-> RTS Page for Desert Punk 3
Desert Punk, Volume 1, Chapter 3 (pp. 67~98)
=Fi—nally made it.
=Gotta remember to charge for 2 days travel, 2 liters of water, and 5 rations.
=Oh, it's a robbery.
=Put your hands above your head!
=Slowly, so we can see 'em.
=Huh!?//That guy is...
=Rain Spider, the debt collector!
=I said, show me those hands!
=Heh-heh-heh.//D-Dude, he's too scared to move.
=You want me to put my hands out.
=Both of 'em! Slowly!
=We won't kill you as long as you do what we say.
=Ohh—Man. Those guys are done for.//All the debt collectors are really good, and that guy's super-duper good.
They say that when the Rain Spider moves his hands, he collects people's money, and their souls.
=W-W-What the hell was that!?
=I've put my hands out.
=So now what are you going to do.
=I usually charge more when people annoy me.
=But I'll let you live for now.
=How're we supposed to go back to town looking like this! You bastard!
Hot, hot—And embarassing—
=We'll be laughed at for the rest of our lives!//We won't be able to rob people anymore, either! You might as well kill us!
=Phwee—Now that's embarrassing.
=So that whole thing about taking souls was you destroying people's pride with your perverted little fantasies.
=It's in lieu of time expenses.
=I thought I'd heard a little rat scurrying about. But my oh my, if it isn't the Desert Punk.
=Oh, did you notice? As expected of the Rain Spider.
=We've never met before, have we?
=Well, Desert Punk is talked about just a tiny bit around these parts.
=Hmph, same to you.
=I just had a good look,
=At the skills of the No. 1 debt collecter of a rather small portion of the Kanto region.
=I'd like to have a look.//At the savvy skills of a man who makes his name through bullying the weak.
=Well, if you're lucky enough, you may be able to experience them firsthand.
=Oh well, maybe someday. I'm in a hurry at the moment.
=That's too bad.
Hmm—Running into a debt collecter in this place...
I've got a bad feeling about this.
=Uhh—3-29 should be right around...
=Whoa—Now this is poor.
=Mr. Kazuo Koike here today—?
=Oh, so you were an acquaintance of Mr. Koike.
=I don't have any acquaintances that are this dirty and poor.
=A debt collector showing up here means—
=Of course, I've come to collect some debts.
=Mr. Koike has borrowed money from the Oshio bank in the South Oasis.
=And today is the collection date.
=Unfortunately, he says he doesn't have a single penny to pay back. So I was just about to conduct a search of his house.
=Uh-oh—This is not good—
=...By the way, what business does a handyman have in a place like this?
=I've come at the request of Akashio Loans in the West Oasis!
=You're gonna pay back that money you borrowed from Akashio!
=This one's also due today! Man—You've got quite a nerve putting the same repayment date on both loans!//C'mon! Gimme the money right now!
=Hey! Wait a second—! I was here first!
=You think I care!? Finders keepers!
=Hmm—He really has absolutely nothing.
=And it smells!
=Sorry sirs... COUGH
=Sorry sirs... I'm sick, you see...
=So I'm unable to work...
=Do you know why the money-lending business works in a lawless place like this?
=It's because us debt collectors get the money back no matter what.
We're professional debt collectors. We're all super-duper good at this.
No matter where the debtor tries to run, we always find them.
No matter how hard they struggle, we always capture them alive.
=And we use any means necessary,
=To get that money back.
=I've got a reputation for getting the job done no matter what.
=I won't go easy on a geezer or an invalid.
=She's hot! A little dusty, but still.
=W-What's going on here!?
=What have you done to my father!?
=Noriko... Don't worry.
=I'm terribly sorry... We were aware of the collection date, but...
=I see, so you've been working to pay off your father's debts.//But a woman's work won't be nearly enough with the amount of money your father owes...
=C-COUGH I-I'm sorry... Noriko...
=No—You're ill, father. It's not your fault.
=I'm sorry I can't do more to help.
=Uh... Uhhh... N-Noriko—//HA—CK COUGH COUGH
=Oh—Uhh—I guess I could ask Akashio to wait 10 more days or something... So maybe...
=What was that!?
=Liar—!//You're probably going like, "What a wuss!"//"He's totally got the hots for her!"//Or, "No wonder he's still second-rate," and stuff—!
=Can't help it though.
=You could turn this house upside down and you still wouldn't find anything.
=Don't be so sure.
=There's always this girl!
=What're doing to Ms. Noriko, you bastard!
=Are you alright, father!?
You're acting rather differently from before...
=Poor and covered in dust, but with beauty only fitting of such a kind and pure soul.
=This girl will fetch a good price.
=Oh yeah, we could just do that.
=Have you no compassion—!?
=Not at all.
=Well then, how do you intend to get the money, Desert Punk?
=You're right. There's absolutely nothing of value in this house, except for the girl.//How do you intend to collect the debts without selling her?
=You've got a reputation for getting the job done no matter what, right?
=Alright, fine. Let's sell Ms. Noriko.
=I'm the one that's gonna buy her.
=Therefore, I'm only paying however much the debt is to Akashi Loans.
=That way, my job will be taken care of, and we can be happy together.
=...We? But I never...
I may not look it, but I actually have a lotta money, you know.
=You work out your debt with geezer over there.//HMPH.
=What an idiot.
=I suppose reasoning with you is out of the question.
=Whoever wins gets Ms. Noriko!
=Whoever loses has to come up with another way to collect the debts, understood!?
=If they're still alive.
=Just one more thing, I'm not letting you carry out your perverted fantasies with Ms. Noriko.
=You've got no right to butt into my fantasies.
This guy's the real deal. But when you break it down, he's the same as me. He's all about the cheap little tricks.
Plus, he's a complete moron, which means I can't fool him with just any old trick in the book.
He's rotten, but that kind of fame doesn't come to you by accident.
Besides, he's already gotten a little taste of the kind of stuff I do.
=This might actually turn out to be a super-duper epic battle.
=What is it?
=What in the world is going on?
=Hey everyone! There's a duel going on in front of Mr. Koike's place!
=And I heard Desert Punk and Rain Spider are the ones going at it!
=If that's true, then it's going to be an epic battle!
He flies around the Kanto Great Desert,
The man of the hour,
Desert Punk, the handyman.
He appears out of nowhere,
And disappears without a trace,
Up to the sky,
And into the ground,
He makes them look stupid,
And gets done with the job.
The Demon of the Desert,
The best debt collector,
In the South Oasis district,
The Grim Reaper, Rain Spider.
Sandstorms are nothing,
He never lets his prey away,
Catches every debtor,
And strips 'em clean,
Takes their souls,
And they're as good as dead,
Just scraps of garbage.
He's truly the Reaper,
The debt collector.
=The Reaper against the Demon!!!
=Small village like ours might not survive this.
=It's just a normal shoot-out.
[margin right]Changed places a little bit.
=Die die die—!
=Damn! This is pathetic!
=I shouldn't have waited for him to strike first!
=I've gotten dragged into a cheap war of attrition without getting anything done!
=Ahh—What a waste of ammo!
A shotgun's gotta be reloaded in firing position! That's why SPAS's are no good!
=Uck—Running out of ammo and having to switch over to pistols!
=This is even more embarassing!
=This is kinda stupid.
=I thought it was gonna be better than this.
=Hey! Looks like their pistols've run out too.
=I won't forgive you for this—!
=Ms. Noriko is mine!
=Die—You horny little bastard!
Wow—This is lame.
Let's go home.
=Oww—Shit! Watch those perverted venomous fangs of yours!
=Time for dinner, Ken-chan—
=Y-You're one tough bastard...
=S-Speak for yourself...
=...Not too shabby, Desert Punk.
=Y-You've got some serious skills too...
=...We'll start again after a little break.
=Gotcha, 2 IOUs.
=Geez Father—You always get drunk and put the date of mother's death as the collection date—
=But we were lucky this time.//One of the collectors was a horny idiot, so they just beat each other up.
=Uwe-heh-heh, Mom was watching over us.
=We burned those contracts, so we've got no more debts to pay.
=Let's see, where should I borrow from next time—?
=Uh-oh, you'd better buy me some new clothes again—
=Ah—You know, survival's a really difficult thing, isn't it?
=Uh-huh, you're right.
The Kanto Great Desert
In this Darwinian jungle, the winners are the good guys.
The losers are garbage. They're stupid, and they're evil.
Men, women, elderly, idiots, scum, have all lived life to the fullest.
Desert Punk's profits for the day:
Negative 1,963,452 yen
1. Having to pay Kazuo Koike's debts because he lost the IOU.
2. Work and ammunition expenses.
3. Equipment repair costs.