Mangastream removed this from their site because of their policy of only keeping the last few chapters on it, so it's free to use by anybody now.
Uhhhhhhhhh... Need sleep now.
[Bakuman 84 Translation by Kewl0210]
Shuujin: I know what manga we should write next when we tried tailing Hattori-san.
Saiko: Like I said, what kind of manga is it?
Shuujin: To put it into one phrase......
A perfect crime manga!
Insert Text (Upper Right): ☆The newest from Jump Comics, Volume 8
now on sale getting a great response!!
Insert Text Left: This is the content which will determine victory or defeat!!
Title: Page 84
One-Piece Dress and Surprise
Authors: Original Story / Ooba Tsugumi
Manga / Obata Takeshi
Saikou: A perfect crime manga!? You can't put crimes in a Shonen manga, can you!?
Shuujin: I don't mean things like killing people or causing trouble them.
I mean like the tailing we did. Without bothering anyone, in a way we pulled off a perfect crime.
Shuujin: You said you had fun, too, didn't you?
Saikou: Yeah, I had fun, but...
Shuujin: When you're tailing someone it's suspenseful and heart-pounding, wasn't it like that?
......I guess a perfect crime does have something exciting about it.
Even though that wasn't a real crime......
The more serious you make a seemingly stupid situation, the funnier it gets......
And serious laughs are created.
Saikou: It was tough holding back our laughs with Hattori-san and Iwase's exchange, right? There, those two were serious so it was interesting. And of course, they didn't think they were making anyone laugh.
Hattori: Iwase-kun, sit down.
Iwase: Please answer my question, do I look pretty?
Shuujin: And us disguised watching from so close, if you were watching that from the sidelines you'd laugh, right? Us were trying to hold back our laughs was serious, too...
Shuujin: But we can't just create laughs from someone getting trapped!
Hattori-san said so, too, right? It's close to a shock, but different.
Good baseball plays over freak plays.
In other words, if we do a truly magnificent perfect crime, that'll yield nerves! Close calls! Unexpected happenings!
And laughs will naturally be born from that.
For a protagonist we could do a boy that's fascinated in and admires perfect crimes.
Saikou: I see. I understood what you're trying to do.
A boy who admires perfect crimes, but doesn't do actual crimes.
Shuujin: Yes. For the beginning, any kind of small thing is fine... At first he can't come up with any ideas though. Yeah...
Like for example, at school he observes the pen case of the person in the seat next to him or in front of him.
What kind of pen case it is, what state of dirtiness it's in... What kind of pencils it has in it, how many there are, how long they are... Where's there an eraser, how much and in what way is it worn down?
And then he takes a pen case that he prepared to look just like it and switches them when no one can see.
Then he watches as it gets used without anyone noticing
Or maybe the main character puts the original pen case in a lost-and-found box, and gets a kick out of seeing the guy thinking "Huh?".
Saikou: Haha... That example's really small, but I get it. The crimes need extreme precision and they'll also be exciting.
Shuujin: Okay, then next a big example.
We have a Swiss bank, the biggest bank in the world and the one with the most money in it,
and he goes into that bank's big vault.
He just puts up a sign that says "Entered", without stealing a thing. ["Entered" big/bold]
Shuujin: Isn't that cool?
Saikou: Yeah, awesome............
I like movies about bank robbing and escapes and stuff. I can feel his aspiration, so I understand it.
Shuujin: I think that's cool, too. Like, just so he can escape, he keeps getting captured and have a miraculous escape, that kind of man's romance feel. But that pattern won't work.
Saikou: Because if he went to jail he'd have to be doing a real crime, right?
Saikou: Then how bout this, Nazca Lines,
or crop circles!
If those are only man-made pranks, then in away they're perfect crimes! That kind of feel.
Shuujin: Yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm pretty sure I heard that two groups came out with that they did the crop circles and they made public a bunch of different methods for making them already, but that sorta thing.
But starting out with really small things at first is good. And it'd be good to start the protagonist in elementary school. We can use that pen case substitution or tailing like what we just did.
Eventually he'll notice the existence of other people with the same interests.
Then they end up joining together. Once this gets to about 3 people, it becomes the school's dark organization......
The "Perfect Crime Club"
Perfect Crime Club!
Cool, yeah, that can work! Elementary school students that commit perfect crimes...... interesting.
And with the mood this time we can put in serious laughs.
Shuujin: The foundation is that the main character isn't doing good things, so it's a cult manga. But it's different from the cult we've done so far. Even kids can take this. The final goal can be what I said before, like putting a sign in a vault or something that would shock the world would be good.
Saikou: Eventually the existence of the group can become known to the world so the police and evil organizations and stuff start keeping an eye on them. And their identity could get exposed and they end up in a battle of wits to keep themselves from being caught, or something......
Shuujin: Ooh! I'm gonna use that.
[If this were Bleach, in terms of content, the chapter would've ended half way through page 1. And there would've been 3 deus ex machinas.]
Shuujin: How bout we test out feeling like we're the protagonist one more time?
Saikou: One more time?......... It wouldn't be a crime, but a "perfect crime", right?
How about this?
1: At the workplace the manga comic books are lined up with volume 1 farthest on the left and them going, 2, 3 etc towards the right, you know?
"Sort them in reverse"[This part's the big/bold words.]
2: When Kaya-chan comes to the workplace
Saikou: Get "Kinnikuman" volume ten.
Narration Shuujin: we say something like that to her and see how she reacts.
Kaya: Huh? They're lined up this way?
Narration Shuujin: She'll say something interesting like that
Saikou: Of course. Who'd go through all the pointless hard work of rearranging them all?
Narration Shuujin: say that, and it'll be fun...
Saikou: Haha [Ya better not miss this line. Miss any lines and I'll punch you through cyberspace.]
Shuujin: But this is just a simple not noticing of the rearranging, so there aren't any real thrills. That's no good...
It's just a kinda shock...
Well, we've settled on the setup for the manga we'll draw, so it's okay! Let's go home and get some sleep and then make it into a name. The first trains should already running, let's head back.
[What was the point of this page? Do you see how hard this is? No manga is more tangential.]
Yamahisa: Last week's was 9th. It's not bad, but I'd like to get our rank a little higher.
I'm watching at the next serialization meeting for how we can pass Ashirogi Muto.
If they don't get popular they won't be able to write in "Jump" anymore... So if we just let them try and they don't get popular, it'll be goodbye for them and we'll be ok... They'll probably try fixing "KTM" [KTM guy] and bring that.
On top of their previous stuff being popular, they have the kinds of works that overlap with ours, so we can't relax at 9th place.
"human"[eye thing] isn't getting votes from kids. As I suspected, it's too dark.
This is shonen manga. Cheerfulness is a necessary component. But you've got a dark personality, so of course your work would be dark, too...
How about we go to Disney Land together?
Yamahisa: Shizuka-kun, you're already 20 years old, right?
Yamahisa: Okay. So you should have some room in your schedule. Why don't you come hang out with me in some different kinds of places?
What you lack is that kind of life-experience fun.
Amusement parks, bowling allies, game centers, er, no... There wouldn't really be a point in going to game centers, would there......? Going shopping in Harajuku or Daikanyama...... Clubs or cabaret clubs, what kind of place would you like?
Shizuka: Cabaret club.
Up for it, are you, Shizuka-kun!!?
Miyoshi: You slept for an entire day.
Shuujin: I know.
Shuujin: It's nothing.
...A perfect crime, huh......? It's really something tricky.............
Miyoshi: Sorry, but I'll be going out around 2 o'clock the day after tomorrow, so could you try and manage dinner by yourself, or just stick something in the oven?
Shuujin: !......... Where're you going?
Miyoshi: It's Miho's birthday so I'm bringing a present to her house, and I thought I'd treat her to dinner, too. You and Mashiro wouldn't go anyhow, right? Mashiro just mails here "congratulations" every year...
Shuujin: I'm not going, but what kinda present did you buy?
Miyoshi: I bought a one-piece dress at Yakusa Hill Town. She's turning 20, so it's okay to splurge. I even had it wrapped perfectly.
Page 10: [I'm still only on page fucking 10...? I'm gonna be up all night and STILL not finish. Oh this'll be great.]
Shuujin: Well, I'm going to write a name.
Miyoshi: Okay, do your best.
Shuujin: Saikou, I came up with a perfect crime. Come meet up with me again.
Saikou: Eh!? What kind of perfect crime!?
Shuujin: So I'll need you to do that by tomorrow evening, Saikou.
Saikou: G... Got it.
Shuujin: K, so see you tomorrow at 2PM at Hill Town.
Shuujin: There it is.........
I'll go to a light spot and take pictures on my phone.
Box: Yakusa Hill Town
You can't really tell what store it was bought from with just this image, can you? It doesn't have the store's name on it. And there's gotta be tons of clothing stores here.
Shuujin: But it would go like this in a manga.........
Aw, dammit. I don't know the store!
Like that, and if it's a serious face, it could get laughs, right?
And searching stores with just an image would make the ultimate perfect crime, too! To ask Kaya-chan "What store did you buy it from?" at this point would make us look suspicious. Anyhow, let's try one store at a time.
We did it! It's the same package and the same size!
Saikou: That's what happens when you say you're specifically buying something to make it match this picture.
Shuujin: Well, see you tomorrow night.
Saikou: Is it really all right to be letting me see the sleeping-face of your own wife......?
Shuujin: Yeah. Cute, ain't it?
Sign: #103 [cut off]
Miura [cut off]
Miura: I's already been 5 days without any contact from Ashirogi-kun... I wonder if everything's all right...
If we don't get it next meeting, that'll be it for them at "Jump"... And that's not all, Senpai and I would be taking responsibility...
Of course they're trying their best... I shouldn't rush them too much, either, right...?
But there's only a month left, and not only do they not have chapter 1 done, they don't even have a setup decided yet, so......
Instead of putting pressure on Takagi-kun, should I indirectly ask about the situation from Mashiro-kun?
Hm...? It's already past 1 in the morning...? It's all right if I wake them up, but... I'll try letting it ring 2~3 times...
Saikou: That was close...
Shuujin: Turning that off is basic, ain't it...?
Saikou: Sorry.... But usually calls don't come at this time of night... I didn't know what would be here till I got here and you said take it with me, Shuujin...
The person you are calling does not have any power in their phones or are in a place where the signal cannot reach......
Miura: Are they sleeping..........?
Or purposely turning their phones off...?
Saikou: See ya.
Shuujin: Thanks for the help.
Box: The next day.
Shuujin: We really did it well!!
Saikou: When the cell phone rang it was close, though.
Shuujin: It's a bit too stupid, but that's an unexpected happening.........
Saikou: Of course something too cliched isn't good for serious gags.
Shuujin: But it's important that you taste the main character's mood.
Like that nervous feeling
and that feeling of achievement after completing something.
It'll be fun and absorb the reader.
Saikou: Give me a break, already. If Kaya-chan had woken up we'd be all beaten up right now, right? And there's only a month till the name deadline...... Concentrate on the name.
Shuujin: With tailing Hattori-san and living the name, my pencil won't stop.
Shuuin: Okay, I'll count on you to do a clean copy of up to page 8.
Saikou: R.... Right.
Saikou: This much is the most interesting name of yours out of all the ones I've read up till now........ It towers above the rest.
Shuujin: That's not all, so relax, okay?
Box: The next day. 11/5
Miyoshi: Kay, I'm going.
Shuujin: Give my regards to Azuki.
Miyoshi: What're you so smiley about? Are you just so happy to not have me around? Could it be that you're thinking of being unfaithful?
Shuujin: It's nothin' like that! I'll be working on the name at work all day today, so you're free to call me any time.
By the end of they day we'll finish chapter 1!
By the way, the phone call I got when I was at your house in the middle of the night last night was Miura-san, but is it all right with you if I don't call him back?
Shuujin: He's just gonna be urging us to do the name, anyhow.
Sign: Jum[cut off]
Still nothing on Ashirogi-kun's name!?
You know it's not a joke about what'll happen if they don't get it next time, right!!?
Miura: Ah, yes, I'll hurry them along...
Somebody: Looks like this is the end for Ashirogi-kun, eh.........?
Yoshida: Guess they were too selfish.......... You reap what you sow.........
Shuujin: It's Miura-san.
Miura: What're you doing!? Have you still not finished anything!?
Shuujin: We're drawing it now. It's incredibly interesting, 100 times more than "KTM"[KTM guy] and aimed for "Shonen Jump".
Miura: .....Oh.... Ooh!?
Miyoshi: Miho, happy birthday.
Here's your present!!
Azuki: Thank you.
Miyoshi: Hurry, open it.
......Kaya...... Thank you.
This present makes me happier than any I've ever got...
Miyoshi: Eh, is that so? You're embarrassing me, saying all that... Well, I really splurged on it, though...
Azuki: Did Mashiro-kun ask you to give this to me?
Picture: Happy Birthday!! [Oh, wait...]
Miyoshi: Wah, it's so pretty...
You'd expect nothing less from Mashiro...... Hey... It's cute, but a little too much, don't you think? Mashiro put his own obsessive delusions into it, didn't he?
Azuki: It's not like that.
Miyoshi: Eh, what happened to the present I bought!?
Somebody: Home delivery!
Miyuki: Ahaha, it's a special home delivery from Kaya-chan...
Azuki: Thank you, Kaya.
Kaya: After that picture of Mashiro's, it's totally overshadowed.
Azuki: Oh, it isn't anything like that.
Saikou: F... From Azuki directly!?
Azuki: Thank you, Mashiro-kun.
I'm so happy...... I hope you draw something for me every year... Would that be rude to ask of a pro-mangaka?
Mashiro: If... If that'd make you happy............ Ah! Happy birthday to you!
Miyoshi: HEEEEEEEEY, AKITOOOOOOOOO! MASHIROOOOOO! When the hell did you switch these!!? Not bad!!
Mashiro: Kaya-chan, don't kill the mood!
Making a surprise as a part of a perfect crime...?
This is good, this manga... I'm sure it'll get the readers excited.
Shuujin: Yeah, I know!
Somebody: Chapter 1 Name Complete!!
Paper: "Kanzen Hanzai
Ashirogi Muto[The -to is cut off]
TL Note: Kanzen Hanzai Club = Perfect Crime Club
Somebody: "Kanzen Hanzai Club" sounds like a movie title, though. Do you think it's okay?
Shuujin: They'd kill people if it were a movie, right? This is totally different. If it's no good, we'll just change the title.
Insert Text: Born out of personal experience,
the work they truly believe in is completed!!
... Page 84
[Thank God it got lighter on text and simpler at the end...]