Kochira Katsushikaku Kameari Kouenmae Hashutsujo 4

Ryoutsu's job is a simple game of repetition, regardless of when it's done. But while patrolling the streets of Kameari is the easy part...the hard part is putting up with the bizarre circumstances around there!

Chp. 4: The Get-Along Duo!?

101.
Ryoutsu: Really, how could we work so early? I’m so sluggish~~(yawn)
Cop: Don’t be saying that.
Cop: We policemen have a mission of protecting the citizens of our area from crime!
Ryoutsu: So we do that…
Cop: I’m patrolling from the 4th Chome. Act seriously, alright?
(TN: “Chome” are the districts or blocks of a Japanese city)
Ryoutsu: Yeah, got it, right.
Ryoutsu: Policemen have a mission of protecting the citizens of our area from crime!! Act seriously!

102.
Ryoutsu: Hmph! Leave me out of that important matter. I became a policeman because I dropped out of the National Defense Academy.
(TN: The “National Defense Academy of Japan”, or “Bouei Daigaku”, is a military academy located in Yokosuka whose aim to educate or train students for the Japanese SDF, equivalent to the US military universities for the Army in West Point, NY and the Navy in Annapolis, MD)
Ryoutsu: How I figure it, we can’t save Japan’s future!
Ryoutsu: Even the personnel of our office truly say it so half-hearted……N?
Ryoutsu: Well, I’ll start from this apartment.
Ryoutsu: If I start here and they’re not here, it will be easy……
Ryoutsu: U~~m, Nagai Atsushi, Nagai…are they here…?
Ryoutsu: It’s patrol…

103.
Woman: We don’t want what you’re selling!
Ryoutsu: Idiot! Would a salesman wear this outfit! Look closer!
Ryoutsu: That was too much, be relieved I’m helping!!
Woman: Huh, a cop…? From how you looked, I was certain you were a salesman………
Ryoutsu: We—ll, your household……is it true there were three living here, if not mistaken?
Woman: Ah, you’re here for investigation?
Woman: Please wait a moment……I’ll make tea now……
Ryoutsu: Ah, wife there, hold…
Ryoutsu: I want to end this and get back immediately…really.

104.
Ryoutsu: How old are you boy?
Ryoutsu: Mu?
Ryoutsu: You’re a creepy brat, hmph.
Ryoutsu: Hey—there, you!
Ryoutsu: This isn’t a water gun!! You horrible brat!!

105.
Boy: Uh…uh…
Boy:Uwaaaaa~~h
Ryoutsu: Boy, please stop crying! You’re a good boy. (F**king brat)
Voice: Hello, thanks for waiting…
Woman: I’m terribly sorry for earlier.
Woman: Ah, huh? Mr. Cop?
Boy: Waaaa
Ryoutsu: Why must a policeman like me run from that?

106.
Ryoutsu: I’ll go through the apartments later. I’ll go through the residences.
Ryoutsu: This is a really big house.
Sign: Oota Hiroshi
Sign: BING BO—NG

107.
Thief: S**t, someone’s here to stop me.
Thief: Hello, who is this?
Ryoutsu: Police.
Thief: Police!!
Thief: Ye…yes, you can come in soon.
Ryoutsu: Alright.
Thief: If any of you make a slight sound, then I’ll kill you, alright!
Ryoutsu: He’ll suspect me with a bad appearance. Will this deceive him?

108.
Thief: Performing is my specialty…
Thief: Alright, that’s great.
Thief: Sorry for keeping you waiting.
Ryoutsu: No, its fine……
Thief: What’s your purpose? I was a bit confused now being so busy……
Ryoutsu: I’ll make this quick!
Ryoutsu: The Oota family is five people.
Thief: Oota……?
Thief: Aah, us! We’re the Ootas! Right, I’m Oota-san.
Ryoutsu: U—m, occupation?

109.
Thief: Well of course, a thie…no, well…I work in social welfare…
Ryoutsu: Well, welfare. Are you sure?
Thief: What are you saying? I’m blessed in holding out my hand to help people.
Thief: Thus, even if it’s a bit, I’ll make a ring of smiling faces spread through society……
Ryoutsu: That’s a commendable job. Well, please do your best.
Ryoutsu: If you have an opinion or request facing the actions of police, do you wish to say it?
Thief: A request?
Thief: I do have one! Recently, the police have been doing too much screaming in their strengthening of their crime-preventing guidance and theft prevention: that every house needs over two locks for the entrance and locking even the bathroom window. And worse, the patrolling police really hate doing their work aimlessly wandering around…
Ryoutsu: We hate doing our work……?
Thief: No, actually, patrols are terribly un-be-ar-ab-le……
Ryoutsu: Aah, understood~~

110.
Ryoutsu: I heard a sound of something breaking inside……Did something happen…?
Thief: No, it’s nothing. The kids broke something.
Ryoutsu: While we’re at it, you have this singing daughter in your house, Hiromi-san she’s called?
(TN: Yeah, another “Hiromi Oota” reference)
Thief: Ah, right. We in our household were talking now going to her public performance, let’s talk about that now.
Ryoutsu: Really? So then that would be interesting, go ahead.
Thief: I wouldn’t like it if we avoided that. I’ll invite Kasuga Hachirou too.
(TN: Hachirou Kasuga is notable as the “first enka singer”, popular from the 1950s with songs such as “Otomi-san” and “Wakare no Ipponsugi”, and notable through his death in 1991)
Ryoutsu: Ah, you’re a Kasuga Hachirou fan too?

111.
Thief: Huh, so then cops do too!?
Thief: No, of course! Actually I’m happy at that.
Ryoutsu: Actually, we’re really of the same opinion.
Ryoutsu: Since I’ve come here, I didn’t have a hunch that you were a stranger. I’ve seen you once…….right. I really have~~
Thief: He’s has once……
Poster:
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SUSPECT
HORIBA MAROE
Horiba: We…well, that’s great somehow.
Ryoutsu: Did you see his special performance at Meijiza? It truly, truly was great!
(TN: “Meijiza” refers to the Meijiza Theater, a theater founded in 1893 and is located near Hachamo station, specializing in samurai dramas usually)
Horiba: It was. My specialty is acting like Kasuga Hachirou!
Ryoutsu: Right, you have to show me!
Horiba: Huh, now!?
Horiba: Right, how could Ha-chan come out from such a poor stage……
Ryoutsu: Right, right, I can feel it!

112.
Horiba: (sings) A pla—tform for a pa—inful parting. The bell rings, the bell rings—
Ryoutsu: Aah, now that’s “Nagasaki no Hito”!
(TN: “Nagasaki no Hito” or “Nagasaki Woman”, is a song notable by Hachirou Kasuga, originally released in 1963)
Ryoutsu: I can see the—sea. Foreigner graveyard—Yo—u left on a foggy night. Sapphire color—
Horiba: You’re cool~~kyaa. I’m erally your fan, Ha-chan.
Horiba: Wa~~kyaa~~Kyaa~~amazing~~
Mr. Oota: He doesn’t notice us here! What is he doing!
Mrs. Oota: Damn, that stupid idiot policeman!

113.
Ryoutsu: I truly heard breaking glass now.
Horiba: Huh? I didn’t hear it…
Ryoutsu: Hold on, I’ll be going!
Horiba: A~~ah, no!
Ryoutsu: Why have you stopped me from going inside since earlier? Is there something you don’t want me to see……?
Horiba: No, that’s not it but
Ryoutsu: So, I’ll be going!!
Horiba: Huh, it’s nothing going on, it’s your imagination.

114.
Ryoutsu: I don’t see your daughter?
Horiba: I’m certain it was a dog, how about you take a walk to the Takesato apartments?
Horiba: So…so then, the former policeman quickly ended up there and went back.
Ryoutsu: Ah, of course: I have to do the rounds until lunch today.
Horiba: So make it brief in here.
Ryoutsu: So—then, your occupation.
Horiba: Ah, a thie……
Horiba: Didn’t you do that earlier!
Ryoutsu: Right then……so, next?
Horiba: That was dangerous talk, really.
Ryoutsu: I’ve heard about family, so where were you born?
Horiba: Taitou Ward in Tokyo.
(TN: As I mentioned before, Taitou is one of the 23 wards of Tokyo)

115.
Ryoutsu: What! Taitou Ward!
Ryoutsu I’m from Taitou too. Where?
Horiba: Well~~then (out loud): Ryuusen.
Ryoutsu: Ryuusen…I was born in Senzoku! Here, next to Yoshiwara Shrine!!
Horiba: Really? Isn’t Senzoku in the next neighborhood!
(TN: Yes, both Senzoku and Ryuusen are adjacent neighborhoods in Taitou Ward...BTW: just as a crazy note, Katsushika Ward, where Kameari is, is right across the river from Taitou)
Ryoutsu: Well, that’s unexpected. So then, you went to Taishou Elementary?
Horiba: Of course. Over there there was that bald principal.
Ryoutsu: Right right, he went by the nickname “Vulture of the Desert”, hahaha.
(TN: This is a silly pun: “Hagetaka” is Japanese for “Vulture”, but of course includes the same “hage” of “bald” as the bald principal)
Horiba: Well, that’s really nostalgic.
Ryoutsu: I really went to Sumita Park with the brats and caught dragonflies
Horiba: Oh. I chatted with the prostitutes of Yoshiwara, since I was in 5th grade.
Ryoutsu: My house was right in the middle of Yoshiwara. I was always playing in the brothels.

116.
Ryoutsu: The alumni of our area at our station almost…They don’t really say their hometowns, but I am biased. True Tokyoites aren’t facing those mountains and rivers. Their hometown is the allies and ditches.
Horiba: I feel the same. Tokyo truly still is a good place to live.
Ryoutsu: Well, it suites you too! Now I play around at my police box.
Horiba: Well, I’ve already been there on………N…no, have you quit? Doing your job for today…?
SFX: Sla—m
Ryoutsu: I’m worried about earlier. Is there someone here?
Ryoutsu: Well there was a sound from the second floor.
Horiba: 2nd floor……?

117.
Horiba: I didn’t invade the 2nd floor yet…
Ryoutsu: Be quiet!
Ryoutsu: In this room?
Ryoutsu: There really is a thief!
Horiba: That idiot: how could there be two thieves in the same house? Clumsy!!
Ryoutsu: You’ll help me capture him!!
Horiba: Huh, me?

118.
Ryoutsu: What are you saying? He entered your house!
Horiba: Haa, well, of course………
Ryoutsu: You’ll go into the next room and chase him down. When he flies from there, I’ll get him.
Ryoutsu: Go now! Run him out!
Horiba: Right.
Horiba: How could I, a thief, be capturing a thief? What’s this world coming to!
Horiba: Ah, ah, a thief, a thief!
Thief 2: No! He found me! Damn!
Ryoutsu: You!!


119.
Ryoutsu: Owowow…
Ryoutsu: Wait!!
Ryoutsu: You can’t mock HQ’s chief patroller Ryoutsu, you dummy!
Ryoutsu: Hey, hurry and call the police.
Horiba: Huh, the police!
Horiba: Are you the police? Yes, take your time!
Ryoutsu: So then, while you’re at it………Uh, huh? Where did he go?

120.
Horiba: You can’t be joking: if you really have a patrol car waiting for me, then you’ll catch me. For the moment I’m not staying in that house helping an officer! I’m a full-fledged thief!
Ryoutsu: It’s best you calm already. We’ve caught the criminal. However, why would the head leave his house?
Mr. Oota: I’m the real head! He was a thief too.
Ryoutsu: He…can’t be!!
Chief: The other thief that had captured this thief ran away? Hmm……Should I scream at you? Should I praise you? It’s a hard question, hm—m.

TN: Has anyone besides me seen those "Muppet Show" sketches where Uncle Deadly and Wayne (of Wayne and Wanda) are enemies in a melodrama who turn out to have a common interest leading to the danger of the heroine (Miss Piggy, obviously?) Well...silly enough, I was thinking of this the whole time I was translating this chapter with the interaction between Ryoutsu and the thief Horiba. Some would say that the whole fact that Ryoutsu fell for it so easily was annoying, but it made for a much more fun chapter, particularly when Horiba was forced to take out a rival thief finally driving him utterly nuts regarding the whole scenario! Of course, at least Ryoutsu didn't get (too) reprimanded for the whole ordeal...but he did at least try to make sure the real residents were alright, even with Horiba kept holding him off. (oh, and I really hope I got that song by Hachiro Kasuga right)