Baka to Test to Shoukanjyuu 22

(1)
Girl: ......Yuuji, good morning.

Girl: .......the weather looks nice today.

Yuuji: Hm...? Ah, yes. Looks like it.

Yuuji: Even though she usually wears casual clothes, like a T-shirt on a denim miniskirt, today she's really put some effort in dressing herself...

(2)
Yuuji: Ah, good morning Shouko.
Shouko: .......yes, good morning Yuuji.

Yuuji: Alright...
Yuuji: By the way, why is Shouko in my room?

Yuuji: Are we supposed to go on a date today? // ...Damn, I can't remember. // In that case...

Yuuji: I'm sorry, Shouko, but could you give me my phone?
Shouko: .......you want to make a call?
Yuuji: Ah, yes.
Yuuji: The reason she is here. she is...

Yuuji: Yes, hello? Is this the police?
Yuuji: an intruder.

(3)
-

(4)
Yuuji: Mom!! What's going on!
Mother: Oh, Yuuji. Good morning.

Yuuji: It isn't a good morning!! // Why is Shouko in my room!? // Because of that the police officer thought I was a delusional idiot, // who couldn't distinguish between 2D and 3D anymore!

Mother: ...eh, Shouko-chan is....?
Yuuji: This reaction. Maybe Shouko did this on her own.

Yuuji: Well, whatever. I'm sorry for yelling at you. // I honestly thought you let her in...

(5)
Mother: Shouko's such a late bloomer. // I went through all that trouble to set things up... what a waste... // Ooh, Yuuji. Why are you suddenly grabbing your mother's face?

Yuuji: So it was your doing after all...

Shouko: ......Yuuji. Don't bully your mother.
Yuuji: Stay away, Shouko. Being her son, I have to re-educate this mother.

Shouko: ......if you ignore me, // your mom and I will read this book together.

Yuuji: Hold... hold on!! That's no reading material for girls! // Give it back to me!

Yuuji: For her to find one of the most sublime magazines, one that would make even our ninja pervert groan, it's terrible!! // Or more precisely, where did she find that!? // I hid it in a place where even my mother would never look!?

(6)
Mother: Oh, Shouko. Isn't that the secret book that Yuuji disguised as a sourcebook on world history, //and hid under the double-bottom of his desk drawer?
Shouko (SFX): nod nod
Yuuji: I've never felt as envious of Akihisa as now, living on his own.

Yuuji: I... I get it. I'll release my mother.
Shouko: ......okay. In that case, I'll...

Yuuji: Damn. As soon as I have it back, I'm going to find a better place to hide it. // I'll have to put a lock on it...

Shouko: ...forgive you, if you burn this book to ashes.
Yuuji: Shouko, no matter how you look at it, that's a stupid condition..

Shouko: ......then burn it and I won't forgive you.
Yuuji: Is there no option where I don't burn it!?
Mother: Ha-ha, I see you're still getting along.

(7)
Yuuji: That's not what I'm thinking......
Mother: Oh! Really?

Yuuji: Well,... why is Shouko here anyway?
Shouko: ......date.

Yuuji: Date? Did I promise to go on a date with you?
Shouko: ......yes.

Mother: Oh! Are those pre-open tickets for Kisaragi Highland? // These are premium tickets, not anyone can get them, right? // Amazing. You really got yourself something good.
Shouko: ......I got them from a nice person.

Mother: I'm so happy for you. // Oh, Yuuji? Who are you calling?
Yuuji: I have some business with a fool.
phone: number recognition OFF

Akihisa: Hello? Who is this?

(8)
Yuuji: ..............you bastard! I'm gonna kill you!

Akihisa: Eh!? What!? // Who are you!? You're scaring me...

Shouko: ......Yuuji, shall we go?
Yuuji: No, I don't want to.

Yuuji: There's a dangerous scheme behind this offer of the Kisaragi group. // I absolutely have to avoid a situation in which I and Shouko get involved and are forced to marry.

Mother: Oh. Don't be silly, it would be nice if the two of you went.
Yuuji: I have my reasons.

Yuuji: "The Kisaragi group will use any means to get you married." If mom only knew the truth. // And if needed, Shouko will use dirty methods to get us involved... she's that type of girl.

(9)
Shouko: ......I want to go there with Yuuji.

Yuuji: It's been about seven years ago since she started expressing her feelings like this. // But no matter how often she confesses her love, my mind won't change. // However, I do respect her devotion to me in a certain way.

Yuuji: But if this drags on, she'll force me to marry her for sure... I don't want to live such a dreadful life. // Alright. Today I'll tell her once and for all: "Shouko, give up on me."

Yuuji: Shouko.
Shouko: No!
Yuuji: ...you should...

Yuuji: Fast!! Too fast! I couldn't say more than her name!

Yuuji: Bu... but, Shouko.
Shouko: ......if you really don't want to go,...

(10)
Shouko: Make you choice.
Yuuji: Sorry, what are we talking about again?

Shouko: ...you aid that if you'd break your promise, we'd hold a wedding ceremony and take our vows.
Yuuji: That's not what I promised, right?

Mother: I think Hawaii would be nice, or at least oversees.
Yuuji: Mom, how can you stay so calm about this.

Shouko: ......Yuuji, make your choice. You promised me!
Mother: Ah, Europe could be nice too. Hmm, where should it be?

Yuuji: Damn!

Yuuji: I can't handle this...! I have to get away...

(11)
Yuuji: ......I'm......powerless......

Shouko: ......we're finally here.

Yuuji: Seeing her happy face, I feel that maybe it was worth it to go all the way here.

Yuuji: Alright, we're here.
Shouko: ......yes.

(12)
Yuuji: Let's go home.
Shouko: ......No way, we're going in.

Yuuji: Ha-ha-ha, Shouko. You know my elbow can't turn that way, right?

Shouko: ......but all couples hold hands.

Yuuji: Hold on, Shouko!! You think that holding hands and // forcing someone into submission are the same thing?

Shouko: ......anyway, let's go in.
Yuuji: Ouch!! // Let go, you'll break my elbow!

(13)
Attendant: Good morning! // Welcome to Kisaragi Highland!
SFX: Bright smile

Attendant: We aren't officially open yet, so do you already have tickets?
Shouko: ......yes.

Attendant: Let's me see them, please.

Shouko: ......is there something wrong...?

Attendant: No, no. There's nothing wrong, right? // Please hold on a second.

(14)
Attendant: It's me. The said couple is here. // Start the preparations for the wedding shift. Everything should be perfect.
Yuuji: Hey, you. What's up with that weird conversation.

Shouko: ......wedding shift?

Attendant: Don't worry about it. It's none of your concern.

Yuuji: Just now you spoke really fluent Japanese.

Attendant: Well, Japanese is really hard, I don't speak it well.
Yuuji: He's irritating.

Yuuji: By the way, there's no need for that wedding shift. // You let us in the park, that's enough.

(15)
Attendant: Don't say that. We'll take care of it. // Please allow us to show you our hospitality.
Yuuji: No need.

Attendant: In return we ask a small favor.
Yuuji: No way.
Attendant: This way please.
Yuuji: I refuse.

Attendant: If you refuse, we'll send a rotten crawfish to your home.
Yuuji: Stop it!! If I'd let you do that, my whole family would get food poisoning.

Yuuji: There's no doubt about it. My mom will mistake it for a spiny lobster and use it to make dinner. // What a frightening threat...!

Attendant: Well, let's first take a commemorative photo.
Shouko: ......commemorative photo?
Attendant: Yes, first we'll make a lasting memory of the well-matched couple.

Shouko: ......well-matched couple...
Akihisa: Sorry to make you wait. Here's the camera.
Yuuji: Huh? I've seen him before...

(16)
Attendant: They told you to bring it? // Thanks for the trouble. You're a great help.

Yuuji: It's strange... is it normal for the staff here to talk so polite to their colleagues? // Let's put it to the test.

Yuuji: Excuse me, I have to make a call.
Attendant: Sure.

Akihisa: Ah, excuse me. That's my phone.

Yuuji: ......morning Akihisa, what are you up to...!?

Akihisa: You've got the wrong person!

(17)
Yuuji: Bastard! don't run away!! // Let go of me, stupid fake foreigner!

Attendant: His name is Elisabeth Hanako (35 years old), commonly known around here as Steve. // He isn't Yoshii something.

Yuuji: Shut up!! You're obviously lying about his race, age, gender and name! // No matter how you look at it, with such a name you wouldn't be commonly known as Steve! // Moreover I never even called him by his family name Yoshii!

Yuuji: That bastard. He's here to trick me...! I've lost all faith in humanity! // Is he trying to take revenge on me!?

Yuuji: To pose as an attendant, I'm sure that old hag is somehow involved in this. // It's possible there are more of them...

Yuuji: Shouko, could you excuse me for a moment.

(18)
Pervert: .........eh!?

(19)
Yuuji: That reaction... looks like our ninja pervert is here too.

Yuuji: I bet Hideyoshi and Himeji are also hiding somewhere. All of them are here to enjoy my misfortune...!

Shouko: ......Yuuji, pervert.

Yuuji: What!? // No... you're wrong, Shouko! // You know I have absolutely no interests in seeing your panties, right!?

Shouko: ......That, it troubles me.

Yuuji: Yipes!! Not fair!!

Attendant: Well then, I'll be taking the photo. // Smile, please.
SFX: click

(20)
Attendant: I'll print it right away. // Please wait here like that.
Shouko: ......sure. We'll wait like this.

Yuuji: Yipes!! If we stay like this my skull will break!

Attendant: Here you go.

Shouko: ......thanks.
Yuuji: Does she really love me...?

Shouko: ......Yuuji, look. This is our memory.
Yuuji: ...... why that photo?

(21)
Attendant: I added some details as a special service.
Yuuji: ......no matter how you look at it, we aren't a happy couple.

Attendant: Do you mind if we display it on this park's photo studio?
Yuuji: Are you mad!? Why on earth would you want to display that!?
Yuuji: ......no one will be fooled by this.

Shouko: ......Yuuji, do you feel ashamed? // Sorry, is there any reason to be ashamed of this photo?

Woman: Aah! They're taking photos. Let's take a photo too!
Man: As a memorial of our wedding? // Hey you, take a photo of us too!

(22)
Attendant: I'm sorry, this is a special service...

Man: What!? What's the problem!? We're customers too!
Woman: Squee! Yuuta, you're so cool!

Man: Just that you know, a picture of us would do this place // more good than a picture of those dull kids.

Woman: That's right! Just look at that stupid boy. // My Ryuuta looks a 100 times better than him!

Yuuji: We should use this as a distraction to get away from that attendant.

Yuuji: Hey, Shouko. Where are you going?

Shouko: ......those two are saying bad things about you.

(23)
Yuuji: Eh, well... if you're going to make a fuss about those cuddling idiots, there will be no end to it. // It's best to ignore those kind of people.

Yuuji: Let's go, Shouko.
Shouko: ......if you say so.

Yuuji: These kind of people coming to the promotion event, Kisaragi Highland really has no luck either.
Man: Aah!? If you don't hurry up and take that picture, I'll tip-off the media!
Woman: That's right! We're customers too, you know!

Yuuji: Alright, let's walk around a bit before we go home.
Shouko: ......I'd love to.

(24)
Yuuji: It would be easiest if they had a cinema here.

Shouko: ......no, that's no good. Now that we're finally together...

Phi (Himeji): Young man with the pretty lady! // Can Phi recommend you to a good attraction?

Yuuji: ...I've heard that voice before. Maybe it's my imagination, but that voice reminds me of our classes' top student. Let's put this one to the test too...

Yuuji: By the way, just now I saw Akihisa inviting that working collage girl to see a movie.
Phi (Himeji): Eeh, Asahisa-kun!? When did you see that!?

(25)
Yuuji: Hey, Himeji. Got yourself a part-time job?

Phi (Himeji): Ah......! You... you're mistaken! It's not me. // Phi isn't that human named Himeji, right? As you can see, I'm a female fox ♪
Yuuji: Himeji takes this too serious.

Yuuji: Well then,... it's Phi, right? What do you recommend?

Phi (Himeji): Ah, sure. Sure. Phi recommends that one. // The haunted house over there.

Yuuji: I see. Thanks.

Phi (Himeji): That's okay. Have fun.

Yuuji: Alright, Shouko.

(26)
Yuuji: Let's go in every attraction EXCEPT the haunted house.
Phi (Himeji): Wa... wait, please!

Phi (Himeji): Why won't you visit my recommendation!?

Yuuji: I've got a bad feeling about it. // It's clear from the way you talk that you have something planned to happen inside that haunted house. // I don't feel like going to such a place.

Phi (Himeji): But... but you'll get me in trouble! // I beg you, please visit the haunted house!

Yuuji: I refuse.
Yuuji: I don't feel like sacrificing the rest of my life, just to grant that request.

(27)
Phi (Himeji): Please~! // The haunted house will be fun!
Yuuji: No・thanks!

Noin (Akihisa): That's as far as you go, Yuuji ¬¬¬......I mean // that plain boy!!

Yuuji: That stupidity... Akihisa!

Noin (Akihisa): How rude!! I... that's not true! // Why are you calling Noin stupid!?

(28)
Yuuji: Shut up!! What's wrong about calling a person stupid, when he put his head on backwards!?

Shouko: ......Yuuji, it's because Noi-chan is a careless person.
Yuuji: Shouko, do you think that creatures who carelessly put their head on backwards will promptly be weeded out by nature?

Phi (Himeji): Ah, Akihisa-kun. You put your head on backwards! // Aah! You even made that little girl cry!?
Noin (Akihisa): Aargh! Damn! So, that's why I couldn't see a thing!

Phi (Himeji): Quick, fix it before Sakamoto-kun notices!
Yuuji: Do they still think they can deceive me? Those two really make a well-matched couple.

Attendant: Excuse me, I'm sorry to have made you wait.

Attendant: Sakamoto Yuuji-san, please go to the haunted house.
Yuuji: I already said I don't want to.

(29)
Attendant: If you refuse, we'll send a large amount of bubble wrap to your house.
Yuuji: Stop it!! If I'd let you do that, all housework would be left undone!

Yuuji: My mother wouldn't do anything, until she popped every bubble!? // It would be a plain and subtle nuisance...!

Phi (Himeji): By the way, Akihisa-kun. I heard you've been talking to a working college girl? // I can't believe you're hooking up with other girls, while we are working hard...

Noin (Akihisa): Eh, what are you talking about? It wasn't me. // Eh, who are you calling?
Phi (Himeji): Minami-chan is on her way her. // Please tell us everything when she gets here.

Noin (Akihisa): That... that's no good!! She can't spill my blood here. That rumor...

Noin (Akihisa): Yipes! She's here already!? // I'll do anything you want, but please don't kill me!

Attendant: SAKAMOTO, Shouko-san, inside the haunted house you can cling to your boyfriend as much as you want.

(30)
Shouko: ......Yuuji, I want to go to the haunted house.
Yuuji: That's dirty!! Using Shouko to lure me into you trap!

Yuuji: And her family name is Kirishima! Don't talk to her like she's family!

Shouko: ......don't worry. It'll change soon enough.

Attendant: Alright, please sign this agreement. // It's just a standard form.
Yuuji: Hm, you have to sign an agreement before you enter?

Yuuji: Well, maybe it's not that bad.
Yuuji: Since they have us sign an agreement, it's probably really scary in there.

Document:
【agreement】

1) I, Sakamoto Yuuji, will take Kirishima Shouko to be my wife and promise to love her for better or worse, all days of my life.

2) I promise to hold the wedding ceremony in Kisaragi Highland.

I promise I won't get a divorce, no matter what circumstances arrive.

I'll sign this agreement to accept the terms written above.

Signature:

(31)
Shouko: ......her, Yuuji. Your seal.
Attendant: Here's the ink pad.
Yuuji: Why only me!? Am I really the only one who thinks this whole situation is odd!?

Attendant: Just joking. Forget about the agreement and go inside.

Yuuji: ......sure. A joke. // They still dare to insist it's just a joke, despite the fact they even prepared a copy.

Attendant: Well then, I'll take care of your bag. It would only be in the way if you took it inside.
Shouko: ......thanks.

Shouko: ......please don't lay it down on its side, or else it'll spill.

Attendant: You're talking about this bag? // I understand. I'll be careful.
Yuuji: Spill? What did she bring?

(32)
Attendant: Have fun.

Shouko: ......Yuuji, let's go.
Yuuji: That hurts!! You'll break my elbow!

Attendant: It's me. The target entered the haunted house. // Put Yoshii-san's plan into action.

To be continued