Sket Dance 27

1
[insert text: It's time for the cookery battle to begin!!]
Announcer: The Gachinko Vivage Battle Final Showdown! // Round One is a cookery battle: "Cooking Colosseum"!! // We'll be getting our contestants to prepare food along various themes in our special two-part Battle Kitchen! // This match lasts twenty minutes! // Once the match is over, our team of five judges will sample each disk and declare an overall winner! // Now, let our two brave warriors take their places in the kitchen!

2
Sket Dance
Chapter 27: Round 1 - Cooking Colosseum
Announcer: Representing the Student Council, Shinba Michiru! // And... // Representing the Sket-dan, Onizuka Hime!
[insert text: W - Will Himeko really be all right...?!]
Shinzou: I - I wonder if Himeko-dono will really be all right out there... / I mean, cookery isn't exactly...
Bossun: It's not like we've ever tasted anything she's cooked, so who knows. / But... // This is the girl who thinks PeloCan are delicious...
Shinzou: ............
Switch: We can only assume that her sense of taste is destroyed beyond all repair.

3
Soujirou: Hahahah... / We're up against the little princess, huh? That's unexpected...
Switch: The opponent is hardly relevant here. // Nobody could possibly defeat Shinba in a contest of cookery.
[box: Once, when the Student Council went to an orientation-camp together, they had the pleasure of tasting Shinba's home cooking.]
Flashback!Soujirou: Wow! / This is really good!
Flashback!Michiru: Really?
Flashback!Mimori: It's just as good as the food our cook makes at home!
Flashback!Tsubaki: .........
[box: Even Tsubaki, usually so brash and noisy whilst eating, was struck dumb with a single taste. --from the Student Council Journal]
Flashback!Tsubaki: [aside]...it's good...[/aside]
Flashback!Michiru: There's plenty more where that came from~!♡
[box: Shinba Michiru's cooking... is peerless.]
Soujirou: So with him out there, we should have any problem winning...
Tsubaki: Precisely.

4
RefereePerson: The theme you're to work to is "recipes using egg". // We've prepared a large batch of fresh, naturally-farmed eggs for you to work with. // There are plenty of other ingredients prepared, so feel free to make whatever you like with the materials provided. // You may begin. // Cooking Colosseum Battle Kitchen Sink In Go!!
Himeko: What the hell?!!
Announcer: The gong sounds to signal the start of the first round! The Cooking Colosseum is finally underway! // The competitors are each rushing to their respective Battle Kitchens.

5
Bossun: Oi, Himeko!! / Are you okay?! // Bake it!! Just bake it!! You should be able to handle that, right?!
Shinzou: Give the eggs a good stir and them bake them!
Switch: It's the Great Tamagoyaki Operation!
Himeko: Dumbasses... // You guys are underestimatin' me, okay?! // You may never have had the pleasure of tastin' it... // ...But I'm pretty damn good at cooking.
Bossun/Shinzou/Switch: ......

6
Announcer: And the Sket-dan representative, Onizuka, is handling herself splendidly as she works her way through the pre-cooking preparations!
Bossun: What's going on? She's breezing her way through this...!
Shinzou: Could it be that she truly is skilled at cookery? That she in fact possesses more household skills than one would suspect?
Bossun: Come to think of it, she does always do stuff like cleaning up the clubroom when she's got nothing else to do... // She always makes the tea, and all... // I never really thought about it before, but maybe she really is pretty good at all that kinda household stuff...
Bossun: We might actually have... // ...a real chance here...! // KEEP IT UP, HIMEKO~~~!!!
Announcer: Onizuka is off to a very promising start!

7
Announcer: Now, let's take a look at her opposition, Shinba... // Huh?! // Wh... / Huuuuh?!!
Tsutomu: Ahh... wonderful, just wonderful, Shinba-ku~n! / You're going to have girls all over the country falling for you!
Michiru: Well, naturally.
Tsutomu: Would you like to make any comments?
Announcer: It - It would appear that despite the fact that the match is in progress, Shinba is casually conversing with his publicity team...!
RefereePerson: What do you people think you're doing?!!
Soujirou: Oh, dear...
Tsubaki: We should never have let Shinba-san anywhere near a camera...
Soujirou: Oi, Michiru!! Try concentrating on the match, you narcissistic idiot!!
Tsubaki: Just get on with the cooking already!!
Michiru: Now, now, no need to get so worked up, guys! // We're making egg dishes, are we not?

8
Michiru: If I rush in and finish the dish too early, it will cool down, and I'll be at a disadvantage. // Just wait a little longer; I'll start making the food at the appropriate time.
Announcer: And it would appear that Michiru is calm and strategically composed! He has actually begun plucking his eyebrows in the middle of the kitchen!!
Tsubaki: Ugh...
Soujirou: The guy's hopeless...
[box: Shinba Michiru Fanclub: The Shinbals]
Fan: M - Michiru-san... um... um... // C - Could I possibly maybe have a picture taken with you...?
Michiru: Hm? // A picture? // Of course, no problem at all.
Fan: Ahhhh!♡
Announcer: HE'S WALKING OFF!!! // I'm speechless!! / Even I don't know what to say to this remarkable display of indifference!! Like a carefree young prince, Shinba Michiru wanders out of the kitchen!!!
RefereePerson: C - Could you please try actually making some food?!!!
Mimori: Michiru-san is quite the gentleman!
Daisy: Drown in the gutter and die!!

9
Announcer: Meanwhile, even as the opposition wanders out of his kitchen, the Sket-dan representative continues with her brisk and fluid cooking! // We're ten minutes into the event now! // Her appearance calling to mind a once-unruly young proprietress-to-be of a traditional Japanese restaurant... / It's Onizuka Hime!!!
[TN: Okay, that whole ridiculous sentence mindfucked me.]
Himeko: What the hell d'you think you're goin' on about?!!
Mimori: It would appear I have some fairly healthy competition. // I suppose it's about time I get started myself.
Announcer: Ahh! It would appear that Shinba has finally stirred himself to action! // What kind of dish is he going to create?!! // Th... / This is...!!

10
Announcer: He's baking them!!! / He's churned up the eggs, and has begun to bake them!!!
Bossun: Huh...? The Great Tamagoyaki Operation...?
Soujirou: Is this... really all right?
Tsubaki: ............ // Let us trust in him.
Announcer: Now, then!! // The time is almost here... / ...for the second gong to sound and signal the end of thid round! // And that's it! // Both contestants, please stop cooking immediately!

11
Announcer: First up to be sampled is the dish made by Onizuka!
Judges: Ahh... // This is...
Announcer: It's Oyakodon! // It's a beautiful golden oyakodon dish!!
Shinzou: It certainly appears impressive enough.
Bossun: !!

12
Bossun: It's... // ...It's good!!
Himeko: Really?
Judge1: Firstly, there's the scent that wafts up from the dish the moment the covering is removed... it's just so lovely, I don't know how to describe it...
Himeko: Huh?!
Judge1: This scent... yes... as a Japanese person... to be... hmm... yes... indeed.
Himeko: He really didn't describe it!!
Judge2: Hm. The tsuyu is indeed very well-made and tasty! / And as for the flavour of the dashi, I simply cannot put it into words!!
Himeko: Ya could at least try!! And what's with this guy's chin, anyway?!! / What's with these guys?!!
Judge3: This chicken's so good... I can't even describe it!! And the stock, too, it's so great, I don't know what to say!!!
Himeko: Man, this kid's all pumped up!! / Who the heck is he?!!
Judge4: As for the egg base supporting the other parts... I simply cannot put it into words.
Himeko: Come on, say somethin'!! // Why the hell isn't anybody actually sayin' anything?!!
Judge5: And the scent of the mitsuba is just indescribable!
Himeko: Oh, forget it!!! / Don't these guys have any taste-related vocabulary?!!

13
Announcer: This is an excellent turnout!! / Every single one of the judges has expressed admiration for the results! // That was Onizuka's oyakodon!!
Bossun: Mmmm!! This is really good!! / What the hell!! // This is great, Himeko!!
Soujirou: It really is rather good. / Don't you think we could be in a little trouble here?
Tsubaki: .........
Announcer: Next up, Shinba is to present his finished product!
Judge1: Th... This is...!!

14
Announcer: It's an omelette!! // Amazing!! It's the simplest and plainest of all egg dishes, an ordinary omelette!

15
Bossun: Th... This is...!
Announcer: I shall now announce the results of the judging. // The votes stand at... // ...five to zero! // The winner...

16
Announcer: Student Council Executive, Shinba Michiru!!
Michiru: Where's the camera?
Judge1: The plain omelette is the first dish an aspiring cook learns to make... the most basic of the basic. In other words, it is the dish that best reflects the cook's pure skill. // As such, if the cook's skill is great enough, it can even be the ultimate dish, surpassing all others. // And tasting this omelette, I could tell that Shinba's skill is on a professional level... no, exceptional even among professionals.
Judge2: As a homemade meal, Onizuka's oyakodon was absolutely delicious... but Shinba's skills as a chef are simply on an entirely different level.
Judge: To come into a cookery competition and have the courage to make a plain omelette, a dish without embellishments, its quality dependent entirely on pure skill, is an admirable feat demonstrating an incredible level of true pride as a chef.

17
Himeko: Sorry... / I went an' lost.
Switch: No, no, don't worry.
Shinzou: That was a truly splendid battle.
Bossun: I was totally stunned, you know, Himeko! // You're really something! // I mean, it's true, the other guy's stuff was really good, too, but, well, I dunno... I don't really know all that much about this stuff...
Shinzou: Hahaha... / Bossun-dono, your tastes are those of a child. / You prefer things like hamburgers and fry-ups...
Switch: It's true, whenever anybody asks Bossun what his favourite food is, he comes straight out with "mandarin jelly".
Bossun: Oh, just shut up, you guys!!! That's got nothing to do with anything!!

18
Bossun: But hey, we never knew you could cook like that!
Himeko: Well, you know... / I was scared you might think it was horrible, and I'd feel terrible!
Switch: What truly feels terrible is the thought that I was unaware of a piece of information on one of my own companions.
Bossun: Well, hey, whatever! I hope you don't mind cooking us something up again sometime!
Himeko: ............... // Sure... // Like what?
Bossun: ............ // Hmmmmm......... // ......... // Uhhh... // .................. // .................. // Hamburgers... or... a fry-up...
Himeko: *sniff*

19
Bossun: Huh?! / Wh - Why're you crying?!
Himeko: I dunno! / It just kinda... built up or somethin'...
Announcer: It's now time to move on to Round 2!
Shinzou: Himeko-dono... please just wait right there.
Announcer: From the Student Council, Tsubaki Sasuke! // And from the Sket-dan, Takemitsu Shinzou!!!
Shinzou: I shall go and dispatch the enemy.
[insert text: Next issue... A true man's battle?!]