Gintama 292

K, so what I was gonna do was I was just gonna edit Strangeratau's version... but nearly every single line was wrong. Like, colloquially, translation wise, and grammatically. And in quite a few "any-sense"-ally.
So I just took all my edits and filled in the few tiny lines which were correct originally with my own translation and am putting this out as mine. It's fine to scanalte or whatever, but you can be sure us Hi Wa Mata Noboru guys will be. Enjoy.

Oddly enough, this chapter is already out in the anime despite being only 10 weeks old. How the bloody hell did that happen?

[Gintama 292 Translation by Kewl0210]
Page 1:
Narration: Summary of Up Till Last Time
On Christmas, in order to try and cheer up Kagura, Umibouzu snuck into Shinpachi's residence disguised as Santa. But there he met with with five Santas who were Gintoki and others in disguise.
In a playoff to decide the real Santa, the Santas one by one were challenged to grant the wishes of Kagura as she performed as a little girl in various situations in order to gain official approval, and one by one they fell and Christmas and New years both passed long ago. Now finally, the men have begun to move.
Title: Gintama
Sorachi Hideaki
292nd Lesson
All Mankind is Santa
Kagura: My name is Kagura. I'm a flowering high school student.
Although the world is in love with Christmas and making a big fuss, I'm not interested in anything besides what's to eat. In other words, I'm just your everyday go-getter kind of girl.
Insert text: It's still continuing!
Movie Version Pre-Sale Tickets Now on Sale!! Jump Comics' Volume 32 also on sale with rave reviews!!
Kagura: But even for me
a time of big change had finally come.
SFX: DON
Gin: That hurt. Watch where you're going.
SFX: Doga
Kagura: !
Yes.

Page 2:
Kagura: When I met them.
Shinpachi: THE OLD GUYS HAVE BEEN FORCIBLY STUCK INTO THE STORY!!
Box: Cockroach room
Shinpachi: WHAT IS THIS!? YOU GOT RID OF YOUR ROLES AS SANTA!?
YOU'RE FORCIBLY WEDGING THEM INTO A SCHOOL DRAMA WHILE WEARING THOSE BEARDS!?
SFX: Nebaa (sound of stickiness)
PLUS IT'S BOTH OF THEM AT THE SAME TIME!!
Gin/Umibouzu: Wearing red clothes and delivering presents doesn't make you Santa,
What's most crucial is their spirit of wanting to make dreams for children, the soul of Santa!!
劇中に組み込まれる事でより直接的かつ多面的なプレゼント演出をとの考えだったが
Gin/Umibouzu: So by inserting himself into a play, he thought he would deliver his present in a direct yet multifaceted way?

Page 3:
Gin/Umibouzu: As I thought, he's the real Santa!
He overcame this level of a hurdle so easily?
Kagura: I can't believe this!!
You run into a lady and you don't give any sort of apology?
Gintoki: Lady? I don't see one anywhere. Unfortunately, all I can see is a bitch.
Umibouzu: I don't remember transferring schools to a some rural place with horses. Is this a bitch farm?
(TN: The phrase he uses for "bitch" here literally means "stubborn horse".)
Kagura: You were talking at the same time so I dunno what either of you just said. Who are you two?
Gintoki: Could you shut up for a sec? What kinda nerd are you? Could you not get in my way.
Umibouzu: You're the nerd. What've you been doing there the whole time? Could you please back off? I'm the one who ran into her.
Gin (box): Don't screw up my scenario, old man.
Gin: No, I'm the one who ran into her. And could you not go taking my bitch away from me? I'm the one who thought she was a bitch, after all.
登校時ぶつかった少年気になるアイツは実はサンタだった作戦が
Gin (box): I had the plan of running into the boy on the way to school you have your eye on who was really Santa, but...
Umibouzu (box): Could this guy've had the same "the transfer student is Santa" strategy I had!?
Umibouzu: The bitch belongs to everyone. She's not just yours or anything
Do you have special permission or something?
Umibouzu (box): Oh no. If I'm not the one who ran into her here then my whole plan's gone up in smoke right from the beginning.

Page 4:
Gintoki: I said I hit her!!
Umibouzu: No, I did!!
Gintoki: No, me!!
Shinpachi: Ya know there isn't anyone here but dirty old men hitting each other!!
SFX: DO DON GAH
Kagura: Oh no, the chime! I'm gonna be late.
SFX: Pinkohn
Gintoki: Dammit, the important meeting scene!
Umibouzu: On top of that, if you're late on your first day as a transfer student, it's over.
SFX: DONN
Teacher: I'd like to introduce our new transfer student.
Gintoki: I'm Santa. It's nice to meet...
Kagura: Ah, it's you from before...
Gin: That event won't...
Shinpachi: Just how many cliches are you trying to pull!?
Gin: Get back, you!! I'm the only transfer student they need!! You can just stand in the hall for the first say!
Umibouzu: Don't give me that crap! I'm the transfer student!
SFX: GAH GIGIGIGI
Shinpachi: Beard growing old men are fighting over the role of transfer student!! What's with this creepy as hell showdown!?

Page 5:
Hasegawa: All right, everyone quiet down.
I'd like to introduce some new friends joining us today.
The transfer students...
Gintoki: I'm Gin-san-ta.
Umibouzu: I'm Ossan-ta.
SFX: Zeehyuu zeehi zeehaa zeehaa
TL Note: They added a common name kanji pronounced -ta at the end of their names with -san attached. And Umibouzu says "Ossan" which means "old man".
Gin/Umibouzu: Damn... I couldn't get shake him
But I guess it's okay since I avoided being late somehow...
Kondou: I'm Kondou-san-ta.
Kyuubee: I'm Kyuu-chan-ta.
Sacchan: I'm Sacchan.
TL Note: And here they kinda just don't get it and break the pattern.
Hasegawa: Everyone, please try and get along with them.
Umibouzu: .........
Shinpachi: HOW THE HELL MANY TRANSFER STUDENTS ARE THERE!!? WHY'D YOU ALL TRANSFER HERE!? ALL OF YOUR TURNS ARE ALREADY OVER!!

Page 6:
Shinpachi: And one of them's all sticky! What kinda transfer student is that!?
Sacchan: Nice to meet you.
SFX: PIH NEBAA
Tae: Hey, hey, Kagura-chan.
So? Which one do you like?
Shinpachi: Why are even the classmates all sticky!!? What's with this 3rd Year G Class!?
TL Note: The G here is read as "Gokiburi" which means cockroach. Tying into the theme...
Gintoki: Th... These guys... Even now they won't give up on being Santa?
But they're too late...
Umibouzu: They're transferring in now, but I've already met Kagura once. We've already been linked by fate. Young ladies are weak to ideas like destiny. A bunch of transfer students without any connection are just a big mob to her.
Kagura: !! Ah, you're that one from back then...
Gin/Umibouzu: Hey, look! Those two you had that horrible encounter with, guided by fate, you're meeting them again here.
Kagura: You showed yourself again!
You damn cockroach!!
SFX: PAAN

Page 7:
Shinpachi: HIIIIIIIIIIIIM!?
He introduced the transfer students, but he's still a cockroach!?
SFX: PARA PARA
Kagura: He's been bugging me ever since I lived in Texas... It's so annoying.
Shinpachi: Texas!? They're connected? This series of stories has all been connected!? Didn't you die in one, though?
Otae: Heh, to follow you from Texas all the way to studying abroad in Japan, he's quite a cockroach.
Gin/Umibouzu: WHAAAAT THE!? I lost to a cockroach!? The cockroach is the one who's reuniting by destiny!?
Otae: Maybe that cockroach has been watching over you this whole time, eh?
Umibouzu: .........
Kagura: Stop it Tae-chan, it's not like that.
Gin: ..........
Kagura: ...As if something crazy like that could happen.
Gin/Umibouzu: ..........
Kagura: The cockroach... him... protecting me or something.
Gin/Umibouzu: ...Eh? What...? Hang on.
Kagura: Always appearing before me with that dirty body, that cockroach I hit with a slipper...
Gin/Umibouzu: What's this turning into?
Kagura: That cockroach that, no matter how many timed I'd hit him, would stubbornly keep coming back.
Gin/Umibouzu: Enough with the cockroach already.

Page 8:
Kagura: But he would always show up
on nights when I was lonely.
Somebody: Really!?
Kagura: On those Christmas nights
when I was stricken by sadness.
Shinpachi or maybe Hasegawa: I didn't know that! When where to stricken with sadness!?
Kagura: Perhaps
so I wouldn't be alone, he...
Shinpachi: No, there's no way that's it!! What's going on!? It's totally shifted to a story about the cockroach!
Kagura: Next thing I knew, during class breaks
I started just staring at the cockroach's brilliance.
Hasegawa (on page): Got it? If there's one cockroach you can be sure another 30'll show up.
Shinpachi: WHY IS A COCKROACK TEACHING THE CLASS!!?
Kagura: And after school, instead of going home I would just gaze at the cockroach's brilliance.
Girl: Gokuburi-sensei, goodbye!
Hasegawa: Watch out for roach motels on the way home!
(TN: Hasegawa says watch out for "Gokiburi hoi hoi" a specific name of a roach motel, a trap used to exterminate them.)
Shinpachi: What's with this Gokuburi-sensei!? I can't tell if he's being made fun of like with Butagorilla or it's a term of endearment!
TL Note: "Butagorilla" (pig gorilla) is actually a reference to "Kaoru Kumada", nicknamed "Buta Gorilla", from the Fujiko Fujio manga series Kiteretsu Daihyakka.
Kagura: My chest hurts... it's so painful... I'm sick to my stomach.
Shinpachi: That's why you're nauseous! Because you're looking at a cockroach!
Kagura:It was a feeling that has been born in me for the first time... What is it? It wasn't even long before I realized.

Page 9:
Kagura: This is love.
Shinpachi: WHAT KINDA STORY IS THIS!!?
Shinpachi: It's that kinda story!? She's not ending up falling in love with one of the transfer student Santas!?
Kagura: But I knew this love would never bear fruit.
Student and cockroach... we're farther apart than desk and teaching platform.
Shinpachi: What's this now!? It's ending up like a forbidden love story between a high school teacher and student!
Kagura: Even so, I still want him to know these feelings.
Even if it doesn't get anywhere, I want to smack that cockroach with these feelings I have right now.
Shinpachi: What're you gonna do? How on earth can you make the dream of a girl in love with a cockroach come true?
Box: Cockroach Room
Otae: So it's gonna be Christmas real soon, huh?
Hey, does everyone have plans setup for the Eve?
Gin: ...Not really.
Umobouzu: I'm gonna watch Akashiya Santa and go to bed.
Shinpachi: THE SANTA TENSION IS FALLING!! AND YOU'RE PLANNING TO WATCH AKASHIYA SANTA EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE SANTA!!?
(TL Note: This is a talk show shown every year near Christmas on Fuji TV.)

Page 10:
Kondou: I'm planning on spending it with Otae-san. What about you, Kyuu-chanta?
Kyuubee: What a coincidence, I am, too.
Kondou: I know, right~~ It's not Christmas without Otae-san, ain't it~~
Otae: What about you, Kagura-chan? Any plans?
Sacchan: Why am I the only one being ignored!! I'm of the same sticky breed as you!!
Kagura: N... Not really.
Otae: Ah... Is that a muffler you're knitting? What is it? A present for someone?
Sacchan: Oh, don't make me jealous. Who might it be for?
Kagura: N... No. It's just... something I thought I'd make for myself.
Otae: Here... This is the best way to knit that part.
Kagura: Wah, you're amazing Otae-chan. You can really knit. I'm totally useless at it.
Otae: Yes, I'm knitting a bit myself now, too.
Kondou: EH!! Otae-san, you're knitting something, too!!?
Kyuubee: What!!? Just who is it for!!?
Otae: No, it's nothing big like that. ...It's just because it's getting cold out.
N? Something flew out of your bag!
Otae: Ah!! No, this is just, um...!!
SFX: BAH
Kagura: At that moment I... saw something I shouldn't have.
What flew out of Otae-chan's sticky bag were half-knit sticky gloves.

Page 11:
Kagura: And this is the large symbol I saw knit there
a "Gokiburi" G.
TL Note: The "G" here is read as "Gokiburi", which as I mentioned means "cockroach".
Shinpachi: WHYYYYYY!!
WHY IS BIG SISTER EVEN FALLINH FOR THE COCKROACH!!
JUST WHAT'S SO ATTRACTIVE ABOUT THAT DIRTY COCKROACH!!?
Kagura: O...Tae-cha...
could it be that all the way since Texas you...
Otae: ...
Shinpachi: WHAT THE HELL IS THIIIS? HOW IS A COMPLEX SITUATION LIKE THIS REVOLVING AROUND A COCKROACH!!?
Kyuubee: Tae-chan... This G stands for...
Kondou: No.. That can't be. The G... It stands for gorilla, right? That's me, right?
Sacchan: Otae-san, you and G... If you touch Gin-san I'll never forgive you!!
Shinpachi: One of you couldn't be any more wrong!
Kondou: Dammit! I can't take any more of this!!
I'm going home!!
Kyuubee: Sorry, but me, too!!
SFX: BAN
Kondou: Christmas, you can just eat shit!!
Shinpachi: THE SANTAS ARE ALL RENOUNCING CHRISTMAS!! THEY RENOUNCED THEIR OWN EXISTANCES AND RAN OUT!!
SFX: DONN

Page 12:
Otae: Everyone......
Did I... do something... wrong?
Umibouzu: You didn't do a thing wrong.
Umibouzu: You didn't do anything wrong.
Otae: !
Umibouzu: No one did.
Gin: ..........
Shinpachi: WHAT IS THIIIS!? IT'S REALLY ENDED UP LIKE AN ADOLESCENT DRAMA BUT WHAT WHAT THE HELL ROLES DO YOU HAVE NOW!? YOU'RE SANTA!! YOU REALLY ARE SANTA, AREN'T YOU!?
Kagura: I got scared...
I felt like that the moment I told G my feelings something would change.
If it ended up destroying irreplaceable friendships...
Shinpachi: WHEN DID THOSE GUYS BECOMES YOUR FRIENDS!?
Kagura: Without knowing if they knew what I was worrying about, one of my precious friends said this.
Otae: You don't need to hold anything back.

Page 13:
Otae: Don't worry about me being here.
It's best to take these things head on.
Kagura: Otae-chan... I...
The one I like is...
Otae: On Christmas Eve...... I heard they're doing the big end-of-year cleanup at school.
Kagura: !
Otae: I doubt even one cockroach will survive.
So......since it's the end......we both have to give it our best.
Together.
Kagura: Otae-chan.
Otae: Because whatever happens...
I'll be... your friend.
Kagura: Me, too!
Shinpachi: WHAT'S GOING ON!? I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA CRY EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT A COCKROACH! THIS IS TOO ELOQUENT!!

Page 14:
Sacchan: They're both stubborn fools.
After struggling for the same man... there's no way things can just stay as they've always been.
fter all, people can only have relationships that bring them benefits.
Becoming friends means getting positive affirmation for yourself, so you can forget what it's like to be alone.
So far from having any benefit, how the hell could you have any sort of bond with someone who steals someone important from you?
Santa is the same.
It's the same with being Santa.
Without any sort of benefit, no one will look at us, so then we would never be able to give anyone presents... or any dreams.
A real Santa
doesn't exist in this world.
Gin: Done pretending to be Santa, huh?
Sacchan: Where are you two going?
Gin: It's certainly true that we're far off from being Santa.
Umibouzu: But I think it's a bit too rash to be saying there is no Santa in this world.

Page 15:
Gintoki: We're going to see him
with his indiscriminate love
Umibouzu: The one called the real Santa-san.
Kagura: From there,
we passed our days to Christmas Eve sacrificing sleep to finish our knitting.
Kagura: Because we're friends, I can't lose.
Because we're friends, I have to do my best.
Kagura: But the more eager I got, the more the threads would fray.,
I wasn't progressing in my knitting at all.
Kagura: And then the morning of the Eve.
SFX: CHUN CHUN
Kagura: Oh no, I got so tired I finally fell asleep!!
SFX: GABA
Otae: What do I do? It's already Christmas Eve
and I'm still only have done...

Page 16:
Kagura: And there
we found the forms of our knitting that had been completed at some point without us knowing.
Kagura: From mid-way it was really roughly knit
and though it was misshapen, it seemed so warm.

Page 17:
Window: Merry Christmas
SFX: KINKONKANKON
Silhouettes: There, it's all clean now.
Now we can even feel clean facing the new year.
By the way, where are Kagura-chan and Otae-chan?
I dunno, looks like they're taking off today.
AAH, A COCKROACK!!
Sign: Year 3 Class G
SFX: BARAIH
Kagura: ......Why're you here...? What about your gloves?
Otae: What about your muffler?
Kagura: ...I went back to sleep
and when I woke up it was already noon.
Otae: What a coincidence.
Me, too.

Page 18:

Otae: And... here.
The G... I realized it doesn't have to stand for "Gokiburi" after all.
Kagura & Otae: TO A GIRLFREIND.
Kagura (On Page): Hehe
Otae (On Page): Teehee
SFX: AHAHAHAHAHA
Kyuubee: ...That was really impressive.
Without asking for anything in return, just spending their time idly working, they salvaged their friendship.
Kondou: I've lost... You two are the real...
Gin: No.
Umibouzu: We aren't actually Santas.
Umibouzu: They're the real
Santas.

Page 19:
Everyone: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!?
Everyone: In the end you two are just stealing all the glory, aren't you!!?
Gin: What kind of Santa deciding battle what that!? We did all that harsh performing for and in the end "we're Santa"!!? You're going too far in making fun of us!!
Gintoki: And after dragging it so far why did you let the cockroach die so easily!?
Kagura's sign: I'm Santa
Otae's sign: I'm Santa
Hasegawa's sign: I'm the cockroach.
Kagura: When we all love each other and support each other... We're all Santa.
Gin: SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU GUYS ARE JUST FRIGGIN' COCKROACHES!!
Gin: Hey, I'm done with this. I'm going home.
(on page): Don't screw with me.
Umibouzu: A complete waste of 3 weeks of time.
Kagura: Hey, hold on.
Wait, wait a sec.
Kagura: Gin-chan, everyone,
and Pappy,
Kagura: happy
merry Christmas.
Caption: Best regards for this year, too!!
Title: Gintama
292nd Lesson / End