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translation-needs-proofread

Code:Breaker 47

en
+ posted by Ju-da-su as translation on Jun 19, 2009 10:49 | Go to Code:Breaker

-> RTS Page for Code:Breaker 47

I'll proceed to translating the extra pages, if anyone wants it. Am posting this first in case any proofreader can help me while I do the extra. >_<"

If you want to use it for scanlation, please proofread it or wait until some people proofread it, please? Thank you.

Code:Breaker
code:47 "What "he" longs for"

Pg. 1
CELEBRATE THE FIRST YEAR!
Sakurakouji - Thank you all for your support!! A short word of thanks to all!!
Sakurakouji Sakura
Special trait: Rare Kind

Ogami Rei
Special power: Blue Flame
Lost: Cold
Ogami - I'll burn "him" down.

Toki - I'll protect Nenene with my life.
Lost: Kid
Toki
Special power: Magentism

Lost: Meow
Yuuki - I like "Nyanmaru"...
Tenbouin Yuuki
Special power: Sound

Speicial power: Light
Lost: Something marvelous
Heike Masaomi
Heike - Such a naughty kid.

Nenene - Read on~
Kanda - Please continue supporting us from now on as well.

Pg. 2-3
Those discliples who stare without faltering;
what do they dream of inbetween the good and the evil...?

Pg. 4
Sakurakouji - "He"..."He" is Ogami's brother!?

Toki - Oh yeah, hearing that sure rises up the tension around here, huh?
Yuuki - Sixth...

Ogami - I don't have any brother...!!

Pg. 5
He - So how is my cute little brother doing?

Fujiwara - ...He's fine and healthy, but
what are "you" searching for this time then?

He - ...The stars,
They're so beautiful...

Pg. 6
...They look as if they're in the middle of the sky.

Fujiwara - Well, the windowed ceiling of this national meeting room is...

He - I'm looking for the key
Prime Minister Fujiwara...you know where that key is, don't you?

Fujiwara - ...Key? What key?
Even if I know, you think I'm going to tell you?

Pg. 7
He - ...I see, so the ex-Code:01, Hitomi, stole it from "Eden" and that girl has it right now then, no...?

The girl named Sakurakouji Sakura.

Fujiwara - ...How did you managed to read into other people's head?

Pg. 8
He - ...The stars truly are beautiful today.
They surely would be more beautiful without that windowed ceiling...
Let me destroy that ceiling then.

Fujiwara - Don't...

Pg. 9
Yukihina - Returning the evil for good? I thought...
you would probably understand "his" true intention...

But you are nothing more than an obstacle for "him" now.
All of you...

can just die.

Pg. 10
Toki - Wha!?
Yuuki - Ice!!

Ogami - Guh...!!

Futile...no matter how much you try to neutralize it, your "blue flame" will only burn what you touch. You can't completely block my attacks...

Pg. 11
You all...should just silently vanish
like snow.

Toki - Wow!!

Sakurakouji - Nngh...

Toki - Where the hell do all these come from!!
That guy...he can freeze all the vapors in the air without even moving...?

Pg. 12
It's like we're all caught inside the whirlwind of ice...
This "Re-CODE" Yukihina, he's seriously strong...!!

Yuuki - You damn ice brat! If I still have my power, I would beat you into a bloody pulp...
Toki - Hey!! Don't move, stupid Yuuki. It's dangerous...

Yuuki - Shut the fuck up!!
Heike - ...This is not good. Ogami-kun is...

Ogami - Tch...

Pg. 13
Sakurakouji - Are you alright, Ogami!!
Ogami - What...!?

Sakurakouji - Let's all run for it!! We'll all die if we stay here!!
Ogami - Wai-...!? What are you doing!!? You have to quickly-...
Sakurakouji - Just hang in there. I'll get you out of this ice...

Ogami - Ge-...

Get real!!

Yuuki - What's wrong, Sixth...?

Ogami - First with Lily, now this...?
Just why do you have to put your life on the line to stop us from killing those scums...
Sakurakouji - ...I don't want it!!

Pg. 14
I don't want to see anyone...
to see you die right in front of me!!

That's why I'll get you out of this ice...
Ogami - Stop joking around.

A piece of crap like me won't die that easily, alright?
But you have live on to tell me the importance of lives...to stop me from killing evil people, don't you?

Yuuki - Sixth
Toki - ...Heh, now that I didn't expect;

the positive words that totally don't fit that lifeless idiot...

Pg. 15
Sakurakouji - Promise me then

that you will not die until I can stop you from killing those people.
I too will promise that I won't die till that time comes!!

Yuuki - What's that?
Toki - There she goes...The secret technique of Sakurakouji's house, "Hand-Holding"

Ogami - ...Why do you have to...

Pg. 16
Yukihina - Eternity
Zero

Toki - Hell...
Heike - Yukihina-san...you're trying to freeze us along with this building!?

Ogami - Kuh...
Sakurakouji - O...
Ogami...

Ogami - Yukihina...when will you stop using all these...

Pg. 17
Sakurakouji - Ogami's body
is getting colder...

I got the feeling
that I've seen this before.

Everyone just became cold...I don't want anyone to die "like that time" anymore.
...No

Pg. 18
DON'T
DIE!!!

Yukihina - What?
What's this light...

Pg. 19
Toki - ...Eh!?

Yukihina - What...
She deleted all my power...!?
Is this that girl's power!?...No, it is something totally different...

Pg. 20
...Kuh!!

Time's up...?
I used too much power with just 3 "Code:Breakers"...

Ogami - Wait!! Yukihina!!

...Eh!?

Sakurakouji - ...Well, I don't really understand how we manage to stop Yukihina-dono's attack, but
At least you're all safe now. Right,
Ogami!!

Pg. 21-22
By the way, why are you guys so big?
Is this your new power or something?

Ogami - Wa-...
What...
You...

Pg. 23
YOU LOST YOUR POWER!?
Heike - No, I think it's different.

Yuuki - "Nyanmaru" is so cute.
Heike - Probably it's something "special"...of the rare kind.

Sakurakouji - Hm?

** Transcendent!! Shocking!! A big surprise!! Will Sakura stay as a tiny doll like this forever!? **

Thank you for reading...

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16 members and 10 guests have thanked Ju-da-su for this release

juUnior, Rena Chan, SAMSTEVE, Judas, LegACy, ¬Bol, Elena Kruyech, unok-kun, eyesotope, EL_manana, Keiko13, Harlett, ElricKeyblade, boohoo, reinen, StripFeelings

Comments
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#1. by ¬Bol ()
Posted on Jun 19, 2009
Quote:
I'll proceed to translating the extra pages, if anyone wants it.
*Raises both hands*
#2. by unok-kun ()
Posted on Jun 19, 2009
I'm doing my best to point a few mistakes (even though I'm not a native...).

06
...They look as if they were in the middle of the sky.
It's something hypotetical, so it goes with an "unreal" past.

And even if I know, do you think I'm going to tell you?
With "and" sounds better. And it's a question.

07
...How did you manage to read into other people's minds?
About manage, silly grammar mistake. Not sure about "read in", but iirc "into" is when there's movement towards what is said Even better, just "read other people's minds", without "into" or "in". And "minds" instead of "head" because sounds better.

08
...The stars are truly beautiful today.
Sounds better reversed.

So let me destroy that ceiling then.
"So" instead of "then" would sound way better.

09
Suggestion: But you are nothing but an obstacle for "him" now.
This sounds more formal, and sometimes it looks better. That's up to you.

12
You damn ice brat! If I still had my power, I would beat you into a bloody pulp...

13
Wai-...!? What are you doing!!? You have to get out of-...
Well... "Quickly" here would go at the end, not after "you have to". The whole sentence would be something like "you have to get out of here quickly".

14
But you have to live on to tell me the importance of lives...to stop me from killing evil people, don't you?

15
I also promise that I won't die till that time comes!!

I think that's all.
#3. by edisonjackfruit ()
Posted on Jun 20, 2009
Hi Ju-da-su! Thank you for the translation. And thank you unokpasabaxaki for your proofreading!

I've picked out what I think are the remaining grammatical hitches, and modified word order as necessary, in order to improve the flow. If I've totally destroyed the meaning, I hope you'll forgive me and my ignorance of Japanese!

Thanks again,
edJack


Code:Breaker
code:47 "What "he" longs for"
Pg. 1

Nenene - Read on~
Kanda - Please continue supporting us from now on as well.

Please continue to support us in the future as well.

Pg. 2-3
Those discliples who stare without faltering;
what do they dream of inbetween the good and the evil...?

can you clarify this statement? Is this a Japanese idiom – if so, what is the intended meaning? I will make suggestions accordingly.

If the meaning is: The disciples act in ways both good and evil. They also dream. What is the substance of these dreams?
I suggest: “What are the dreams of the unfaltering disciples, who waver between good and evil?”
or
“Those disciples who stare without faltering; torn between evil and good, of what do they dream?”

If the meaning is: The disciples dream. Good and evil exist on a spectrum. Are the dreams of the disciples closer to good, or to evil?
I suggest: “Do the disciples who stare unfalteringly dream of evil or good?


Pg. 4
Sakurakouji - "He"..."He" is Ogami's brother!?

Toki - Oh yeah, hearing that sure rises up the tension around here, huh?
Oh yeah, hearing that sure ramps up the tension around here, doesn’t it?
Yuuki - Sixth...

Ogami - I don't have any brother...!!
…But, I don’t have any brothers!
or
…But, I don’t have a brother!

Pg. 5
He - So how is my cute little brother doing?

Fujiwara - ...He's fine and healthy, but
what are "you" searching for this time then?

He - ...The stars,
They're so beautiful...

Pg. 6
...They look as if they're in the middle of the sky.
They look as though they were in the middle of the sky.

Fujiwara - Well, the windowed ceiling of this national meeting room is...
Well, the skylight of this national meeting room is…

He - I'm looking for the key
Prime Minister Fujiwara...you know where that key is, don't you?

Fujiwara - ...Key? What key?
Even if I know, you think I'm going to tell you?
Even if I knew, do you think I would tell you?

Pg. 7
He - ...I see, so the ex-Code:01, Hitomi, stole it from "Eden" and that girl has it right now then, no...?
I see, so the ex-Code:01, Hitomi, stole it from "Eden," and she has it now…

The girl named Sakurakouji Sakura.

Fujiwara - ...How did you managed to read into other people's head?
…So how are you able to read minds?

Pg. 8
He - ...The stars truly are beautiful today.
unokpasabaxaki is absolutely correct. “The stars are truly beautiful” would be grammatically modern English. The verb-adverb pattern is standard, I think. For example “I will run quickly home.”

However, when English speakers wish to sound reflective, dramatic, or poetic, they can invert the proper order. “The stars truly are beautiful today” is a slightly archaic way of expressing the same sentence. It can be romantic, poetic, or pompous and self-important, depending on the context. If the speaker were someone from the past, a reader of old books, or someone given to romantic thoughts, it would work fine. The speaker in this case is reclining, and seems to be somewhat reflective. I recommend leaving it as it is. It seems to capture his mood.

They surely would be more beautiful without that windowed ceiling...
They surely would be more beautiful without that skylight…
If you want to make him sound poetic, you could try
“They would be more beautiful still, without the skylight…”
Which would continue the pattern of archaic sentence structures.

Let me destroy that ceiling then.
Let me destroy it then.

Fujiwara - Don't...

Pg. 9
Yukihina - Returning the evil for good? I thought...
you would probably understand "his" true intention...

Can you please clarify? Is an evil act being responded to by a good one?
Or is an act of good being repaid with evil?

“You intend to repay his good with evil?
I thought you would have grasped “his” true intentions…”


But you are nothing more than an obstacle for "him" now.
But you are nothing more than an obstacle to “him” now
All of you...
can just die.
You can all…
just die.


Pg. 10
Toki - Wha!?
Yuuki - Ice!!

Ogami - Guh...!!

Futile...no matter how much you try to neutralize it, your "blue flame" will only burn what you touch. You can't completely block my attacks...

Pg. 11
You all...should just silently vanish
like snow.

You should all… just silently vanish like snow…

Toki - Wow!!

Sakurakouji - Nngh...

Toki - Where the hell do all these come from!!
That guy...he can freeze all the vapors in the air without even moving...?

Where the hell did all these come from?!
That guy… can freeze the moisture in the air without even moving?


Pg. 12
It's like we're all caught inside the whirlwind of ice...
It's like we're all caught inside a whirlwind of ice...
This "Re-CODE" Yukihina, he's seriously strong...!!

Yuuki - You damn ice brat! If I still have my power, I would beat you into a bloody pulp...
You damn ice brat! If I still had my power, I’d beat you to a bloody pulp...

Toki - Hey!! Don't move, stupid Yuuki. It's dangerous...
Yuuki! Don’t move, you idiot! It’s dangerous…

Yuuki - Shut the fuck up!!
Heike - ...This is not good. Ogami-kun is...

Ogami - Tch...

Pg. 13
Sakurakouji - Are you alright, Ogami!!
Ogami - What...!?

Sakurakouji - Let's all run for it!! We'll all die if we stay here!!
Ogami - Wai-...!? What are you doing!!? You have to quickly-...
Sakurakouji - Just hang in there. I'll get you out of this ice...

Ogami - Ge-...

Get real!!

Yuuki - What's wrong, Sixth...?

Ogami - First with Lily, now this...?
Just why do you have to put your life on the line to stop us from killing those scums...

The plural of scum is scum, just as the plural of deer is deer. One deer. A herd of deer. My boyfriend is scum. All lawyers are scum. It’s one of English’s weird exceptions.
“First Lily, now this…
Just why do you have to put your life on the line to stop us from killing such scum…”

Sakurakouji - ...I don't want it!!
…I don’t want you to!
or
Don’t do it!

Pg. 14
I don't want to see anyone...
to see you die right in front of me!!

That's why I'll get you out of this ice...
Ogami - Stop joking around.

A piece of crap like me won't die that easily, alright?
But you have live on to tell me the importance of lives...to stop me from killing evil people, don't you?
But you need to live on, don’t you? To teach me the value of human life… to stop me from killing evil people.

Yuuki - Sixth
Toki - ...Heh, now that I didn't expect;
the positive words that totally don't fit that lifeless idiot...
Now that I didn’t expect. Such optimism doesn’t suit that lifeless idiot.

Pg. 15
Sakurakouji - Promise me then

that you will not die until I can stop you from killing those people.
I too will promise that I won't die till that time comes!!

Promise me then, that you won’t die until I can stop you from killing your enemies! I promise to live to see that day as well!

Yuuki - What's that?
Toki - There she goes...The secret technique of Sakurakouji's house, "Hand-Holding"

Ogami - ...Why do you have to...

Pg. 16
Yukihina - Eternity
Zero

Toki - Hell...
Heike - Yukihina-san...you're trying to freeze us along with this building!?

Ogami - Kuh...
Sakurakouji - O...
Ogami...

Ogami - Yukihina...when will you stop using all these...

Pg. 17
Sakurakouji - Ogami's body
is getting colder...

I got the feeling
that I've seen this before.
I get the feeling that I’ve seen all this before.

Everyone just became cold...I don't want anyone to die "like that time" anymore.
...No

Everything’s becoming cold… I don’t want anyone to die… Not again…

Pg. 18
DON'T
DIE!!!

Yukihina - What?
What's this light...

Pg. 19
Toki - ...Eh!?

Yukihina - What...
She deleted all my power...!?
Is this that girl's power!?...No, it is something totally different...
She depleted all of my power…?! Is that her power?!... No, it's something totally different…

Pg. 20
...Kuh!!

Time's up...?
I used too much power with just 3 "Code:Breakers"...
Just three Code:Breakers and my power is all spent…

Ogami - Wait!! Yukihina!!

...Eh!?

Sakurakouji - ...Well, I don't really understand how we manage to stop Yukihina-dono's attack, but
At least you're all safe now. Right,
Ogami!!

Well, I don’t really understand how we managed to stop Yukihina-dono's attack, but at least you’re all safe now. Right, Ogami!!

Pg. 21-22
By the way, why are you guys so big?
Is this your new power or something?

Ogami - Wa-...
What...
You...

Pg. 23
YOU LOST YOUR POWER!?
Heike - No, I think it's different.
No, I think it’s something else.

Yuuki - "Nyanmaru" is so cute.
Heike - Probably it's something "special"...of the rare kind.
I’ll bet it’s a side-effect… of the rare kind.

Sakurakouji - Hm?

** Transcendent!! Shocking!! A big surprise!! Will Sakura stay as a tiny doll like this forever!? **

Will Sakura remain a tiny doll forever?

Thank you for reading...

#4. by Rena Chan ()
Posted on Jun 20, 2009
I'm sure a bunch of people would be interested in the extra pages (like me) so you should work on them :3
#5. by unok-kun ()
Posted on Jun 22, 2009
Quote by edisonjackfruit:
Those discliples who stare without faltering;
what do they dream of inbetween the good and the evil...?

can you clarify this statement? Is this a Japanese idiom – if so, what is the intended meaning? I will make suggestions accordingly.

If the meaning is: The disciples act in ways both good and evil. They also dream. What is the substance of these dreams?
I suggest: “What are the dreams of the unfaltering disciples, who waver between good and evil?”
or
“Those disciples who stare without faltering; torn between evil and good, of what do they dream?”

If the meaning is: The disciples dream. Good and evil exist on a spectrum. Are the dreams of the disciples closer to good, or to evil?
I suggest: “Do the disciples who stare unfalteringly dream of evil or good?


I know a bit of Japanese... Just a bit, no kanjis and barely no words, just a bit of grammar... But I have a japanese input system, so I can type the kanjis, and once I got them typed, I can easily look them up in an online dictionary. The sentence would be something like "talking about the disciples who stare without faltering, in the interval between good and evil, what do they dream of?". So it's the last one, "Do the disciples who stare unfalteringly dream of evil or good?".

Thanks for your proofreading, mine is just a few fixes made by a non-native.
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