Kinnikuman 1

When Earth faces it's greatest crisis and all the other heroes aren't around, the only hope left is...a gyudon-eating, garlic powered weirdo!?!? The legendary Weekly Shonen Jump series begins here...of course, all legends got to start somewhere, right?

Kinnikuman by Yudetamago

Volume 1: Save Planet Kinniku!
Chapter 1: Space Kaijuu Invasion
(TN: A few things before we get started on the first chapter:
1. Considering the first couple volumes or so (and a bit here or there later) holds the original concept of Kinnikuman as “an incompetent Ultraman ripoff/parody”, we’re going to keep a few of the concepts from that part as is. Thus, while “kaijuu” is known as the Japanese word for “monster” and “kaijuu” is a legitimate term for giant monsters, the term remains as is
2. To make it easier, I’ll be referring to “the hero” from day one as “Suguru”: I really don’t know when we find out his name is “Suguru Kinniku” but it’s easier than typing “Kinnikuman” over and over in the script.
3. “Kinniku” is “muscle” in Japanese, thus why he sometimes is known as “Muscle Man” and why the toys were released here as “M.U.S.C.L.E.”
4. No heroes or kaijuu, American or Japanese, were harmed during the making of this chapter)

5.
Narrator: In 1979
Narrator: The Earth was facing
Narrator: It’s ultimate crisis.

6.
SFX: GUWA
Caption: Earth Defense Command
SFX: Pi Pi Pi Pi
Soldier: Mu!
Soldier: Chief, it’s terrible!
Chief: N? What is it?
Soldier: Over one-hundred space kaijuu are coming to attack the Earth!
Chief: Wh…what!
Soldier: They’re traveling at mach 2 speed and will arrive in Japan at 12 o’clock.
Chief: Nunu…That’s in one hour……
Chief: Alright! Immediately contact the Ultra Brothers. And get the American Super Heroes too.
(TN: A bit of BG: back during the original Ultraman sequence in the late 60s and early 70s, the first five of the original Ultraman heroes were related as brothers, so calling all of them as brothers is appropriate)
Soldier: Right.
SFX: Pi pi pi pi

7.
Soldier: Chief!!
Soldier: It appears that the Ultra Brothers are on an onsen trip and we can’t get them!
(TN: Onsen = hot springs)
Chief: What--!?
Chief: And Pipiman!?
(TN: Obviously a Superman caricature, remember the Donner movie was released a year before in ‘78)
Soldier: Actually, he can’t come to Japan because he’s getting his cape cleaned now! That’s what he said, chief!
Chief: And Spyderman!?
(TN: Another obvious caricature, considering that Spider-Man was known in Japan after his ’78-’79 tokusatsu series created by Toei)
Soldier: Spyderman slipped and fell off a wall and is in the hospital!
SFX: Sliiiip/Becha
Chief: And all the others!!
Soldier: It’s no use, all the other’s can’t come since they’re visiting their parents for Obon!!
(TN: Obon is the Japanese summer festival honoring ancestors and family…then again, considering Batman is there, he really has no excuse)

8.
Chief: Uo—what will we do!!
Announcer: Both men are solid in the middle of the ring!
SFX: GACCHIRI
Announcer: Oo! An exchange of chops!
SFX: BAM BAM BAM BAM
Announcer: Hold on, his gait has hardened. The chief seems pitiful!
SFX: CRY CRY
SFX: Slip
Soldier: Ah!
Chief: Wahahaha, your techniques are still too soft!!
SFX: BAM BAM BAM
SFX: SLAM
Crowd: Wa—Wa—
Announcer: The Chief took this round of the 60-minute three-round match!

9.
Man: Chief!
Chief: Eh?
Man: Is this time for a 60-minute three-round match under these special circumstances!?
Chief: Then…a 30-minute one-round match.
SFX: GACCHIRI
Man: Knock that off!!
Chief & Soldier: YA—Y
Chief: However…this has become a worry……
Chief: There isn’t even one superhero here…
Chief: N! Hold on. There is only one! He aspires to be Ultraman in protecting the Earth from kaijuu, but he’s only a clumsy hero who always loses!
SFX: Rustle rustle
SFX: Munch munch munch
Box: Mikan

10.
Man: I’ve brought you Kinnikuman!
SFX: Turn turn
Chief: Oh--! You’ve come, Gyudon-guy!
(TN: Gyuudon, also known as beef-bowl, is a Japanese dish of rice with beef, onions and cooked in soy sauce.)
Chief: We’ve called you since there’s no one else. We want you to protect the Earth from the space invaders.
Suguru: Why me?
Suguru: Why did you call me for nothing, cause the Ultra Brothers and Pipiman aren’t here?
SFX: Shi—shi—
Chief: Uu…it can’t be that he doesn’t know that the Ultra Brothers are on an onsen trip and everything else……
Chief: We called the Ultra Brothers and the American super heroes……the…they’re attending an important meeting on another planet.
Suguru: An important meeting?
Suguru: The super heroes are all attending that meeting on another planet……
Chief: Uh…this has become bad……I feel that he’ll become panicked on the next koma.

11.
Suguru: OA-----WHY AM I NOT ATTENDING!!
SFX: SPIN SPIN
Chief: Haa haa, that was my feeling.
Suguru: Al~~right, shall I do it? What are these space kaijuu?
SFX: Crack crack crack
Chief: Ooh! He’ll do it! Then I’ll tell you of the featured kaijuu.
Chief: First is Okamaraus!
(TN: As his name, Okamaraus is an “okama”, or gay/transvestite dinosaur)
SFX: Snap / Pa
Suguru: Fu fu fu……That Okamaraus is minor! Minor!
Soldier: Ooh, amazing confidence!
Soldier: Once he’s fighting them, that confidence will be buried from winning that match…

12.
Chief: Next is Elagines!
(TN: Why do I think it sounds like “Alex Guiness”?)
Suguru: I won't need the thrust of my farts!
Soldier: Ooh! I don’t understand his words but he’s extremely confident!
Chief: Next is Abdullah! He’s the most brutal of the space kaijuu
(TN: Abdullah is a reference to “Abdullah the Butcher”, a well known wrestler who fought in Japan in the late 70s)
Man: HEY----What are you doing?
Suguru: I...I'm scared.........
Man: You idiot!!
Chief: Well then, Kinnikuman!
Suguru: Ooh…
Chief: If you come against Abdullah, what will you do!?
Suguru: I’ll return him like so!
SFX: SLAM

13.
Chief: And what about this?
Suguru: UO~~~
Suguru: I’ll return like this!
SFX: SLAM
Chief: However, that guy is brutal!
Chief: He may come at you as such!
SFX: Boing / SLAM
Suguru: OA!!
Soldier: You used a dangerous weapon!
Chief: NO----! NO----!
Chief: Next is the Shiek alien!
Chief: U—mu, that form…and he’s riding a camel. Well then, it’s that wrestler who came from the Middle East!
(TN: Presumably this is a parody of wrestler Edward George Farhat, also known as “The Shiek”. Like Abdullah the Butcher, he was brought to wrestle in Japan in the late 70s)
Soldier: He’s not a wrestler, he’s a space kaijuu!
Chief: Ooh…you’re right!

14.
Chief: Next is the Acrobat alien!
Chief: You won’t know where he’s attacking from (Up front) Ooh…amazing!
Suguru: That guy you won’t know where he’s attacking from won’t know where I’m attacking to.
Suguru: Finger Pops!!
SFX: Fling fling fling
SFX: POPOPOPOPO
Chief: U-mu…that’s actually an amazing weapon…however, that alone can’t defeat the space kaijuu!
Chief: Kinnikuman-kun, don’t you have any deadly techniques!
Kinnikuman: U…!
Captions: DEADLY TECHNIQUES

15.
Suguru: From that day, I started my special training (externally) Haa haa haa
Suguru: In order to create a deadly technique greater than my Kinniku Flash……… (externally) Haa haa
SFX: BA---TSU
Suguru: Nuoo…what is this ceremony?
SFX: Crackle crackle
Suguru: I endured through all my trials…
Suguru: I endured through an itchy back. (out loud) Uo~~
SFX: ITCH ITCH ITCH ITCH ITCH ITCH ITCH ITCH
Suguru: And finally it was complete!
Suguru: Chi…chief!
SFX: FURA…
Chief: Oh! Kinnikuman!
Suguru: I…I’ve completed a deadly technique.
Chief: You’ve done it, Hoshi!
(TN: The “Hoshi” is a reference to “Hyuma Hoshi”, the lead character of classic baseball shonen “Kyojin no Hoshi” (Star of the Giants))
Suguru: The completion of this deadly technique took me four years.
Sign: KINNIKUMAN DEADLY TECHNIQUE PRESENTATION
Chief: Liar, didn’t it take 4-koma?

16.
Suguru: So here it is.
SFX: SA
SFX: SA
Chief: It’s fine but it’s wasting time.
Suguru: Here we go.
SFX: TORYA
Chief: Wa! Amazing!
SFX: GROWL
Suguru: Uuh…that technique furiously ate up my garlic energy…
Suguru: At this time, I’ll use my special Jump Lighter to eat well browned garlic…
SFX: BO
SFX: CHOMP
SFX: BBIBIBIBIBIBIBIBI

17.
Suguru: OK! It’s alright now!
Chief: Wa—that was a great joke!
Soldier: He’s interesting, chief!
Suguru: You’re in my way!
Narrator: Earth’s greatest crisis approaches in five more minutes…
Boy: What—the space kaijuu are approaching!?
Suguru: They are!
Boy: Alright, alright, cause the Ultra Brothers will come soon!
Man: RIGHT! RIGHT!
Suguru: The Ultra Brothers aren’t coming.
Everyone: !
Everyone: ORA—RUN AWAY--! WE HAVE TO ESCAPE JAPAN!!

18.
Suguru: Everyone, it’s best that you don’t run away! I’m here for you!
SFX: HYU~~~
Suguru: ………
Suguru: Ooh! You guys are confident in me!
Men: You’re wrong, we missed our boat--!!
Suguru: It’s fi—ne, leave this to me!
SFX: Munch munch
SFX: Gul—p
Suguru: Ah…I dropped one of them.
SFX: PYU----N

19.
Men: Everyone ran cause of that, dummy!
Suguru: Uuh!
Suguru: The Earth is in good hands, gentlemen! My physical condition is perfect. Bring on all of those space kaijuu!!
(TN: I couldn’t really make out the first kanji on the second combination in this panel)
Suguru: Ara…isn’t it already past 12 o’clock?
Soldier: Captain, it’s bizarre. The space kaijuu are…
Captain: What have they done?
Soldier: No, they’ve gone back since they can’t take on idiots like Kinnikuman.
SFX: CLUNK / SHUCCHI / BL—AM
Captain: WHA~~

Translator's Note: To those of you reading this, welcome to what hopefully will be my next major translation project. Now before you get on my back about this, the first question on your mind is "didn't Toriyama World already do this chapter"? Well the answer is yes...but of course I have my reasons. I decided to start from chp. 1 both for those who are new to the story...as well as my own weird idea of being a completist for something I'm really interested in. To tell the truth, I'm a novice when it comes to Kinnikuman: I did know and maybe collected a few of the M.U.S.C.L.E. toys back when I was a kid and did watch the "alright" dub of the sequel "Kinnikuman Nisei" up to...well, some point. But of course, my recent awakening to the series has to do with several factors, including reading the "Little Rubber Guys" forum, watching some really amazing video game reinactments of the Kinnikuman fights...and finding the raws for the entire series...not to mention all those references in Bo-bobo considering how similar both worlds are with it. (well at least in the "bizarre things fighting aspect"...though Kinnikuman does get a bit more realistic with its fighting later)

Looking at this first chapter, it's bizarre to see that "this" will eventually become a hardcore wrestling classic over the evolution of several years. It's obvious even from the first chapter that the Yudetamago duo love their wrestling and sneak it in even when it's obvious. (see the Shiek alien) But this is pure up a parody of Ultraman, complete with Suguru's kanji filling up with power when he...eats garlic. (of course the bit with his "long training session" was hilarious) Probably my only other weird complaint is that I'd expect Batman to be more obvious alongside the Ultra Brothers, Superman and Spiderman in the introduction...but this was '79 and Batman essentially wasn't a cultural icon probably until the '89 Burton/Keaton movie. Can't win them all...