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Translations: Gintama 683 by kewl0210 , One Piece 904 by cnet128
translation-needs-checked translation-needs-proofread

Kochira Katsushikaku Kameari Kouenmae Hashutsujo Oneshot : Yamadome Tatsuhiko's Theater of Laughs

Traffic Safety '76


The following script is approved only for English usage by "major scans" and Spanish usage by "Detective Conan Forever". Any other usage must have approval by the translator and can not be done without such.

Just after KochiKame was introduced through a rough one-shot...but just before Ryoutsu began his weekly craziness...Osamu Akimoto (going under the name "Tatsuhiko Yamadome") wrote a short tale about a taxi-driver (in 1976 that may not be a good idea with Travis Bickle around) who seems awfully familiar...

(TN: “Tatsuhiko Yamadome” was a pseudonym Osamu Akimoto went by from the moment he entered WSJ, including his first couple years on KochiKame. As for where this actually fits: the one-shot was released in Issue 36, 1976. For those keeping track, the KochiKame 1-shot came out in Issue 29 and chp. 1 came out in Issue 42, placing this right between the one-shot of Ryoutsu and the actual start of serialization)

Man: Reiko-chan is late.

Man: Oh~~no!
Man: What were you doing, you rude taxi!! Go die!
Man: ?
Cab Driver: You really don’t have the authority to say those things, boy!
Man: No, I…it was nothing……It just suddenly slipped out of my mouth, that’s what.
Cab Driver: Your safety confirmation has failed! Yes it has……!
Man: Right, I was bad.
Girl: Kyaa, Osamu-san.

Cab Driver: Its f**king hot, but here I am driving in my car without AC. I’m really irritated.
Cab Driver: Perhaps I should throw the car into a lake.
Man: I’m in a hurry, let me ride!
Cab Driver: Fine.
Man: Hurry, open the…
Man: Hyaa
Cab Driver: S**t! This car is breaking down due to this heat.
Man: A…anyway, take me to Tokyo station…The time of my train is………

Man: Oh…hey! Hold on, hold on.
Man: Do…do you always drive with your doors open?
Cab Driver: Shut up, they’re broken. They won’t shut!
Cab Driver: Isn’t this a great way to get cool in the summer?
Man: Th…this is absurd.
Cab Driver: You’re fussy! If you keep rattling on, I’ll throw you out of the cab!!
Cab Driver: S**t, whatever the company thinks, I’m using this car. You’re being stupid.

Cab Driver: Here, we’ve arrived.
Man: Barely on time.
Man: ?
Man: Weren’t the door open?
Cab Driver: Now they won’t open.
Man: What!
Cab Driver: Nothing we can do. Get out through the window. Huh?
Man: ………………
Man: How could you stare with my fate………
Man: I won’t drive a taxi again.

Cab Driver: I’m not going out there, really! I’ll take it wasy for a bit.
Cab Driver: You~~!
Cab Driver: You’ve got some nerve! Get out here!!
Woman: I’m sorry.

Cab Driver: Ahahaha…well it’s the company’s car…
Woman: But it’s damaged.
Cab Driver: That hit didn’t do anything. A hit to it is……
Cab Driver: To smash it to that sort of condition. What you did earlier was just a touch…
Stubble: I’m sorry; can I ride in your taxi?
Cab Driver: N?
Stubble: I have to get to Ueno but…
Cab Driver: Sorry, I’m already off duty for today.
Stubble: Off duty? Though don’t you have night duty………

Cab Driver: How’s this? The taxis of Tokyo aren’t to be ridden in……that’s the view of it. How about a sight of Tokyo by getting hit on the head go—od! Huh, peasant?
Cab Driver: Really, can’t I take a break?
Cop: Police! Follow the car ahead!
Cab Driver: Chi, no choice!
Cab Driver: Are you going to arrest a murderer?
Cop: I’m going towards a place used for transactions. I want to make an arrest there. If you cooperate, then I may monetarily reward you.

Cab Driver: Really!? So then, how much?
Cop: Yes, how about ten-thousand for the moment?
Cab Driver: I thank you for that…
Cab Driver: Sir, I’ll be taking it.
Cop: Oh, I’m sorry……
Cab Driver: Will this be in the paper……
Cop: Look in front! In front!
Cop: Hurry! They’re getting away.

Cop: There! It’s the car!!
Cab Driver: Shut up!!
Cab Driver: I shouldn’t have fought that guy.
Cop: Weren’t you chasing them from the start!?
Cab Driver: It seems to be a stunt car.
Cab Driver: Oh, it stopped!
Cab Driver: ?

Cop: Hey, what’s wrong? Didn’t we pass them?
Cab Driver: No, I’ve been really hitting the brakes since earlier, but they’re really busted…
Cop: Kuku………
Cab Driver: Well now it’s stopped though I did hit it. Get authorized by HQ.
Cop: Well, a phone poll would be handy.
Cab Driver: Right, understood!
Cab Driver: There!
Cop: Were you using your eyes?
Cab Driver: Yes.

Cop: I’ve…called the station now…we saved it thanks to you……
Cab Driver: Really? I have no connection to it.
Cop: So then, I’ll be getting the taxi fare from the station.
Cab Driver: Hey! Hold on a bit!!
Cab Driver: Money? What about my reward?
Cop: Ho…hold on, I’m in pain…
Cab Driver: Well, now you’re an embezzler……
Cop: Dummy, I’m a detective………
Cop: So, what’s your name and address?
Shigeru: Kamikaze Traffic Service, Surname: Murakami, Name: Shigeru!
Shigeru: Weight: 20 kan, Height: 5 shaku, 8 sun; in good health.
(TN: “kan” = 3.75 kg, “shaku” = Japanese foot, “sun” = 3.03 cm)
Cop: Rigth, thanks for that…
Shigeru: Hold on! I really don’t believe you.
Cop: Cough cough, I get it. So then, you’ll come to the station!

Shigeru: Why didn’t you say so? Well, I’ll see you there.
Cop: Well your attitude just changed.
Cop: You’re completely stupid!
Shigeru: You misunderstand, the car did it on it’s own.
Cop: How was this car constructed?
Cop: I did give you preference for chasing the criminal earlier and nipping them in the bud, but……it’s just your reckless driving; I’m sorry for just penalizing it……
Shigeru: Don’t be joking. I took you quickly from here to there…
Cop: There are limits on how fast you’ve gone!!

Shigeru: Limits, sir…
Cop: You idiot! Get on the wheel, the wheel!!
Cop: Really, can you talk while facing front? Huh…
Shigeru: I couldn’t since you were talking of the money.
Shigeru: I’m a wretched taxi driver. Do you know how important that ten-thousand is…
Cop: I get it, I get it. But if you hit something, then that won’t be the only thing you’re sorry for!
Shigeru: Don’t worry. Here, my eyes are already in front.
Cop: Phew, so then we’ll arrive safely.
Shigeru: Ugya! Bees! Bees!

Cop: Ididot! Where are you going?
Shigeru: Ask the bees, ask them!!
Caption: Five minutes later
Shigeru: Hey, sir, about my reward?
Cop: You idiot! You’re spending your life in there!
(End of One-Shot)

Mangaka: Kobayashi Yoshinori

The man called Akimoto Osamu seems like he's an old construction worker, yet I'm convinced he I'm convinced is nothing more than a villainous man with a really meaty body and plucked off stubble with pulled-out nosehairs. Whichever he is, he seems better at putting a mirror at a prison, since I say that a terrified policeman would pull out his gun if he appeared in front of their station; though I'm speaking randomly while drawing a story that's not normal.... Ultimately, while talking about dealing in a place where I work with my beloved Agnes Lum-chan, this author is one who thinks he can continue in this truly terrifying world while pretending to be in the manga world.

On the day I first arrived in Tokyo, within the elevator of the editorial department, I was in there together with a man who appeared sickly like konjac. I thought it was strange that this transvestite would be of use to the editors, then the transvestite said "Nice to meet you, I'm Yamatome!" (his former pen-name) I was spontaneously astonished that air came out of my butt. Akimoto Osamu, whether he's a villain, truly has delicate nerves, filled with kindness and affection, a person who is like a Buddha.

I fell in love with him at a glance, wanting to get married to him, but meeting in fiercly opposing surroundings, now we mutually are satisfied in sending out love letters within our mutual works.

For that reason, those of you who have finished reading this book should immediately also buy "Todai Icchokusen" and give it a read. I accept that it's results are known to be from our deep connection and the fun you have of the works will be enlarged but......

Myself and Akimoto Osamu increasingly have come to have a deep connection. Therefore, the manga will increasingly become more fun. It's true!
(TN: Just a couple notes.
-Yoshinori Kobayashi: a gag mangaka who started WSJ around the same time as Akimoto (their series both started in '76), he became notable for his series "Todai Icchokusen", which ran in Jump between '76 and '79. Akimoto and Kobayashi's works were rather inseparable, with characters cameoing back and forth and yearly collaborations through the late 70s. However, while Kobayashi continued to be notable for his manga work after "Todai" ended, including winning an award for "Obocchama" in the late 1980s, he became more infamous in the 1990s and beyond as a renowned voice of ultra-right wing politics as seen in his manga works "Gomamism", creating manga stereotyping other cultures, protecting the Japanese point of view as akin to pre-WWII politics and even jokingly referring to himself as a modern Fascist. Though attacked for his views and even gaining assassination attempts towards his life, Kobayashi remains a prominent and controversial person in modern Japanese society, far from his WSJ roots and friendship with Akimoto.
-"Konjac": also known as 'devil's tongue', it is a tuber used for the creation of a gelatenous food product of the same name)

TN: I probably could say quite a bit on Kobayashi's commentary at the end or about his infamy as I mentioned above...but I'll just let that stand as is. On the other hand, I think I"ll instead talk about the one-shot...which in a weird way felt like a bridge between "KochiKame the one-shot" and "KochiKame the series". Shigeru, the lead of this one-shot, actually seemed to look exactly like the Ryoutsu of the series as opposed to the former Ryoutsu and the art was much cleaner than it had been. (there was even a foreigner...more practice for Nakagawa?) My only real problem with the chapter was...well, it wasn't really too much and somehow felt a tad stupid. There were some really funny moments, like him driving the cab with all the doors open and forcing the passenger out through a window, but the part with the cop felt somehow like a "Pink Panther" movie than it felt like KochiKame...sure the relationship between Ryoutsu and the chief could be similar...but at least the chief did respect Ryoutsu in a weird way and Ryoutsu does at least "attempt" to do his job. Sort of wish I had more to say...but I guess I'm still a bit disturbed by the Kobayashi commentary at the end. See you in vol. 2!

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