Gintama 501

Glasses!

[Gintama 501 Translation by Kewl0210]
Page 1:
Insert Text: What an overdone Stand play!!
Title: Lesson 501
Guardian Spirits are a Part of the Body, Too
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Somebody: Woah there! The pair that was leading the pack has fallen into a trap!!
The charms!!
They were stopped in their tracks in the area covered in charms in order drive back any and all wicked beings!!
Katsura: Carollaaaaaa!!
Shin: ---No...
What the hell is a Charm Areaaaa?!!
Why did they setup some charms as an obstacle in an obstacle coooourse?!
SFX: GIIKAAAAAA

Page 2:
Shin: Those were clearly put there to kill Guardian Spirits!!
Announcer: It looks like lots of pairs are getting slowed at the Charm Area!!
SFX: HYAAAA GOAAAAA GUAAAA
Shin: The Guardian Spirits are going to heaven one after another!!
What the hell kinda athletic meet is this?!
Announcer: And it looks like lots of pairs are claiming to be physically unfit to continue as well!!
Is there any pair that can overcome this hurdle?!!
Zura: Carollaaaa!! Get a hold of yourself!!
I could never leave you behiiiind!!
SFX: GUOOOOO GOGOGO
Announcer: The top pair has looks of great anguish on their faces, but they are moving forward one step at a time!
Shin: The masters are carrying the Guardian Spirit!! Their roles are totally reversed!!
Someone: NOOOOOOW!!

Page 3:
Announcer: Incredible! Another pair is now in hot pursuit of them...
Okita: Katsuraaa!! Your number's up!! Take your bonds calmly!!
SFX: DODOH
Announcer: That's the Shinsengumiii!! In an attempt to put a hold on the top pair, they're approaching at an amazing speed!!
Handwritten: One-two
One-two
Shin: Why did you two form a three-legged-race team, toooo?!!
Zura: It's them!! So they were targeting the moment my Corolla broke down?
You bastards!! What a cowardly tactic!
Hiji: Bullshit! The moment you, a Joui Patriot, decided to join an Athletic Meet, you were out of luck!!
Shin: Uh, you're ones to talk, you guys are police officers that are joining into an athletic meet!!
Handwritten: One-two
One-two
Zura: But can you bastards cross this Charm Area?!!
Unless you can overcome this obstacle, you cannot capture me and my Corolla!!
You can just stand their envious as we reach the goal!
!!
SFX: BOH BOH BOH

Page 4:
Guy: Well nooow!
What is going on here?!
The charms...!!
All of the charms spread out in front of the Shinsengumi are burning up one after another...!!
Zura: I... Impossible!! The charms are being rendered powerless?!
It can't... It can't be!!
Your Guardian Spirits are...
SFX: ZUOO
Zura: Not Japanese-style, they're Western-styllllle?!
Sign: Guardian Spirit
It's not Maserati, it's Mayorati
Shin: The type of car?! That's the part you're surprised aboooooout?!
SFX: OOON
Zura: It's not a domestic car, it's a foreign caaaar?!!
So that's why the Japanese charms aren't working on it!! Using a Guardian Spirit like that's against the ruuuules!!
Shin: That's wht you have a problem with?! I'd say that you guys aren't playing fair at the point where you've got a Corolla and a Maserati as Guardian Spirits!!
SFX: BURORORO

Page 5:
Box: Higashikata Toushirou's Guardian Spirit
When he was a young bad boy, put mayonnaise in place of gasoline in the foreign car of a wealthy person as a prank. And this is the ghost of that Maserati when it was decommissioned.
Also, if he is not periodically supplied with mayonnaise, he cannot move. This is the "Mayorati Curse".
Shin: You were cursed, toooo?!! Were all of your characters constructed with these curses?!!
SFX: NYUU
Box: He is able to run down criminals with the gale-force speed of a Maserati, but he is always fraught with the danger of going bald because his bangs are always being pulled by the Maserati. This is the "V-Shaped Bangs Curse".
Handwritten: Hold it, you bastaaards!
Shin: That's the guy who's supposed to be called the Demon Vice Chief!!
SFX: ZEE HYUU ZEE HYUU
Hiji: Katsuraaaaaa!!
Now it's all over for you!!
We wiiiiiiiin!!
Shin: Friggin' arrest theeeem!! Why are you trying to win the Athletic Meet?!!
SFX: GUOOO
SFX: DOON
Hiji: Wha?!
Narration: Oh my! An explosion!!
The Shinsengumi have stopped in their tracks!! What is this...?!!
SFX: GOGOGOGO

Page 6:
Announcer: It's a crooooooss!!
It's the holy trap that drives back any and all wicked foreign-made beings!!
Shin: They've even got an obstacle like thaaaat?!
Announcer: Though I don't remember setting up a Cross Area for this meet...
No, wait... if you look closely, that's not a cross!! It's a... katakana 'do'...?! [quote white[
T/N: The kana ド (Do) starts the phrase "Do-S" which means "extreme/total sadist".
Okita: Hijikata-san, what are you doing? Could you hurry and get moving?
If you dawdle too much, I'll tear off those legs of yours.
Box: Guardian Spirit
Do-S Sadist
Shin: You're the one that did thiiiiiiis?!!
SFX: GOGOGOGOGO
Shin: Do-S Sadist? What the hell sorta god is thaaaat?!!
Why is the Mayorati's natural enemy riding in the passenger seat?!!

Page 7:
Box: Okita Sougo's Guardian Spirit
When he was a young boy
Okita: I heard that Maseratis can even run on mayonnaise.
Hiji: Don't be an idiot.
Box: he set up Hijikata Toushirou, and as revenge he tied Okita up deep in the mountains.
Shin: So you were the mastermind behind ruining the Maseratiiii?!!
Box: And in the darkness, he met a god.
God: Do want revenge?
Do you wish to bring all those that defy you to their knees?
Okita: Wh... Who are you?!
God: I am you.
I am the very darkness that dwells within you.
Shin: That's pretty much an evil god, isn't it?!!
Box: It is Okita Sougo's Guardian Spirit, but he does not accompany him. He is pierced into Hijikata Toushirou and absorbs his life energy little by little.
Shin: Just how sick is this Guardian Spirit?!!
Hiji: It... It's no good. My legs won't move.
What the hell's going on?
Is there some invisible obstacle in the way?!
Shin: No, your biggest obstacle is your partner sitting right next to yoooou!!
Zura: Now's our chance, Elizabeth!!
We've gotten past the Charm Area!
Let's overtake them right now with the Corolla!!
SFX: ZUGOO

Page 8:
Box: Guardian Spirit
God of Toilets
SFX: GOGOGOGO
Box: Elizabeth's Guardian Spirit
A god he created to escape reality while cleaning toilets.
Sign: UEGH
Box: Regardless of being Japanese-style or Western-style, it cleans up all impurities.
Shin: So your partner's pulling you down, toooo?!!
Zura: Corrolaaaaa!! My Corrollaaa!!
Hiji: Shit! What's going on? I've got no strength!
Shin: Why the hell is every one of these guys teamed up in a three-legged race with their own biggest obstacle?! What the hell kinda obstacle race is this?!
SFX: PIPIII
Announcer: Hold i~~~~t! The race is over!!
With 0 total pairs from both the Red Team and the White Team making it to the goal,
the Three-Legged Obstacle Race is also a tie!!
Sign: Goal
Shin: Of course they can't get to the goaaaal!!
All that's going anywhere are the corpses of Guardian Spirits and injured people!!
Shin: We really need to drop out. Any more of this and...
Huh? Where are Gin-san and Kagura-chan...?
!! They're already on standby!
They're already waiting at the starting point for the next contest to start!!

Page 9:
Shin: Gin-san! Kagura-chan! Let's just leave it here!!
Some dangerous athletic meet like this isn't...
Gin: Shut up.
Can't you see we're in the middle of an obstacle race?
Shin: You're still doing that?
I thought they were on standby for the next race. They're seriously still running the obstacle race?
Handwritten: Um... The race is already over, actually.
Shin: They've barely even moved from the starting point! They haven't moved an inch from last week!
Just how the heck much is this Guardian Spirit slacking off?!!
Gin-san, there's no way we can win.
We're... lacking something fundamental
Gin: What're you talkin' about? It's still totally even. The real battle is only just about to start.
Shin: That's not the problem... I know.
I don't want to see it but...
it's something I can see...
Someone: ...What is?
What can you see
Shinpachi?

Page 10:
Shin: It can't be... Wasn't that... the glasses salesman...?!!
Gin: Hey, what's wrong, Shinpachi?
Shin: I'm sure it was him.
Was that glasses salesman really in this athletics meet, too...?!
In that case, he might be able to get these cursed glasses off.
I might be able to get out of this cursed world.
Where is he...? Where'd he go?!
Announcer: Moving on to the next contest.
Next on the program we have a bread eating contest, a scavenger hunt, and cavalry fight, but...
because we have so few competitors left, we'll be putting these together into one final game.
T/N: Cavalry fight is a game similar to a "chicken fight" done in pools, but with 3 people carrying one person.
The game will fundamentally take the shape of a cavalry fight,
but it will be done with bread constantly dangling in front.
Shin: Are you belittling humans?!
Announcer: If you eat the bread, you lose. If your bread is eaten, you lose.
In other words, you must eat your opponents' breads. The team that protects their bread until the end will win.
But on the course, there will be these papers.
Borrow the item written on it from someone.
Note: An old man's dentures
Announcer: Those are okay to eat,
and using them as a weapon is also okay.
Shin: Eat the breaaaaad!!
What the hell do you think you're doing with things you borrowed from other people?!!
Announcer: Furthermore, the role of the one riding on horseback...
SFX: ZAH

Page 11:
Announcer: They don't have to be human.
Shin: Is that an implied approval to using Guardian Spiriiiits?!
What the heeeeell?!! Are these guys aware of their Guardian Spirits?!
What're they thinking?! What does it feel like they're carrying?!
But maybe
that Glasses Salesman is somewhere among them.
I've got to find him.
I can't drop out until I get these glass...
Gin: Got it, Shinpachi? Even if you get hungry, don't touch that one piece of bread no matter what.
Shin: ..........
Announcer: Now then, is everyone set up? Ready~~~...
Start!!
Shin: Wait, meeeee?!
SFX: WAAAAAA
Shin: With the other horseback riders looking like this, they picked me of all people? What do they think I am, a ghost?!
Gyaaaa! I'm really gonna end up as a ghoooost!!
SFX: DOH

Page 12:
Shin: MADAO...!!
He was being so sluggish up to a minute ago, but...
in order to protect me...
Sign: Hand over the breaaaad!
Shin: That's what he's protectiiiing?!
He suddenly got motivated over a single loaf of breaaaad!!
Wait! Wait! Wait! Not the bread! Not the bread!
Hold oooon! Now both our enemies and our allies are after the breaaad!!
SFX: DODODO
Shin: If you want bread, then go after the enemy's!!
SFX: GOH
Shin: The enemy's bread is huuuuuuge!!
The enemy's bread is faaaast!!
SFX: KIKII ZUZAZA
Shin: The enemy's bread is a bagueeeeette!!

Page 13:
Shin: This is baaaad! At this rate there's no way we can win!!
Gin-san, I think we're gonna need to borrow some weapon!
Pick up a piece of paper!
What sorta weapon is written on it?
Paper: Love and courage
Shin: ..........
Gin: Excuse meee! Is there anyone around that could lend us some love and courage?!!
We promise to give them back, so please! It's okay if you just have the love or just the bravery!
Guy: You've already got that stuff in your hearts!!
Shin: Man that's cheekyyyy! That's our biggest weapon, but for this situation that's seriously cheeky!!
Find one that's more concrete!!
Paper: Dad's Bat
Kagura: Is there anyone here that will lend us their Dad's bat?! It is okay to give us just the Dad or just the bat!
Kid: ...Well, you can... use this.
Handwritten: Take good care of it, okay?
Shin: The dad and the bat really are separaaate!!
Someone: Sasuke, are you sure? That's the bat your dad left you when...
Sasuke: It's fine! I'm sure my dad is in the next world forgiving me with a smile.
Shin: Like hell we can borrow thaaaat!! Not only is you dad not smiling, he's crying!
Find another one! One that's not something sad like Dad's something!
Paper: Mom is a jack knife
Handwritten: Can you handle me?
Shin: That's just a sharpened mom!! In that case it's pretty sad!!
Paper: Grandpa is Jack
Shin: Who is thaaat?!! This doesn't even have anything to do with weapons anymooore!!

Page 14:
Gin: I don't think there's one that'll be harder to get than this.
Excuse me, but does anyone have a God Star Sword God Death Crimson Blade Revised that they could lend me? ["God Star Sword God Death Crimson Blade Revised" white.]
Shin: The weapon itself is complicateeed!!
Kagura: It is okay to give us the God and the Death Crimson separately! ["God" and "Death Crimson" separate.]
Shin: Yeah riiight!! Like hell somebody's gonna have some convoluted weapon like that at an athletic festival!!
Guy: You can use mine, if ya like.
Shin: He has oooooone?!!
What the heeell?!! Why does he have a God Star Sword God Death Crimson Blade Revised at a place like this?!!
Though maybe with this, we can win the cavalry battle...
...........
SFX: BORI BORI
Shin: ....You...
You ate the God Star Sword God Death Crimson Blade Revised!!
Sign: Well, they said we could eat what we borrowed...
Shin: Don't you understand?!! This is a freakin' God Star Sword God Death Crimson Blade Revised!!
Hase: !!
SFX: SHOAAA
Box: God Star Sword God Death Crimson Blade Revised is a holy sword that wards off evil. Any evil that touches it will burn in holy flames.
Shin: This is bad!! Because he ate the freakin' holy sword Madao's body iiiiis...!!
Gin: Th... The strength is leaving my body...
ShiN: Gin-san! Kagura-chan!!
SFX: GAKU
Guys: NOOOOW!
Finish them oooooff!!
SFX: WAAAA

Page 15:
Shin: That's itt!!
It's all over...
...Huh?
Wh... Where am I?
..........
Paper: Glasses
Guy: If it's glasses you need,
there's a pair right here.
I fixed them up real good.
But these are some rather old glasses.
If you put them on, you won't be able to see anything again. Are you sure?
I suppose... I don't even need to hear an answer... I suppose there are some things in this world we're better off not being able to see.
But still... I wanted you to get a chance to see them.
The world of us who support you from the shadows...
Our world...
Shin: ......It can't be.
You're...? It can't be...
Guy: If you put these glasses on,
you won't come back to this world.
But... and just once in a while is fine...
if you feel inclined... please remember us.

Page 16:
Guy: That at your sides,
Asraman,
Alchu,
and me
are here.
We are always watching over you,
Master.
SFX: WAAAA
Guys: Noooow!!
Finish them oooooff!!
Kagura: This is bad, yes, Shinpachi?!!
We still do not even have a good weapon!
Hase: Hey, what do we do, Shinpachi-kun?
Handwritten: Huh? When did Madao get here?
Shin: ......A weapon?
I've already got one.
And even if I can't see them now,
I know.
Asraman...
Alchu...

Page 17:
Shin: And
my glasses!
Your hearts
are together with ours!!
So even if I can't see you, those thoughts are reflected crystal clear in these glasses!!
SFX: KAH
Box: Guardian Spirit Glasses
Shinpachi's Guardian Spirit which has been repaired and had new functions installed.
It can see far-off thoughts and hearts, but...
they're farsighted so they seriously can't see anything up close.
SFX: PIIIIII
Shin: Okay.
I'm gonna go buy replacement glasses.
Insert: Next issue, with a center color page, there'll be a news flash that'll blow your glasses off?!
Bottom: Gintama
...Lesson 501
/ End