko, then what would be left?!! Just a puddle!
You're the one being insulting! His majesty has good points besides his Chinko!
SFX: GEHO GOHO
Guys: Like what?!! Name some!
Uh... Ya know... He's good at catching taxis...
That's just because his Chinko's huge!!
All he's got is the Chinko!! All he can do is wager everything on his Chinko!!
SFX: GAHAGOBO
Guys: If you think about it that way, then a good-for-nothing blockhead could become king as long as he had a big Chinko!
As long as the Chinko is big, the rest of the stuff will work itself out, right, your ma...

Page 5:
Guys: !!
Your majestyyyyy!!
P-Please hang on, Chi- your majesty!!
Someone call a doctoooor!!
SFX: DAH
Guys: Y-Your majesty!!
Before it ends, you must tell us,
who will be the next king...?
The one with the huge Chinko?
Or the one capable one with the small Chinko?
Your majestyyyy!
King: ...........
Th..
The... capable... one...
with the... big Chin...ko...
Hata: ..........
Father could never forget about Big Brother.

Page 6:
Princes: Our Big Brother, the First Prince of Planet Oukoku, Dragonia.
The heroic man they called the '9-Dragon Prince'.
At a tender age of 5, his Chino was long like the beard of a dragon.
And his wit pierced the heavens like the horn of a dragon.
Handwritten: 5 years old
Princes: And while people said the country would be sure to flourish if he became king,
But the massive size of his Chinko turned into a disaster.
And he left us.
He was the kind of person they call a king.
Hata: Th-That's not so, Big Brother!!
You're just as good as him... It's only your Chinko is...!!
...I'm sorry.
Barka: Don't say that, Hata.
A kind man like you
is the one suited to a peaceful era such as this one.
But if I'm still here,
that peace will not last.
There is sure to be a conflict around the position of King.

Page 7:
Barka: Be a king that loves all creatures, big and small,
Hata.
Hata: Big...
Brother...
HAH!
WATCH IIIIIIT!!
I just blacked out for a moment there!!
What's going ooooon?! What's this crazy situation?!
SFX: GABAH

Page 8:
Zura: That won't be all next time!
Lower your guns!
Guy: Bastaaaard!! Let the prince goooo!!
Zura: Idiot Prince,
I knew you liked animals,
but I never dreamt you'd make an ark like this.
Trying to protect Earth's species like this,
I've changed my opinion of you.
But you should be aware,
on Earth
there are wild beasts
that are too much for you to handle.
You understand the situation, don't you?
You should go notify your home country.
Your prince's life is in danger.
So they should gather all the planet's army and come here.

Page 9:
Zura: Tell them that they must bring all armies of Planet Oukoku to serve the Prince's dearest wishes.
To take action to protect the world
by stopping the Liberation Army.
Guys: Zura.
Could it be, at this late hour...
you're trying to create an ally for Earth?!
Wh... What are you, mad?!
Do you seriously think we would fight the entire universe for you lowlives?!
Zura: I didn't say fight. I said to form an alliance with Earth.
The Liberation Army is stuck on Earth at the moment.
They think there isn't an ally to Earth anywhere in the universe.
If an army friendly to earth suddenly appeared,
especially one of the larger ones in the universe, then what do you think would happen?

Page 10:
Zura: If you just draw away the enemy's attention, you won't have to fight.
We would be okay even if you ran away after that.
Boxes: Oukoku Army
Liberation Army
It's not Zura, it's Katsura ["Zura" is big, rest is small.]
Zura: We'll take advantage of that opening, capture the Liberation Army Headquarters in one fell swoop, and try to stop the war.
If you do that, it will protect all of Earth's species.
Guys: You've got to be kidding! If that goes badly, our species would be wiped out!!
Anyhow, do you honestly think I care about the continued existence of the Earth?!!
I've just been gathering together his collection!! Who the hell brought these stray dogs with us?!!
Guy: You said to give shelter to any any every creature on earth, Prince.
Prince: Can't you tell which creatures should be saved and which should be destroyed, you old geezer?!!
Geezer: Understood, Prince.
Hey, go eliminate that white pig along with the Joui Baboons.
SFX: SHUBO
Hata: I'm sorry, really! Let's give the pigs shelter!! It's fine to let the pigs live!!
Guy: Don't you understand? The one who has their life in their hands right now is not the Joui Baboons nor the Liberation Army, it is this Jiiya.
Now answer like a pig.
Hata: O... OOOIIINK!!
Jii: Hear that, everyone?
The Prince is pretending to be a pig to protect the country. He's saying to shoot him along with the enemy.
Do it.
Hata: So that didn't actually change anything at all?!!

Page 11:
Hase: Those aren't the only stray dogs.
SFX: GASHIII
Hase: If you finish them off,
you can say goodbye to this bleating white goat.
Guys: Y-
You bastaaaaard!!
Zura: ...........
You're quite a late arrival, Chief of Immigration.
Hase: Yeah,
Sorry I kept you waiting.
But think of it this way, I flew up here straight from crawling on the ground.
An underdog has his own way of flying.

Page 12:
Hase: While wolfing down dog food,
and doing the doggie-paddle,
I made it here.
So, what do you say we do this, master?
It's time for a walk.
Jii: NooO! I don't wanna die! But I don't wanna fight the Liberation Army eitherrrr!
Hata: Serves you right, Jii!! This is all your fault for acting so high and mighty!!
Jii: It happened because you wanted revenge or whatever so you picked these guys up, Prince Pig!!
Hata: Hasegawa-san, hurry up and kill that old man, would you?!!
Jii: Hey, Joui Baboons, I'll do whatever you want, so kill that Pig Prince!!
Hata; Somebody shut that old man up!! Shooooot!!
Jii: I don't care if you shoot, but just make sure you shoot that pig afterwards, too!!
Hurry up and shoot!
Hata: Shoooot!!
Sho-

Page 13:
SFX: DODOOO
Dan: We shot.
Just as you asked.
Jii: Dan!
You bastard...
SFX: DODODODO
Hata: !!
SFX: ZUGAGAGA

Page 14:
Saka: Gunshots?!
What happened,
Zura?!
Dan: I've been waiting for this moment,
Prince Hata, Nes.
I've been waitng for this moment ever sine
you exiled Prince Barkas.
For this moment to exterminate you fools who have nothing beyond your big Chinkos,
and create a country of crude members.
I didn't think the country would last long with you people in charge,
but if you made an alliance with Earth, not only would the country be gone, the entire planet would, too.
I'm glad we were at least able to make it in time.
With your final moments, you can be of some use to the country
by disappearing from this world along with your useless Chinko.
But there is one last thing
I want to ask.
While you exiled Prince Barkas
and took control of the country,

Page 15:
Guy: Why did you stay as a Prince?
Why did you leave the throne empty,
never taking the position of king?
Guy: There is a king.
Guys: !!
Guy: One with a huge Chinko
who is capable.
The Nine Dragon Prince,
Dragonia.
It's true that Dragonia died,
but
back then, you said this.

Page 16:
Hata: ----Big Brother,
he's still here.
A capable prince with a huge Chinko
is still here...........
Me, with my huge Chinko,
and you, with your overflowing talent, Big Brother.
If we combine our strengths, we are Draconia.
So I
will wait here as Prince
SFX: BIN

Page 17:
Guy: for Draconia's...
for my other half's return.
Dan,
stand back.
Do you know who this man,
who we,
are?
This is the return of the king.
Insert: 'Chidanneksko', the symbol of the males----
Bottom: Gintama
...Lesson 613
/ End