There are Two Types of Humans in the World, Those that Shout Special Attacks and Those that Don't
I usually don't post these, I just leave Rufi's around as the original and write my own version and reference his a bit. But I wanna post this one because I'm proud of the fact that I got through this whole thing. Seriously. It's not just long but it's got a million references and colloquialisms and double and triple meanings and... stuff. And... just look at this. How is this even still a manga at this point? All this shit's on just 17 pages, for crying out loud.
[Gintama 486 Translation by Kewl0210]
Sign: Koudoukan Dojo
Insert: In a flash!!
Shin: No good. You didn't put your hips into it.
Using that attack, even if you do it 100 times, you'll never even scratch the likes of Shimura Shinpachi.
Listen up! No matter what you're doing, be conscious of the fact that that the point everything pivots is the core of your body!
Guys: Yes, sensei!!
Shin: That pivot point is where all movement starts from. If it is bent, then you won't be able to bring out the full force of that movement.
With that in mind, I want another 1,000 practice-swings!!
Shin: MOOOORE!! With more of a Nagabuchi style!
T/N: A reference to Nagabuchi Tsuyoshi. A singer known for saying "SEI!" a lot.
Shin: Yeah~~ You~~~ take command!!
And listen, it's not just your body! Unless a person's heart has a core, they'll fold easily!
If all you do is swing a sword, you'll never get stronger no matter how long you keep at it!
Let me hear it!!
Why do you want to get stronger?!
What did you come to this dojo for?!
Tae: Everyone sure looks spirited today.
How about a break soon?
It's time for some macadamia nut chocolate~~~~!
Otae: Okay, okay! Don't push! Everybody line up!
Guy: All riiiight! I got some chocolate!! C'mon guys, let's go home!!
Once we've got our chocolate, we're done with you!!
Seriously, where do you get off acting all high and mighty?! I was about to snap, you shitty brat!
Insert: Shinpachi, 3 Pages under the heavens----!!
Title: Lesson 486
There are Two Types of Humans in the World, Those that Shout Special Attacks and Those that Don't
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Shin: With Big Brother Hajime's support
we'd finally begun to start this dojo going again, but...
everyone that all of the disciples take no interest in learning kenjutsu,
and just swarm for the macadamia nuts.
Handwritten: Sorry, I heard that if I came here and waved a stick around I'd get some chocolate.
And that's not the worst thing.
There are a bunch of people starting to make their homes on our property!
Handwritten: Excuse meeee!! I would ask that you please don't just build your houses here without permission!!
Shin: I can't take it anymooore!!
What sorta kenjutsu dojo is this?!! This place's turned into nothing but a hangout for homeless people!!
Kyuu: I didn't like kenjutsu when I was a child, either.
I would always start daydreaming when I was swinging a bamboo sword... But I guess that doesn't work for everyone.
Sorry. My teaching method might not have been very hood.
Shin: What're you saying?! I seriously feel guilty that the greatest genius of the Yagyuu Style coming here to be an instructor at all!!
I'm the one who should be sorry. It's my fault for luring disciples in with something like chocolate.
I thought that I wouldn't have any problem not making any money as long as I could leave Father's way of the sword in this world, but...... this is what came of it.
Maybe you're overcomplicating things.
I called in another temporary instructor, and look how much fun the disciples are having!
SFX: HAH!! HAH!!
Guy: It... It's true?!! Who would 'a guessed?!
Protecting a dying tradition of the sword really is a noble thing to do!
Tae: You just first need them to understand that kenjutsu can be something fun.
The most important thing is to have them learn to like kenjutsu.
Shin: It's true... I may have been thinking only about making sure our style gets handed down.
Maybe I... forgot something important...
Gin: Okay, everybody get in position
and give it a shot!
Shin: Not only is this not our style, this isn't related to kenjutsu at aaaaaaaaall!!
What are you doing?!! Why are you teaching the Turtle Hermit Style in other people's dojos?!!
Shin: Oh, Coach Shimura. Doing the same old boring practice swings as usual?
Newbies get discouraged if you start them off with boring practice of fundamentals.
So I thought to get them interested in kenjutsu, I'd start off with instructing them on some flash special techniques.
Shin: No, that's somebody else's special technique! This has nothing to do with kenjutsu! And I'm certain that even you can't do that!
Kagura: Coach Sakata!! If you're in the mood to fire one off, would you mind showing us?!
Gin: Yeah, I will, totally. Okay, next you guys can go switch over to training for the Kaiou-Ken!
Shin: No they can't! Are you people considering they die so they can go to Kai-Ou's planet?!!
Shin: Enough of this already! Please don't make our dojo any more of a jumbled mess!
KAgura: Why? They were finally starting to have fun, yes?
Handwritten: Get goiiing!! This isn't Kame House, dammit!!
SFX: ZORO ZORO
Kyuu: ......Hm~~ It may be jumbled, but there may some reason to it.
Shin: What do you mean?
Kyuu: Special techniques.
While it is true that fundamentals are always crucial, one cannot deny that that requires dull and trying work.
So if they have a guideline... If we show them a technique they'll be able to use if they work hard as a goal, they may change.
Shin: Special technique... Our school doesn't have anything like...
Kondou: That may not be the case!
To be honest with you, I was searching your cellar to see if I could find any items that may be connected to Otae-san,
but then this thing popped up.
Shin: Shin: Uh, before that, you just popped up from someplace...
Tae: Could this be...
the Scroll of the Tendoumushin Style Secret Technique?
T/N: Their name means the same thing as the end of the video game company "Nintendo". Also it translate to "Heaven No-Mindedness" and is a reference to other martial arts styles.
Shin: Secret technique?!
Tae: The one Father wrote frantically on his death bed just before he died.
He had said for you to have it once you had inherited the Dojo and grown into being fine, upstanding man, Shin-chan... But I'd thought it was taken among other things as security for a loan.
Kyuu: Th... Then your father wrote on this scroll the secret technique of the Tendoumushin Style...?!
Gin: Hey, Pattsan, you seriously had a secret technique this whole time and didn't tell me?! That's low, bro.
Tae: Shin-chan... Now is that time...
The time for you to inherit the final technique Father left behind.
The Secret Technique o the Tendoumushin Style.
Its name is...
[Leave the text on the scroll]
Tae: Wicked Blade's Let's Dance All Night Rising Special Ultra Miracle Super Mario Brothers Second Edition Luigi's Revenge Director's Cut.
T/N: This technique is written in phonetic Kanji, so it doesn't have any meaning it's just written to show you how you pronounce it. Most of that comes out to be phonetically English except the Wicked Blade (Jyaseiken) and Revenge (Gyakushuu). Some of the Japanese kanji represent the meaning of the English words in Japanese, a common trope of special attacks. Also it's like the Nintendo video game Mario and Luigi thing.
This is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong!!
Shin: I mean, I can tell that it's elaborate, but man that name's long!! It's like it's some kind of miraculous code!
Shin: Wicked Blade's Let's Dance All Night Rising Special Ultra Miracle Super Mario...
Shin: You'd get cut down by your enemies in the time it'd take you to say the name of the technique!!
Kagura: There is no rule that you have to yell out the name of the attack, is there?
Kyuu: Well in Jump, people do shout them relatively often. And this is a technique their father wrote in haste on his death bed. So I think the proper thing to do would be to shout it, don't you agree?
You'll just have to say it as fast as you can before the enemy defeats you.
Shin: What's with this sorta irritating special technique?!
Kyuu: Also, the Yagyuu Style has a technique we can't say too loudly, so...
Kyuu: We put that beep in there.
Shin: Where are you putting that beep?!! That might actually cause a pretty bad misunderstanding!! And wait, did your left eye always have a power like that?!
T/N: A joke on the Naruto technique Mangekyou Sharingan. It translates to Kaleidoscope Heaven-Letter Eye. The censored letter could be replaced with "ko" giving you "manko" meaning "vagina".
Kon: Our style's special technique has sort of a long name, the Tama Gongou Gekisai Sandanzuki. So abbreviated...
is what we call it.
T/N: Kondou's attack means "Tama Adamantite-Crushing Three-Step Thrust". His abbreviation is slang for testicles.
Shin: We need to hide your whole body with a beep!!
Gin: Well can't we just abbreviate it like that, then? It's pretty long written out,
but basically what your old man wanted to say was "Amakaker Megane Hirameki".
T/N: Gin's totally name "Soaring Glasses Flash". It's a ripoff of the Rurouni Kenshin attack Amakakeru Ryuu no Hirameki.
Shin: Where is any of that written?! Where is there glasses or flash?!
Kagu: Then, how about we put a beep in there and make it Soaring ****** Flash, yes?
Shin: What part are you hiding?!! Now it sounds totally ripped off!!
Tae: Then perhaps
Tae: would be fine, wouldn't it?
Shin: Sisteeeer!! You're making me into a pervert that's shouting things that can't be aired!!
SFX: HAA HAA
Someone: We can't be stumbling at this step.
The real problem is what kind of technique this secret technique is and how to master it.
Gin: Look ahead, Pattsan.
If the name is this complicated, then I kinda doubt it's all that easy to use.
Dad: Wicked Blade's Let's Dance All Night (remainder omitted) is
Shin: It's such a pain in the ass to write then don't give it a name like that in the first place!
Dad: Is the deepest and most powerful secret technique that is handed down father to son in the Tendoumushin Style.
SFX: GEHO GEHO
Dad: You must not allow anyone else to know of this technique.
Shin: I'm sorry, it already got out!
Dad: And that is because the Wicked Blade's Let's Dance All Night (remainder omitted) holds a great power that is capable of altering even the principals of the world.
Dad: This successor will of course foster an undeniably strong heart
and must understand that this secret technique must be guarded from being used by evil.
Shin: Th... That's how important the Tendoumushin Style Secret Technique is?
I... I wonder if I can master it.
Dad: Here, I will record that technique in its entirety.
How to use the Secret Technique
After defending against an enemy attack
[Then the quarter circle back kick thing. Leave this in, obviously.]
T/N: This is a reference to Street Fighter attack commands. The (K) is short for "Ken" meaning "fist".
Shin: What is this, some kind of code?
Kon: Looks like you press the D-Pad from the down position to the side position and then press the (K) (Ken) button.
Shin: This is a friggin' fighting game command, isn't iiiiit?!!
Shin: What is a D-Pad?! What is a (K) Button?! Your son doesn't have buttons like thaast!!
Gin: No, maybe this is way will be objectively easier to understand than a clumsy explanation.
It seems like pressing the D-Pad from down to the side and pressing the (K) button
means you start from a low stance and start from a position with your sword in its scabbard, and make a move where you bring your sword out in one fluid motion.
Gin: So basically, after you've parried the enemy's attack, you aim for the opening and use a counter battoujutsu. That's the Tendoumushin Style's Secret Technique.
T/N: Battoujutsu is the art of sword drawing.
Shin: How can you tell all that from this idiotic secret scroll?!
Gin: It's pretty similar to my secret technique where I take and eat somebody's pudding in the middle of the night. [Down arrow, diagnal down arrow, left arrow, + (P)] (Punch) button.
Shin: Why the hell is a shitty secret technique like that used exactly the same way as our secret technique?!
Kagura: And my Secret Technique, Pudding Counter
is [Down, diagonal down, left + (P)] (Pudding) button.
Shin: What is the Pudding button?! And how do you differentiate the (P) (Punch) button and the (P) (Pudding) button?!!
Tae: You have to watch out, Shin-chan. If you confuse the (K) (Ken) Button and the (K) (Kato-chan) button, you'll end up with a 70th birthday like this.
Shin: Wait, the (K) (Ken) button means Shimura "Ken"?! Wait, I don't even understand anymore!! It's getting way too complicated!
T/N: This is a reference to Shimura Ken.
Kyuu: Anyhow, we have no choice but to try it.
So it's a counter attack used after defending against an enemy attack?
I'll attack first, then you go ahead and attack without holding back.
Shin: Why's this feel like a fighting game?!
Gin: Whatever, just take the [down arrow] stance, Pattsan!
Shin: L-Like this?
Gin: Okay, you can see a blue gauge under your stamina gauge, right?
Shin: See what? What in the world are you guys looking at?!
Gin: That's your Glasses Gauge. Until that gauge is full, PATTSAN's glasses lens strength is off, so he can't use the technique. Endure until then.
Shin: JUST HOW DIFFICULT TO USE IS THE PATTSAN CHARACTER?!! HE'S TOTALLY A THROW-AWAY CHARACTER!!
Kyu: Man~~**kyou Tentsuugan!!
Kagura: Oh no! She is using the Man~~**kyou Tentsuugan in rapid-fire! You must run, yes?!!
Shin: This Man**kyou Tentsuugan is totally different from the one before, isn't it?!! Now it's a really Zangief-like dim-witted attack!!
SFX: BUWA BUWAH
Kyuu: Man~~**kyou Tentsuugan!!
Shin: That's the Man**kyou Tentsuugan, too?! Seriously, which one of these is the
Kyuu: The Man**kyou Tentsuugan [Up arrow, right arrrow, down arrow, left arrow, up arrow]+ All Buttons causes my lost eye the "Shingan" to open which turns all of my attacks into one-shot-certain-kill secret techniques! Do you really think you can stop my attacks?!!
Shin: The Man**kyou Tentsuugan's effect and command are seriously cheating! Aren't you supposed to be cooperating with me?!
Gin: The Glasses Gauge is full, Shinpachiii!!
Kagura: Now, yes?!! Block the Man**kyou Tentsuugan and crush her with a counter!
Text: D... Don't touch me...
SFX: DEEEDE DERE DERE~~ DERERERE~~~
Shin: Before I could event counter, I got instantly killed when I just touched you trying to block a little!!
Kyu: S... Sorry. I didn't think of how you would be touching me when you were blocking the attack.
Shin: Then I can't counter!! And anyhow, our Secret Technique clearly can't beat this person!!
Kon: Hmph. It might be hard for Shinpachi-kun to take on a relentless sword like that.
Kon: A truly strong person can freely control whether their attack is easy or difficult to defend against.
Shinpachi-kun, I'll use a technique that's easy to stop.
So relax and come hit me with your counter!!
Shin: Is that what sort of technique your Tama Gongou Gekisai Sandanzuki attack iiiis?!!
Like hell I'm gonna touch that dirty Dhalsim-type Special Technique!!
SFX: BYO~~N BYO~~N
Text: Would you please go home?
Shin: What are you guys doing?!! I still haven't even done anythiiing!!
SFX: DEEEDE DERE DERE~~ DERERERE~~~
Gin: Hey, what're you waiting around for, Shinpachi?
Geez. Man, there's really no help for ya.
Get in the stance.
I'm just gonna use some random attack, so block it.
Shin: O... Okay!!
Gin: Yeah, there ya go.
Endure. Endure. Watch for an opening.
Hey, there! Come get me!!
Text: Until you break through my Wicked Blade's Let's Dance All Night (remainder omitted) attack, you have no chance at winning!!
Shin: You used the secret techniiiiique?!!
SFX: DEEEDE DERE DERE~~ DERERERE~~~
Shin: How did you master somebody else's technique so faaaast?!!
Gin: Because it's simple.
Shin: No, it's not simple! It's a secret technique handed down from father to son!! Read between the lines heeeere!!
Gin: It's not just me. While you've been standing around, everybody's learned it.
Shin: I learned that style of blocking, too.
Handwritten: Okay, me ne~~xt!
Someone: Also, I figured out how to block this block, Shinpachi-kun.
Tae: There is also a way to block that block of the block, Shin-chan.
SFX: DOGOOO ZUGOOO
Gin: There's also a way to block that block of the block of the block, Pattsan..
Also there's no way to block that block that blocks the block of the block, Shinpachi-ku...GOHAAA!! [Shout at the end in the different font]
SFX: GAGOOO BAGOOO
The special technique you spent your life working on
seems to be something... pretty much anyone can do.
It's something that's supposed to be handed down from father to son, but it's got a crunchy texture like a Pretz.
Why... didn't you make it harder?
T/N: Pretz is a pretzel stick snack with a flavored dust seasoning.
Shin: If anybody can use it, is it really a special technique?
I thought it would be a special technique that only I could use, but... but...
Father, a special technique like this won't protect your do...
[The text on the right is from the earlier page before the command. The left text is as follows:]
Left Text: Once you learn that attack you should travel to this designated location.
Shin: Th... There was more to iiiiiiiiit!
Dad: It will likely be quite a rigorous journey.
It may be quite discouraging
and at times, it may seem like defeat is near.
Dad: But no matter what challenges you meet,
As long as you have [Down, diagnal down, left] + (K) (Ken), you will overcome them.
And at the end of that long journey,
I'm certain you will find it.
The two nuts which are the keys to the secret technique.
Cacao and Macadamia.
Yes, if you blend those together
you will gain the ultimate sweetness that no one will be able to resist.
Use that as bait to create an opening in the opponent's defense
and then attack the enemy in that unguarded moment. That move is the...
Wicked Blade's Let's Dance All Night Rising Special Ultra Miracle Super Mario Brothers Second Edition Luigi's Revenge Director's Cut.
Shin: ......We'll have chocolate again next week, so I hope you'll all be here.
Gin: Like father like son, eh?
Insert: As far as names go, this one's kind of a ***tendo-Mushin Style, eh...?
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Bomber D Rufi, Goral, PROzess, phoenixmarco, wintercry, witchofwisps
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