Kamen no Maid Guy
-> RTS Page for Kamen no Maid Guy 9
[Scanlation with this translation reserved for otakami.]
Kamen no Maid Guy
Nae: Sit right there for a bit.
Kou: ……Sit there? You mean on this scale?
I think if I sit on it you won’t be able to see the reading.
Nae: Then stand right there.
SFX: plunk [it’s actually a mechanical springy sound from the scale, but I can’t find a good English word]
Nae: 80 kg.
Nae: Verdict: you’ve gained too much weight!
SFX [the white characters on the far right and left]: Bo- oom
Nae: Getting fat is only harmful!!
Therefore, the Fujiwara household will enter a dieting week indefinitely, starting from today!!!
Nae: Everyone will be participating!!
Kou: W……wait a minute, what’re you saying all of a sudden!?
Kou: First of all, I’m not fat! I’m just chubby!
Nae: The temptation of food, the magic power of cake…… a weak heart that almost succumbs,
Nae: The diet that always falls apart……… But it’s not scary crossing the red light if we all do it together!
Nae: Why can’t you understand my heart of an older sister that wants everyone to work together to overcome this difficulty!?
Kousuke, you dummy!
Kou: No I understand completely! You’ll give in if someone’s eating next to you while you’re dieting, so you’re plotting to drag other people into this, right!?
Isn’t that too selfish of you no matter how you look at it??
Fubuki: Naeka-sama, by everyone participating, do you mean us too?
Nae: Maids are part of the Fujiwara family! Of course you’re participating!! No skipping out!!!
Nae mutter: Of course!
Nae: You too, Kogarashi-san!
Koga: Who do you think to are, to order me around?
Nae: Your master!
Nae: Now, everyone~ let’s all work hard towards our target weights~~
SFX: Let’s work hard~
The protagonist of this story, Fujiwara Naeka, age 17. Granddaughter and sole direct heir of the great Zenjuurou Fujiwara, leader of the great Fujiwara Zaibatsu.
She hasn’t been told herself, but in several months when she turns 18, she will simultaneously become the first-in-line to inherit the entire zaibatsu.
Zenjuurou dispatched two maids as bodyguards to protect her from those who scheme to usurp the inheritance.
What will Naeka’s fate be!!!?
Nae: Alright, you’re too quiet~!
Fubuki mutter: Um?
Kou: Nee-chan, that incident was that much……
Kou: That much of a shock to her———!!!
Sign: [white] huge sale on North Sea products [gray] Queen Crab [black] One per person
Fubuki: I’m sorry for having you two help out.
Fubuki mutter: We’re having crab tonight <3
Nao: It’s great that we managed to get enough for everyone.
Fubuki: Kousuke-sama too……
Box: Que [cut off]
Nao: What’s up, Kousuke? You seem to be in an awfully good mood.
Kou: A foolish question… Can you tell by looking, Nee-chan?
Kou: Right now I’m walking around with a maid.
To walk around with a maid…… That’s a situation every man in the world longs for!!
Can’t you feel it!? The stares of envy and admiration directed at me from around us!
Whaat, that boy’s so young and he’s a master!?
To think I’d be able to see a great man on the level of Ichirou in a place like this!!
Kou: I can hear what’s in everyone’s heart! That’s right, I’m shining right now! It’s a piece of cake, and enough for me to be in the top ten in the world!!
Dammit…… you winner at life! I’m so jealous…!!
Oh, he’s so wonderful…… Hug me! Snatch me and run away……!!
Kou: Ahh…… Hurray for my brightness!!!
Fubuki: You know~ the elevator’s coming.
Nae: ……Hold this for a sec.
SFX: whomp x3
Employee mutter: This is the 7th floor~
Nae: Seriously, our grandfather, and Kousuke— why are the men in this family……
Employee: I’m sorry, ma’am?
Employee: We’re over the weight limit, so please wait for the next elevator.
Employee: Um, ma’am?
You’re too heavy, so could you please get off?
It’s a lie!!!
Nae: You sure can talk, department store onee-san……
[bold]I[bold] am heavy…??
Nae: Sure the food was sooo yummy these days and I couldn’t help it, but……
Nae: It’s okay, Naeka!! The buzzer was some sort of mistake!!
Nae: If I measure myself, I’m sure to be light as a feather… That’s right, there’s no way I could……
SFX: tears up
……Was a way.
Nae: It…it’s a lie. Why is this……
This scale, it- it’s broken……
Koga: Fuhahahaha! Good job finding that out, master. This scale certainly is off.
The actual difference with your weight from my maid guy scan is 350 grams!
Compared to the scale, your actual body weight is 350 grams……
Nae: ——Which is it!!?
Nae: 350 g lighter? Heaver? Which is it!?
Fubuki: ……What are you doing, Kogarash-san?
Koga: ……Hrrm…… I was thinking while looking at the clouds.
Koga: What would’ve happened if I hadn’t answered honestly to master’s question and said she was lighter…?
Body weight… That is an unavoidable path of carnage for every maiden.
A battle of dieting that shaves away one’s flesh and bone. Today, one Asura… is born!! !
Nae: ……With that said, it’s diet week!
Nae: Each of you, after recording your weight and body fat, I’ll expect your diligent efforts towards your target weight!
Fubuki: ……Diet isn’t a part of a maid’s duties, though……
Koga: Kukukukuku, how impudent, master.
Koga: A diet for maid guy? That’s laughable.
Koga: I’ll show you now, my ultimate technique.
Koga: Special attack!!
Koga: Maid Guy Levitation!!!
Nao/Kou: Zero kg!!!?
Koga: Fuhahahaha, did you think something like a scale could work on me, you foolish master!!
Nao: Ch…….cheating’s prohibited~!!
Koga: Kukukukuku, cheating…? Master, whatever are you talking about…?
Fubuki: Oh, Naeka-sama, could I go next?
Fubuki: I’m not a psychic that can levitate.
Fubuki: You can rest assured. I do have a weight.
Fubuki: But is this diet…
Fubuki: Really necessary for me?
SFX: spin spin spin
Nae: Th…35…… 35 kg……
……A truly unbelievable number…… th- this sense of defeat……
Fubuki: Oh no, Naeka-sama, you read my weight aloud in front of the gentlemen.
Koga: Don’t be fooled master!!
Koga: Look closely by her feet!!
Kou: ……There’s a tiny needle you can barely see stuck in the dial so the scale won’t move to a higher weight……
Koga: Hmph! That trick’s merely child’s play!
Nae: Cheating’s prohibited!!
Remove it, Kousuke~!!!
Kou: Y- you’re heavier than me, Fubuki-san!?
Fubuki: N…no! This is my weight plus about 100 kg of maid equipment inside my clothes!
Fubuki mutter: Like these!
Koga: Then is your real weight negative 15 kg?
Koga mutter: Are you a balloon?
Fubuki: Be quiet, traitor~~!!!
Koga: For a maid, quickness is fundamental. Putting on excess fat is unthinkable.
You can’t deceive my eyes! Even with subtracting the equipment, you’re 2 kg over the ideal weight for welterweight maids!!
Koga: According to my maid guy scan, your weight right now is……
Fubuki: Waaaaah~ shut it~~~!!
Fubuki: Yes, that’s right, I gained weight. I gained weight!
Nae: Leaving all your weapons and deducting the weight of your clothes, your weight-loss goal is…… What’s that ideal weight?
Fubuki: My goal’s losing 3 kg to beat this idiot!!
Nae mutter: Scary!
Nae: 3 kg from here!?
Nae: Hey, Kousuke, don’t peek!
Nae mutter: A maiden’s weight is top secret!
Fubuki: My goal’s losing 3 kg~!!!
……Thus, another Shura……
SFX: burn~ x2
SFX: bubble bubble x2
Nae: Fufufu… it’s pretty well-done, this special sauna……
Fubuki: You can’t imagine it’s a remodeled storage.
Nae: Furthermore, Fubuki-san’s special base metabolism stimulant!
Fubuki: I made it prioritizing effectiveness so the taste will be tremendously bitter.
Nae: Bitter~~~ whoa, I think I’ll lose weight~~~~~
Fubuki: But if you take one pill a day the diet’s effectiveness will be tripled.
Nae: Then if there were 100 pills today’s diet will be 300 times better~
Fubuki: Excuse me?
Nae: Whoa, look, look, that’s a lot of sweat.
Fubuki: What are you doing? Are you a dummy, Naeka-sama~!!!?
Nae: Ahaha, it’s like my mind and body and soul all got lighter~~
Koga: ……What’s truly terrifying is a woman’s karmic deeds, huh……
Fubuki: Ko- Kogarashi-san, water~~~!
Water and the first aid kit~~!!
Nae: Darn~~ that’s it~~?
It’s not much considering I put my life on the line~~
Nae mutter: It could be a bit more drastic
Fubuki: ……If you were left like that even a little bit longer, you would have been cremated and undergone a dreadful weight loss, you know?
Fubuki: ……Now that I think about it, where’s Kousuke-san?
Nae: Since we couldn’t have him in the sauna with us, he should have turned the bathroom into a sauna and be in it by himself…
Kou mutter: I’m out~
Kou: Phew, that was a nice bath.
I got a little dizzy though.
What’s wrong, you two?
You’re making faces like pigeons that got hit with a pea shooter.*
*[You look like deer in headlights.]
Kou: I’m parched.
Nae: Ko…Kousuke…… Wh- what’s with that body…!?
What in the world is that beautiful slim body……!?
Kou: Ahh, I do feel a bit lighter now that you mention it.
SFX: glug, glug, glug
Kou: I wouldn’t have so much trouble if losing weight was so easy.
Nae: Yeah!! That’s exactly right!!!
Kou: Uuugh, what’re you doing, Nee-chan……
Kou: H- huh? That’s weird, it’s gone up…?
Fubuki: I…I know how you feel, but Naeka-sama, calm down.
Nae mutter: Uraaaa, if I was youuu
Koga: Ku, ku, ku…… If you like, should I lend a hand?
Koga: If you sweat, it’ll go down…… that idea already makes you passive losers.
In any age and place, victory is something you must act on and grasp yourself!
Maid guy super vibration claw!!!
Nae: Th…the apple dried up in the blink of an eye…!!?
Koga: Kukuku, I vibrated and evaporated the water molecules within the apple as steam with my high vibrations……
Koga: If you apply this to dieting, achieving your goals would be trivial.
Those needlessly large bags of excess fat conveniently hanging from your chests, two per person!
If you pressure evaporate them with my claws there’s no doubt you can immediately lose several kilograms!!!
Nae: Bags of excess fat!!?
Koga: I can freely control how much to wring out!
Koga: Now, I’ll wring them out for you, excess fat maid and excess fat master! I will now set you out to sail……
Fubuki mutter: Excess fat maid!?
Koga: On a dazzling dieting journey!!!
Nae: ……Now that it’s come to this, here’s the last resort.
Not only increasing what goes out, one must decrease what goes in!
Nae: Today, from this moment, we will be carrying out a fast indefinitely!!!
Kou: F…fast you say~~!!?
Kou: Wait a minute, that’s crazy, Nee-chan. We’re not monks aiming to mummify ourselves!
Isn’t fasting indefinitely stepping over the line!!?
Nae: Naïve! You’re naïve, Kousuke!!
Nae: Even a giant dam can break from one ant hole.
Nae: If you thoughtlessly eat even a little, everything could fall apart from there.
Nae: Rather, I’m always breaking it, so I have to make it zero from the start!
If you’re doing it, might as well be at the risk of your life!!!
Kou: Risk your life!!!?
This isn’t Asura anymore…… Nirrti!!
Nee-chan is the Nirrti of dieting!!!
Fubuki: That’s the spirit, Naeka-sama……
Fubuki: I will not want, until I win!! Even in exchange for my life!!!
I’ll gladly do the fasting diet!!
Fubuki: Like I’d ever let him call me excess fat maid again!!!
……And another Nirrti……
Nae mutter: Let’s do this Fubuki!
Fubuki mutter: Let’s do it, Nakea! …sama.
Looks like this diet won’t end without bloodshed……
But I have absolutely no intention of being a part of this!
Well then, take care you two… Adios!
Kou: W-whoa! What are you doing? Let me gooooooo let goooooo
Nae: Wouldn’t it be better to hole up somewhere we can lock so we won’t be bothered?
Kou: Save me Kogarashi-sa~~n
Fubuki: You’re right, Naeka-sama. How about barricading ourselves inside the attic!!?
Kou: I place food above all else~~!
Koga: How much trouble will you masters cause me…!!
SFX: scorch x3
SFX: whir whir whir
Koga mutter: Coordinates confirmed!
Koga: Several days since they locked themselves in the attic! Their consciousnesses are hazy already; they can’t tell the difference between dreams and reality!!
SFX: vvv x3
Koga: Take this! Special attack, Daydreaming Maid Guy Illusion!!!
SFX: vvv x7
Sending the image to master that for some reason only her bust shrunk from the diet!!!
SFX: vvv vvv vvv x2
Nae mutter: Waaah, it’s so loose
Waaah! I don’t want this~~
And now it’s you, excess fat maid! Joyfully embarrassing, tiny breast debut!!
Your bust will shrink in an instant too!!!
SFX: vvv x4
Now, how about we go with a failed a diet and for some reason turned into a man episode next?
No, wait!? It might be fun to accidentally diet only one breast too!!
SFX: vvv vvv vvv
SFX: heh, heh, heh, here, here
The moment you chose to hole yourselves up there’s no way out for you!
Fuhahahaha!! Even if you close your eyes it won’t disappear. Take this, my illusion special attack!!
Be tormented by nightmares you won’t wake up from!!
There’s hair growing from my shin~
SFX: vvv x 5
Koga: Kukukukuku…… As long as you don’t come down from there the illusion hell will continue endlessly.
SFX: tremble tremble x2
Koga: A diet gone too far is only harmful.
You should give up already and eat food……!
Kou mutter: Let’s dig in~
Koga: ……Seriously, for someone like you…. Geez.
Koga: To prioritize something like body weight over the life of your master, which should be protected. You ditzy maid!
I’m deeply asham…… D- ditzy maid……………!
Nae: Ended up back where I started on the rebound…
Nae: I guess there’s no other way than dieting a little each day after all……
Kou: Losing weight really is difficult after all.
Nae: Hey, why are you the only one getting slim again you traitor~!!!
Nae mutter: Waaah~ I’m so jealous~
Kou: Phew, I’m troubled since don’t have clothes to wear.
Kou mutter: They’re all too big~
Fubuki mutter: Oh dear~
Fubuki: I seem to have gone back to where I started too……
Nae: Let’s start dieting tomorrow again together!
Nae: Waah~ Fubuki-sa~n,
My friend from the heart~~
Fubuki: Eek…… Na- Naeka-sama!
Nae: Fubuki-san, something fell from your skirt, you know.
……Something that looks like a weight that says 3 kg on it.
Fubuki: …………What is it? What could this be?
Box: Announcing results of Fujiwara household enhancement week——
Box: Kousuke Fujiwara: Minus 28 kg (goal achieved)
Fubuki mutter: Na…Naeka-sama, this is, um…
Box: Fubuki: Minus 3 kg (goal achieved)
Fubuki mutter: You see~
Box: Naeka Fujiwara: Plus 2 kg (failed)
Nae: Whoa, in the end I’m the only one who failed the diet~~!!?
SFX: glug glug glug
Nae: Now that it’s come to this, I’m gonna comfort eat~~~~~!!!!!
Fubuki: P…please calm down, Naeka-sama~~!!!
Diet— that is a maiden’s battle that shaves away one’s flesh and bones.
If you endure, you get thin. If you eat, you get fat. A cursed chain that continues infinitely.
May there be luck in the future of the girls who continue to fight……!
Nae: Now that I think about it, the elevator could have rung
Because there was a rather heavy maid on it, right?
Nae: Kogarashi-san, add Fubuki-san’s weight of 3kg to her food~~!!!
Box: Naeka Fujiwara, age 17
124 more days until the day she acquires the right to inheritance——