Only for use by HWMN
Some major revelations that Sorachi-sensei clearly planned from chapter 1 are showing up one after another.
[Gintama 500 Translation by Kewl0210]
Insert: Celebrate!! 500 chapters of serialization!!!
Narration: Now then, would the white team and red team please take their places?
Sign: Kabuki-Chou Athletic Festival
Announcer: The first event of the Kabuki-Chou Athletic Festival is...
T/N: Tamaire is a ball game where you toss balls into a far-away basket.
Shin: ----I didn't know
until I put these glasses on.
Guys: The whole enemy except for 3 people got food poisoning!
This'll be easy!!
Spirits: Victory for our masters!!
We Guardian Spirits will lead the Red Team to victory!!
Shin: That behind us humans...
are invisible beings called Guardian Spirits which are always following us.
Kagura: Well, we lose some comrades due to food poisoning, but now the whole prize of 500,000 can be ours, yes?
Gin: I can't look to lightly on this just because it's only an athletics meet. I think I'll be a bit serious.
Shin: ......I didn't know.
Somebody: ...500,000, huh?
Al: With all that, I could drink all the shochu I want. And Master could finally get her pay envelope.
Sign: Before anyone gets paid, we pay the rent.
Al: Man, oh man. It must be tough being a Guardian Spirit that has to look after their master's landlord on top of their master.
Shin: that unbeknownst to us, those Guardian Spirits supported us and protected us in our daily lives.
Guys: Now then, let the game begin!!
Okay, no way we're losing to that Whit Team!!
Kid: Huh? Take-chan, you face looks kinda red...
Take: Huh? What?
Shin: ----I didn't know
Shin: That behind Athletic Meets... Behind this world...
a battle to the death is always unfolding between them!!
Insert: It's only first become known now after 500 chapters!!
Title: Lesson 500
Does Everyone Really See the Same World?
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Otose: It's nice to have social gatherings like this once in a while, isn't it?
how is this a social gathering?
Right next to the smiling children tossing balls around
Box: World of the Living
World of Guardian Spirits
Shin: there are Guardian Spirits blowing eyeballs out of their sockets.
SFX: WAAA GYAAAAA
Shin: And the people whose Guardian Spirits are being beaten are falling to the ground one after another.
Guys: Hey, what's wrong?!
Oh, it looks like now people on the Red Team are complaining about health problems and dropping out one after another as well!
I know this is a competition, but please try not to push yourselves too hard, everyone.
Shin: What an incredible world I've seen.
What an incredible world I've been flung into.
I would never have imagined that something like this is happening behind the scenes at an athletic meet...
There's no way I could casually toss balls into a basket while I'm looking at a hell like this.
Please... someone get rid of these cursed glasses!!
Please, end this! I want this athletic meet from hell to be over...
That is odd, yes? For a while now, the no matter how I throw them
the balls have not been going into the basket.
Gin: Yeah. That's weird.
Huh? Now, I was sure that one was gonna go in, but it bounced back?
SFX: GASUH GAH
Gin: Hey, what the hell's going on?
Kagura: It is almost as if there is someone we cannot see in the basket, yes?
Shin: Uh, I think there's an earthbound spirit living in that baskeeet!!
Hasegawa-saannnnnn! What are you doing at a place like that?!
Hase: R... Run.
Hurry. You've got to... GOHUH! ["GOHUH!" big/creepy font]
Shin: They're seriously not goin' in!!
Hase: Hey, hold on a se...
Shin: Heeeeey! You may not be able to see him, but Hasegawa-san is in theeeere!!
SFX: GAH GOH
Hase: They have them in... the Red Team, too.
Some incredible... Guardian Spirits.
The enemy... has monsters...
SFX: PARA PARA
Shin: Gin-san's Asramaaaan!!
What is wrong?! Shinpachiii!! Gin-chan suddenly...
SFX: BEKI BAKI BOKI
Shin: It can't be...
It can't beeeeeeeeeee!!
Tae: Ah, Shin-chan.
What a coincidence.
So you guys are participating, too, huh?
In the Athletic Meet?
Tae: Though unfortunately, it looks like we ended up on opposing teams.
Tae: But it is an athletic meet after all,
so let's all play fair and have fun.
Shin: How is anything going on here faaaaair?!
Shin: Who the hell said this was faaaaair?!!
You've got a super ultra-class monster of a Guardian Spirit breaking all the rules, don't you?!!
Handwritten: Uoooo!! They all went in at once!!
Shin: What is thaaaaaat?!!
Just what kind of life have you been living where you've gotten a Guardian Spirit like that, Sisteeeer?!
Box: Guardian Spirit
Dark Thousand-Hands Kannon
Box: Shimura Tae's Guardian Spirit
It is the amalgamated spirit of the thousands of eggs she burned to death.
Shin: It's the malice from the fried eeeeeggs?!!
Handwritten: Ah, I burned them again!
Shin: Just burning eggs can make a monster like that?! Just what sort of enmity did she incur?!
Box: As a karmic result, she was attached to the Dark Kannon and undertook the "Dark Matter CUrse" causing her to burn everything she touches to a char.
Handwritten: Ah, looks like I burned the fish, too.
Shin: Dark Matter? She was cuuuursed?!!
Box: And also, she must live carrying her brother whom has scorched all of her talents to cinders. The "Yamada Yuu Curse".
T/N: Yamada Yuu is a model and actress. Sister to Yamada Shintaro, a model, actor and singer.
Shin: Why I am I being treated like I'm cursed, toooooo?!
Box: BP. 3450
Shin: What's it mean, BP?! Do these things have a middle-school-sounding system like that?!
Box: (However, if the little brother is there, BP is 2000 lower)
Shin: Just how much of a burden is the little brother?!! That's more than half its friggin' BP!!
Shin: So that hand I had a feeling I glimpsed back there
was one of those thousand hands?!!
Gin-san's Asraman and Kagura-chan's Alchu both
got beaten instantly!
Guardian Spirits and their Masters share the same body and soul, so now they're at death's door after just the first battle!
Kagura: Guoo... I cannot believe even we got food poisoning...!!
SFX: BURU BURU (Shaking)
Shin: There's no way to beat a monster like that...
Tae: Huh? I threw so many it looks like I ran out of balls. Referee-san, could I please have additional balls?
Guy: Yes, yes. We've got all the balls you could need.
Kon: Would you like red balls? White balls?
Or g*ld balls?
Box: Guardian Spirit
Vajra 10,000 Ball Bodhisattva
Shin: What sorta Guardian Spirit is thaaaat?!!
T/N: Gold balls = Kintama = Testicles. Vajra is an indestructible golden substance in Buddhism and Hinduism.
Box: The Guardian Spirit of Kondou Isao's t*sticles as well as Shimura Tae's Guardian Spirit's Guardian Spirit.
Shin: Guardian Spirit's Guardian Spirit? What?! So even Guardian Spirits can have stalkers?!!
Box: The amalgamation of all of the thousands of sticky eggs that Kondou wrapped up in tissues and killed.
Shin: What eggs?!!
Box: The karmic result was his whole body has become that of a sticky insidious pervert. The "Stalker Curse".
Shin: You cannot blame all of his stalking on a curse!!
Box: Furthermore, his similarity to a gorilla has no connection to the curse whatsoever.
Shin: That's something that should be because of a curse!!
SFX: UHO UHO
Box: GP. 9800
Shin: Hey, what exactly is GP?!! That's not the same as the system from earlier!!
Box: However, if Shimura Tae is in the area, then the GP is multiplies by 2.
Shin: So his Gorilla Points double?!! Don't treat my sister like she's a gorilla!!
Vajra: Now then, red balls, or white balls, or g*ld balls?
Which do you choose?
Tae: In that case...
Tae: I'll go with souls.
T/N: The word for "soul" can also be pronounced like "ball". Like in the title of this manga.
SFX: BARA BARA BARA PIIIII
Announcer: Hold it there!!
Both the Red Team and the White Team... have drawn with 0 balls!!
Shin: We tiiiiiiied?!!
Because of that idiot, we managed to limit the damage to just a tiiiie!!
we're also heavily wounded. If we're this bad after just one battle, then in the next competition...
Shin: Gin-san! Kagura-chan! Get a hold of yourself!!
This is too much! We should just drop out! I'm sick of this athletic meet from hell! You guys have had enough, too, right?!
Gin: Don't be stupid. There's prize money on the line. Like hell we're gonna lose to a little food poisoning. And anyhow...
Announcer: The next competition is a A Three-Legged Obstacle Race.
SFX: ZEEE HYUUU
Announcer: Teams of two must overcome the various obstacles placed on the course and make it to the goal.
Gin: You heard 'im. The next one's a cooperation play.
So even if we're not feeling too good, if we help each other, we'll pull through it.
Shin: Gin-san, Kagura-chan...
The two that need to work together more than anyone else got beaten!!
SFX: YORO YORO (Wobbling)
Shin: Shit. I'm the only one that can see them. I've gotta do something!!
Asraman-san! Alchu-san! Please get a hold of yourselves!!
You're Guardian Spirits, right?!! Are you just gonna leave your masters to fend for themselves?!!
Al: ...Shit. That didn't go too well.
Who would've thought that a divine level Guardian Spirit would be participating in an athletic meet like this. I wish I'd laid off the booze.
Sign: It looks like we will have to get serious as well.
Al: Yeah. We'll have to use it, Asraman. ["it" in italics.]
Shin: It...? Do they have some sorta plan?!
Al: If our masters are going to have three legs between the two of them...
Then we'll just
do so as well.
Box: Guardian Fusion is the phenomenon of spiritual fusion between multiple Guardian Spirits resulting in an even stronger Guardian Spirit.
Box: By using Guardian Fusion, Asraman and Alchu become not a Guardian Spirit that protects Sakata Gintoki and Kagura individually...
Box: But one that protects the entire Yorozuya.
They super-evolve into a "Guardian Diety".
Box: Guardian Diety
MA DA O
T/N: The kanji here make up "Devil", "Fallen" and "Evil".
Shin: I think something else got mixed into iiiiiiiit!!
Box: Due to a fly getting added in during the Guardian Fusion, a Fusion Accident occurred. The Guardian Deity born out of an accident. Though he's currently unemployed.
Shin: I forgot that fly got in the baskeeeet!!
Box: The powers of the three have combined, so now they are unemployed, alcoholic, and can only talk using white placards.
Shin: Don't make it so their bad parts are all that combiiiine!!
Box: BP. 32000
Shin: But his BP is super hiiiiigh!! Depending on how it's used, it could be a super-strong Guardian Spirit!
Box: (However, on the days it does not feel like working, its BP decreases by 31999.)
Shin: So then it's a piece of trash almost 365 days a year!!
Announcer: Now then, is everyone ready?
Shin: !! Dammit, the competition's already starting!
Announcer: Let the Three-Legged Obstacle Race begin!!
Shin: There's not a single team that actually has two people and three legs!!
Shin: What the hell sorta creepy competition is thiiiis?!
Have three-legged races always worked on this principal with Guardian Spirits acting like caterpillars?!
SFX: UZO UZO UZO UZO (Crawling)
Shin: But maybe now we have a chance to win.
Guardian Deity moves on 4 legs, so he should be suited to giving people rides.
SFX: ZURI ZURI (DRAG)
Announcer: This army of three-legged racers have all started moving!! But what's going on here? The White Team hasn't moved an inch from the starting point!
Shin: That's how he waaaaaaaalks?!!
I thought that was his face, but hat's the bottom of its feet?!
That thing'll never make it to the goal in 100 yeaaaars!!
Get oooooff! It's freakin' obvious that it would be faster if you got off that thiiiing!!
SFX: ZURI ZURI
Shin: Don't try to hail a taxiiiiii!! How is it a Guardian Spirit can try to use a taxi?!!
Sign: Hey, taxi!
Zura: What're you doing at a place like this, Gintoki, Leader?
If you want, I can drive you over with my Guardian Spirit.
Box: Guardian Spirit
It's not Corolla, it's Katsulla
Shin: Why is his Guardian Spirit a Corrolaaaaa?!!
Box: Katsura Kotarou's Guardian Spirit
Earlier, when he was in a traffic accident, his soul split in two. Half went into the Corolla and half was headed for Hell, but the Corolla drove it to his body and so no harm was done.
Shin: No harm was done my ass! It went off with half his soul, didn't it?!!
Box: Later, even after the vehicle was decommissioned, its spirit stays by his side and in emergencies when he has to escape and such, it becomes useful. And so he became called "Runaway Kotarou".
Shin: Runaway Kotarou has been running away in a Corollaaaaa?!!
Box: And in exchange for using its power, his must always tow the Corolla with his hair and drive the roots of his hair to their limit. This is the "It's not Zura, it's Katsura Curse".
Shin: Has he always been in an extreme situation like that?! Is that why he's always been so concerned about "Not Zura, Katsura"?!
SFX: MISHI MISHI
T/N: That sentence could also be read as "I'm not a wig, I'm Katsura."
Zura: What's wrong? C'mon, get in, Gintoki.
Gin: Uh, get in what?
Zura: I see. So right now we are on opposing sides of the red and white teams.
In t hat case, we will be waiting ahead at the goal.
Announcer: Oh, my! One pair of the Red Team are breaking into the front at an incredible speed!
They're plunging forward, blowing away ever obstacle in their path!!
How are they even doing that?! They're the biggest obstacle in this obstacle race!!
SFX: DOGASHAAAA DOKA BAKI
Announcer: Ah, wow! An explosion!!
Announcer: That's the charm area. They were caught in the area covered in charms in order drive back any and all wicked beings.
Shin: What the hell is a charm areaaa?!! It's like they set that up to kill all the Guardian Spiriiiits!!
Insert: The Spirit Battle continues...